Hi grownups. How you been? I am here to recap the debate for you, just in case you missed it. Don't mention it, it's fine. Happy to help.
so yeah. to begin with, mitt romney is a fucking fanTAStic public speaker. i didn't believe a word he said, but he's charming as all get out. the man should be selling buicks or something and making cash hand over fist. slick as shit this one, transcending his natural mormon recalcitrance more and more with each passing day. mc cain should really be taking lessons from this guy, he really owned the stage tonight. mc cain can sometimes come across as blustery and of narrow vision and somehow slightly napoleonic even, like he's trying to compensate for something he lacks. tonight he mostly looked angry. and like he was attempting to remember soundbites. angry little soundbites that didn't quite fit into his alloted speaking time. giuliani said the words "new york" three, count em, THREE seconds into his introduction, as we all knew he would. yeah, rudy, you kept manhattan together after 9/11, we know, we know. the best goddamned den mother in the world does not necessarily a president make. but points for your pro-choice statement and your deft handling of the definitions of "sunni" and "shiite". way to go buddy. i guess in the end, he kind of came across as the most liberal candidate up there and i'm not entirely sure if that wasn't his strategy. except of course, for poor ron paul, who's got this weird western libertarianism thing going on, but he looks more like ross perot than barry goldwater. he appeared to have SOME halfway decent ideas, but what he DOESN'T have is a snowball's chance in hell of winning this thing. he's actually probably the horse in dead last right now and will quite probably stay there. just not presidential at all.
let's see, who's left? a bunch of also rans. duncan hunter is a goddamned chicken hawk and shouldn't be let anywhere near the white house. hey duncan, it's okay to just say "china". the "communist" qualifier is totally unnecessary. yeah, we get it, axis of evil, next soviet union, blah blah blah. whatever. there's money to be made over there, kid, and you're sure not making any friends in the business world with THAT kind of talk, big boy. sam brownback looks and sounds like he's al gore's retarded younger brother. i wouldn't trust him to carry my groceries. huckabee came across as too evangelical, tommy thompson is a walrus from wisconsin and a blowhard to boot, and tancredo from laredo looks too smug and anatagonistic. one passive aggressive motherfucker right there. again, don't let him anywhere NEAR the white house OR that little red button. he looks like the type that might declare war on his own fucking sandwich. srsly.
so yeah. three way race between mc cain, giuliani, and romney. i predict romney picking up the faith vote and crushing giuliani in the minds of party loyalists. or at least making it more difficult (and close) than anyone thinks, at least based on tonight. mc cain needs to learn to talk like a fucking human being and quit trying to please the hardliners. reach out to moderates, john, and you'll fare much better.
anyway, it's a moot point already, yes? obama in 08. let's make it happen, people. clean the place UP already. i mean, right?
okay that's all.