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Thread: Next time you try to look hot...

  1. #17101
    Member footixy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Next time you try to look hot...

    Quote Originally Posted by gaypalmsprings View Post
    Mr. Balls is so popular



    is that the Sahara in the background?
    Quote Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang View Post
    Those of us who look amazing when naked just call it "everyday."
    connector in. receiver out. you let me in through the back door.

  2. #17102
    old school shotglass75's Avatar
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    Default Re: Next time you try to look hot...

    words words words words.

    These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
    http://www.amazon.com/Disorder-Court.../dp/0393319288

    ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
    WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
    ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
    WITNESS: My name is Susan!
    _______________________________
    ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    ____________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
    WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
    ____________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
    WITNESS: July 18th.
    ATTORNEY: What year?
    WITNESS: Every year.
    _____________________________________
    ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
    WITNESS: Forty-five years.
    _________________________________
    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    WITNESS: I forget..
    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
    ___________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    ____________________________________

    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
    WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
    ___________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
    _________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    WITNESS: Getting laid
    ____________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
    ____________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death..
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    WITNESS: Take a guess.
    ___________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
    _____________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
    _________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    WITNESS: Oral...
    _________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
    ____________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

    ______________________________________
    And last:

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No..
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
    Check out Sleeping is Giving in for great mixes and other cool stuff

  3. #17103
    Banned thelastgreatman's Avatar
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    Default Re: Next time you try to look hot...

    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    WITNESS: Oral...


    Awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by schoolofruckus View Post
    Look, your parenting is yours and Randy's business alone.
    Fans of TheLastGreatMan Accessory Shop

  4. #17104
    old school santasutt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Next time you try to look hot...

    Quote Originally Posted by thelastgreatman View Post
    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    WITNESS: Oral...


    Awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by MotorAve View Post
    Careful, while the threats are amusingly clueless, I could probably have this whole board shut down with one phone call.

  5. #17105
    old school stuporfly's Avatar
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    Default Re: Next time you try to look hot...

    Quote Originally Posted by garspaceman View Post
    well hello my fancy pants.

  6. #17106
    old school gmoneyak's Avatar
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    Default Re: Next time you try to look hot...



    Disclosure - October 12 - Reno, NV.
    Treasure Island Music Festival - October 19 - San Francisco, CA.
    Portugal, The Man - October 22 - Reno, NV.
    Cut Copy - October 31 - Reno, NV.
    Phoenix w/ Alt-J - December 5 - Reno, NV.

    COACHELLA '07, '08, '09, '11, '13

  7. #17107
    old school gmoneyak's Avatar
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    Default Re: Next time you try to look hot...



    Disclosure - October 12 - Reno, NV.
    Treasure Island Music Festival - October 19 - San Francisco, CA.
    Portugal, The Man - October 22 - Reno, NV.
    Cut Copy - October 31 - Reno, NV.
    Phoenix w/ Alt-J - December 5 - Reno, NV.

    COACHELLA '07, '08, '09, '11, '13

  8. #17108
    Coachella Junkie HunterGather's Avatar
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    Default Re: Next time you try to look hot...

    ^
    Hawt

  9. #17109
    Coachella Junkie GuyInTucson's Avatar
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    Default Re: Next time you try to look hot...

    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    And to be fair to fikus, violent strangulation is one of his better qualities.
    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    Being dead is literally the only way anyone on the planet could give less of a shit about you. You look like Farrah Fawcett's melted corpse.

  10. #17110
    old school unit300021's Avatar
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    Default Re: Next time you try to look hot...

    Well if you are going to stab anyone, I guess that is as good as a reason as any.
    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    Why aren't there more good role models for fat people who fall down a lot?

  11. #17111
    Coachella Junkie HunterGather's Avatar
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    Default Re: Next time you try to look hot...



    Stupid phony bitch

  12. #17112

    Default Re: Next time you try to look hot...

    Quote Originally Posted by bug on your lip View Post
    you ever get this uneasy feeling that everyone of us on this board is actually in Hell?

  13. #17113
    old school ocbruin84's Avatar
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    Default Re: Next time you try to look hot...

    That's not from your feed is it?

    I wonder how many of these are people who know better but just seek attention.
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    Hey here's an idea. You know those people who are desperately poor, down on their luck, uneducated, abused, and generally ill-equipped for life? Let's make fun of them.

  14. #17114
    Coachella Junkie HunterGather's Avatar
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    Default Re: Next time you try to look hot...

    no. i don't use FB.
    regardless, she looks like a stupid phony bitch

  15. #17115
    Old Gay Guy gaypalmsprings's Avatar
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    Default Re: Next time you try to look hot...

    Quote Originally Posted by SepaGroove View Post
    You shouldn't feel uncool for not going to EDC, you should feel uncool because you are uncool.

  16. #17116
    VigoTheCarpathian
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    Default Re: Next time you try to look hot...

    monkey balls


  17. #17117
    old school ocbruin84's Avatar
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    Default Re: Next time you try to look hot...

    hahahah why i am i giggling so hard
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    Hey here's an idea. You know those people who are desperately poor, down on their luck, uneducated, abused, and generally ill-equipped for life? Let's make fun of them.

  18. #17118
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Next time you try to look hot...

    That was wonderful.

  19. #17119
    Coachella Junkie HunterGather's Avatar
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    Default Re: Next time you try to look hot...


  20. #17120
    old school shotglass75's Avatar
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    Default Re: Next time you try to look hot...

    Best thing on the internet this week.

    Check out Sleeping is Giving in for great mixes and other cool stuff

  21. #17121
    Coachella Junkie Neighborhood Creep's Avatar
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    Default Re: Next time you try to look hot...

    I wish we kept the tree swinging skills of a monkey through evolution.
    Quote Originally Posted by theklein25 View Post
    When Foster the People played Pumped Up Kicks I freaked the fuck out because I thought that song was long gone

  22. #17122

    Default Re: Next time you try to look hot...
















  23. #17123
    Old Gay Guy gaypalmsprings's Avatar
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    Default Re: Next time you try to look hot...

    Quote Originally Posted by SepaGroove View Post
    You shouldn't feel uncool for not going to EDC, you should feel uncool because you are uncool.

  24. #17124
    Coachella Junkie nathanfairchild's Avatar
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    Default Re: Next time you try to look hot...


    April 25 - Inter Arma
    April 27 - The Body & Full of Hell
    May 1 - Sleep
    May 8-10 - Austin Psych Fest
    May 15-17 - Psycho California
    June 6 - The Rolling Stones
    June 10 - Melvins
    June 20 - Blur
    June 24-28 - Glastonbury
    July 18 - Death Grips?
    July 19 - Smashing Pumpkins/Marilyn Manson
    July 26 - Faith No More

  25. #17125
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Next time you try to look hot...


  26. #17126

    Default Re: Next time you try to look hot...

    Quote Originally Posted by algunz View Post
    I've been staring at this picture for the last 60 seconds straight. I can't figure out why this is funny. Argh! Is it because the 2 ears look like a nose? I'm sorry for being an utter failure
    Certain songs they get so scratched into our souls

  27. #17127
    old school shotglass75's Avatar
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    Default Re: Next time you try to look hot...

    It's not funny.
    Check out Sleeping is Giving in for great mixes and other cool stuff

  28. #17128
    Coachella Junkie HunterGather's Avatar
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    Default Re: Next time you try to look hot...


  29. #17129
    Cult Leader koryp's Avatar
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    Default Re: Next time you try to look hot...

    Wow, 12 step meetings at Coachella, who knew? SOBERCHELLA.COM

    I'm a reasonable man, get off my case....

  30. #17130
    Coachella Junkie HunterGather's Avatar
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    Default Re: Next time you try to look hot...

    lolol


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