Today is going to be a difficult day.
Today would have marked 3 years with someone who I called the love of my life. After much thought and almost absolutely no sleep I have decided that it would be best for ME to share this because at the moment I have only 1 person to talk to about it with & I'm sure he's tired of hearing me cry lol. So this is for anyone willing to read it...
Contrary to what you may think, have heard, or "know" I did not find someone else or fuck some other guy. And I didn't just wake up one morning and decide "eh I don't love him anymore. " I tried like hell and the feelings didn't return. This is not to say that I didn't ever love him because I did. I really did. And I still do.
We only get a limited time to live out our lives. Only we can choose what to do with our lives. I chose not to settle. I chose to find myself after losing myself in someone else. Yes, there is much more to the story and I'm sure depending on who you are, you "know" something that I haven't said, and good for you. But when it all comes down to it there were 2 people who got hurt. And at this point there's at least 1 person devastated and alone.
Just because I chose this route doesn't mean it's easy. Just because I chose this doesn't mean I don't cry about it. I don't regret my decision & like I told him, I hope he finds someone who could love him the way he loved me. Because his love was still so fucking strong when mine was fading.
Idk if there is such a thing as a "true love" or "love of your life" but I do know that I have loved someone so sincerely and deeply that it hurt sometimes. And I know that that love faded. So maybe there's more than one love per person. Or maybe I just fucked up the best thing I could ever have. Either way what's done is done and although the struggle is real in every way you can think (financially, emotionally, etc.) I am happy that I took control of my life and did something for myself. I spare feelings and go the extra mile to please other people but this was for me. So for that I can't & won't regret it. That may sound selfish but it's the truth. If you've made it this far please understand that I am not doing this for pitty or to have people try to "talk me up" or make me feel better. I'm not doing it for the "likes" either. Honestly Idk how I'd feel about a like on the status lol. I just needed to get that off my chest on this day of all days.