Happy Fucking WITSday.

[tricorne]

War. Indifference. Treachery. Solitude. Today we celebrate WITS. And by celebrate, I mean we drink alone and pretend to have some sort of camaraderie with those we know are doing the same. Happy motherfucking WITSday, jerks. WITSlife.

[tricorne]

You know, at least 50% of the cats you see in lolcats today are likely deceased.

[miscorrections]

When I get home I'm going to finish my handle of cheap gin and then throw the bottle at a neighbor.

[kreutz2112]

Instead of holding doors for people I am going to turn around and push them closed really fast and ensure that the potential recipient of the door-hold sees my actions.

[thefunkylama]

Finally a place for me. Lolrus? Been dead for years now. Glitter will give you cancer. The sun has been trying to kill you since the day you were born.

[TomAz]

I am going to call in to talk radio and protest Obama's socialist agenda.

[captncrzy]

I'm going to drive really slow in the far left-hand lane.

[tricorne]

I'm just going to hang out right here and make sure you all feel like shit.

[amyzzz]

I'm going to continue to exist.

[thefunkylama]

Your cat is only two missed feedings away from turning on you and your dog only loves you because it's codependent and has been bred specifically to ignore how bad you suck.

[captncrzy]

The only things that make me feel like shit are:

A) The realization that I'm not that great of a mom and
B) Refried beans

Not necessarily in that order

[rskapcat]

The adorable photo-whore squirrel was probably run over by a car as I was typing this sentence.

(Though I'm glad I wasn't the driver, because I would've been a sobbing mess. Sorry, kids...I tried.)

[tricorne]

I bet half of you have HPV and don't even know it.

[RotationSlimWang]

I gave at least half of you HPV just for starters and I don't think you know it yet.

[BlackSwan]

I am going to delete all of my friends on Facebook, and send them all messages telling them that they know why I did it, and they should watch their back.

[djandrews25]

I'm going to go start an argument in the PLUR thread.

[guest-1185]

I am going to call in to talk radio and protest Obama's socialist agenda.

You've certainly got a plethora of choices down in AZ.

[BlackSwan]

I'm going to go start an argument in the PLUR thread.

What makes that different than any other thread you post in?

[tricorne]

I've got a hell of a fucking headache right now. Maybe I'll die.

[thefunkylama]

Your grandpa was probably a pedophile and would't've hugged you if he hadn't been.

White sugar is processed with the bones of dead things.

Siemens, IBM, Hugo Boss, Volkswagon, and Bayer all really really loved the Nazis.

[TomAz]

I have a worse pain than that. I guarantee you.

[tricorne]

If I die from this you are going to feel pretty goddamn lousy about that statement.

[TomAz]

I already feel pretty goddamn lousy.

[TomAz]

Also, my doctor says I should be getting 25 to 30 grams of fiber a day in my diet. Do you know how much fiber that is? that's too much fucking fiber is what it is.

[tricorne]

Look who's dead:

[djandrews25]

What makes that different than any other thread you post in?

I guess its kinda like if you went to threads and acted like you were better than people. Good point.

[tricorne]

Also, my doctor says I should be getting 25 to 30 grams of fiber a day in my diet. Do you know how much fiber that is? that's too much fucking fiber is what it is.

If you took his diploma off the wall and ate it, you'd probably get enough fiber. You should do that.

[paganman7]

Also, my doctor says I should be getting 25 to 30 grams of fiber a day in my diet. Do you know how much fiber that is? that's too much fucking fiber is what it is.

A can of black beans and bowl of high fiber cereal each day should do it.

You could also spike some prune juice with metameucil.

[thefunkylama]

75% of the shit you love and think is so cool is made by a person or group of people who hates you, or would, if they could be bothered to give a shit. Most of you were almost abortions.

[BlackSwan]

Siemens, IBM, Hugo Boss, Volkswagon, and Bayer all really really loved the Nazis.

Hugo Boss designs are to die for.