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Thread: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

  1. #91
    Coachella Junkie locachica73's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Quote Originally Posted by algunz View Post
    Lift my boob? I used to run 10 mile runs with no bra. I've heard the smaller you are the more it hurts.
    Mine hurt a lot, but I had a large fibroid cyst in one of my breasts that they were looking at so it was pretty painful when they squeezed the hell out of it. The tugging and pulling to get the tiny boobs into the right position was painful enough though. Maybe my boobs are just lumpier/more sensetive, who knows.
    Quote Originally Posted by SlowMotionApocalypse View Post
    I have snuck in weapons before
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    A butt plug is not a weapon.

  2. #92
    Coachella Junkie Neighborhood Creep's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Quote Originally Posted by Suffacated View Post
    Butt it sure is fun!
    Worst posts ever
    Quote Originally Posted by theklein25 View Post
    When Foster the People played Pumped Up Kicks I freaked the fuck out because I thought that song was long gone

  3. #93
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Quote Originally Posted by Originalbob View Post
    game of Twister and let the excitement ensue.
    read that as "excrement".

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    Stage Manager captncrzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Quote Originally Posted by algunz View Post
    Bob, you're walking a fine line between BD and funny.
    Tipped that line weeks ago gurl.
    Odi profanum vulgus et arceo. I hate the unholy rabble and keep them away - Horace.
    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    Arcade FIre are a bunch of dicks, Deadmau5 is a dick, bands are dicks, David Bowie sucks dicks, Daft Punk is two human buttholes with semen for brains (that was loaded into a butthole from a dick that grew out of their moms), we're all dicks that fucked our moms assholes, God is going to put a giant dick down and fuck our mouths

  5. #95
    old school sonnyboy11's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    This thread is freakin awesome! I'm in tears here.

    I've had about 15 colonoscopies over time. Got diagnosed with something not so good when I was 30. They're no big deal. The couple of hours just before is the worst part, I think. Basically all I can think about during that time is eating again.
    Steve Winwood| Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds| Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds| Echo and the Bunnymen| Echo and the Bunnymen| Paul McCartney| Foxygen| FYF Fest| NIN/Soundgarden| Elvis Costello| Swans| Buzzcocks| King Crimson| Elton John| Kasabian| Massive Attack| Massive Attack| Slowdive| Tame Impala| DFA 1979| Fleetwood Mac| A Winged Victory for the Sullen

  6. #96
    Coachella Junkie Mugwog's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    So Sonny - how much healthier have you felt after each session of clearing out the pipes?

  7. #97
    old school sonnyboy11's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Quote Originally Posted by Mugwog View Post
    So Sonny - how much healthier have you felt after each session of clearing out the pipes?
    Well, I don't know if I feel "healthier" after any of them. And hey, you don't have to be in line for a colonoscopy if you just want to down a phospho soda one night and let the good times roll! That stuff would knock the crap out of a bull.

    Also, although I was sedated throughout all my colonoscopies I distinctly remember one where I thought I heard some giggling and something about a "new record". Not sure what that was all about.
    Steve Winwood| Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds| Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds| Echo and the Bunnymen| Echo and the Bunnymen| Paul McCartney| Foxygen| FYF Fest| NIN/Soundgarden| Elvis Costello| Swans| Buzzcocks| King Crimson| Elton John| Kasabian| Massive Attack| Massive Attack| Slowdive| Tame Impala| DFA 1979| Fleetwood Mac| A Winged Victory for the Sullen

  8. #98
    Pedley Rocks JustSteve's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    probably how many fingers the doc fit inside without you squirming, haha.

  9. #99
    old school sonnyboy11's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Quote Originally Posted by JustSteve View Post
    probably how many fingers the doc fit inside without you squirming, haha.
    I nicknamed my doctor "Fat Fingers Freddie". Still not sure I buy his line about needing two fingers "to be sure".
    Steve Winwood| Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds| Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds| Echo and the Bunnymen| Echo and the Bunnymen| Paul McCartney| Foxygen| FYF Fest| NIN/Soundgarden| Elvis Costello| Swans| Buzzcocks| King Crimson| Elton John| Kasabian| Massive Attack| Massive Attack| Slowdive| Tame Impala| DFA 1979| Fleetwood Mac| A Winged Victory for the Sullen

  10. #100
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    So I had my consultation with the gastroenterologist yesterday. Seemed like a nice enough guy. He explained everything to me, it wasn't anything we hadn't talked about on here. He puts me asleep - "you won't remember any of it" - but not into deep unconsciousness like with a surgery. and the fun part is the day before, when I can't eat at all and get to swallow jet fuel.

    I can eat lime or lemon jello but nothing red or purple. Nothing with any red color to it at all, really. This is because in the colon they can't tell red food coloring apart from actual blood, and apparently they think the difference is important for some reason. I can't have any alchohol the day before, which sucks. Water, tea, coffee, soda ok. I can drink chicken broth, which will be useful.

    At 4 pm the day before I get to drink 4 8-oz glasses of the stuff that will make me shit up a storm. Then at 4 am the day of, I get to do that again. Yes, I get to set my alarm, get up early, drink the rocket fuel, and then go sit on the toilet for a while.

    Procedure is at 8 am, gotta be there at 7 am, should be on my way home before 10 provided I wake up enough.

    Scheduled the procedure for May 24. woot.

  11. #101
    old school Stickjohn's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    I was wondering about this while reading your hot sauce poll.

  12. #102
    Coachella Junkie boarderwoozel3's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    A women I know got a colonoscopy the other week. Immediately afterwards she got really, really sick for about a week. Apparently it can throw off your immune system? Buyer beware.

  13. #103
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Thanks for the positive thoughts!

  14. #104
    Daft Punky Junkie BROKENDOLL's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Well, I figured that this thread became "ass out" and forgotten...

    Quote Originally Posted by Originalbob View Post
    Maybe your doc is doing it wrong!
    I think they check the skin layer in between the vaginal wall and anus. I get a finger in the ass everytime *shrugs* Good thing it doesn't bother me.
    I always thought the vagina wall was the skin layer in between, and the anus was basically like a back alley or sidestreet to No Man's Land...

    Quote Originally Posted by Suffacated View Post
    Hmmmm....
    I'm 47 and I've 4 or 5 of these done a year for the last 10 years thanks to Dr. Brokendoll.
    Now I realize that this may be a bit overkill but better safe than sorry.
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    Taking her strap-on up the ass is not a colonoscopy.
    Pssst, hush, Tom! I've finally gotten him convinced that what I'm doing is for his own good health, God dammit!
    Its like the Infinite Monkey Theorem, if you put X amount of monkeys in a room with a typewriter and ask them to give you Shakespeare 99% of them will fling their shit at you while the other 1% will masturbate in the corner.

  15. #105
    Daft Punky Junkie BROKENDOLL's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    So I had my consultation with the gastroenterologist yesterday. Seemed like a nice enough guy. He explained everything to me, it wasn't anything we hadn't talked about on here. He puts me asleep - "you won't remember any of it" - but not into deep unconsciousness like with a surgery. and the fun part is the day before, when I can't eat at all and get to swallow jet fuel.

    I can eat lime or lemon jello but nothing red or purple. Nothing with any red color to it at all, really. This is because in the colon they can't tell red food coloring apart from actual blood, and apparently they think the difference is important for some reason. I can't have any alchohol the day before, which sucks. Water, tea, coffee, soda ok. I can drink chicken broth, which will be useful.

    At 4 pm the day before I get to drink 4 8-oz glasses of the stuff that will make me shit up a storm. Then at 4 am the day of, I get to do that again. Yes, I get to set my alarm, get up early, drink the rocket fuel, and then go sit on the toilet for a while.

    Procedure is at 8 am, gotta be there at 7 am, should be on my way home before 10 provided I wake up enough.

    Scheduled the procedure for May 24. woot.
    I bet that if you were to share that very first "drumroll" here with the board as a reminder, we'd be there on the 24th to cheer your ass on during THE EVENT.
    Its like the Infinite Monkey Theorem, if you put X amount of monkeys in a room with a typewriter and ask them to give you Shakespeare 99% of them will fling their shit at you while the other 1% will masturbate in the corner.

  16. #106
    Daft Punky Junkie BROKENDOLL's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    And, not trying to leave your ass behind, Tom, but Algunz is in crisis now... Well, she was back then, anyway...

    Quote Originally Posted by algunz View Post
    Can we discuss how I need to get a mammogram? Although I love people touching my breasts, I fear some unfeeling machine squeezing my little boobies is going to make me cry.
    You need to get a mammogram, no discussing, just do it! A friend and I made an agreement to get ours done together, but we'd find ways to postpone and stall with our stupid excuses, including my favorite, "How can you get breast cancer if you hardly have breasts?" You can. And, at the age of only 51, my friend Sheri was diagnosed with 4th stage, and lost her battle within the year. It definitely opened my eyes, but I still felt unsure, just like you. But, if it hadn't been for the fact that she had found a group that made sure that all women, regardless of financial status, could get a free mammogram, and proceeded to tell me about it just 3 months before she was gone, I might have kept on with my excuses like, having no $, or fear of pain and agony. I ended up making that appointment with the group that Sheri recommended and while it wasn't as traumatizing as I expected, it was certainly less traumatic than the pain I witnessed Sheri going through during her fight...There. End of discussion. Do it.

    Quote Originally Posted by locachica73 View Post
    It's gonna suck, they try to put you in positions that you can't get into, asking you to lift your boob and put it on a cold metal slab then they are going to squeeze it down with a plastic piece on a vice, flattening it like a pancake... then they will tell you to breath.
    This is pretty close to what the first "re-enactment" was that I heard about mammograms...Something to the effect of standing in front of your frig, door open, and then unexpectedly slamming your tit inside when you closed the door.
    Before I had mine done, I had visions of me standing somewhere with a George Foreman Grill attached to the front of myself because I figured size would matter. Once I was there, the Dr. applied the cutest little stickers of sunflowers on my tits to mark off any moles, freckles, or tats. It was an instant ice-breaker, kind of like Rave bracelets being exchanged. If I recall, she may have even pre-warmed that cold metal slab, not sure. What really made me forget about what was actually happening was when she instructed me to now lift my boobs up onto the metal plate...As if I had double D's or someshit! LOL (The only lifting I thought I'd ever have to worry about wasn't supposed to happen until my boobs had reached my navel!) As for the lowering of the pancake making piece of plastic/plexiglass... It's not like they push any buttons and the thing just drops down quickly...you actually can watch and see as your pending anxiety attack gets nearer to happening...Only to realize that the person giving the exam isn't out to get you, and I'd say that the pancakes people talk about are more like the size of waffles when the exam finishes. Wasn't nearly as bad or worth the risk, and I kid you not... I left those little stickers on for like 2 weeks because I was so proud of myself for finally getting shit done!

    Quote Originally Posted by algunz View Post
    Lift my boob? I used to run 10 mile runs with no bra. I've heard the smaller you are the more it hurts.
    Yes, Gunz, "Lift your boob." I know...alien to us. Made my fucking day! lol



    Quote Originally Posted by algunz View Post
    Maybe.


    TomAz, I'm sorry I have turned the discussion from your asshole to my boobs. I can't say it's the first time.
    You could probably get a small star-shaped tattoo between your tits and no one would even know the difference.
    Its like the Infinite Monkey Theorem, if you put X amount of monkeys in a room with a typewriter and ask them to give you Shakespeare 99% of them will fling their shit at you while the other 1% will masturbate in the corner.

  17. #107
    Daft Punky Junkie BROKENDOLL's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Quote Originally Posted by algunz View Post
    Bob, you're walking a fine line between BD and funny.
    I'd like to think that the fine line between BD and funny was Tom's colonscopy, but if you insist it's the same thing as that area between the vagina and the anus,we can leave Tom's Ass behind! LOL




    If somebody doesn't hurry up and break up these posts of mine, Tom's gonna think I'm some sort of polyp upon his behind!
    Its like the Infinite Monkey Theorem, if you put X amount of monkeys in a room with a typewriter and ask them to give you Shakespeare 99% of them will fling their shit at you while the other 1% will masturbate in the corner.

  18. #108
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    Thanks for the positive thoughts!
    Just think, Tom...Your vision will be clearer and your breath will seem fresher after yer tubes are blown clean!
    Its like the Infinite Monkey Theorem, if you put X amount of monkeys in a room with a typewriter and ask them to give you Shakespeare 99% of them will fling their shit at you while the other 1% will masturbate in the corner.

  19. #109

    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    I am often quite irregular and I wonder if that means I am going to have problems later. It worked in my favor at Coachella 2007 when I didn't have VIP and I didn't have to go in a portopotty all weekend. Til the massive pogoing during Killing In The Name which must've seriously dislodged something. The thought of going in a Coachella restroom at that late hour so my natural inclination was to just go in my tent. A lot. Then I left a sign that said "Free Tent," got in my car and took off.

  20. #110
    The Encyclopedia bmack86's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Classy.
    Quote Originally Posted by canexplain View Post
    Remember Hitler? I don't but here we are again .. cr****

  21. #111
    zeezus amyzzz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Quote Originally Posted by SlowMotionApocalypse View Post
    I am often quite irregular and I wonder if that means I am going to have problems later. It worked in my favor at Coachella 2007 when I didn't have VIP and I didn't have to go in a portopotty all weekend. Til the massive pogoing during Killing In The Name which must've seriously dislodged something. The thought of going in a Coachella restroom at that late hour so my natural inclination was to just go in my tent. A lot. Then I left a sign that said "Free Tent," got in my car and took off.
    Are you Australian?
    Quote Originally Posted by concertgoer View Post
    You better stop because he can shut down this message board with one call.

  22. #112
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    We've been doing the state standardized tests for the past 3 days. One of my students came to me with a hall pass for me to sign about 30 minutes before the bell rang, but I noticed it was a different students. They're not supposed to do that, so I told him sorry. About 15 minutes later he ran out of the classroom. The nurse came later for his stuff because apparently he had an accident. I feel so bad. I would have totally let him go if he had told me that he really had to go.

  23. #113
    Coachella Junkie GuyInTucson's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    You jerk, Gunz.
    fuck.

  24. #114
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    I know. I still feel terrible.

  25. #115
    Pedley Rocks JustSteve's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    can't feel bad if a teenager can't find a way to communicate he has to go...now.

  26. #116
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    But, he must have been so humiliated. I don't think any of the students knew it happened though. Thankfully.

  27. #117
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Quote Originally Posted by SlowMotionApocalypse View Post
    I am often quite irregular and I wonder if that means I am going to have problems later. It worked in my favor at Coachella 2007 when I didn't have VIP and I didn't have to go in a portopotty all weekend. Til the massive pogoing during Killing In The Name which must've seriously dislodged something. The thought of going in a Coachella restroom at that late hour so my natural inclination was to just go in my tent. A lot. Then I left a sign that said "Free Tent," got in my car and took off.
    SlowMotionApocolapse and irregularity just sound right together, don't they?
    Its like the Infinite Monkey Theorem, if you put X amount of monkeys in a room with a typewriter and ask them to give you Shakespeare 99% of them will fling their shit at you while the other 1% will masturbate in the corner.

  28. #118
    Daft Punky Junkie BROKENDOLL's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Oh, and my apologies for behaving like some polyp with my smart ass remarks yesterday, Tom. It's just easier for me to crack jokes about something that I should be taking quite seriously, seeing as my grandmother died of colon cancer. In fact, my Dr. highly recommended that I get a colonoscopy...like 3 years ago, due to, I guess the fact that colon cancer tends to skip a generation. My Dr. even tried to make me think that I could keep the procedure confidential by simply getting a stool sample at home and mailing it to the lab in some plastic type envelope that came with a tongue depressor. (Keep in mind that it was about 3 years ago when the postal service was on high alert for potential terrorist attacks and I thought it was just too fucking weird to be sending shit like that in the mail.)

    But, seriously...I hope this turns out to be a totally un-traumatic procedure for you, and that you're then able to convince me to get 'er done, because really...Who wants to die being remembered as a polyp?
    Its like the Infinite Monkey Theorem, if you put X amount of monkeys in a room with a typewriter and ask them to give you Shakespeare 99% of them will fling their shit at you while the other 1% will masturbate in the corner.

  29. #119
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Quote Originally Posted by BROKENDOLL View Post
    My Dr. even tried to make me think that I could keep the procedure confidential by simply getting a stool sample at home and mailing it to the lab in some plastic type envelope that came with a tongue depressor.
    No hablo brokendoll.

  30. #120
    old school sonnyboy11's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    May 24th...
    Well, I have one scheduled now for Friday, May 25th! Gonna be a huge bummer for me if the Kings play that night. Means I couldn't start the prep till after I got back from the game.
    Steve Winwood| Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds| Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds| Echo and the Bunnymen| Echo and the Bunnymen| Paul McCartney| Foxygen| FYF Fest| NIN/Soundgarden| Elvis Costello| Swans| Buzzcocks| King Crimson| Elton John| Kasabian| Massive Attack| Massive Attack| Slowdive| Tame Impala| DFA 1979| Fleetwood Mac| A Winged Victory for the Sullen

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