Why the fuck would any of you cocksuckers want to see a bunch of ex-heroin addict geriatric wankers get up on stage and take a super sized senior citizen liquid shit on the Coachella fields? You want to see Mick up there trusting his 69 year old penis? Does your girlfriend want to suck Keith's furrowed old herpes spewing wang? I bet a lot of you perverts get off on elderly porn don't you? You like watching grandma ride cowgirl don't you ya pedophiles? Mick can't sing anymore you asshole Magellans. His current vocals sound like Chewbacca getting violently ass rapped by a giant raging purple homosexual stegosaurus. I would never go to a Rolling Stones gig unless some NASA scientist invented a goddamn time machine to take my ass back to 1978. You can't enjoy a modern Stones gig unless you're TRIPPING BALLS on some hallucinogens. Not California hallucinogens, that's pussy shit. I'm talking the strong man shit that you get from guys who live in cabins in like fucking Vermont with fucking ZZ Top beards. I'm talking shit that makes you see Jerry Garcia riding fire breathing dragons with Riders in the Storm playing in the background. I'm talking about acid trips most of you soft faggots couldn't handle. You can't call your mommy and daddy once Jerry starts riding a big green dragon. I'm not talking pussy Harry Potter dragons, I'm talking big bad Leroy Brown motherfuckers that would scare the living shit out of Mike Tyson. You don't wanna fuck with those dragons. I'm glad these old clowns aren't at Coachella! Fuck you Mick! Go eat out some grandma in assisted living Keith! FUCK THE ROLLING STONES!!!!