I had a plan to take a look at Ned McDonald today, but I swear the internet is trying to screw with me because I can’t find any information on Google or even the commercial on Youtube that I know was there a few weeks ago.
You probably don’t know who Ned McDonald is offhand but I can almost guarantee you’ve seen him at some point in the past couple years. He’s the fat old guy working in a diner in a commercial for Select Quote term life insurance. It’s the commercial that starts off something like “Life for Ned McDonald, 49, is his wife Tess, his dog Spike, and his diner” or something along those lines. The whole commercial is a slide show of still shots of Ned in various emotional states as well as people around him. The gist of the storyline is Ned doesn’t bother thinking about life insurance until some relative dies, I think his brother in law, which causes Ned to rethink his stance and apply for some insurance after a chance encounter with a creepy looking diner patron.
I actually have a game I play when friends are around where we’ll insert our own dialog during each still shot, similar to that old game they’d play on the British version of Who’s Line Is It Anyway where they’d do their own lines for old movie scenes. You’ve got the happy-go-lucky shots of Ned in the beginning before his relative dies, then the Thoughtful Ned picture, then the Are You Shitting Me Ned picture, then the Damn I Just Made a Hot Deal Ned picture. Somewhere in the middle you’ve got an insert of this old diner patron that looks like he’s only giving Ned advice because he wants to get close enough to kill him with an ax at some point and sacrifice him to Lucifer in some unholy ritual.
Then there’s Ned’s wife. Now, I’m fairly certain the commercial says Ned is 49 which sounds about right from looking at him. Somewhere between 49-53 maybe. Tess however looks more like Ned’s daughter than Ned’s wife. She can’t be any older than 25. She looks exactly like a girl I used to date who I believe was 21 at the time. Either Ned is quite the pimp among the young ladies or Tess is looking to cash in on his lucrative diner business after he passes on. Maybe Tess is the one trying to talk Ned into life insurance in an attempt to profit from his death. Maybe Tess killed her brother to get Ned interested in the idea.
Tess is probably sleeping with the diner patron actually.