The Office Space Thread

[marooko]

My coworker has been talking to me for the past 20 minutes about how she had coffee with some guy from Bon Jovi who is neither Bon Jovi or Richie Sambora, but who once composed music for some broadway show. She keeps on talking even though I am now noticeably typing.

Wow.

Cap'n, do you have a Bon Jovi tattoo?

[tricorne]

Um, were you referring to me? I'm the only one who mentioned a "VP" prior to your post. Are we... co-workers??

You said VP of...HR...it was a...nevermind.

[RageAgainstTheAoki]

You said VP of...HR...it was a...nevermind.

That’s actually very funny and quite cute. And I totally missed it. Apologies.

That being said, I am now DEEPLY relieved to find out that you are not the Hannah in Accounting who sits across from me and has a Coachella poster pinned to her cubical wall.

[djandrews25]

I have one too. I don't let anyone borrow it.

I put mine in my desk because it kept mysteriously disappearing.

[RageAgainstTheAoki]

Only 4 weeks into my new job and someone's already pilfered my stapler.

Also, we had an all office lunch today and without any prompting from me 5 of my coworkers brought up Coachella. It's not a big office. 40 people tops. Hmm. Gonna have to watch myself on here.

[RageAgainstTheAoki]

I work for a national retail chain. So at my job one of my responsibilities is managing the customer experience. Today I got a call from an angry Tea Party member. Like, literally, a Tea Party member. His complaint? He visited our newest location where the line was out the door on opening day. A store employee came outside and politely asked everyone to line up around the building instead of in the parking lot so that no one got hurt. This gentleman thought it was outrageous that one of our employees would try and tell him he couldn't stand on public land. He went on to tell me this was just another way that "Obama's police state" was opressing hard working Americans like himself. The best part? This Tea Bagger had the thickest Eastern European accent you could imagine.

[donkey sex]

havent worked in an office in nearly ten years. Food stamps, leaching, theft.

[guest-1185]

Edit* One of my co-workers just asked how to spell lake.

This was a great way to start the day, thanks.

I haven't worked in a traditional office for some time but am starting a summer gig at an NGO so I'll likely have more material very soon.

[koryp]

Currently in a meeting about planning committee meetings. Someone just closed their comment about a process with "is this good for the hospital?" I choked on my coffee.

[sames44]

These have been on my desk since yesterday. I'm scared to work on them.

[faxman75]

You work for a title company?

[CellarOwl]

The CEO at the company I work for keeps a three foot hookah in his office. That's only because he moved it from the bathroom recently.

I can't remember the last time I went into the kitchen and found anything less than a bunch of Stella Artois and three bottles of wine in the fridge. Replace the coffee mugs with wine glasses in the boardroom and you'll get an idea of the general atmosphere around my job.

[sames44]

fax I work with title companies but not for one (or is that a joke that flew over my head?)

cellarowl are you hiring?

[faxman75]

fax I work with title companies but not for one (or is that a joke that flew over my head?)

No joke. I recognize those file folders anywhere. Title documentation is legal paper about that size as well. I worked for a title company for about a year.

[guedita]

Yesterday I had to sign a "Goodbye, we'll miss you" card and eat cake for a coworker. She is going on a 10 day trip.

[RageAgainstTheAoki]

Yesterday I had to sign a "Goodbye, we'll miss you" card and eat cake for a coworker. She is going on a 10 day trip.

I missed this^ one. That's so ridiculous!! Not that there's anything wrong with cake.

I just got off a 2 ½ hour conference call for which I had just 5 minutes of information to communicate to some of my company’s business partners. I was last on the agenda and absolutely nothing that preceded me was even tangentially related to my position. When it finally came time for me to speak, the moderator said “Oh, sorry, I promised everyone we would end the call at exactly 2:30 and we’re already a couple of minutes over. Can you join us for next week’s call?”

I hear there’s a warehouse in town that’s loaded with plates and glasses and other breakables and you can pay $10 to go in with a sledgehammer and smash everything to bits for 20 mins. I think I’m going to add 20 mins to my lunch break tomorrow.

[locachica73]

I hear there’s a warehouse in town that’s loaded with plates and glasses and other breakables and you can pay $10 to go in with a sledgehammer and smash everything to bits for 20 mins. I think I’m going to add 20 mins to my lunch break tomorrow.

I love this idea!!!

[marooko]

I've heard about that. I plan on having my own room one day. Or yours. Better hope I get my own.

[locachica73]

I have always wanted to go out on a demo job and just knock some walls down, I think it would be an awesome release of anger.

The company I now work for is a steel erection company, I love saying that. The owners and the two estimators I work with are much older and not very computer literate. The other day I showed them how to copy and paste a large number of files into the printer drive so they could print all the files at once instead of opening them one by one and sending them that way. They were shocked and amazed and think I am so damn smart. It was copy and paste. Imagine how impressed they will be when I actually do something difficult.

[captncrzy]

So I kind of got a promotion the other day. It's a lateral move salary-wise, but more responsibility and exposure. It was handed to me on a plate. There are some people pissed at me because they thought it should have been handed to them (or at least have had a chance to interview for it). Tension is awesome.

[Drinkey McDrinkerstein]

I hear there’s a warehouse in town that’s loaded with plates and glasses and other breakables and you can pay $10 to go in with a sledgehammer and smash everything to bits for 20 mins. I think I’m going to add 20 mins to my lunch break tomorrow.

Please share more info as you get it. I would love to do this.

[locachica73]

So I kind of got a promotion the other day. It's a lateral move salary-wise, but more responsibility and exposure. It was handed to me on a plate. There are some people pissed at me because they thought it should have been handed to them (or at least have had a chance to interview for it). Tension is awesome.

Congrats on your promotion. Just smile at the haters, it will piss them off even more.

[captncrzy]

What's really unbelievable is that they're totally not qualified. They're assuming the right to a promotion based on seniority.

[locachica73]

My old company was like that. My boss couldn't promote me to Sr Project Accountant until the ladies before me were promoted, even though I was already doing the work of the title. Just to not cause drama with the other ladies. This is why I don't like working with a lot of women, they can be pretty catty at times. I find that men don't really give a shit.

[eskamo951]

I hear there’s a warehouse in town that’s loaded with plates and glasses and other breakables and you can pay $10 to go in with a sledgehammer and smash everything to bits for 20 mins. I think I’m going to add 20 mins to my lunch break tomorrow.

Where is this?! I have Monday off...

[Drinkey McDrinkerstein]

I am having a pretty hard time trying to google that.

[eskamo951]

My gov't office is in a park in a kinda ghetto area. I have had a man an woman pull up in a van, ask me in the new-ish $10 were real, then offer me pussy. I couldn't believe that woman had turned any tricks, my dick wanted to fall off just from looking at her. I was also still in my work shirt, which has a big, clear gov't logo on it.

How I learned about my job security today:
My boss's boss's boss asked me how to move a box in Microsoft Publisher. Like, click and drag type of movement. I think it's safe to say I'll be staying around here for a while.

[NachoCat]

Swear to god....

You know how people will use words when spelling something over the phone like... C as in Cat... T as in Tom... and so on.

This lady is spelling "Adept" P as in pony, T as in the pony

WTF

[RageAgainstTheAoki]

Please share more info as you get it. I would love to do this.

God damn. You hit 30 and your memory just...

It's not in LA. At least not the one I was thinking of. Sarah's Smash Shack was in San Diego's Gaslamp Quarter. Apparently it's no longer in business.

[miscorrections]

I wanted to go there when I still lived in SD but it was on the pricey side and it's much cheaper to just throw a bottle down an alley.