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Thread: The Parenting Thread

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    old school casey's Avatar
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    Default The Parenting Thread

    I know there are a lot of parents on here and I didn't see a thread for this already. This is the place where we can talk about parenting and children. Share stories about your kids, get advice from other parents, let out your frustrations or gush about your kids here.
    Quote Originally Posted by Newro7ic View Post
    Lakers fans are some of the most delusional people in the world, I swear.
    my name is casey. i love pavement and i want to pet every dog in the world.

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    Default Re: The Parenting Thread

    So, my boyfriend has an 8-year-old son. He is pretty good for the most part at home but has been getting into arguments with a couple of other kids at school, usually regarding sports. It got to the point where he has gotten a few things at school taken away and now I get a report every day about his behavior. The report is usually good, but the main issues that keep coming up are refusing to talk to his teachers, arguing, and/or saying things in a negative or harsh tone.

    He has gotten some stuff taken away (TV, video games), we've tried the talking approach, we've tried the writing sentences approach, and I'm out of ideas! Parents, what should we try next?
    Last edited by casey; 01-08-2013 at 08:46 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Newro7ic View Post
    Lakers fans are some of the most delusional people in the world, I swear.
    my name is casey. i love pavement and i want to pet every dog in the world.

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    Member santasutt's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Parenting Thread

    My son, troubled middle-child like myself, graduates HS tonight.

    Off to USC School of Cinematic Arts in the Fall, a long, long way from home.
    Quote Originally Posted by MotorAve View Post
    Careful, while the threats are amusingly clueless, I could probably have this whole board shut down with one phone call.

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    Coachella Junkie stinkbutt's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Parenting Thread

    Throw him in a dark closet for awhile, every hour or so hose him down.

    No, seriously this is difficult. I have found what works best is finding the root of the problem (hardest part) and trying to fix that. I mean there is obviously something bothering him other than just he isn't happy with the result of his work, it is just getting him to tell you that is hard.
    Quote Originally Posted by roboto View Post
    And stinkbutt leaving a motorhead set when you know he's dying just to talk shit ? Your a shitty person as well .please let mja give you an anal love disease .

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    Default Re: The Parenting Thread

    I have a cat

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    Default Re: The Parenting Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by santasutt View Post
    My son, troubled middle-child like myself, graduates HS tonight.

    Off to USC School of Cinematic Arts in the Fall, a long, long way from home.
    Congratulations! Are you sad that he's going so far away? That's such a good school to get into, I hope you are proud.

    Quote Originally Posted by stinkbutt View Post
    No, seriously this is difficult. I have found what works best is finding the root of the problem (hardest part) and trying to fix that. I mean there is obviously something bothering him other than just he isn't happy with the result of his work, it is just getting him to tell you that is hard.

    I ask him or trying to figure out what's going on but I'm not really getting anywhere. I forget sometimes that kids don't really know a lot of emotions or how to describe how they are feeling. I don't know how to get them to open up other than waiting for a time when he feels safe and bringing it up calmly. Sometimes that works, but not always. And sometimes I don't always bring it up in a calm situation, but I try my best.
    Last edited by casey; 01-08-2013 at 08:46 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Newro7ic View Post
    Lakers fans are some of the most delusional people in the world, I swear.
    my name is casey. i love pavement and i want to pet every dog in the world.

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    Default Re: The Parenting Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by casey View Post
    the main issues that keep coming up are refusing to talk to his teachers, arguing, and/or saying things in a negative or harsh tone.
    Sounds like he'd fit in great on this board.

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    Default Re: The Parenting Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by casey View Post
    So, my boyfriend has an 8-year-old son, we all live together and his mom is out of the picture. Right now, he is going crazy! He is pretty good for the most part at home but has been getting into arguments with a couple of other kids at school, usually regarding sports. When he gets into these arguments, the teachers try to have "peace talks" with him and the other kid and he sometimes refuses to have the talk until his teachers give him the option to either a) have the talk or b) see the principal. It got to the point where he now can't play soccer for the rest of the year when his class plays during class game time (I think there were maybe 6 games left in the year when this happened) and now I get a report every day about his behavior. The report is usually okay, but the main issues that keep coming up are refusing to talk to his teachers, arguing, and/or saying things in a negative or harsh tone.

    Yesterday he got in trouble at school because his art teacher wanted him to take his project home and, because he wasn't happy with the project, he told her he wanted to throw it away. She told him to take it home and let his parents see it and then if he didn't want it he could throw it away. He argued with her and said he didn't want to keep it, but ended up taking it and crumpling it up when he left art class and throwing it away back in his regular class. I think it's his prerogative to throw his art away if he wants, but it's not okay for him to disrespect his teacher. I don't really know how to correct it. He has gotten some stuff taken away (TV, video games), we've tried the talking approach, we've tried the writing sentences approach, and I'm out of ideas! Parents, what should we try next?
    Maybe there are some deep rooted issues related to his mother being "out of the picture" and his father bringing home a stranger...?
    Seriously though, you act like the kid is the problem. Seems that it is FAR more common that the problem is (at least originates) from the parents, not the child caught in the middle of a broken home.
    Last edited by Dogvolta; 06-07-2012 at 03:20 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mammoth85 View Post
    I hope Wario and Donkey Kong don't conflict.

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    Default Re: The Parenting Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Dogvolta View Post
    Maybe there are some deep rooted issues related to his mother being "out of the picture" and his father bringing home a stranger...?
    Seriously though, you act like the kid is the problem. Seems that it is FAR more common that the problem is (at least originates) from the parents, not the child caught in the middle of a broken home.
    Oh, I'm sorry if it came across that I think he is the problem. I don't, but I don't really know what the problem is. I'm definitely willing to accept that it has to do with his "broken home" and am looking for advice on how to reach out to him to bridge the gap. His mom passed away when he was a baby, and we talk about her whenever he wants. I was introduced to him and have gotten to know him slowly. It's not like I was just a stranger who popped up out of nowhere, but I definitely think there could be some issues because of me being in the picture. That being said, he is pretty good at home and we don't have a lot of issues there. For the most part he listens at home and is a great kid. The issues keep coming up at school, and because it has gotten to the point where the teacher has to continually talk to us we've had to give some sort of punishment/discipline at home for his behavior at school.
    Quote Originally Posted by Newro7ic View Post
    Lakers fans are some of the most delusional people in the world, I swear.
    my name is casey. i love pavement and i want to pet every dog in the world.

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    Coachella Junkie stinkbutt's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Parenting Thread

    Dogvolta: the classiest
    Quote Originally Posted by roboto View Post
    And stinkbutt leaving a motorhead set when you know he's dying just to talk shit ? Your a shitty person as well .please let mja give you an anal love disease .

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    Default Re: The Parenting Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by casey View Post
    Oh, I'm sorry if it came across that I think he is the problem. I don't, but I don't really know what the problem is. I'm definitely willing to accept that it has to do with his "broken home" and am looking for advice on how to reach out to him to bridge the gap. His mom passed away when he was a baby, and we talk about her whenever he wants. I was introduced to him and have gotten to know him slowly. It's not like I was just a stranger who popped up out of nowhere, but I definitely think there could be some issues because of me being in the picture. That being said, he is pretty good at home and we don't have a lot of issues there. For the most part he listens at home and is a great kid. The issues keep coming up at school, and because it has gotten to the point where the teacher has to continually talk to us we've had to give some sort of punishment/discipline at home for his behavior at school.
    Well then, for what its worth, I admire and respect your efforts. And I imagine that if your love and care for him drive your efforts, good will come of it
    Quote Originally Posted by Mammoth85 View Post
    I hope Wario and Donkey Kong don't conflict.

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    Default Re: The Parenting Thread

    If we can get personal here, how involved is the father in the picture? You've mentioned your approach, but what's his? No disrespect to your part in the equation, but sometimes a kid won't want to take something home because he doesn't think that his parent will care.

    Also, how does the kid view you? As a Step mom, a Mother figure, as his dads girlfriend? You also have to know what your role in the whole situation is. What is your authority to discipline, reward, talk to...

    I've dealt with kids that age for years now, and no two kids are the same. You would have to ask yourself some of these questions before you can move forward. Also ask yourself where you see yourself going in the relationship,as far as if you see yourself heing in his life permanently.

    sorry if its a bit too deep.
    You know, but that's valid because if we are all gonna die anyway shouldn't we be enjoying ourselves now? You know, I'd like to quit thinking of the present, like right now, as some minor insignificant preamble to something else.

    ---------------------------------------------------
    It's that tad bit of Crazy that keeps me Sane...

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    Default Re: The Parenting Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by EastLos01 View Post
    If we can get personal here, how involved is the father in the picture? You've mentioned your approach, but what's his? No disrespect to your part in the equation, but sometimes a kid won't want to take something home because he doesn't think that his parent will care.

    Also, how does the kid view you? As a Step mom, a Mother figure, as his dads girlfriend? You also have to know what your role in the whole situation is. What is your authority to discipline, reward, talk to...

    I've dealt with kids that age for years now, and no two kids are the same. You would have to ask yourself some of these questions before you can move forward. Also ask yourself where you see yourself going in the relationship,as far as if you see yourself heing in his life permanently.

    sorry if its a bit too deep.
    His dad is really involved, and talks to him about everything, too. His dad is more relaxed than me and tends to keep things in perspective. I know he is frustrated because we feel like we've tried everything to get him to behave at school, but he does a good job of not showing it.

    You know, I'm not exactly sure how his son sees me. He used to tell people I was his stepmom when they asked, but for my birthday he made me a card and wrote "mom" on it, and told me that he calls me that at school now because "it's easier and shorter to say". At home he calls me by my first name. I definitely see myself in his life permanently. Things between his dad and I are great, and I love his son very much. I have as much authority as his dad does, but I try not to make decisions about anything without talking to his dad first because I never want to overstep boundaries.

    What kind of work do you do with kids? I don't really want this whole thread to be about me!
    Quote Originally Posted by Newro7ic View Post
    Lakers fans are some of the most delusional people in the world, I swear.
    my name is casey. i love pavement and i want to pet every dog in the world.

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    Member EastLos01's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Parenting Thread

    I've been coaching kids between 6-12 since '95. I coach local kids from the projects and lower income families where sad to say, more that half the time, the kids come from broken homes. I see alot of rebelion and it always seems to start at about 8. Being a strong family unit is the best thing you and your Boyfriend can offer the child. Support and discipline should come hand in hand. Be just as quick with punishment, as you are with reward.

    Also dont take so lightly the fact that he called you mom. He might have been embarrased or didn't know how you would react to it, which is why he gave you a reason as to why he wrote it. If ya want message me so you won't feel like you're hijacking this thread.
    You know, but that's valid because if we are all gonna die anyway shouldn't we be enjoying ourselves now? You know, I'd like to quit thinking of the present, like right now, as some minor insignificant preamble to something else.

    ---------------------------------------------------
    It's that tad bit of Crazy that keeps me Sane...

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    Default Re: The Parenting Thread

    Thank you EastLos, I was going to add the praise and reward element. It shouldn't be bribery. It's recognition of successes, not you'll get this if you do this. Kids from a "broken" home (I use quotes because it doesn't sound like his home is broken. It just needs some adjustments like any home does.) often have a hard time in school. Working within a system of rules is not always natural. Have these problems been ongoing or have they started to become more prevelant recently? You mentioned that he is pretty good at home. What do you all do at home when he argues or talks back?



    My current issue with Izzy is her eating habits. She can eat pasta, chicken nuggets, or quesadillas until the cows come home. How do I get her to eat and enjoy veggies? The other day I told her you have to finish your broccoli or you can't have any dessert. I saw her gagging on it and I felt so guilty. I immediately remembered those moments when I felt forced to eat something and it just made me hate it all the more. It took me years to eat tomatoes because of this, and now I don't know how I lived without them.



    And great idea for a thread!!!!!

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    Default Re: The Parenting Thread

    Yes, good thread.

    I'm not a parent, but I do oversee a handful of educational programs for children ages 7-12, so I sometimes am involved with issues -- especially disciplinary stuff that has some sort of possible legal component. I hope you guys don't mind if I occasionally come in here to ask for parents' perspectives on stuff.

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    Default Re: The Parenting Thread

    Please, a non-parental perspective would be just as useful.

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    Default Re: The Parenting Thread

    Well would you look at that, a thread similar to one I've been considering.

    Any foster parents on this board? We're gonna be looking in to fostering in the next year or so and I was looking to chat with other foster parents, preferably on this board. (Don't want to highjack or sidetrack the thread, so let me know if this topic is too specific, I'll move it along elsewhere.

    Gunz, have you tried the melted cheddar with the broccoli? No idea how it tastes, but the kids on the commercials seem to really dig it. Also, spicy (though she's probably too young), I eat a lot of veggies I don't really enjoy when they're properly spiced up.
    Last edited by marooko; 06-07-2012 at 06:29 PM.

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    Default Re: The Parenting Thread

    Wow, I have such respect and appreciation for foster parents. That has got to be one of the toughest jobs in the world.

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    Default Re: The Parenting Thread

    .............
    Last edited by marooko; 06-08-2012 at 09:25 AM.

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    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Parenting Thread

    Yes Maroo, Izzy usually drowns it in parmesan. I have that book by Seinfeld's wife about sneaking veggies into food, but you have to puree so much stuff. It seems like so much work. I guess that may be the problem right there. It's easier for me to give in and just get her to eat something. Well, I'm heading in to summer where I have more time to get creative.

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    Default Re: The Parenting Thread

    That's funny I was hoping someone would start a thread on parenting. I've been having some issues with my nine month old not being able to sleep through the night. She's been waking up every hour on the hour for the past 4 days. On a good night she'll wake up maybe two times in the middle of the night and one of those times is for feeding. Leaving my wife and I sleep deprived and snappy at each other. I started doing some research online and noticed that all you can pretty much do is either let them cry it out or rockem to sleep every night. Neither of which option is getting us any sleep. I said to myself "man if only there was a thread" Hallelujah!!!!
    Last edited by blackchango; 06-07-2012 at 07:53 PM.
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    Is that written in some sort of underground rat language I'm not familiar with?

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    Default Re: The Parenting Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by casey View Post
    Congratulations! Are you sad that he's going so far away? That's such a good school to get into, I hope you are proud.
    Yes and Yes, we are proud.

    But, with summer internships being so important toward getting a foothold in "the industry." I doubt we'll see him much except for Christmas break. Gotta let him try to make his own way, right?
    Quote Originally Posted by MotorAve View Post
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    Default Re: The Parenting Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by casey View Post
    Oh, I'm sorry if it came across that I think he is the problem. I don't, but I don't really know what the problem is. I'm definitely willing to accept that it has to do with his "broken home" and am looking for advice on how to reach out to him to bridge the gap. His mom passed away when he was a baby, and we talk about her whenever he wants. I was introduced to him and have gotten to know him slowly. It's not like I was just a stranger who popped up out of nowhere, but I definitely think there could be some issues because of me being in the picture. That being said, he is pretty good at home and we don't have a lot of issues there. For the most part he listens at home and is a great kid. The issues keep coming up at school, and because it has gotten to the point where the teacher has to continually talk to us we've had to give some sort of punishment/discipline at home for his behavior at school.

    Maybe the problem is not at home but at school. Is there a certain kid or kid with whom he always argues about sports?

    Is he being ganged-up on? Maybe a bad fit with this teacher. It happens. Keep pouring on the love at home and see what the summer brings. Keep him engaged about goals for the coming school year getting his input how school might be better for him.

    And throw out the video game console. (Sorry, my old school bias.)
    Quote Originally Posted by MotorAve View Post
    Careful, while the threats are amusingly clueless, I could probably have this whole board shut down with one phone call.

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    Default Re: The Parenting Thread

    good thread.

    I am three weeks into my first child and so far it's the toughest thing i've ever had to do, but at the same time the most rewarding. Today was the actual due date but the Dr. rushed my girlfriend in for an emergency c-section during a check up due to a condition called Vasa Previa. Vasa Previa is a complication defined as

    fetal vessels crossing or running in close proximity to the inner cervical os. These vessels course within the membranes (unsupported by the umbilical cord or placental tissue) and are at risk of rupture when the supporting membranes rupture. This is rarely confirmed before delivery but may be suspected when antenatal sono-gram with color-flow Doppler reveals a vessel crossing the membranes over the internal cervical os. The diagnosis is usually confirmed after delivery on examination of the placenta and fetal membranes.Most often the fetus is already dead when the diagnosis is made; because the blood loss constitutes a major bulk of blood volume of the fetus.
    I got the call at work (two hours away)and rushed to the hospital barely making it in time to be in the room for the procedure. After delivery our doc told me that we were really lucky that she caught it because most of the time it goes undiagnosed until it's too late. She said that if our check up was on Monday instead of Friday we would have definitely lost the baby and more than likely lost both of them. Everything worked out fine, though, and mother and baby are perfect.

    The biggest problem right now is that she has us up most of the night. That is a huge problem for me since I work two jobs. I have been going on 2-3 hours of sleep a night ,at best, for the past two weeks.
    Last edited by disgustipated; 06-07-2012 at 08:24 PM.
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    Default Re: The Parenting Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by casey View Post
    I know there are a lot of parents on here and I didn't see a thread for this already. This is the place where we can talk about parenting and children. Share stories about your kids, get advice from other parents, let out your frustrations or gush about your kids here.
    Where do you see this relationship going?
    Whiskey Sour

    2 oz blended whiskey
    Juice of 1/2 lemon
    1/2 tsp powdered sugar
    1 cherry
    1/2 slice lemon

    Shake blended whiskey, juice of lemon, and powdered sugar with ice and strain into a whiskey sour glass. Decorate with the half-slice of lemon, top with the cherry, and serve.

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    Default Re: The Parenting Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by santasutt View Post
    ...

    And throw out the video game console. (Sorry, my old school bias.)
    Blasphemy
    Quote Originally Posted by Mammoth85 View Post
    I hope Wario and Donkey Kong don't conflict.

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    Quote Originally Posted by algunz View Post
    My current issue with Izzy is her eating habits. She can eat pasta, chicken nuggets, or quesadillas until the cows come home. How do I get her to eat and enjoy veggies? The other day I told her you have to finish your broccoli or you can't have any dessert. I saw her gagging on it and I felt so guilty. I immediately remembered those moments when I felt forced to eat something and it just made me hate it all the more. It took me years to eat tomatoes because of this, and now I don't know how I lived without them.
    My son does this with fruits and veggies, the only way I am able to get him to eat stuff is by making a stock of it or pureeing it and putting it in sauces or drinks. I do give him children's vitamins to try to make up some of the difference. I have just come to terms he is a meat and potatoes kid.
    Quote Originally Posted by roboto View Post
    And stinkbutt leaving a motorhead set when you know he's dying just to talk shit ? Your a shitty person as well .please let mja give you an anal love disease .

  29. #29
    Coachella Junkie locachica73's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Parenting Thread

    Casey, I agree with the rewards conversation, when my kids were really young, before the whole teenage insanity, I had them in a charter school which I liked a lot more than the normal public school, they had a much better teacher to child ratio and each child got the attention they needed. One thing they did was give them a rewards card, if you got so many stickers you got to have ice cream or a pizza party or something like that. My kids were on top honor roll through the 6th grade. Then I moved them to public school and it all went downhill from there. The school they went to had a lot more kids, and the teachers only reacted to the negative and never rewarded the positive. I look back now and wish I had never moved them to the new school. I am not saying you need to change schools, but maybe get a reward policy going at home. So many days without any negative responses from teachers and he gets his favorite meal, or a movie night, etc. Taking things away from my kids never really worked and only caused them to be more angry and frustrated.

    As for picky kids, my son was the pickiest of eaters. I have no real answer for that one, other than what I served for dinner was what he got, if he didn't eat it he often went to bed hungry. He is 18 now (well in 17 days) and he is just now realizing how good food is with icky green stuff in it.

    With that said, not sure how good my advice is, you were all around for the insane teen years so take my advice with a grain of salt.
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    Coachella Junkie locachica73's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Parenting Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by blackchango View Post
    That's funny I was hoping someone would start a thread on parenting. I've been having some issues with my nine month old not being able to sleep through the night. She's been waking up every hour on the hour for the past 4 days. On a good night she'll wake up maybe two times in the middle of the night and one of those times is for feeding. Leaving my wife and I sleep deprived and snappy at each other. I started doing some research online and noticed that all you can pretty much do is either let them cry it out or rockem to sleep every night. Neither of which option is getting us any sleep. I said to myself "man if only there was a thread" Hallelujah!!!!
    Is your daughter on the baby cereal stuff yet? Kids usually wake up in the middle of the night because they are hungry. Sometimes it helps if you mix a little baby cereal into their night time bottle, they sell nipples for bottles that have larger holes for the cereal to pass through. My doctor recommended I do that with my son earlier than typically recommended for the same reason.
    Quote Originally Posted by SlowMotionApocalypse View Post
    I have snuck in weapons before
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    A butt plug is not a weapon.

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