The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

[locachica73]

Lift my boob? I used to run 10 mile runs with no bra. I've heard the smaller you are the more it hurts.

Mine hurt a lot, but I had a large fibroid cyst in one of my breasts that they were looking at so it was pretty painful when they squeezed the hell out of it. The tugging and pulling to get the tiny boobs into the right position was painful enough though. Maybe my boobs are just lumpier/more sensetive, who knows.

[Neighborhood Creep]

Butt it sure is fun!

Worst posts ever

[JustSteve]

game of Twister and let the excitement ensue.

read that as "excrement".

[captncrzy]

Bob, you're walking a fine line between BD and funny.

Tipped that line weeks ago gurl.

[sonnyboy11]

This thread is freakin awesome! I'm in tears here.

I've had about 15 colonoscopies over time. Got diagnosed with something not so good when I was 30. They're no big deal. The couple of hours just before is the worst part, I think. Basically all I can think about during that time is eating again.

[Mugwog]

So Sonny - how much healthier have you felt after each session of clearing out the pipes?

[sonnyboy11]

So Sonny - how much healthier have you felt after each session of clearing out the pipes?

Well, I don't know if I feel "healthier" after any of them. And hey, you don't have to be in line for a colonoscopy if you just want to down a phospho soda one night and let the good times roll! That stuff would knock the crap out of a bull.

Also, although I was sedated throughout all my colonoscopies I distinctly remember one where I thought I heard some giggling and something about a "new record". Not sure what that was all about.

[JustSteve]

probably how many fingers the doc fit inside without you squirming, haha.

[sonnyboy11]

probably how many fingers the doc fit inside without you squirming, haha.

I nicknamed my doctor "Fat Fingers Freddie". Still not sure I buy his line about needing two fingers "to be sure".

[TomAz]

So I had my consultation with the gastroenterologist yesterday. Seemed like a nice enough guy. He explained everything to me, it wasn't anything we hadn't talked about on here. He puts me asleep - "you won't remember any of it" - but not into deep unconsciousness like with a surgery. and the fun part is the day before, when I can't eat at all and get to swallow jet fuel.

I can eat lime or lemon jello but nothing red or purple. Nothing with any red color to it at all, really. This is because in the colon they can't tell red food coloring apart from actual blood, and apparently they think the difference is important for some reason. I can't have any alchohol the day before, which sucks. Water, tea, coffee, soda ok. I can drink chicken broth, which will be useful.

At 4 pm the day before I get to drink 4 8-oz glasses of the stuff that will make me shit up a storm. Then at 4 am the day of, I get to do that again. Yes, I get to set my alarm, get up early, drink the rocket fuel, and then go sit on the toilet for a while.

Procedure is at 8 am, gotta be there at 7 am, should be on my way home before 10 provided I wake up enough.

Scheduled the procedure for May 24. woot.

[Stickjohn]

I was wondering about this while reading your hot sauce poll.

[boarderwoozel3]

A women I know got a colonoscopy the other week. Immediately afterwards she got really, really sick for about a week. Apparently it can throw off your immune system? Buyer beware.

[TomAz]

Thanks for the positive thoughts!

[BROKENDOLL]

Well, I figured that this thread became "ass out" and forgotten...

Maybe your doc is doing it wrong!
I think they check the skin layer in between the vaginal wall and anus. I get a finger in the ass everytime *shrugs* Good thing it doesn't bother me.

I always thought the vagina wall was the skin layer in between, and the anus was basically like a back alley or sidestreet to No Man's Land...

Hmmmm....
I'm 47 and I've 4 or 5 of these done a year for the last 10 years thanks to Dr. Brokendoll.
Now I realize that this may be a bit overkill but better safe than sorry.

Taking her strap-on up the ass is not a colonoscopy.

Pssst, hush, Tom! I've finally gotten him convinced that what I'm doing is for his own good health, God dammit!

[BROKENDOLL]

So I had my consultation with the gastroenterologist yesterday. Seemed like a nice enough guy. He explained everything to me, it wasn't anything we hadn't talked about on here. He puts me asleep - "you won't remember any of it" - but not into deep unconsciousness like with a surgery. and the fun part is the day before, when I can't eat at all and get to swallow jet fuel.

I can eat lime or lemon jello but nothing red or purple. Nothing with any red color to it at all, really. This is because in the colon they can't tell red food coloring apart from actual blood, and apparently they think the difference is important for some reason. I can't have any alchohol the day before, which sucks. Water, tea, coffee, soda ok. I can drink chicken broth, which will be useful.

At 4 pm the day before I get to drink 4 8-oz glasses of the stuff that will make me shit up a storm. Then at 4 am the day of, I get to do that again. Yes, I get to set my alarm, get up early, drink the rocket fuel, and then go sit on the toilet for a while.

Procedure is at 8 am, gotta be there at 7 am, should be on my way home before 10 provided I wake up enough.

Scheduled the procedure for May 24. woot.

I bet that if you were to share that very first "drumroll" here with the board as a reminder, we'd be there on the 24th to cheer your ass on during THE EVENT.

[BROKENDOLL]

And, not trying to leave your ass behind, Tom, but Algunz is in crisis now... Well, she was back then, anyway...

Can we discuss how I need to get a mammogram? Although I love people touching my breasts, I fear some unfeeling machine squeezing my little boobies is going to make me cry.

You need to get a mammogram, no discussing, just do it! A friend and I made an agreement to get ours done together, but we'd find ways to postpone and stall with our stupid excuses, including my favorite, "How can you get breast cancer if you hardly have breasts?" You can. And, at the age of only 51, my friend Sheri was diagnosed with 4th stage, and lost her battle within the year. It definitely opened my eyes, but I still felt unsure, just like you. But, if it hadn't been for the fact that she had found a group that made sure that all women, regardless of financial status, could get a free mammogram, and proceeded to tell me about it just 3 months before she was gone, I might have kept on with my excuses like, having no $, or fear of pain and agony. I ended up making that appointment with the group that Sheri recommended and while it wasn't as traumatizing as I expected, it was certainly less traumatic than the pain I witnessed Sheri going through during her fight...There. End of discussion. Do it.

It's gonna suck, they try to put you in positions that you can't get into, asking you to lift your boob and put it on a cold metal slab then they are going to squeeze it down with a plastic piece on a vice, flattening it like a pancake... then they will tell you to breath.

This is pretty close to what the first "re-enactment" was that I heard about mammograms...Something to the effect of standing in front of your frig, door open, and then unexpectedly slamming your tit inside when you closed the door.
Before I had mine done, I had visions of me standing somewhere with a George Foreman Grill attached to the front of myself because I figured size would matter. Once I was there, the Dr. applied the cutest little stickers of sunflowers on my tits to mark off any moles, freckles, or tats. It was an instant ice-breaker, kind of like Rave bracelets being exchanged. If I recall, she may have even pre-warmed that cold metal slab, not sure. What really made me forget about what was actually happening was when she instructed me to now lift my boobs up onto the metal plate...As if I had double D's or someshit! LOL (The only lifting I thought I'd ever have to worry about wasn't supposed to happen until my boobs had reached my navel!) As for the lowering of the pancake making piece of plastic/plexiglass... It's not like they push any buttons and the thing just drops down quickly...you actually can watch and see as your pending anxiety attack gets nearer to happening...Only to realize that the person giving the exam isn't out to get you, and I'd say that the pancakes people talk about are more like the size of waffles when the exam finishes. Wasn't nearly as bad or worth the risk, and I kid you not... I left those little stickers on for like 2 weeks because I was so proud of myself for finally getting shit done!

Lift my boob? I used to run 10 mile runs with no bra. I've heard the smaller you are the more it hurts.

Yes, Gunz, "Lift your boob." I know...alien to us. Made my fucking day! lol

Maybe.


TomAz, I'm sorry I have turned the discussion from your asshole to my boobs. I can't say it's the first time.

You could probably get a small star-shaped tattoo between your tits and no one would even know the difference.

[BROKENDOLL]

Bob, you're walking a fine line between BD and funny.

I'd like to think that the fine line between BD and funny was Tom's colonscopy, but if you insist it's the same thing as that area between the vagina and the anus,we can leave Tom's Ass behind! LOL




If somebody doesn't hurry up and break up these posts of mine, Tom's gonna think I'm some sort of polyp upon his behind!

[BROKENDOLL]

Thanks for the positive thoughts!

Just think, Tom...Your vision will be clearer and your breath will seem fresher after yer tubes are blown clean!

[SlowMotionApocalypse]

I am often quite irregular and I wonder if that means I am going to have problems later. It worked in my favor at Coachella 2007 when I didn't have VIP and I didn't have to go in a portopotty all weekend. Til the massive pogoing during Killing In The Name which must've seriously dislodged something. The thought of going in a Coachella restroom at that late hour so my natural inclination was to just go in my tent. A lot. Then I left a sign that said "Free Tent," got in my car and took off.

[bmack86]

Classy.

[amyzzz]

I am often quite irregular and I wonder if that means I am going to have problems later. It worked in my favor at Coachella 2007 when I didn't have VIP and I didn't have to go in a portopotty all weekend. Til the massive pogoing during Killing In The Name which must've seriously dislodged something. The thought of going in a Coachella restroom at that late hour so my natural inclination was to just go in my tent. A lot. Then I left a sign that said "Free Tent," got in my car and took off.

Are you Australian?

[algunz]

We've been doing the state standardized tests for the past 3 days. One of my students came to me with a hall pass for me to sign about 30 minutes before the bell rang, but I noticed it was a different students. They're not supposed to do that, so I told him sorry. About 15 minutes later he ran out of the classroom. The nurse came later for his stuff because apparently he had an accident. I feel so bad. I would have totally let him go if he had told me that he really had to go.

[GuyInTucson]

You jerk, Gunz.

[algunz]

I know. I still feel terrible.

[JustSteve]

can't feel bad if a teenager can't find a way to communicate he has to go...now.

[algunz]

But, he must have been so humiliated. I don't think any of the students knew it happened though. Thankfully.

[BROKENDOLL]

I am often quite irregular and I wonder if that means I am going to have problems later. It worked in my favor at Coachella 2007 when I didn't have VIP and I didn't have to go in a portopotty all weekend. Til the massive pogoing during Killing In The Name which must've seriously dislodged something. The thought of going in a Coachella restroom at that late hour so my natural inclination was to just go in my tent. A lot. Then I left a sign that said "Free Tent," got in my car and took off.

SlowMotionApocolapse and irregularity just sound right together, don't they?

[BROKENDOLL]

Oh, and my apologies for behaving like some polyp with my smart ass remarks yesterday, Tom. It's just easier for me to crack jokes about something that I should be taking quite seriously, seeing as my grandmother died of colon cancer. In fact, my Dr. highly recommended that I get a colonoscopy...like 3 years ago, due to, I guess the fact that colon cancer tends to skip a generation. My Dr. even tried to make me think that I could keep the procedure confidential by simply getting a stool sample at home and mailing it to the lab in some plastic type envelope that came with a tongue depressor. (Keep in mind that it was about 3 years ago when the postal service was on high alert for potential terrorist attacks and I thought it was just too fucking weird to be sending shit like that in the mail.)

But, seriously...I hope this turns out to be a totally un-traumatic procedure for you, and that you're then able to convince me to get 'er done, because really...Who wants to die being remembered as a polyp?

[TomAz]

My Dr. even tried to make me think that I could keep the procedure confidential by simply getting a stool sample at home and mailing it to the lab in some plastic type envelope that came with a tongue depressor.

No hablo brokendoll.

[sonnyboy11]

May 24th...

Well, I have one scheduled now for Friday, May 25th! Gonna be a huge bummer for me if the Kings play that night. Means I couldn't start the prep till after I got back from the game.