With this year's Coachella selling out in an amazing 6 days, the question on everyone's mind is why? What is so special about this year compared to the ones before? Yes, Coachella is popular, but I find it hard to believe it has reached "sell 75,000+ tickets in 6 days" status.
So, why? What did it this year? More importantly, who can we blame?
That's right. You guessed it.
As we all know, one of the most prominent performers this year is popular Mexican Rock band Caifanes. I honestly have no idea who they are, but apparently they're REALLY popular in Mexico. Like, OBAMA popular. Like, FRENCH FRIES POPULAR.
In fact, Coachella is one of two AND ONLY TWO reunion shows that Caifanes will be playing. It's plain to see that the reason Coachella has sold out is because a wave of Mexican Caifanes fans (because let's be honest, who else has really even heard of, or can pronounce properly, "Caifanes?") have JUMPED on the chance to see their favorite band.
Now, I myself managed to score a ticket. But I'd say about 20,000 - 74,000 people are out a ticket because the Mexicans love this band so much. There can be only one solution:
We must infiltrate the personal lives of the band members of Caifanes and, using subtle persuasion (read: INCEPTION), we must convince them NOT to reunite and to decide NEVER TO SPEAK TO EACHOTHER AGAIN.
I will leave the "how" up to you. Make those calls, build old bridges, sleep with whomever you need to. Just break this damn band up, for the good of the people. For America.