C FiF ASRA - confirmed
I tried little league once and the kids kept beaning me right in the head to I quit
Pretty damn certain that if I were 25 years younger, I'd be soliciting my ass for funds to get back to Hawaii. Fuck morals.
The ghost of time is an impression of yesterday
I jerk off to elf porn.
i have a lot of wonderful friends, but it's also kinda nice knowing i still have friends that would beat the ever-loving crap out of someone if i said the word <3
ps, i'd never do it, but still
I was trying to give myself a prostate massage but I couldn't find it.
I am a little too happy to realize I still have a bit of game left.
FBored on a long 8hr trip through the night, I decided to plug my phone into the stereo, stand it up in front of my gauges and have a good long masturbation session while crossing state lines.
Unfortunately when I came, I had forgotten I had no napkins and then proceeded to wipe myself off with my hat.
re-read my posts a lot, but haven't masturbated in three months
I jacked off to the restroom scene in Welcome To The Dollhouse.
I just spent the last 10 minutes laughing at several googled sweet brown memes.
And why were you STANDING?
I cannot orgasm while standing, for the record.
Really? Blood flow problem?
He's not standing, just his phone. Can't you read?
Oh wait, I thought he was in a car. So confused.
I have to point my toes. Dunno why. Think it might be something I just got accustomed to from jacking it as a young lad.
No I didn't read that properly. Okay that makes more sense. I've jerked off while driving once.
Randy, do you lift your leg when you kiss?
If I'm feeling Leslie Nielsen-ish, yes. Which is most days.
Santa can stand all he wants when he's jerking it -- the reindeers keep his vessel steady.
Jerking while driving is only recommended in very rural, sparsely traveled areas. Who knows when you're going to have a sudden, distinct urge to swerve. Experience? Maybe.
I always found it difficult because I like to use both hands.
... you know that some day you're going to get fired because of this board, right?