The Parenting Thread

[Courtney]

Today was crazy hair day at camp. Both of my daughters were extremely excited about using this streaky hair dye. This morning they were a little slow, goofed off a little while getting ready, and I certainly didn’t remind them to speed things up. It was time to go and they were heartbroken they didn’t have time to dye their hair.

Usually I’m all about rewarding positive behavior and while this wasn’t exactly punishing bad behavior, I still feel bad they had to learn about time management this way. Had they showered, dressed, ate, brushed teeth quickly, they would have had plenty of time to work on the crazy hair.

Was I right to purposely stand back and let them do their thing, knowing they wouldn’t have time for the dye, or should I have been more active in pushing them along their morning routine?

It depends how old they are. I work with kids ages 7-12 mostly, and I probably wouldn't remind a 12 year old because she is developmentally mature enough to be able to know on her own what the repercussions are of goofing off. However, a 6 or 7 year old may not be mature enough to have cognitively developed the ability to understand and think through cause-result scenarios, unless they have been explicitly given rules to follow.

Your daughters are both crying in the bathroom right now and no one will eat lunch them.

hahahahaaaa

[JustSteve]

I read / saw something on this topic recently. You should never do it; it leads to feelings of abandonment later on.

at a certain point it is necessary, though. it is amazing how after that one time of crying it out they are able to self soothe and fall back asleep on their own after just a few minutes of fussing. algunz posted an article on facebook a couple days ago about an american woman living in paris and the difference in how kids are raised between the 2 cultures. one example was how their kids could sit quietly through a 3 course meal, yet her kid who she raised the "american" way could barely make it through the aperitif.

[captncrzy]

There are ways to teach them to self-soothe without leaving them in there alone to scream by themselves, though.

[algunz]

I read / saw something on this topic recently. You should never do it; it leads to feelings of abandonment later on.

Those feelings of abandonment often translate to overly needy children.

Steve, I agree there has to come a point, but 45 minutes of crying is very different than 15 minutes and of course the age of the child is a big factor also.

[amyzzz]

I think that it should be up to the parent to decide. If you can't handle being around the crying child anymore and feel like you could hurt the child in your frustration, leave the child to cry and take a time-out.

[guedita]

My Dad just just put thimbles of whiskey in my mouth whenever I cried as a baby and I grew up without any abandonment issues or alcoholic tendencies.

[york707]

at a certain point it is necessary, though. it is amazing how after that one time of crying it out they are able to self soothe and fall back asleep on their own after just a few minutes of fussing. algunz posted an article on facebook a couple days ago about an american woman living in paris and the difference in how kids are raised between the 2 cultures. one example was how their kids could sit quietly through a 3 course meal, yet her kid who she raised the "american" way could barely make it through the aperitif.

Over time (almost 13 months), we can now tell when a cry is one that she can be left alone with and will be able to fall back asleep with, and when it is something that needs some intervention, either just saying hi and rubbing her back or sometimes picking her up and rocking her back down.

Our daughter was colicky for the first 10 weeks, and that sucked balls. Then she got out of it. Since then, she has been good at sleeping, with teething being the main thing that has interrupted her generally good sleeping habits. Sometimes constipation, other times god only knows.

[york707]

Easier to see them in the rear view mirror. At least for me it is.

This

[JustSteve]

So, vaccinations? I am becoming more and more hesitant to continue with the kids. Looking at the schedule nowadays and what it was in the late 70's when I was shot up is astounding. We went with our own schedule when our kids were born/younger. No way I was letting them inject 6 different ones in one sitting, especially within months of being born. We have limited it to 2 at a time at most even with the pressure of the doctors. When our kids were born we denied the hep b shot given at birth. why is it necessary if there are no risk factors? I am kinda over our "take this pill, get this shot, $$$ society" when it comes to healthcare, much of it based on my own health issues/experiences.

My sister just had a kid and for now they are holding off on any vaccinations. I don't fault her for it because really what is the hurry? Her husbands brother had a horrible reaction when he was a kid that made a huge impression on them. When she had my niece last month the pediatrician who saw them in the hospital called them horrible, selfish parents right to their faces the day after she was born when they made their desires known. I want to punch that fucking doctor in the face for having the gall to do so. So yeah

[JustSteve]

Over time (almost 13 months), we can now tell when a cry is one that she can be left alone with and will be able to fall back asleep with, and when it is something that needs some intervention, either just saying hi and rubbing her back or sometimes picking her up and rocking her back down.

Our daughter was colicky for the first 10 weeks, and that sucked balls. Then she got out of it. Since then, she has been good at sleeping, with teething being the main thing that has interrupted her generally good sleeping habits. Sometimes constipation, other times god only knows.

Read a study about colic and how it doesn't exist in some tribal cultures. The reason they determined is because the newborn is basically not out of a parents/relatives arms or away from close skin contact for several months on end. Hardcore. Was pretty interesting.

[amyzzz]

I always get my kids vaccinated. I don't want them to die of shooping cough or whatever. I had to request HPV vaccine because they don't even mention it to the uptight Mormon moms here in Mesa.

[JustSteve]

that hpv one is another that i think is going to come back and bite us in the ass. these things are not in the interest of public safety anymore, it's business.

with whooping cough, it is mainly fatal in infants. healthy kids and adults can get over it with time.

i also don't understand why a baby that is months old needs the same dose of a vaccine as what is given to an older kid or adult.

i am also a believer that medications are a factor in childhood obesity and other issues. any little problem and parents run out to get drugs for their kids. antibiotics wreak havoc on the stomach and digestive tract. continually throw things out of balance and obviously the chemistry is going to change within.

[amyzzz]

You're just throwing vague doubt everywhere without giving any reasons why you don't like the vaccines.

[locachica73]

Isn't colic just a baby with too much gas? How can that not exist?

When my son was a baby he got really sick after getting 3 shots in one sitting, after that I would only allow one at a time. He was running a fever so high I almost took him to the ER, everytime I tried to give him baby tylenol he would puke it up. It was a rough couple days.

[JustSteve]

Isn't colic just a baby with too much gas? How can that not exist?

don't believe colic has ever been proven to be one specific issue. it seems to most often be a term used by doctors when they honestly don't know what is going on, just that the baby is fussy and crying for hours on end and seems to be in discomfort.

[JustSteve]

You're just throwing vague doubt everywhere without giving any reasons why you don't like the vaccines.

Done too much research reading both points of view on the subject to post about it here, but I have spent hours on both sides of the issue, so feel comfortable with my viewpoints. I no longer do something just because a doctor says to or the government says to.

national institutes of health:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002528/

"Plain language summary

Whooping cough, or pertussis, is an infectious bacterial disease. It affects infants and small children and can be life‐threatening in unimmunised infants younger than three months of age.

Expectations (prognosis)

In older children, the outlook is generally very good. Infants have the highest risk of death, and need careful monitoring."

So, if after 3 months the chances of life threatening problems are minimal why do they set the schedule with 4 more doses of dtap before the age of 6? and then again at 11 or 12 and again every 10 years after that?

Also, the flu shot is a complete crap shoot every year. My wife hasn't had the shot in 10+ years, nor my mom, or dad, or many others I know. Not one has had the flu. and if they did? They are otherwise healthy, so spend a week in bed and drink plenty of fluids. Me? The flu can kill me and since I have been injected with so many drugs over my life why stop now. I am grateful for all that medicine has given me, but am also losing faith in many aspects when it comes to pharmaceutical companies and their friends in the government.

I know this topic is a hot button one and don't judge what any parent determines is best for their kids. Hell, my kids are current on their vaccines, but I am just now starting to really question whose interests are really being looked after here.

[locachica73]

Ahh, yeah, I guess that makes sense. The only time my daughter was ever "colicy" was when someone didn't burp her after she ate. She cried for hours and hours, I was 19 and scared, thought I would lose my mind. I finally called my mommy because I didn't know what to do, she drove over in the middle of the night with pepperment water, my daughter drank it and let out this huge belch and went right to sleep. I was fucking amazed and never wanted my mother to leave again. Good times.

[york707]

Colic is defined by the symptoms. It isn't a thing other than the presence of the symptoms. So yeah, it exists if you know what it actually means. After 10 weeks, she was a dream and now never really cries and has the best personality in the world. She regularly sleeps 10-11 hours through in the night.

[york707]

And don't be stupid and endanger my kid by not getting your kid vaccinated.

[JustSteve]

why would your kid have anything to worry about if they are vaccinated?

[Mr. Dylanja]

Just stay away from any of them that use thimerosal as a preservative.

[gazercmh]

So, if after 3 months the chances of life threatening problems are minimal why do they set the schedule with 4 more doses of dtap before the age of 6? and then again at 11 or 12 and again every 10 years after that?

I haven't done hours and hours of research or anything, but wouldn't it make sense that if fewer people have whooping cough, then fewer at-risk people can get it and die?

[york707]

Communicable diseases need large populations of infectable people, so the more people that are vaccinated, the more likely the disease naturally contains itself/dies down. I was also speaking more generically than just "my kid". There is a point in time when every kid has not reveived a given vaccination, but is exposed to older kids who could have, but may not have, received that vaccination; it is those situations where your failure to do so endangers other kids.

[JustSteve]

Like I said, my kids are current on their vaccines, just questioning the future. Looking more into who is setting these schedules, why so many more shots/doses now than 30 years ago, etc. I am intimately involved in the medical field as a person with a chronic disease. I have had medications that were supposed to help me cause severe issues, from kidney failure, complete loss of my vestibular system(ability to use inner ear to balance), and more. Feel I have earned the right to be a smidge skeptical based on what I have been through and learned about the medical/pharmaceutical profession.

[marooko]

I hear the oven will stop a crying baby.

[JustSteve]

Yeah, but then your wife will never stop and never let you live it down.

Every morning "Remember when you killed our kid in the oven"? Nag, nag, nag...

[JustSteve]

An article that shows why I am skeptical about whose interests are being looked after at times regarding the medical/pharmaceutical companies:

http://m.gawker.com/5923057/prosecut...-up-wellbutrin

[amyzzz]

If only that were true!

[york707]

I have no problem with skepticism, but I don't have much patience for unsubstantiated conspiracy theories.

[wmgaretjax]

I don't have patience for it... but it's an acceptable form of natural selection in this case.