The Parenting Thread

[JustSteve]

arguably could spread blame amongst multiple parties.

think locking her out of the room for not following rules is acceptable, not sure why grandma would have any blame in this. of course, if it was my 10 year old grandchild i'd just let it be, especially wouldn't demand money from them or the parents.

[faxman75]

I think I remember seeing scribbling on a picture when we were there. My daughter is 10. My husband is not sure she did it. We drove up there for a few days, left the kids there until the next weekend, and then drove back to pick them up, so the girls spent some time under their grandma's authority, and this supposedly took place during that time. I want to believe she did not do it, but I remember seeing that picture and wondering what was up with that -- if the kids did it -- but forgot about it. When I told my younger daughter about her grandma's email regarding the picture, this morning, she grunted evasively and started crying, which made her seem guilty, although she said later she does not know what picture I'm talking about and didn't do it. My older daughter remembered the picture and how it was defaced, but she sounded very earnest when she said she did not see the younger daughter do it.

I'm siding with the kids on this one. From the way you are describing maybe the younger daughter started crying because she immediately started thinking about the punishment and didn't even understand what she was being accused of or maybe it had some scribbling on it already and your daughter thought it was ok because someone already defaced it? Did they enjoy their time with the grandparents? Were they resentful of being left there did they possibly do it out of boredom or spite? Or like I said, maybe they are completely innocent. Is grandma scary or mean? Lots of factors here. I would say don't be quick to punish. Have a conversation about the whole thing.

[Mr. Fuzz]

If you trust them enough to leave the kids with them for the weekend, then I think that you should trust that they're not lying about the damage.

[Bud Luster]

All I know is that the picture would be paid for by me and my kid if this happened between my kid/mom at my mom's house. ( I do realize that this isn't your mom Amy). End of story. I don't give a shit if my kid thinks my mom is scary, is resentful for staying at grandparents, is bored there or enjoys it, or if the picture was/wasn't already defaced. None of that supersedes the fact that my mom says it happened. Done and done. This is an adult I trust over my 10 year old kid.

[amyzzz]

Having that sort of relationship with your mom must be nice for you.

[Bud Luster]

If you don't trust your mother in law over your 10 year old, why are they even staying there for an extended period of time?

[faxman75]

I used to stick bologna and kraft cheese slices to the wall. It was almost like magnets! My grandma used to throw her slippers at me and chase me with a broom.

I think I was right and her response was inappropriate. Kids usually know more than adults. Grandparents can be old and crazy too. What kind of grandparent comes up with the price of $150 to teach a kid under 10 a lesson? Maybe let the grandparents take the kids with to Bingo as some good luck charm?

Nope, I got it. Have the kids clip coupons out of the Sunday paper and mail $150 worth to the grandparents with a nice homemade card apologizing for the incident. Old people LOVE coupons...and they often smell like corn.

[Bud Luster]

I used to stick bologna and kraft cheese slices to the wall. It was almost like magnets! My grandma used to throw her slippers at me and chase me with a broom.

I think I was right and her response was inappropriate. Kids usually know more than adults. Grandparents can be old and crazy too. What kind of grandparent comes up with the price of $150 to teach a kid under 10 a lesson?

Her response was appropiate.

[guedita]

Have we determined whether or not the defacing in question revealed any artistic merit? Perhaps your daughter is poised to become the next great graffiti artist.

[GuyInTucson]

My eight year old step daughters drawing of Conan...

[Riggins33]

That drawing is average at best.

[casey]

haha why was she drawing Conan? That's cute and funny. The other day when I was cleaning out Andy's room I found a Wanted poster that he made, and the person he put on it was Jack Black. It's funny to notice as kids start to become aware of who 'famous' people are.

[GuyInTucson]

haha why was she drawing Conan? That's cute and funny. The other day when I was cleaning out Andy's room I found a Wanted poster that he made, and the person he put on it was Jack Black. It's funny to notice as kids start to become aware of who 'famous' people are.

We were watching Conan and paused the DVR with him on the screen, so she drew him with her markers in like 30 seconds. I laughed when I saw it because she obviously made a point to make his hair stand out.

[captncrzy]

My eight year old step daughters drawing of Conan...

I was laughing heartily at this last night.

[Courtney]

The lips are especially fantastic/creepy.

[casey]

He's rocking the sidepony, I love it.

[PlayaDelWes]

How do you tell your daughter's soccer coach you are not pleased with her practices? The girls stand around 80% of it because half the time she is just talking / explaining things and almost all the drills she chooses are the stand-in-line and wait your turn type with only 2 or 3 of the girls involved. 90 minute practice, and maybe 20, or 30 mins of activity.

[zonarob]

How do you tell your daughter's soccer coach you are not pleased with her practices? The girls stand around 80% of it because half the time she is just talking / explaining things and almost all the drills she chooses are the stand-in-line and wait your turn type with only 2 or 3 of the girls involved. 90 minute practice, and maybe 20, or 30 mins of activity.

Welcome to youth sports. My son has played baseball for many years from Little League to club teams and now high school. So many bad coaches. I have become so frustrated with it that I now look for professional coaches and just pay the freight. Be very careful when speaking to the mom and dad coaches. Remember these people many times get their self worth from coaching kids. I would suggest a simple offer of help. You could offer to run a different drill so the girls could be split into two groups. Just be very careful what you say. Do whatever you can to make sure your daughter is having fun. Plan play dates or outings with teammates if you can. These relationships are what are really important and is what your daughter will remember about youth sports. They will not remember wins and loses for more that 15 minutes. Enjoy!!!

[Drinkey McDrinkerstein]

Take them out of soccer and teach them to cook and clean

[santasutt]

How do you tell your daughter's soccer coach you are not pleased with her practices? The girls stand around 80% of it because half the time she is just talking / explaining things and almost all the drills she chooses are the stand-in-line and wait your turn type with only 2 or 3 of the girls involved. 90 minute practice, and maybe 20, or 30 mins of activity.

You don't. At least not in those direct terms. Before or after the next practice you offer your services in a diplomatic manner. You might find a relieved and thankful coach who might be in over her head, i.e. never done this before and desperately seeking a clue.

If you are willing to lend your time end expertise, I don't see how she could turn down your offer to run some split squad drills/stations, especially is she is the single coach and it is one on 15-20 girls. If you can recruit another enthusiastic parent/coach to help, all the better. Share emails so you could share ideas/drills for the next practice and game strategies.

Ideally, you have some coaching chops going in.

As a former soccer-football-baseball-softball-basketball coach, I always listened to parents and learned, over time. to take advantage of parents who were willing to lend their expertise or skill set in order to make the team better and the experience more enjoyable for the kids.

Good luck, man.

[PlayaDelWes]

If you are willing to lend your time end expertise, I don't see how she could turn down your offer to run some split squad drills/stations, especially is she is the single coach and it is one on 15-20 girls. If you can recruit another enthusiastic parent/coach to help, all the better. Share emails so you could share ideas/drills for the next practice and game strategies.

This has been great advice. I’ve backed off a bit on how the coach conducts the practices because my daughter says she’s they are interesting and she is staying active. But I was able to use what you had to say about stepping in and helping when the coach tried to reduce practices down to 1 day per week instead of two. I think her exact quote was “We could practice every day of the week, and some of the girls are just not going to rise up....physical limitations, lack of motivation, etc....”.

Anyway, I volunteered to step in and lead an additional practice once / week, still letting the coach give me direction on what needs to be done, while allowing her to do the other things she needs to do with her busy schedule. The weird thing is that she’s being very protective of letting me reach out to parents on their availability.

Do whatever you can to make sure your daughter is having fun. Plan play dates or outings with teammates if you can. These relationships are what are really important and is what your daughter will remember about youth sports.

Excellent advice as well. She invited her team to a slumber party and nearly all showed up.

[amyzzz]

Good for you, Wes. I wonder if my kids are missing something by not trying sports at all, but they emphatically don't want to be on any sports teams, and both Jacob and I hate sports, so I have not pushed the issue.

[algunz]

That's kind of the beauty of soccer and in the long run the demise in American culture. It is in it's early stages really about socializing kids and teaching team building. Sadly, because it doesn't have the support culturally, most kids find another sport or activity to use these skills in later on in life.

[marooko]

Take them out of soccer and teach them to cook and clean

.

[guedita]

FYI all of the girls on my soccer teams who had the parents that stood there watching every single soccer practice ended up being super big slutty problematic messes when they got older.

[PlayaDelWes]

FYI all of the girls on my soccer teams who had the parents that stood there watching every single soccer practice ended up being super big slutty problematic messes when they got older.

That explains a lot.

[guedita]

Not me. My parents expressively learned early on that I would not tolerate their presence at my sports practices. I gave them hell for coming to my games, too. Though it's endearing to see you embracing your helicopter parenting to the fullest.

[chairmenmeow47]

we lived so far from everything, it would have been silly for whoever drove me there (a parent) to not watch practice. and i am in fact a slut with problems. my dad would always have a book though, so i'm not completely insane.

[guedita]

It's also true that most soccer girls are sluts, regardless of parental involvement. It's the second sluttiest sport.

[bmack86]

My dad coached most of the early teams I did. That's in large part because he loves sports and he really likes kids so he had a blast with it. I'm not really a slut with problems.