Help me write a side splitting yet heartfelt wedding speach please.. Any suggestion welcome

I wrote this already but they won't let me say it:

Clergy, I owe it now to providence which finds my arch enemy sister in Holy matrimony and my own will ostracized to this insufferable praise of her who cut me down in the first instance. That I inherit an equally antagonistic brother-in-law is only testimony to your God's continuous sardonic play on my sanity.

now Im stuck and don't know what to write. I'd like to include the line "keep eachother young" somewhere. After that I don't know