View Full Version : Vices

10-13-2011, 04:11 PM
are not addictions, you fucking morons.

full on idle
10-13-2011, 04:26 PM

10-13-2011, 04:27 PM
One day an onion lad growing in an onion patch hears rumors of a beautiful young onion maiden growing on the other side of the patch. As time goes by he grows increasingly obsessed until he hatches a plan to meet her. As the onions were plucked from the ground the young onion the grasped basket with his roots and as they were being emptied into the barrel he waited until the maiden appeared and then released such that he collided with her and they both fall by the wayside. She was impressed by his courage and found him exceedingly fair. They immediately decided to elope and delivered themselves to safety in an adjoining field. The pair built for themselves a splendid existence, passing time by each writing poetry and lavishing gifts upon the other. In time they consummated the union and were blessed with a little onion bundle of joy. They gave copious amounts of love and affection upon their precious darling baby onion and in short time it dutifully began to grow. As time drew on, however, the passion in the relationship began to wane. The lady had become somewhat distant as they raised their young onion. Sir onion was pained by the growing rift between them, but he withdrew into himself and only took comfort in his onion career, and eventually the bottle. The strained relationship resulted in a dwindling level attention paid to the growing young onion, who at this point had grown to adolescence. The young onion had become rebellious due to lack of guidance and attention. It suffered fits of anger and depression, exhibiting self-destructive behavior such as cutting itself, if for no other reason than to cause tearing and simulation of feeling. The mother and father onion took little notice of this, or at least delayed interceding. One day the little onion, in the midst of its worst bout of depression yet, rolled itself into the middle of the road intending to allow itself to dry in a desperate cry for attention and help. The mother noticed the child in the road and flew into a panic, as a turnip truck was fast approaching. She let out a shriek, which alerted father onion. He rushed to the road to save the child giving it every ounce of his effort. He came within an carrot’s length of the child and leapt to snatch the onion out of harm’s way. When he opened his eyes he looked down to see in his arms to find his child unconscious, heavily bruised by the tire of the turnip truck. The mother let forth an awful wail. Mustering all the courage they had left they rushed the child to the onion hospital. The rushed through the doors and deposited their precious little onion into the care of the nurses. It was whisked off into the emergency ward, leaving the mother and father onion to worry and cry. They were crushed at the realization that their distance and selfishness had brought about this state of affairs. They berated themselves for allowing this to happen to their precious child. By the end of the night they had made their apologies to each other and resolved to rebuild their relationship, not just for the child’s sake, but also their own. In the morning the onion doctor approached and woke them. Mother and father onion awoke instantly and sat desperately hanging on the onion doctor’s every word. “Mr. and Mrs. Onion, you little onion is alive.” The onions let out a huge sigh of relief and joy. “However,” the doctor added, “it’ll be a vegetable the rest of its life.”

10-13-2011, 04:31 PM

10-13-2011, 04:36 PM

10-13-2011, 05:08 PM

10-13-2011, 05:24 PM

10-13-2011, 06:10 PM

10-13-2011, 06:58 PM