It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

[Down Rodeo]

I had an OkCupid account until today. I would send out messages with solid grammar, not too long, and with some questions for the girl to answer should she reply. I got replies less than a handful of times, and then I would reply again, and never hear back. I also don't have shirtless pics. I guess I am too boring or unattractive. Anyway, I had my account idle for months. I decided to delete it after seeing this thread

I'm with you on this one, dude. I'm pretty close to giving up on OKC too. I'll post my profile pic in here later, since some of you requested to see it.

[kitt kat]

Kat, I'm really sorry to tell you that this is not very likely to happen, once you're out of college. I'm not saying it's impossible, the odds are just stacked against you.

It felt very easy to "just meet people" when I was still in school; once you're out in the real world, you spend most of your time at work (and let's just establish right now that meeting guys at work is a bad idea). Where do you spend your free time? At bars, shows, ...? At home on the internet? I feel like you definitely have to work at meeting people... waiting for it to happen organically could leave you alone for longer than you'd like.

Then how the hell did my awkward fuck ex boyfriend find someone? Like. This pisses me off to know end. He has as much game as a plastic spoon.

I spend my free time usually at home, with a friend at a restaurant/bar, at school or at concerts.

Men are shallow creatures, if you've been soberly (or even drunkenly) loved once before it's because someone thought you'd look good naked on top of them. Whether it was the first thought or not doesn't matter, the point is eventually that we get to it.

But see, the problem is no men want to talk to me. I go out, I see a ton of girls get hit on and talked to. I get nothing. It's depressing as hell. I don't know what's wrong.

[Hannahrain]

I think I also need to learn how to "get better" at dating. Whatever that means.

Do uyo want to g() out wiht me?

[Courtney]

I had an OkCupid account until today. I would send out messages with solid grammar, not too long, and with some questions for the girl to answer should she reply. I got replies less than a handful of times, and then I would reply again, and never hear back. I also don't have shirtless pics. I guess I am too boring or unattractive. Anyway, I had my account idle for months. I decided to delete it after seeing this thread

You should show us your profile and we can help you fix it to get more responses.

[Courtney]

Do uyo want to g() out wiht me?

[scenicworld]

Heidi, I'm sure the high quantity of messages is just because I'm a brand new profile so I come out at the top of the search results. I assume it will taper off over time. Although I also find that when I change my main photo, I usually get a bunch of messages.

I think your policy on going on dates with nearly anyone who asks is good. I'm probably on the other extreme in that I am very picky, and that's not very helpful in terms of the numbers game that online dating seems to be.

eventually, you'll get one of these:

We just detected that you're now among the most attractive people on OkCupid.

We learned this from clicks to your profile and reactions to you in Quickmatch and Quiver. Did you get a new haircut or something?
Well, it's working!

To celebrate, we've adjusted your OkCupid experience:
You'll see more attractive people in your match results.


This won't affect your match percentages, which are still based purely on your answers and desired match's answers. But we'll recommend more attractive people to you. You'll also appear more often to other attractive people.

Sign in to see your newly-shuffled matches. Have fun, and don't let this go to your head.

I wouldn't say the quality of matches has been any higher, but my views shot up a bunch when I first got the email (back in December). I checked with my girlfriends, and every single one of us received this, so I think it's a way of keeping girls coming back to the site, haha.

[Courtney]

Hahaaa. That's amazing. Flattery will get you everywhere, internet.

[GuyInTucson]

Then how the hell did my awkward fuck ex boyfriend find someone? Like. This pisses me off to know end. He has as much game as a plastic spoon.

I spend my free time usually at home, with a friend at a restaurant/bar, at school or at concerts.





But see, the problem is no men want to talk to me. I go out, I see a ton of girls get hit on and talked to. I get nothing. It's depressing as hell. I don't know what's wrong.

Getting hit on or talked to when you go out isn't necessarily a good thing. You're probably avoiding a lot of creeps.

[OnlyNonStranger]

The Alberta government recently started an STI awareness campaign entitled "plentyofsyph.com." It's pretty hilarious. Also we have, apparently, the highest level of STDs and STIs in the country. I myself blame all the seasonal workers in Banff and the rig pigs up in Ft. McMurray. Also, the website plentoffish.com got pretty mad, understandably, with the Alberta government to which Alberta replied, basically, "fuck you."

/cool story

[Down Rodeo]

But see, the problem is no men want to talk to me. I go out, I see a ton of girls get hit on and talked to. I get nothing. It's depressing as hell. I don't know what's wrong.

This could be happening for a couple reasons. Either you're unattractive (I think I remember seeing some photos of you on here before, so I can say this is not the reason) or you're not telegraphing enough interest when you're talking to men. It doesn't take much, because we will talk to pretty much anyone. Granted, you might not be shamelessly calling attention to yourself when you go out, and that's great, but you could try some subtle changes in body language/nonverbal cues/etc. and see if anything works. I'm glad that you at least try to chat up some guys on occasion. I really wish women would do that more often - there seems to be this unspoken rule that men are always supposed to make first moves and it gets tiring.

[chiapet]

Then how the hell did my awkward fuck ex boyfriend find someone? Like. This pisses me off to know end. He has as much game as a plastic spoon.

Uhm... did he meet her at a bar, show, ...? I wasn't saying it's impossible to meet anyone. I'm saying that if you start to build lists of places you cannot meet a guy... you are sorely limiting your options.

I really do understand the hesitation to go out with someone you've met at a bar, but I think if realistically your social life is that you go out to a lot of shows, go to bars with friends, etc, then those have to be valid places to look for someone to date. After all, he's going to be interested in the same social activities as you.

But see, the problem is no men want to talk to me. I go out, I see a ton of girls get hit on and talked to. I get nothing. It's depressing as hell. I don't know what's wrong.

This isn't fair, since I've never met you, and perhaps you're very different in person.... but I would guess it's attitude. Please try not to take that as a dig -- I'm not trying to be mean. You come across as... at worst, negative and critical, ... at best.. standoffish. You're a very pretty girl, but I really doubt that you seem approachable at all.

[kitt kat]

Pretty sure it's the winning combo of socially awkward + unattractive.

EDIT: Yeah, I'm not an approachable person. People scare me.

[chiapet]

Pretty sure it's the winning combo of socially awkward + unattractive.

I hope you can understand that this attitude is grossly unattractive and that no one would want to hit on someone who looks at herself that way.

[hippityhip]

Something I just thought of that I haven't seen anyone bring up is location. I think where you live and where you are dating has a lot to do with how much play you get. For example when I lived in the Bay area Berkeley / San Francisco, I had no problem getting women to go on dates with me. Some of them told me that I was the only guy they met recently who had just the right amount of aggressive pursuit. I wasn't afraid to walk up and talk to them about whatever. This also happened in Seattle. Apparently LA / So Cal guys are more forward than men from other parts of the state or country.This struck me as news because I don't feel I do anything extra for attention. Now that I'm back in LA I approach women the same way I always have and no woman worth while wants to even talk to me.

[GuyInTucson]

Pretty sure it's the winning combo of socially awkward + unattractive.

EDIT: Yeah, I'm not an approachable person. People scare me.

I don't even know what you look like, but why do you think you're unattractive??

[Goatchella]

Havent seen face of Kat. Just hair,body and boots.

Seen pics of the others and not scared away.

[summerkid]

I don't even know what you look like, but why do you think you're unattractive??

because she just wants pity and people to feel bad for her on the internet.

[Goatchella]

They All prob get laid a lot and date a lot.

[chiapet]

Kat, I think you're having a hard time understanding that people cannot read your mind and know WHY you seem uncomfortable in social settings. How is a guy supposed to know that your behavior is because you feel insecure and awkward? The vast majority of the times, standoffish body language is going to be interpreted as being uninterested. I am absolutely certain your looks are not the problem.

[summerkid]

In all honesty, you can't be self loathing. I know it's difficult coming out of a relationship especially when you have been rejected, but if you don't like yourself you aren't going to get anyone to like you. Pity will garner some attention but eventually people get tired of it and it's probably not what you are really seeking anyways.

[marooko]

I'm curious how these profile sites are setup. Someone post a screen shot of theirs already. You can even hide all the info, I just kinda want to fill one out.

[Courtney]

Kat, I think most women are pretty hard on themselves at some level or another, whether or not they reveal that to the outside world.

If I honestly evaluate myself, I think I'm pretty but I don't think I'm going to be walking down the Victoria's Secret catwalk anytime soon. I think I have great cheekbones and great boobs and most importantly am super awesome on the inside, but I also think that I could stand to lose quite a bit of weight and could probably also work on being more socially outgoing.

But really, I think all of the above is probably secondary to whether I am putting out a happy, approachable vibe when I meet people.

[ods..]

I can't tell you how many times I've gone to Amoeba for no other reason than to try and talk to hot guys buying records.

I feel like this is your best bet. I know if a cute girl approached me in a record store and she had good records in her pile... well, it would be a great day.

[Mugwog]

Sigh. This.

I'm actually not really looking for a boyfriend now; I think seeing my ex rush back into a relationship so quickly has totally turned me off from it. I don't want to be "that person." I was to figure out who "Kat" is — but this also doesn't mean I don't want to start meeting new people. I like going out to dinner and concerts and bars. Is it so wrong for me to just want to have a handful of guys I can call up to do this with?

So, yeah. I am tired of sitting at home alone. It only makes me think about how my ex already moved on so quickly and I'm an ugly troll no attractive, decent men want to touch with a 10 ft pole. I am at a loss.

Eh, I think a lot of folks between 25-30 have this vibe. The girl I was just dating was really awesome, we had some major speed bumps, but were great sexually for each other and enjoyed doing nothing together. Thing is she's 30 and I'm 27, she reay had those "I love you" eyes on me all the time. I started to see end game. She wanted marriage & her FB post really put those thoughts out there. We had an incident where she had a yeast infection, and we didn't find out until after I went down on her( smelt a little musty, so I stuck to the surface that morning) we started to have some sex, traded a position and my dick was covered in some yeasty cheese. I was horrified and gagged a little bit. I ran straight to her shower and washed off. I could tell she was hurt. Especially by her comment " you shouldn't get married if you can't handle this". I told her it was a first for me, it went from hot sex to flaccid penis and yeast smell. We stopped hooking up for a week or two and then we were back at it again. We are both horny individuals. We kept it going until recently, when I told her I felt it was pretty casual between us.

I just don't like the idea of leading someone on for love when I don't feel it in my heart as something permanent. I'm also focused on getting my career moving so I can support a wifey and kids. I'd rather buy a house in LA right now rather than focus on the final lady.

So I recently rejoined OKc and it seems the selectiOn of women is better, but the same things happen. I send a witty, articulate message. I let them know what I enjoyed about their profile, interest and comment on their writing style. I leave questions that pertain to interest and pick at their brains a bit. No messages back. Only photos I have up are of me on set witha funny taxidermied prop and the pic I posted of me on the toilet naked reading a vice (it's in the nude pic thread). I hate how many girls put up their Headshots. They are bad Headshots too. Alot of women in online dating seem to want a dark tall man who is at least 6'. Being 5'8 I am "too short" for most women of the Internet.

I'll keep up the profile for another month or two, I leave information on it so that a smart gal can learn more about me. Basically require her to read my shit. I dont state anymore that I'm a huge weed smoker, but inh questions for okcupid, it's pretty obvious of my stance on drugs.

Now gentlemen of average/slim/fit/athletic size - do you have overweight gals as the only ones who are down to meet hit you up?! I seem to always get bombarded by the girls who just aren't in my preferred size range barking up my tree. This also happens in bars. I've got no problem with being friends with em, but not boyfriend/girlfriend. I always think of the nursery rhyme "Jack Sprat would eat no fat, his wife would eat no lean"

I still want to carry my gal to bed when she's passed out cold, not try and pull her up comedically.

I've met people off the Internet for a few years, one of my best friends today randomly messaged me on aim ten years ago because we both enjoyed MSI. So I'm not afraid to meet folks off the net, but ive determined fromy experiences that as weird as I think I am at times. The Internet contains far more bizarre beings.

Another gal I dated off of CL (yes CL) started off as "strictly platonic" and we smoked and hung out together, then she came onto me & no single 25 YO guy really says no to a girl who is attractive and wants to be friends with benefits. Then after a month she made it clear she wanted me for herself. Then why start off saying we are friends w/ benefits? She also wouldn't shave her Boosh. Sorry girls, I can't go downtown in the jungle for life.

I'm Hoping this latest round of ok Cupid fairs off well. It's very hard finding someone on your level in LA who can keep up with their own lives and yours as well.

All this bein said, I think we all want what you want Courtney. The initial physical, mental & lifestyle requirements seem to cock block us all.

[Goatchella]

Watch how easy this is.

Mugwog- your sexy as fuck and I like your style. Can we date and see where it goes?

[venturas90sgirl]

I definitely think similarities in music taste have an effect on the success of a relationship. Going to shows together and discovering and recommending music together becomes part of your growing relationship. It's also a matter of whether or not you're comfortable with that person to be yourself and display the best of your personality. If you're hiding who you truly are or love about yourself with someone, the battle is already lost. And that is my success, I never have to hide or be anything I don't want to be happy in my relationship. And since some of you know me I'll stop here ;-)

[Mugwog]

I can't because I already deleted it, but I got multiple messages from someone whose username included 'analsex'. This is the sort I attract.

Am I being a total prude in thinking that... if anal sex is something that you are into, it's something you bring up no earlier than several dates in? It doesn't .... go in your screenname.

Wow that isdirect. I've found talking about anal sex isn't attractive and scares some girls. Some love it (best sex partners I've had) so I've found just doing a little rimming while going down or 69ing is the best approach.

Your thoughts ladies?

[chiapet]

Mugwog, demonstrating first hand exactly why the guys on online dating sites are awful.

[marooko]

Politics. How important to you is a similar view?

[kitt kat]

because she just wants pity and people to feel bad for her on the internet.

Wow. It's not this at all. I am glad me being honest and open is interpreted as being a self-centered cunt. Thanks!



Everyone keeps mentioning body language. I mean, I dunno how to know what it is I'm doing exactly that people are misinterpreting? Maybe someone needs to do a PI-type investigation and watch me in a social setting and then sit me down the next day and tell me everything I did wrong. Sigh

EDIT EDIT: A few people on this board have met me in person. I'm not a horrible human being, and when I'm comfortable with a person, I will be the most loyal and giving friend you'll have. I give myself up to people too easily once I know they're not going to fuck me over. For whatever reason though, strangers scare the living fuck out of me. I feel like every new person I meet is running through an inner monologue in their heads that goes something like, "Oh my god, who is this weird awkward girl? And why is she so ugly? I wish she would stop talking to me. Ugh, she is so weird."