I did find my cat.
I did find my cat.
Dear Bartenders of the World,
I understand why you require people to leave their credit card with you when opening a tab, I am sure plenty of people have both purposely and accidently left without closing their tabs, which I am sure is very frustrating... But I find it completely unacceptable that you handed my cc to some random guy just because we bank at the same bank and have the same color credit cards. Then, when I bring it to your attention you let me drive off with his CC just because I told you I knew the guy and would make the swap. I did do that, don't get me wrong, but I could have also not done that and just maxed out his card. Luckily I am not a theif and either was he, it could have ended a lot worse. For future reference, my card is the one with my name on it. Thanks!
Dear girl with the braids in front of me at Subway today,
Why do you and every other person who has braids not scratch your head/hair and choose to slap your head when it itches? I would assume that after years of having this type of hairstyle that you would have found a better way of taking care of that scratch. You kept hitting yourself so much before ordering that I almost went up to you and started scratching your head myself.
That’s about it.
Fuck you, it's impossible for me to get anything done on the internet.
dear next door neighbor, i shouldn't have to tell your kids for over 2 hours to clean up the 2 cans of silly string they unloaded on my lawn. in fact, you were right there watching them and telling them not to spray it in our yard yet have no ability to control your shitty kids so walked away cuz you have given up on parenting the tiny terrors, leaving them to play all day with my kids without you once checking on them. they can also pick up all their food trash they eat and leave throughout the afternoon.
about to start smacking your kids
Dear crazy loud bus lady,
Although I was initially intrigued by your cellphone conversation, and how dexterously you shifted your tiny, tiny phone from mouth to ear and back again, after I realized that your call was not vital to life or property, I, and the rest of the riders of the bus, became quite turned off by your volume. Although I was impressed that your voice overpowered my headphones, even set to max volume, I think we all agreed when that one guy stood up and said, "Bitch, shut the fuck up!". Also, that tube top/bra? A little revealing.
The person who sat directly behind you
Dear 8-10 people on the south side of Figueroa and the 5-6 people on the north side of Figueroa at 10:46AM today.
I must say, it was both scary and bewildering to view the casualness and smiles on your faces this morning. It did not strike me as weird when a community safety truck had its lights flashing and crossing Fig when entering panda express. I sampled the new steak item, which I normally would not do, but I had to try it. It was not worth ordering. Anyways, the helicopter could be heard when exiting the restaurant.
There was a panda express employee looking to the north side of the street, and then there you were, the 8-10 people on the corner of the street outside of the 901 bar. I then looked across the street and seen 6 sheriff officers with guns drawn yelling at one another looking in between and under cars. Then I see you 5-6 people on the north side of Fig, on the sidewalk right next to the small brick wall in between you and the actual parking lot where they were searching, let's say 12 feet away. All of you had a smile on your face like you were observing a performance of cirque du soleil.
My apologies for not stopping to say hi or ask what was going on. I briskly walked to my car, bent slightly to make sure no one was under my car, got in and headed towards Flower in the opposite direction.
I applaud your bravery and confidence in law enforcement’s aim.
Dear L.A. Clippers,
Thank you for giving me a reason to go back to the Staples Center. Your fans are classy and are honestly having a good time. Its sad that you were bounced after the second round but with the way you didn't just fold for game 4 after that collapse during game 3, you earned the standing ovation you recieved after last nights loss. Can't wait to see you all again in the fall.
Your hiring practices suck. The new mechanic that you just brought on is a lazy fucker who can't even be bothered to learn my name. I have given him my name multiple times but he insists on calling me miss or ma'am because Audra is just too hard to remember. Really? He also can't be bothered to learn to use the computer for purchase orders and wants to go back to carbon copy PO books... it's not 1986. Seriously, do you just find the biggest assholes out there and offer them jobs? I have never worked for a bigger group of pricks.
Counting down the days.
Fuck Arizona...Whoop that ass and stop messing around. Fuck a Coyote.
You should be up in this series 3-1, instead you're down 3-1. In 2 out of 3 of those losses you carried the lead almost the entire game, and were the better team. These collapses in the final 2 minutes of every game are unacceptable. For fuck's sake stop forcing up ridiculous shots Kobe. Look for the easy jumper instead of making everything a turn around fade away, and trust your teammates! Let's get a fucking win tonight!!
Aren't there sports threads for this bullshit?
The Los Angeles Lakers are a specific organization...
Dear Person at Work Who Is Getting Their Assignments Transferred Over to Me Because They Are Currently "Overwhelmed" with the Volume of Work They Have:
Please have the courtesy to succinctly and clearly explain to me what the fuck it is you need me to do for you. If I am going to do your work in addition to my own, I would prefer you to not waste my additional remaining time stammering on and on about it.
Dear Fremont Kawasaki,
I appreciate the fact that you showed me a used bike in the shop that you were working on and gave me the chance to make an offer before it was ready for resale. However, it would have been nice if you double checked all nuts and bolts before letting me ride off with it. So far, I noticed that I had a loose front axle, loose wheel bearing, and missing bolts on the front fender. If it wasn't for the cotter pins, I probably would have lost my front tire.
Dear Sepa Groove,
If the Lakers should be up 3-1 in the series, they WOULD be up 3-1 in the series. As it stands, they're not. Those collapses at the end of the game are part of the game, as well, so you can't just discount those. If they were the better team, they would have scored more points.
Isn't there a girls-only thread for amy's bullshit anti-sports whining?
every thread is Amys thread for bullshit anti-everything
Dear lovely sports fans,
Sports goes in sports threads so I don't have to read that.
"disgruntled" is the wrong d-word.
lulz....i see what you did there.
Dear Matt in Encino who just got back from Lightning in a Bottle and is too exhausted to go to Jack White tomorrow night. Thanks for selling me your tickets at an honest and reasonable price. You are out-of-this-worldly awesome!