LAW ENFORCEMENT MUST STOP READING NOW
Obviously we need to acknowledge our priorities when it comes to music festivals/gatherings and cruises. What is the one thing people need at these events?
No not water/food/music dumb shits. It's good ol' inebriates. Are you going to shell out $1200 for a cabin, then pay another $600 on booze the whole cruise? Probably if you're doing it wrong. Plus, how do you corrupt awkward girls like Kat into meeting you off the internet? No cocaine, means no awkward hookup.
In this thread, we will show tips of how to smuggle items onto international cruise ships. Sure, you may get caught and live through a situation similar to Brokedown Palace, but think of the bliss when you're watching Sleigh Bells and you have some great cocaine from the beaches of Miami, how much everyone around you will eyefuck that "kush" joint you're smoking, the 18 year olds who you can corrupt with your pure MDMA mixed with crushed up roofies and xanax. No need to worry about OD's on this trip, the ocean will take care of them!
So lets go with the basics:
Alcohol: How can you smuggle that wonderful bottle of Jameson whiskey? It's huge and there's no way it will go unnoticed in the scanner. Perhaps transfer it to small ziploc bags. Double seal them to ensure no leakage.
PROTIP: USE YOUR ANUS
Weed: Be sure to decide how much weed you want to smoke first and then give yourself another half ounce on top of that, you want to meet the men/ladies right? You'll have to either bring a cigarette hitter or papers, a pipe will smell up your cabin easily with resin of the fine cannabis you just smoked. Unless you had some terrible weed, which makes me wonder why you're even smoking. Cruises will usually have a buffet, so steal an apple a day to keep the headaches away. If you've never smoked out of an apple....
How to pack your ganja: It's going to smell, no matter how shitty your weed is, so wrap your weed up tight! Distribute the weed into 7 gram packages, roll each package up, like a fruit roll up! You'll want to keep these packs from getting too big, or else you will have trouble smuggling it onto the boat. Now get some condoms, those magnum ones you use to either "impress the ladies" or show the guys you only fuck with big dicks, we all know you never use them. Now make sure you didn't get lubed condoms, there's no need to lube up unless you're going PROTIP style. Insert your package into the condom, you can fit about 20 nice grams into a condom, wrap it with 2 more condoms, throw another ziploc baggy over that and wrap with 1 more condom. Keep this in your car for 2 hours with the windows closed. Come back later to see if any odor has leaked. If it has, you will need to start over, as you didn't wrap it up tight enough.
While at the port, make sure to take a bathroom break and slip that package where your package would be. Ladies, you're at an advantage with this strategy also, as you can hide just about anything in your vagina and anus. Double the capacity of the average man. Not GPS though.
Now guys, make sure you don't have a prince albert or any other piercings that would cause you to have metal in your junk. You'll go thru scanners, there will be drug dogs there and FBI and DEA and ATF and the SS, the NAZI SS. so don't fuck it up or you're going to regret wanting to get high.
If someone pats you down and feels the package, give them grin and ask if they are coming on the cruise. If the guy is black, chances are he will say you are good and move you on, if he is latino, you're fucked. White guys are a 50/50 chance of either result.
Acid: Purchase bottle of LSD, get a package of altoids, dose out on mints, pack into anus.
Ecstasy: Purchase the generic kid vitamins at 99 cent only stores, eat vitamins (THEY ARE GOOD FOR YOU!), drop all pills into kid's vitamin bottle. Pack into anus.
MDMA: Similar to the kids vitamin, you'll want to have your MDMA in capsules, empty a bottle of 5HTP and fill with MDMA filled capsules. Pack into anus.
Cocaine/crack: Drop rocks into a few small baggies, as crushed coke may become wet while transferred in your anus. Be sure to put the goodies inside a condom before the last step. Pack into your anus.
All other drugs: ANUS
The next segment shall be proper drug etiquette on a cruise: When to share, when to not care.