The Thread Wherein We Review Other Threads

[SoulDischarge]

Thread: theklein25 reviews albums

Review: Although built upon a strong premise and some dramatic promise in the initial posts, this thread soon reveals itself to be yet another disappointment, deflated by a turgid self seriousness that has become all too common amongst contemporary threads. Many of the high profile posters deliver phoned in performances that rely too heavily on unearned sentimentality and are lacking in spontaneity. Despite the noble efforts of a dedicated few involved to add a dash of ingenuity to what could have been a wild thrill ride of a thread, the whole thing sinks under the weight of predictable thread patterns and lack of charisma.

Spirit animal rating: hippopotamus.




And to the inevitable jackass who tries to review this thread (my money's on TomAz), notice the word "other."

[insbordnat]

I'm waiting for the thread wherein we review other threads that review other threads.

[PotVsKtl]

****.

[nathanfairchild]

Thread: theklein25 reviews albums

Review: Although built upon a strong premise and some dramatic promise in the initial posts, this thread soon reveals itself to be yet another disappointment, deflated by a turgid self seriousness that has become all too common amongst contemporary threads. Many of the high profile posters deliver phoned in performances that rely too heavily on unearned sentimentality and are lacking in spontaneity. Despite the noble efforts of a dedicated few involved to add a dash of ingenuity to what could have been a wild thrill ride of a thread, the whole thing sinks under the weight of predictable thread patterns and lack of charisma.

unfortunately this is very accurate.

[xuclarockerx]

let go of all expectations.

[nathanfairchild]

i want Tommy to review the King of Limbs thread.

[theklein25]

Can I join the secret u know what that isnt a secret now?

[TomAz]

****.

Agreed.

Also I saw Kevin Costner at dinner tonight. I am not making this up. I am in New Orleans and a group of us went out to eat at Restaurant August and there he was, he and another gentleman, chatting at their table. He is very gray but otherwise much the same as you remember from such hits as "Bull Durham", "Field of Dreams", and "For the Love of the Game".

[shakermaker113]

i want Tommy to review the King of Limbs thread.

we can have multiple reviews, right?

Thread: King of Limbs...

Review: The moment the latest Radiohead album was announced fans had a sanctuary in which they could masturbate over it, but this thread is not a place to enjoy yourself. Filled with denial and confusion over an album that left so much to be desired the thread has become a way to enjoy disliking things. Egocentric fans pleasuring themselves through the cold reality that coachella was not actually special after all has turned obsession into near masochism. Those that still enjoy the band watch in terror as people turn something beautiful into something ugly. A valiant attempt is made to slap people in the face and bring them back to reality with a never ending series of hot female asses but the effort proves to be futile. If you ever want to give up hope this thread will suck it right out of you. It is a gathering place for those in limbo. A waiting room for hell.

Spirit animal rating: maggot infested rat carcass.

[bmack86]

Thread:

It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin A Thread About Dating

You ever wonder what a bunch of people who frequently post on an internet message board have to say about their travails in love? No, neither did I, but this thread provides you more information than you'd ever want on the subject. We are, collectively, a neurotic, ill-equipped bunch of people who can give advice but can't take it. This thread is nominally entertaining sometimes, and occasionally provides little glimpses of insight and useful advice, but usually is just a collection of self-conscious people telling others to stop being so self-conscious.

[TallGuyCM]

Thread:

It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin A Thread About Dating

You ever wonder what a bunch of people who frequently post on an internet message board have to say about their travails in love? No, neither did I, but this thread provides you more information than you'd ever want on the subject. We are, collectively, a neurotic, ill-equipped bunch of people who can give advice but can't take it. This thread is nominally entertaining sometimes, and occasionally provides little glimpses of insight and useful advice, but usually is just a collection of self-conscious people telling others to stop being so self-conscious.

Not to mention awful, awful advice being given to people. Clueless nerds giving advice to other clueless nerds. jackstraw is the only person in the last 10 pages or so of that thread who has even the slightest idea as to what he's talking about.

[cutterbutter]

jackstraw is the only person in the last 10 pages or so of that thread who has even the slightest idea as to what he's talking about.

I dont really read that thread but I wanted to see the advice jackstraw had to give. This is what I came across first:

I use anal sex as an icebreaker.

I'm just going to stop looking and assume he is a genius and leading everyone in the proper direction.

God help everyone.

[TallGuyCM]

I don't read it much either, but he's been the voice of reason a few times when it was tough stuff that people needed to hear. I swear, if there was some kind of automated response that merely said "man up and grow a pair" every time someone asked for advice, those seeking it would be infinitely better off.

[cutterbutter]

I think people give to many fucks and try to hard. Maybe I'll go and tell them that. Maybe.

[guedita]

Agreed.

Also I saw Kevin Costner at dinner tonight. I am not making this up. I am in New Orleans and a group of us went out to eat at Restaurant August and there he was, he and another gentleman, chatting at their table. He is very gray but otherwise much the same as you remember from such hits as "Bull Durham", "Field of Dreams", and "For the Love of the Game".

Thread: This Post

Review: While TomAZ claims to have seen Kevin Costner at dinner tonight, his emphatic insistence on the actual factual truthfulness that he saw Kevin Costner belies any sincerity to the original claim he set out to cultivate. His encounter of the experience of seeing Kevin Costner -- if one is willing enough to abandon themselves into the blatant fictionality of the endeavor -- rests mostly on the laurels of his ability to recount a handful of barely memorable Costner films. The omission of the time-honored classics such as Dances With Wolves and Tin Cup,which even the most pedantic Costner fans can agree upon, implies TomAZ's unwillingness to succumb to true fandom and respect.

Rating: An aged turtle basking in the sun out of necessity rather than unadulterated enjoyment.

[TomAz]

No really.

[mountmccabe]

I swear, if there was some kind of automated response that merely said "man up and grow a pair" every time someone asked for advice, those seeking it would be infinitely better off.

That advice is often - for me, at least - useless and discouraging. When I come across a chorus of "it's really easy, you just..." it makes me feel awful. If it's supposed to be so easy why can't I do it? What is wrong with me? and that is counterproductive.

Yes, I realize that this is about personality differences and that your statement will encourage some people.


I agree that Jack is usually very reasonable, though.

[mountmccabe]

Also Cara is right, Tom. Insisting you're not lying suggests you don't believe it yourself.

[RotationSlimWang]

Thread: Schoolio's Movie Corner

Review: While it initially started as a relatively broad and enjoyable romp through the modern cinematic world with occasional homage being paid to some seriously obscure avant-garde work, it appeared to become overrun by the weight of its own pomposity midway through the second act. Any sort of simple enjoyment to be taken away from it was lost in the sea of highfalutin meta-babble, the characters all became so hard to relate to that I found myself frequently staring at the screen and wondering, "Do these people actually like movies? And if so, why do they appear to exist in a world that bears little to no resemblance to the movies in my life?" By the end of the thread, it seemed like it had made a good case for the destruction of all movie theaters everywhere.

Spirit Animal: the head-up-its-own-assottamus.

[HotHamWater]

Thread: King of Limbs...

Review: A simple thread to discuss Radiohead’s newest album, The King of Limbs, became a fascinating and disturbing study in cognitive dissonance and the human condition. The main characters (played by suprefan, MuseRadio, and Spooks) have demonstrated the ability to, simultaneously, have permanent fun-sized erections for the band and declare almost every set list to be “average,”“sub-par,” or “god awful.” It’s easy to see the parallel that is being drawn between these characters and a neighborhood crack whore. There may have been a point in which the crack whore really loved smoking crack and sucking dicks. Then there came a point in which she just did it because it’s all she knew. Smoking crack and sucking dicks. She voluntary does those things more times than any human would even consider, yet complains every time she gets semen in her eye. Being a crack whore is also how other people know her, so she feels an obligation to live up to that identity. We all have identities that help us navigate through life. Some people choose worthwhile identities, and are not disappointments to their parents. Others give blow jobs for crack-cocaine, or have dysfunctional relationships with musicians they don’t know.

Spirit Animal: Golden Set-List Retriever

[TomAz]

Also Cara is right, Tom. Insisting you're not lying suggests you don't believe it yourself.

I am in possession of the facts; the rest of you are merely speculating.

Spirit animal rating: dead fly on the windowsill.

[xuclarockerx]

Thread: King of Limbs...

Review: A simple thread to discuss Radiohead’s newest album, The King of Limbs, became a fascinating and disturbing study in cognitive dissonance and the human condition. The main characters (played by suprefan, MuseRadio, and Spooks) have demonstrated the ability to, simultaneously, have permanent fun-sized erections for the band and declare almost every set list to be “average,”“sub-par,” or “god awful.” It’s easy to see the parallel that is being drawn between these characters and a neighborhood crack whore. There may have been a point in which the crack whore really loved smoking crack and sucking dicks. Then there came a point in which she just did it because it’s all she knew. Smoking crack and sucking dicks. She voluntary does those things more times than any human would even consider, yet complains every time she gets semen in her eye. Being a crack whore is also how other people know her, so she feels an obligation to live up to that identity. We all have identities that help us navigate through life. Some people choose worthwhile identities, and are not disappointments to their parents. Others give blow jobs for crack-cocaine, or have dysfunctional relationships with musicians they don’t know.

Spirit Animal: Golden Set-List Retriever

[mountmccabe]

I am in possession of the facts; the rest of you are merely speculating.

Spirit animal rating: dead fly on the windowsill.

I grant that you are in possession of the facts with regards to seeing Kevin Costner what I was saying Cara was right about specifically this time was

his emphatic insistence on the actual factual truthfulness that he saw Kevin Costner belies any sincerity to the original claim he set out to cultivate.

Which I attempted to emphasize with this sentence

Insisting you're not lying suggests you don't believe it yourself.

I actually believe that you saw Kevin Costner. I would have more confidence - and others would be more likely to believe you - without the following

I am not making this up.

In a reverse Thou Dost Protest Too Much, Methinks sort of way.

[PlayaDelWes]

Thread:The Reckoner and Rebellion (Lies)

After searching long and hard, I’ve found no other thread ties together debate around the greatest song of all time, Randy’s screen play he was about to shoot in Spring of ’09, homophobic references to Arizona, and a relentless MissingPerson who like a horse with blinders on, does not derail from said Arcade Fire topic in this or it’s failed sequel thread Fuck Reckoner and Fuck Rebellion (lies)...Miraculously, the crack whores stayed out of the debate letting Rebellion and A Day in the Life battle it out. But, like a cliffhanger, the certificate for greatest song ever wasn't presented until the latter thread.

Rating: A monogamous pair of turkey vultures feasting on various roadkill.

[caeden]

Thread: This Post

Review: While TomAZ claims to have seen Kevin Costner at dinner tonight, his emphatic insistence on the actual factual truthfulness that he saw Kevin Costner belies any sincerity to the original claim he set out to cultivate. His encounter of the experience of seeing Kevin Costner -- if one is willing enough to abandon themselves into the blatant fictionality of the endeavor -- rests mostly on the laurels of his ability to recount a handful of barely memorable Costner films. The omission of the time-honored classics such as Dances With Wolves and Tin Cup,which even the most pedantic Costner fans can agree upon, implies TomAZ's unwillingness to succumb to true fandom and respect.

Rating: An aged turtle basking in the sun out of necessity rather than unadulterated enjoyment.

finally finishing your thesis?

[TallGuyCM]

Thread: King of Limbs...

Review: A simple thread to discuss Radiohead’s newest album, The King of Limbs, became a fascinating and disturbing study in cognitive dissonance and the human condition. The main characters (played by suprefan, MuseRadio, and Spooks) have demonstrated the ability to, simultaneously, have permanent fun-sized erections for the band and declare almost every set list to be “average,”“sub-par,” or “god awful.” It’s easy to see the parallel that is being drawn between these characters and a neighborhood crack whore. There may have been a point in which the crack whore really loved smoking crack and sucking dicks. Then there came a point in which she just did it because it’s all she knew. Smoking crack and sucking dicks. She voluntary does those things more times than any human would even consider, yet complains every time she gets semen in her eye. Being a crack whore is also how other people know her, so she feels an obligation to live up to that identity. We all have identities that help us navigate through life. Some people choose worthwhile identities, and are not disappointments to their parents. Others give blow jobs for crack-cocaine, or have dysfunctional relationships with musicians they don’t know.

Spirit Animal: Golden Set-List Retriever

BEST

[SoulDischarge]

But crack whores don't suck dick for the fun of it . . .

[HotHamWater]

They do at first.

[xuclarockerx]

RIP Propecia

[Miroir Noir]

The nation's paper of record adds veracity to Tom's Kevin Costner sighting in New Orleans.