Big Bird vs. Cookie Monster

[mob roulette]

choose wisely. show your work. prepare to defend. etc.

ok go.

[thinnerair]

cookie monster doesn't actually eat cookies. its something that always bothered me. he just crumpled the cookies and would throw it at himself.
what's his problem?

big bird is kind of a pussy too. just sayin'

[mob roulette]

in a fight though. in a FIGHT. i should have clarified that a bit.

[amyzzz]

Cookie Monster gets seriously lustful about his cookie eating (or crunching and spitting out). If he would get a cookie prize by beatin Big Bird's ass, I think he could definitely take the Bird on.

[soupbandit]

i've never seen cookie monster's legs. So big b is dominating the duel in my head imagery.

[thelastgreatman]

No option for my ***** Snuffles?

[shoegazer76]

This is really a really tough decision. Big Bird is of course Big & has more range. Cookie Monster is undoubtedly a psychopath so I don't know. I'm pretty sure Bird is a pacifist though so Cookie probly would tear Bird a new asshole. Especially if he imagined Bird as a giant chocolate chip cookie.

[PsyGuyRy]

Big Bird is totally top-heavy. All Cookie Monster has to do is take-out the Bird's big-ass legs, let that MF fall, and then give him beat him down he'll never forget!

[thinnerair]

Grover would smoke all them muppet ass niggas like a blunt. Fo' shizzle.

[gaypalmsprings]

[shoegazer76]

What about Oscar? He'd beat the shit outta all of em with his trash can man!

[thelastgreatman]

All I know is that now I kinda want to get "Snuffleupagus" tattooed on my dick.

::awaits jokes about how few of those letters would fit::

[kimery08]

oscar is all talk. he never gets out of that damn can. cookie monster all the way. as stated above, he's a psychopath.

[invisiblerobots]

bert's got connections

[TomAz]

this is a no brainer. Big Bird doesn't have a competitive chicken bone in his body. and like someone said, he's a big puss.

[shoegazer76]

oscar is all talk. he never gets out of that damn can. cookie monster all the way. as stated above, he's a psychopath.

You don't know what he's got in that trash can. He could be holdin out for some devious shit.

[gaypalmsprings]

Elmo needs some consideration...

[shoegazer76]

That'll be a hot seller this Christmas for sure, the Slice & Dice Elmo for all your murderous needs. Move over Chucky!

[caco0283]

big bird isn't a puss, he's just gay. Do we actually know if big bird is a male??

[Hannahrain]

Cookie Monster. In a hot second. Those plastic eyes of his gleam with murderous rage.

[Hannahrain]

Cookie is a lovely, polite little puppet one second, and a growling, manic devouring machine the next. Big bird lacks that kind of passion. He's nothing special. And Cookie is fucking devoted to those cookies. What does big bird care about? He's got no motivation. He's not thinking "as soon as I knock that bitch down I can go have a cookie" now, is he?

[mob roulette]

coachella forum, i love you so much. you never fail to disappoint.

yes cookie monster. of course. i am fairly convinced that he could take pretty much ALL the muppets without batting his nonexistent eyelashes. perhaps miss piggy being the only exception to this rule. the reason i put big bird as his sparring partner is that i think big bird might be just a tad unstable. and not just a tad actually, but like, WAY unstable, like on the inside. i think he has a lot of unchecked rage and also perhaps daddy issues. let's not forget also that he hallucinates a giant imaginary playmate, like pretty much on a daily basis. we're talking borderline personality here people. a regular ticking time bomb. and so i would love to see what he'd do in a fight if someone pushed him to his breaking point...

[All That I Am]

I'm pickin' cookie!

In my head i imagine big bird running away from a screaming cookie monster.
Cookie Monster would bite deep into the achelles heel of big bird and immobilize him.

[blakely]

As we all know cookie monster is a massive junkie. Sooooooo....... What if we were to deprive C-Monster of his precious cookies for, i dont know, say, 3 days. We could then inform him that his precious cookies are tucked away inside the belly of the titanic canary. The ring would be nothing but bloody feathers in seconds.

[blakely]

proof of the extent of his addiction.....






He also moonlights as a pimp in Lake Elsinore...

[Hannahrain]

I suppose it's also worth mentioning that because Big Bird has nothing to care about, he also has nothing to lose. However, I see this more as an overall indifference towards things and people, and not necessarily an indifference towards being alive. I bet he'd get outta dodge the second he heard a growl. Maybe Fiji or someplace like that. Although maybe he wouldn't have to go that far. While Cookie is quick to anger, he's also probably quick to cool down. If Big Bird wasn't there for the initial fire up, he might make it out ok.


For some reason I am imagining Big Bird in a hotel room, a la the end of "The Good Girl". Maybe in a hawaiian shirt.

[mob roulette]

also, grover in a self-inflicted gunshot wound for the win. x gets the square.

[shoegazer76]

Yeah, those quiet nice people are the ones that snap & end up walkin into thier jobs & shooting everbody. Bird is capable!

[Hannahrain]

For Grover I could see hanging from the rafters by the "supergrover" cape.


Grover is sort of the Moe Syzlak of Sesame Street.

[Boourns]

As a child, my favorites were Cookie Monster and Oscar the Grouch, by far. I remember one Christmas I got this Sesame Street playset, and it was pretty awesome to me, and it and had little versions of the characters. And I had this really weird toy, I'm not sure what to call it, but it would play records and some kind of film so I got to see stuff too, no idea what it was called.