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Thread: Wedding Speaches

  1. #1
    VigoTheCarpathian
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    Default Wedding Speaches

    Help me write a side splitting yet heartfelt wedding speach please.. Any suggestion welcome

    I wrote this already but they won't let me say it:

    Clergy, I owe it now to providence which finds my arch enemy sister in Holy matrimony and my own will ostracized to this insufferable praise of her who cut me down in the first instance. That I inherit an equally antagonistic brother-in-law is only testimony to your God's continuous sardonic play on my sanity.

    now Im stuck and don't know what to write. I'd like to include the line "keep eachother young" somewhere. After that I don't know

  2. #2
    VigoTheCarpathian
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    Default Re: Wedding Speaches

    I don't know how to spell speech

  3. #3
    VigoTheCarpathian
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    Default Re: Wedding Speaches

    Ok I got this now:

    Keep each other young - but don't act like crazy people with monkey brains*

    Love eachother *like its your last day on earth - but keep it to yourselves because public displays of affection can be cheesy and invited*

  4. #4
    Member Riggins33's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wedding Speaches

    Trying to be funny during a wedding speech hardly ever works. I would try to keep it heartfelt.

  5. #5
    Coachella Junkie Mugwog's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wedding Speaches

    Who the fuck would let you make a speech at their wedding?

  6. #6
    Coachella Junkie heart cooks brain's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wedding Speaches

    Quote Originally Posted by Mugwog View Post
    Who the fuck would let you make a speech at their wedding?
    laughing too hard.
    Quote Originally Posted by canexplain View Post
    If moles had subways, molestation wouldn't be one of the creepiest words there is ....
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    i hear voices in my head and they keep caaaaallin' me

  7. #7
    VigoTheCarpathian
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    Default Re: Wedding Speaches

    yeah, Im getting that advice a lot right now. I've pulled off a super funny wedding speach before. My cousins:

    I would like to thank Jennifer because Antonio ( my cuz)is no longer beating me up. Id like to thank Veronica( his sis) for not beating me up as much as she used to. I'd like to thank hygie and maro (their other bro and sis) for over 20 years of sympathy and support. Uncle Tonyo, Aunti Iz ( parents)I'd like to thank you for stretching Ant to 6'2 - Im going to stretch my own kids. Ms. Brides mother : it is obvious where jenefir got her charm. Mr. Brides father - Im sure she got a lot of good qualities fro.m you too. I hope antonio and Jennifer have many kids and I hope they beat up my own.

    Mind you I was crocked.

    I really really wana do something funny if I can. If not then I shouldn't try but I got 2 weeks so I think I could come up with something

  8. #8
    old school Drewski27's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wedding Speaches

    Quote Originally Posted by Mugwog View Post
    Who the fuck would let you make a speech at their wedding?
    Exactly my thoughts.
    Quote Originally Posted by TallGuyCM View Post
    ICYMI: Today the two board members with the most questionable approach to music held mirrors up to each other; no one learned a thing and nothing will change.

    September 24 - Modest Mouse - Vina Robles Amp.
    October 3/4 - Desert Stars - Pioneertown
    October 17 - Massive Attack - SB Bowl
    November 8 - Slowdive - Theater at Ace
    November 9 - Slowdive - Theater at Ace
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  9. #9
    Old Gay Guy gaypalmsprings's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wedding Speaches


  10. #10
    old school Drewski27's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wedding Speaches

    Yes. make sure to include lesbians in your speech. It's a known fact that everyone loves lesbians.
    Quote Originally Posted by TallGuyCM View Post
    ICYMI: Today the two board members with the most questionable approach to music held mirrors up to each other; no one learned a thing and nothing will change.

    September 24 - Modest Mouse - Vina Robles Amp.
    October 3/4 - Desert Stars - Pioneertown
    October 17 - Massive Attack - SB Bowl
    November 8 - Slowdive - Theater at Ace
    November 9 - Slowdive - Theater at Ace
    April 10/11/12 - Coachella wknd 1 - Indio

  11. #11
    VigoTheCarpathian
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    Default Re: Wedding Speaches

    I was originally gana call the MC the man who made the Butch Lesbian look popular for men but they won't let me say that either

  12. #12
    old school SepaGroove's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wedding Speaches

    Quote Originally Posted by gaypalmsprings View Post
    Hello Death.

  13. #13
    VigoTheCarpathian
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    Default Re: Wedding Speaches

    Ok I got it. I'm going to write an unbelievably overlerly praisefull speach made for a king and queen. I'll lie and say all kinds of crazy shit like how they helped trapped and injured people and stuff.

  14. #14
    Coachella Junkie Neighborhood Creep's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wedding Speaches

    Please have someone YouTube this and report back

  15. #15
    old school Drewski27's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wedding Speaches

    yes please do that.
    Quote Originally Posted by TallGuyCM View Post
    ICYMI: Today the two board members with the most questionable approach to music held mirrors up to each other; no one learned a thing and nothing will change.

    September 24 - Modest Mouse - Vina Robles Amp.
    October 3/4 - Desert Stars - Pioneertown
    October 17 - Massive Attack - SB Bowl
    November 8 - Slowdive - Theater at Ace
    November 9 - Slowdive - Theater at Ace
    April 10/11/12 - Coachella wknd 1 - Indio

  16. #16
    old school ThatGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wedding Speaches

    Support.
    Quote Originally Posted by M Sparks View Post
    It's all riding on this. You've got big dreams to ride to the top of the Flash Mob world. Well internet fame costs. And right now is when you start paying for it...in sweat.
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    hey. get your own colonoscopy thread, bitch.

  17. #17
    VigoTheCarpathian
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    Default Re: Wedding Speaches

    Will do

  18. #18
    Member icedKeg's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wedding Speaches

    Weddings peaches

    Quote Originally Posted by Pee Wee Herman's Hermits View Post
    Melted my face off at Skrillex

  19. #19
    VigoTheCarpathian
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    No matter what Im saying this :

    Mike and Jacqueline are 14 years apart in age. I celebrate and encourage this kind of behavior.*

  20. #20
    old school Drewski27's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wedding Speaches

    Is this gonna be a pretty religious ceremony?
    Quote Originally Posted by TallGuyCM View Post
    ICYMI: Today the two board members with the most questionable approach to music held mirrors up to each other; no one learned a thing and nothing will change.

    September 24 - Modest Mouse - Vina Robles Amp.
    October 3/4 - Desert Stars - Pioneertown
    October 17 - Massive Attack - SB Bowl
    November 8 - Slowdive - Theater at Ace
    November 9 - Slowdive - Theater at Ace
    April 10/11/12 - Coachella wknd 1 - Indio

  21. #21
    VigoTheCarpathian
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    Default Re: Wedding Speaches

    Well yeah the church ceremony will be very traditional and elaborate but this speech is for the reception. I mean the clergy will be present but... I understand why I couldn't say my first post but this line isn't so bad I don't think.

  22. #22
    old school ocbruin84's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wedding Speaches

    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    Hey here's an idea. You know those people who are desperately poor, down on their luck, uneducated, abused, and generally ill-equipped for life? Let's make fun of them.

  23. #23
    MENACING Courtney's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wedding Speaches

    1. Don't try to be funny in a distasteful way, especially if the wedding includes old people like grandparents who won't really get it or think it's funny.
    2. Don't be cliche.
    3. Don't say what you think you're "supposed" to say, just because you're supposed to say it.
    4. Take a few hours to sit down alone in a quiet environment, and think hard about the people getting married and why they are so important to you in your life. And then think about why they are good for each other. And then write a speech based on those thoughts.

  24. #24
    Coachella Junkie Drinkey McDrinkerstein's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wedding Speaches

    Don't spell the word, "speach."
    last.fm
    11/14/14 - Death From Above 1979 @ Regent // 11/16/14 - Lucero @ Echo

  25. #25
    ankle biter guedita's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wedding Speaches

    Maybe if you sense that everyone's having a miserable time and is on edge, which they will be because let's face it, you'll be there, immolate yourself.

    11/28: Dixon @ TBA
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  26. #26
    Coachella Junkie Miroir Noir's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wedding Speaches

    11th hour thread of the year candidate.
    Quote Originally Posted by canexplain View Post
    To you guys I say Wat?????????? Off to ?????? ....... cr****
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    It's hard to argue with that.

  27. #27
    VigoTheCarpathian
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    Default Re: Wedding Speaches

    Quote Originally Posted by Courtney View Post
    1. Don't try to be funny in a distasteful way, especially if the wedding includes old people like grandparents who won't really get it or think it's funny.
    2. Don't be cliche.
    3. Don't say what you think you're "supposed" to say, just because you're supposed to say it.
    4. Take a few hours to sit down alone in a quiet environment, and think hard about the people getting married and why they are so important to you in your life. And then think about why they are good for each other. And then write a speech based on those thoughts.
    this is essentially what my sister just spent the last two hours trying to explain to me. I'm starting to get it. Thanks

  28. #28
    Coachella Junkie Mugwog's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wedding Speaches

    One thing that is to also be encouraged is a strong, vigorous sex life. This ensures a passion between lovers as opposed to a cold dull sex life, with lack of blow jobs or awkward ones.

  29. #29

    Default Re: Wedding Speaches

    Grandma turns 90 this month and was contemplating a brief “Leading life with grace and dignity..” toast at dinner or could go “Here’s to three husbands! Will there be a forth?” with the current alzheimer's ridden spouse sitting there next to her.

  30. #30
    VigoTheCarpathian
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    Default Re: Wedding Speaches

    hahahaha!

    one of the jokes I wanted to tell was:

    My grandmother Sandra is here tonight everyone. Helllooooo Graaaaandmaaaaaa, iiiitsss jaacquelineeees weddiiinnnnggg

    They wont let me say that.

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