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Thread: Confessions

  1. #11341
    Coachella Junkie Miroir Noir's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    Animal Farm to most people: An allegory about a totalitarian dystopian state.

    Animal Farm to Ron: Not owning an actual coffee table.
    http://www.theonion.com/articles/ask...equired,12210/
    Quote Originally Posted by canexplain View Post
    To you guys I say Wat?????????? Off to ?????? ....... cr****
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    It's hard to argue with that.

  2. #11342
    Gummi bear sultan miscorrections's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    I purchased five more disgusting freezer booze bags of my own volition so I could be delighted at how terrible they taste. The Blue Hawaiian in particular is giving me deeply satisfying tingles of anticipatory nausea.
    Last edited by miscorrections; 08-13-2013 at 05:23 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by bmack86 View Post
    Has anyone gone on a date with a sandwich recently? What base did you get to? Ham?

  3. #11343
    Stage Manager captncrzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    Heard about that UPS cargo plane crash this morning. Two people dead. My first thought was..."shit, I hope that stuff I'm waiting for wasn't on that plane."
    Quote Originally Posted by RandyInHeaven View Post
    Devin - how does it feel to know that there are still more women in the world that would fuck me at this very moment than would fuck you?

  4. #11344
    Coachella Junkie PlayaDelWes's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    Verizon Fios is shipping me a box so I can return one of our DVRs. Today I got the UPS My Choice notification of delivery. I'm glad it's OK.
    Quote Originally Posted by dj12inches View Post
    What makes me qualified? I've watched EVERY fucking episode of American Idol, and every single episode of The Voice...Forget that I won departmental music awards when I was in the 8th grade choir.

  5. #11345
    old school Somewhat Damaged's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    Quote Originally Posted by captncrzy View Post
    Heard about that UPS cargo plane crash this morning. Two people dead. My first thought was..."shit, I hope that stuff I'm waiting for wasn't on that plane."
    Got an email that a few client deliveries are delayed due to an "aircraft crash." I'm guessing it was this.

    None of the clients are mine.
    Quote Originally Posted by RandyInHeaven View Post
    I was informed yesterday that Devin came into existence when someone dared God to create a gayer, less intimidating Andy Milonakis.

  6. #11346
    VigoTheCarpathian
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    Default Re: Confessions

    I had to be a model for this EKG infomercial my brother and I are making. So I had to shave my chest, but I just decided to shave my whole body, but I didn't have shaving cream and I was in a rush so I used soap, and I cut my whole body and it stings so bad. Also, my grandma brought me homemade enchiladas and they gave me bad dhiaria and so I have this stinging body and very bad intestines.

    Last night I had to go out for a birthday party to a restraunt, and my friends made me take off my shirt to show them my scars, and they ridiculed me so loudly in front of the whole restraunt. The waitress said I looked like a shaved cat. The pretty girls next to us were snickering and looking at me for the rest of the evening.

  7. #11347
    zeezus amyzzz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    That's the best confession I've read in a while.
    Quote Originally Posted by RandyInHeaven View Post
    So it turns out Jesus is a LOT like cr***

  8. #11348
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    At least you weren't taunted for your inability to spell.

  9. #11349
    zeezus amyzzz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    Hey now. Dhiaria is an actual medikal condishun.
    Quote Originally Posted by RandyInHeaven View Post
    So it turns out Jesus is a LOT like cr***

  10. #11350
    LOLocaust Survivor Hannahrain's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    That was a well-conceived comedic post, Zzz.

  11. #11351
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    So how did you look with your heart monitor on and a chest that's been scratched to shit? Did you continue with the shoot? Did you change the story line to make you a victim of a bear attack?

  12. #11352
    VigoTheCarpathian
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    Default Re: Confessions

    The EKG is built for home monitoring and it's leads are interchangeable to these squishy rubber suction cups. When I applied them to my freshly shaved chest I started bleeding because they were sucking the blood of my hair follicles. Now I'm just itchy all over.

  13. #11353
    ankle biter guedita's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    Your brother has no other candidates for a video he expects people to actually sit through and watch?

    5/22: Move D, Reaganz, Sassmouth @ Monarch
    5/28: Refused, White Lung @ GAMH
    5/29: Spoon @ The Fox Theater, Oakland
    5/29: Max Cooper EMERGENCE @ PW
    5/30: Neutral Milk Hotel @ Pappy & Harriet's
    6/2: Kiasmos ft. Olafur Arnalds, Rival Consoles @ The Independent
    6/6: Matthew Dear, Daniel Bortz @ Public Works
    6/12: Christian Loeffler @ TBA
    6/17: Clap Your Hands Say Yeah @ The Independent
    6/21: Underworld, Jungle @ The Hollywood Bowl
    6/25: Until the Ribbon Breaks @ The Rickshaw Stop

  14. #11354
    VigoTheCarpathian
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    Default Re: Confessions

    I cut my nipple and it wouldn't stop bleeding

  15. #11355
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    I don't use toilet seat covers, because I know all you ladies are protecting me from your asses.

  16. #11356
    Gummi bear sultan miscorrections's Avatar
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    I don't use them because you can't get butt AIDS from a toilet seat.

    Seriously, though, why would anyone use them? If someone peed on the seat, it's going to soak through - you have to clean that off first anyway. If the seat is unblemished, it's not like someone else's butt skin is going to be any more germy than anything else in that restroom. The bathroom stall handles/door handles are way grosser than a toilet seat.
    Quote Originally Posted by bmack86 View Post
    Has anyone gone on a date with a sandwich recently? What base did you get to? Ham?

  17. #11357
    Coachella Junkie SoulDischarge's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    There was a Penn & Teller Bullshit episode about toilet seats and they're not that bad. I never understood those seat covers. They're thinner than one ply toilet paper and are bound to get moved completely out of place the second you sit down.
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Thanks for giving us the opportunity to not give a fuck again.

  18. #11358
    zeezus amyzzz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    Quote Originally Posted by canexplain View Post
    That's funny. This place is like Animal Farm cr****
    Does he mean Animal House?
    Quote Originally Posted by RandyInHeaven View Post
    So it turns out Jesus is a LOT like cr***

  19. #11359
    zeezus amyzzz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    Sorry. Distracted by shiny objects near the top of the page.
    Quote Originally Posted by RandyInHeaven View Post
    So it turns out Jesus is a LOT like cr***

  20. #11360
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    As far as I'm concerned, toilet seat covers are such a waste of paper.

  21. #11361
    Gummi bear sultan miscorrections's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    It's very odd to find myself in agreement with you.
    Quote Originally Posted by bmack86 View Post
    Has anyone gone on a date with a sandwich recently? What base did you get to? Ham?

  22. #11362
    Coachella Junkie SoulDischarge's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    Quote Originally Posted by miscorrections View Post
    It's very odd to find myself in agreement with you.
    Yeah, but she means because of SEX.
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Thanks for giving us the opportunity to not give a fuck again.

  23. #11363
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    Quote Originally Posted by miscorrections View Post
    It's very odd to find myself in agreement with you.
    It's ok. You're still a bitch. Don't worry.

  24. #11364
    Rover canexplain's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    I waste food all the time. I like to cook things but then I don't seem to eat them. Today I took out $40 worth of steaks and they had set in my fridge for over 4 days and they smelled funny.. I cooked one and so so but not worth getting Lucky. cr****
    Have Another Hit Of Colorado Sunshine

  25. #11365
    butthurt messiah TheVelvetSmudge's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    The toilet seat covers are like seatbelts on an airplane. Sure, they may save your ass once in awhile, but in case of emergency, you better kiss that ass goodbye. Peace of mind, if nothing else. You wipe the seat down with sanitizer/ spit and toilet paper, then put down two toilet seat covers and extra squares of tp where you think it might move. I don't know how you guys shit at Coachella without feeling shamefully dirty. Butt AIDS? What about open sore AIDS, or transmission of herpes? Uhh... not cool. Not. Cool. Dudes.

  26. #11366
    Gummi bear sultan miscorrections's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    How many people have open sores on their butt? Am I woefully uninformed on this sweeping pandemic?
    Quote Originally Posted by bmack86 View Post
    Has anyone gone on a date with a sandwich recently? What base did you get to? Ham?

  27. #11367
    butthurt messiah TheVelvetSmudge's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    Quote Originally Posted by miscorrections View Post
    How many people have open sores on their butt? Am I woefully uninformed on this sweeping pandemic?
    A: Enough.

    I would assume that having AIDS would bump your potential for having open sores anywhere on your body, especially somewhere you sit frequently. Now that we know you have just the loveliest, soreless bum, we can sleep well knowing you're safe. Standing around saying, "I don't get it," is super fun and all, but you not getting it doesn't mean that it's without purpose. Dig it.

  28. #11368
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    I haven't once touched a toilet seat at Coachella with my ass or otherwise.

  29. #11369
    butthurt messiah TheVelvetSmudge's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    That's good, as a lot of people you associate with on this board like to kiss that thing when Coachella rolls around

  30. #11370
    old school Somewhat Damaged's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confessions

    Quote Originally Posted by SoulDischarge View Post
    There was a Penn & Teller Bullshit episode about toilet seats and they're not that bad. I never understood those seat covers. They're thinner than one ply toilet paper and are bound to get moved completely out of place the second you sit down.
    Quote Originally Posted by algunz View Post
    As far as I'm concerned, toilet seat covers are such a waste of paper.
    I saw that Bullshit episode when I was working at a video store and stopped being obsessive-compulsive about using toilet seat covers whenever having to defecate in public almost immediately. That being said, if I see a stray pubic hair or the remnants of a previous user's toilet seat cover on the seat when I have to conduct business at work, I'll make use of a toilet seat cover. Not a waste of paper in that instance, and it takes all of 10 seconds to put into place.
    Quote Originally Posted by RandyInHeaven View Post
    I was informed yesterday that Devin came into existence when someone dared God to create a gayer, less intimidating Andy Milonakis.

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