Anyway, just for the hell of it I will try and provide some constructive feedback. The problem I had with the review is it is bland, if you were trying to tell me Coachella was amazing and great, then you created the opposite. Your review is more a list. "I saw..... then I saw .....". The fact you concentrate on EDM and little else, means you are missing the diversity of music Coachella offers and therefore failed.
In short, there is very little heart and soul in the review. It feels as if there was nothing else at Coachella other than you and a list of EDM acts. You need to personify what you felt, how the crowds reacted, what you saw and heard. Also, you have to be a little more critical in your reviews, it felt more like a fluff piece. You wrote about Tupac and 'future implications'-what do you mean? Is it good or bad?
There you go for starters.