Which were your favorite rankings this year? I'll rank and compile all the lists into a weighted master list and then set it all on fire outside a Neilsen office. Here's mine:
10: 2. I've about had it with the feigned grace at your concession, second-besties. Everybody saw you practicing your "I'm okay with this" face in the convention hall rotunda.
9: 9. Couldn't even succeed in being the worst. How humiliating.
8: 1. Some ridiculous person thought you the best thing, First. Are you proud? You probably shouldn't be. It's meaningless.
7: 6. Congratulations on being the least relevant participant in any ranking system ever. Sixth? Really? Might as well just lob the whole thing off the number line.
6: 4. Almost good enough to be almost good enough to be almost good enough. Like a Russian nesting doll of mediocrity.
5: 8. Meaningless placement, endlessly useful on vanity plates.
4: 5. Now we're getting somewhere. I like the way Fifth straddles the line between fleeting success and abject failure. Trying to reconcile its merits and failings is like watching disconcertingly attractive lepers bob for apples in a vat of centaur urine.
3: 7. Typically placed on admiration alone, as Seventh is entirely too rock and roll for this shit and usually sleeps through the actual evaluation. I respect that.
2: 3. Third kid, third nipple, third eye, third in line for succession. Third is the red-headed stepchild, more fun than one and two but much less useless than four.
1: 10. Most people don't get what Tenth and Last is doing. I get it, though. High art isn't for everyone.
For the sake of further clarity and administrative records , I have ranked the quality of my ranked rankings as follows:
1) 4: 5.
2) 10: 2.
3) 1: 10.
4) 6: 4.
5) 2: 3.
6) 3: 7.
7) 9: 9.
8) 7: 6.
9) 5: 8.
10) 8: 1.