The Parenting Thread

[PlayaDelWes]

About a month ago, my 9 year-old daughter started asking about seeing the movie Jack and Jill. I immediately squished the thought of this idea she clearly picked up in the public school system. The request came up a couple more times and I always contained it by explaining how movies like that “make us dumber” and “alienate our friends”.

On my way out the door one night last week, I was explaining to our babysitter (a new one) that “they really shouldn’t need to watch TV tonight as the weather is nice, etc…”. I didn’t even bother leaving the 4 digit Apple TV code. Upon my return, she explains how she was a pushover all night and mentions they watched a couple movies and a dozen or so previews. The next morning my daughter explains that one of them was Jack and Jill. I was furious and felt betrayed. “If you’re not going to listen to my advice on important matters at 9, how are you going to make it through your teens without moving to the Coachella valley and becoming a meth addict”…stuff like that.

Even more puzzling was how the hell did they watch Jack and Jill in the first place. So, I navigate to Jack and Jill on Apple TV and instead of a rental button, there is just the “Play” button. None of the other movies on iTunes have “Play” buttons, just rental or buy buttons. My thought is that it’s the ONLY free movie on iTunes; it’s that bad. I joke with the wife and explain to my daughter that it’s so bad, nobody is willing to pay for it, and they have to give it away for free in order for people to watch it.

Fast forward to last night when I just by chance see a PURCHASE for Jack and Jill on my iTunes account. Apparently, the latest version of Apple TV firmware wiped out the parental password and they purchased a bunch of other terrible movies willy nilly that night. We are proud owners of this masterpiece.

Unfortunately, the statute of limitations for prosecuting nine year-olds and babysitters for this type of crap is about 1-2 days. Instead, I think I have a nice overview queued up on movie distribution and the differences between watching them in a theater, on TV, renting them, and buying them. And when she’s 15 or so, I’ll just garnish the cost out of her allowance or first paycheck.

[Courtney]

That sounds like a crappy babysitter.

[Miroir Noir]

Jack and Jill: 3% on Rotten Tomatoes, $150 million box office. I hate to admit it, but Wes is right: there is something wrong with our public schools.

[Tubesock Shakur]

[marooko]

Your 5 year old steals ten dollars from the drawer you have the rent money in. He's nowhere to be found, initially. When you find him he's got a new toy and a bag of candy. After questioning, he confesses to the crime.....what's your punishment? Pretend it's 1983, so you might actually spank the child.

[locachica73]

Cut off his hand... duh

I would probably take some of his toys and tell him I am going to sell them to the neighbors to make up the money. I would probably just hide them though and give them back later, because I don't know how to be mean.

My daughter got caught shop lifting at Walmart when she was 15ish, she tried to take some makeup and underwear. I use to spoil my kids when it came to clothes, always getting them the $60+ jeans, I didn't want them to grow up being made fun of because they didn't wear the cool clothes. After she got caught I told her to pick out some clothes from the walmart clearance rack, since she loved walmart so much I was going to get her a couple outfits and donate all of her good clothes to people who appreciated them more. She had a full on freak out session and vowed never to shoplift again.

[PlayaDelWes]

Your 5 year old steals ten dollars from the drawer you have the rent money in. He's nowhere to be found, initially. When you find him he's got a new toy and a bag of candy. After questioning, he confesses to the crime.....what's your punishment? Pretend it's 1983, so you might actually spank the child.

[keeshonjohnson]

Your 5 year old steals ten dollars from the drawer you have the rent money in. He's nowhere to be found, initially. When you find him he's got a new toy and a bag of candy. After questioning, he confesses to the crime.....what's your punishment? Pretend it's 1983, so you might actually spank the child.

How is your 5 year old going shoping without you?

[EastLos01]

Your 5 year old steals ten dollars from the drawer you have the rent money in. He's nowhere to be found, initially. When you find him he's got a new toy and a bag of candy. After questioning, he confesses to the crime.....what's your punishment? Pretend it's 1983, so you might actually spank the child.

I'm asking this is in all seriousness... Does your 5 year old know that its not right to steal? Some things have to be taught. If not, it would prob be best to let him know that stealing is bad. Remember he is 5 and doesn't understand certain concepts. I'm totally for a good spanking, but not as an initial reaction. If he doesnt know he's doing something wrong, he'll just start to rescent(sp?) you.

[Robin]

How is your 5 year old going shoping without you?

Corner store?

You should sign the kid up for that show "Scared Straight."

[casey]

Thank you EastLos, I was going to add the praise and reward element. It shouldn't be bribery. It's recognition of successes, not you'll get this if you do this. Kids from a "broken" home (I use quotes because it doesn't sound like his home is broken. It just needs some adjustments like any home does.) often have a hard time in school. Working within a system of rules is not always natural. Have these problems been ongoing or have they started to become more prevelant recently? You mentioned that he is pretty good at home. What do you all do at home when he argues or talks back?
My current issue with Izzy is her eating habits. She can eat pasta, chicken nuggets, or quesadillas until the cows come home. How do I get her to eat and enjoy veggies? The other day I told her you have to finish your broccoli or you can't have any dessert. I saw her gagging on it and I felt so guilty. I immediately remembered those moments when I felt forced to eat something and it just made me hate it all the more. It took me years to eat tomatoes because of this, and now I don't know how I lived without them.
And great idea for a thread!!!!!

Thanks. Does Izzy like any veggies? When I was younger I would only eat broccoli and carrots, so my parents gave them to me all the time. And yeah, the cheese/ranch/dressing thing normally works. Good luck!

When Andy talks back or misbehaves at home we usually first give him a warning and the whole "it's not about what you're saying, it's about how you're saying it. I think you can find a better way to tell us how you're feeling" line. That usually works, but if he continues to act up we send him to his room to cool off. If it's something more serious, like if he broke a rule or lied to us or something, we have this paper that he fills out and then talks to us about. It has a few questions: "What happened?", "What can I do differently next time?", and "Who else did this effect and how do you think it made them feel?" Once he fills out the paper we talk about it and move on. My parents were super strict and would never have done this, though. Their idea of punishment was making me sit on the couch and not talk to anyone for an hour, and if I fell asleep or talked I would have to start my time over.

Any foster parents on this board? We're gonna be looking in to fostering in the next year or so and I was looking to chat with other foster parents, preferably on this board. (Don't want to highjack or sidetrack the thread, so let me know if this topic is too specific, I'll move it along elsewhere.

No, this is perfect for this thread. I don't have any experience fostering but I think it takes a lot of guts and compassion! Best of luck to you, and let us know how it goes.

Casey, I agree with the rewards conversation, when my kids were really young, before the whole teenage insanity, I had them in a charter school which I liked a lot more than the normal public school, they had a much better teacher to child ratio and each child got the attention they needed. One thing they did was give them a rewards card, if you got so many stickers you got to have ice cream or a pizza party or something like that. My kids were on top honor roll through the 6th grade. Then I moved them to public school and it all went downhill from there. The school they went to had a lot more kids, and the teachers only reacted to the negative and never rewarded the positive. I look back now and wish I had never moved them to the new school. I am not saying you need to change schools, but maybe get a reward policy going at home. So many days without any negative responses from teachers and he gets his favorite meal, or a movie night, etc. Taking things away from my kids never really worked and only caused them to be more angry and frustrated.

Andy goes to a charter school (this is his first year there) and I think that could be part of the "problem". I say that because the school is very small and they do pay really close attention to every kid, so you hear about everything that happens with the kid. My boyfriend keeps saying that in a regular public school he we wouldn't hear about every spat he has. He says boys will be boys, especially when it comes to sports, and that while he knows we have to discipline him so he knows the behavior isn't acceptable, he doesn't expect it to fully go away. The whole "not responding to teachers" thing is another issue that just kind of popped up recently so I'm hoping that is just a phase, but am still trying to work on reminding him that he needs to listen to his teachers.

[casey]

That sounds like a crappy babysitter.

Really. It's funny that Wes thought it was the only free movie on iTunes, though. That's the same conclusion I think I would have drawn.

[marooko]

How is your 5 year old going shoping without you?

I'm asking this is in all seriousness... Does your 5 year old know that its not right to steal? Some things have to be taught. If not, it would prob be best to let him know that stealing is bad. Remember he is 5 and doesn't understand certain concepts. I'm totally for a good spanking, but not as an initial reaction. If he doesnt know he's doing something wrong, he'll just start to rescent(sp?) you.

The 5 year old was hiding, he knew what he did. He also lied about where he "found" the money, initially.

Corner store?

You should sign the kid up for that show "Scared Straight."

Yes.

No, this is perfect for this thread. I don't have any experience fostering but I think it takes a lot of guts and compassion! Best of luck to you, and let us know how it goes.


.

[PlayaDelWes]

Any foster parents on this board? We're gonna be looking in to fostering in the next year or so and I was looking to chat with other foster parents, preferably on this board. (Don't want to highjack or sidetrack the thread, so let me know if this topic is too specific, I'll move it along elsewhere.

Totally missed this. Well, we're not exactly foster parents right now, but we were foster parents for a year before we officially adopted our two daughters. We did it through the County of Ventura and were certifed for a few years including the first year they were in our home.

Would be more than happy to answer questions or provide insight about the process.

[HowToDisappear]

Maybe the problem is not at home but at school. Is there a certain kid or kid with whom he always argues about sports?

Is he being ganged-up on? Maybe a bad fit with this teacher. It happens. Keep pouring on the love at home and see what the summer brings. Keep him engaged about goals for the coming school year getting his input how school might be better for him.

And throw out the video game console. (Sorry, my old school bias.)

I agree with this (except for throwing out the game console). Since you don't have problems at home, there's something going on at school. Being bullied, bad fit with the teacher are possibilities. At eight, he's also at the age where, if he's a very bright boy, and the teacher is an idiot, he'll recognize that and start pushing against institutional authority.

I know as working parents this is tough to manage, but at the elementary school level, I always suggest being a classroom volunteer at least once or twice a month. I did it once a week, but I worked graveyard, and was home during the day (I just lost sleep on those days). The kids - meaning ALL the kids - become used to your presence - and you get a first hand view of how the kids interact and of how that teacher runs the classroom. It can be VERY enlightening, and not always in a good way. Being an active part of the school also puts the teachers and administration on notice. Know what's happening in your child's class and it will help you to advocate for your child more fully.

[westcoastpirate]

That's funny I was hoping someone would start a thread on parenting. I've been having some issues with my nine month old not being able to sleep through the night. She's been waking up every hour on the hour for the past 4 days. On a good night she'll wake up maybe two times in the middle of the night and one of those times is for feeding. Leaving my wife and I sleep deprived and snappy at each other. I started doing some research online and noticed that all you can pretty much do is either let them cry it out or rockem to sleep every night. Neither of which option is getting us any sleep. I said to myself "man if only there was a thread" Hallelujah!!!!

Our daughter will be 2 at the end of the month, and she still doesn't sleep through the night. In the middle of May, she slept 4 nights all the way through. My wife and I were pumped, but then she got sick shortly after and it went back to waking up at least once in the night and it's been that way since. But I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel! We're not cry-it-out types so it's been very hard.

[Lefty]

Our daughter will be 2 at the end of the month, and she still doesn't sleep through the night. In the middle of May, she slept 4 nights all the way through. My wife and I were pumped, but then she got sick shortly after and it went back to waking up at least once in the night and it's been that way since. But I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel! We're not cry-it-out types so it's been very hard.

We have two kids, ages 6 and 18mo. It took us a while before tried letting our daughter cry-it-out when she was younger, but it worked like a charm after a couple rough nights. We didn't wait so long with our son, and he's sleeping 10-12 hours straight each night. No one wants to hear their kid crying, but it doesn't last long, and it's tough to be a good parent when you're totally sleep deprived, too.

[HowToDisappear]

I would not expect a nine month old to sleep through the night, especially if she's still feeding (but I breast fed). Ours didn't sleep through until they were one and a half, when we did the cry-it-out thing (which only lasted a night or two and then it was over).

Waking up every hour on the hour seems excessive though; is she uncomfortable in some way? Too hot? Too cold? Not feeling well, etc.? The problem with babies is they can't tell you anything, so you've got to go through this laundry list of possible reasons until you run out of ideas and end up a pile of sleep-deprived frustration every night. I do sympathize.

[blackchango]

Is your daughter on the baby cereal stuff yet? Kids usually wake up in the middle of the night because they are hungry. Sometimes it helps if you mix a little baby cereal into their night time bottle, they sell nipples for bottles that have larger holes for the cereal to pass through. My doctor recommended I do that with my son earlier than typically recommended for the same reason.

We've been adding the cereal stuff to her solids since we started her on them. The doctor suggested that it would be a good way to get some iron in her diet. Unfortunately we can't add the cereal to her night time feedings because she breast feeds. Man if only! Great suggestion though, thanks!

[locachica73]

It's funny how things change in parenting from decade to decade, when my kids were babies, almost 2 decades ago ACK, they said no solid foods till a year.

The waking up every hour does seem a like a lot, does she wake up crying, it could be a tummy ache/gas. My daughter had a hard time with that. My mother taught me to give her a little pepperment candy, I bottle fed so I would desolve a piece in water and give it to her in a bottle. It really helped a lot when she got collicky (sp?).

[blackchango]

I would not expect a nine month old to sleep through the night, especially if she's still feeding (but I breast fed). Ours didn't sleep through until they were one and a half, when we did the cry-it-out thing (which only lasted a night or two and then it was over).

Waking up every hour on the hour seems excessive though; is she uncomfortable in some way? Too hot? Too cold? Not feeling well, etc.? The problem with babies is they can't tell you anything, so you've got to go through this laundry list of possible reasons until you run out of ideas and end up a pile of sleep-deprived frustration every night. I do sympathize.

Our theory is that she's probably popping out a few more teeth. The puzzling thing though is that this didn't happen when her first two bottom teeth came out. We constantly check the evening low time temperatures as well so that we can prepare the appropriate jammy attire for her. Just to make sure she's comfy and not too hot or cold at night. I guess it time to bust out the Hyland's.

[marooko]

Totally missed this. Well, we're not exactly foster parents right now, but we were foster parents for a year before we officially adopted our two daughters. We did it through the County of Ventura and were certifed for a few years including the first year they were in our home.

Would be more than happy to answer questions or provide insight about the process.

I guess my biggest concern about the process is potentially dealing with people that would come across as jaded. I do things because I care about them and get discouraged/angry dealing with people who don't seem to care. I'm afraid that's the majority of people I'm gonna deal with. Not really sure where I got the idea, but I have it. This isn't in reference to the kids. How was your experience in reference to peoples attitude about their work?

[PlayaDelWes]

I guess my biggest concern about the process is potentially dealing with people that would come across as jaded. I do things because I care about them and get discouraged/angry dealing with people who don't seem to care. I'm afraid that's the majority of people I'm gonna deal with. Not really sure where I got the idea, but I have it. This isn't in reference to the kids. How was your experience in reference to peoples attitude about their work?

I'm very confused on your concern? There is a lot of preparatory work to become a foster parent and everyone was very supportive throughout the process. By the time children are placed with you, you are prepared.

[blackchango]

It's funny how things change in parenting from decade to decade, when my kids were babies, almost 2 decades ago ACK, they said no solid foods till a year.

The waking up every hour does seem a like a lot, does she wake up crying, it could be a tummy ache/gas. My daughter had a hard time with that. My mother taught me to give her a little pepperment candy, I bottle fed so I would desolve a piece in water and give it to her in a bottle. It really helped a lot when she got collicky (sp?).

Yeah not really crying just more on the fussy side. You're right on with the whole parenting thing though and how it seems to fluctuate every few years. My wife has a whole stack of parenting books and print outs of stuff she's looked up online. Sometimes I think she maybe goes a little overboard. I joke around with her and tell her to imagine what people from indigenous tribes do. They just let their babies slop around in the mud all day and plop out their boob when baby get's hungry. They don't spend countless hours with their nose in a book or looking stuff up online. Anyhow yeah I'm thinking it either fart issues or teeth.

[HowToDisappear]

You and your wife should watch the documentary Babies. It's no longer on Netflix, but it is on iTunes. It follows the lives of four babies: American, Japanese, Mongolian, and Masai. It concentrates almost solely on the babies themselves; you see very little of the adult caretakers. It's absolutely hilarious and charming and enlightening (especially with how the Masai and Mongolian kids are raised). Totally recommend.

It's easy to get caught up in what the books say you ought to be doing and second guess your own instincts. So it's good that you remind her to relax about it and not take everything she reads to heart. Sometimes new moms just need to be reassured that they're doing the right thing, even if it's not by the book.

[EastLos01]

The 5 year old was hiding, he knew what he did. He also lied about where he "found" the money, initially.

Well Let him know his fear is warrented in the best way you can. Try to use spanking as last line of defense though for two reasons. Eventually they'll grow tolerant of pain. Growing up I started growing into the mentality that if I'm gonna get my ass kicked anyway, I might as well make it worth my while. 2nd they'll start to do things out of fear rather than because it genuinely is the right thing to do. That'll never teach them to be a good human being, just how to avoid getting an ass bruisin.

I hope I wrote that the way it sounded in my head.

[Pixiessp]

You and your wife should watch the documentary Babies. It's no longer on Netflix, but it is on iTunes. It follows the lives of four babies: American, Japanese, Mongolian, and Masai. It concentrates almost solely on the babies themselves; you see very little of the adult caretakers. It's absolutely hilarious and charming and enlightening (especially with how the Masai and Mongolian kids are raised). Totally recommend.

It's easy to get caught up in what the books say you ought to be doing and second guess your own instincts. So it's good that you remind her to relax about it and not take everything she reads to heart. Sometimes new moms just need to be reassured that they're doing the right thing, even if it's not by the book.

I loved that movie.

[Tubesock Shakur]

I have a cat

I carry a picture of mine on my phone.

[Drinkey McDrinkerstein]

About a month ago, my 9 year-old daughter started asking about seeing the movie Jack and Jill. I immediately squished the thought of this idea she clearly picked up in the public school system. The request came up a couple more times and I always contained it by explaining how movies like that “make us dumber” and “alienate our friends”.

You what Wes? Kids like terrible movies. it's just a fact. I watched an insane amount of wretched garbage when i was a kind, and i fucking loved it, and watched them over and over again. it doesn't make people stupid.

[greghead]

I loved that movie.

Me too. I enjoyed that the San Francisco parents took their daughter to some weird tribal, faux-spiritual chanting class for babies (attended solely by caucasians, naturally), while the babies actually growing up in small tribal societies just sat around and played in the dirt. I also found it interesting that the Masai child seemed to develop so much more quickly (necessity of their environment?) while the more slowly developing American & Japanese babies had all the gimmicky developmental toys in their cushy home environment.