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Thread: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

  1. #1
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Well this should be fun.

    Since I just turned 50 I am supposed to get a colonoscopy because my doctor says so. I have an initial consult scheduled with a gastroenterologist in a couple weeks, after which we will schedule the actual procedure.

    A colonoscopy is a procedure where they stick a tube 5 feet up your ass, with a camera attached to the end, and look for problems. The tube is pretty thin (1 cm) so this isn't a problem. The issues are:

    1. The colon has to be completely free of solid matter. No shit, or stuff turning into shit, which means fasting, laxatives, and enemas.

    The colon must be free of solid matter for the test to be performed properly. For one to three days, the patient is required to follow a low fiber or clear-liquid only diet. Examples of clear fluids are apple juice, chicken and/or beef broth or bouillon, lemon-lime soda, lemonade, sports drink, and water. It is very important that the patient remain hydrated. Sports drinks contain electrolytes which are depleted during the purging of the bowel. Orange juice, prune juice, and milk containing fiber should not be consumed, nor should liquids dyed red, purple, orange, or sometimes brown; however, cola is allowed. In most cases, tea (no milk) or black coffee (no milk) are allowed.[11]

    The day before the colonoscopy, the patient is either given a laxative preparation (such as Picosalax, Bisacodyl, phospho soda, sodium picosulfate, or sodium phosphate and/or magnesium citrate) and large quantities of fluid, or whole bowel irrigation is performed using a solution of polyethylene glycol and electrolytes. Often, the procedure involves both a pill-form laxative and a bowel irrigation preparation with the polyethylene glycol powder dissolved into any clear liquid, preferably a sports drink which contain electrolytes.

    In this case, a typical procedure regimen then would be as follows: in the morning of the day before the procedure, a 238 g bottle of polyethylene glycol powder should be poured into 64 oz. of the chosen clear liquid, which then should be mixed and refrigerated. Two (2) bisacodyl 5 mg tablets are taken 3 pm; at 5 pm, the patient starts drinking the mixture (approx. 8 oz. each 15-30 min. until finished); at 8 pm, take two (2) bisacodyl 5 mg tablets; continue drinking/hydrating into the evening until bedtime with clear permitted fluids. A common brand name of bisacodyl is Dulcolax, and store brands are available. A common brand name of polyethylene glycol powder is MiraLAX. It may be advisable to schedule the procedure early on a given day so the patient need not go without food and only limited fluids the morning of the procedure on top of having to go through the foregoing preparation procedures the preceding day.

    Since the goal of the preparation is to clear the colon of solid matter, the patient should plan to spend the day at home in comfortable surroundings with ready access to toilet facilities. The patient may also want to have at hand moist towelettes or a bidet for cleaning the anus. A soothing salve such as petroleum jelly applied after cleaning the anus will improve patient comfort.

    The patient may be asked to skip aspirin and aspirin-like products such as salicylate, ibuprofen, and similar medications for up to ten days before the procedure to avoid the risk of bleeding if a polypectomy is performed during the procedure. A blood test may be performed before the procedure.[12][13]
    2. Although the colonoscopy tube is small, the procedure involves pumping air into the colon via an air compressor to inflate the colon and remove all the 'wrinkles' so that they can see everything.

    The colon is wrinkled and corrugated, somewhat like an accordion or a clothes-dryer exhaust tube, which gives it the large surface area needed for digestion. In order to inspect this surface thoroughly the physician blows it up like a balloon, using an air compressor, in order to get the creases out. The stomach, intestines and colon have a so-called "second brain" wrapped around them, which autonomously runs the chemical factory of digestion.[23] It uses complex hormone signals and nerve signals to communicate with the brain and the rest of the body. Normally a colon's job is to digest food and regulate the intestinal flora. The harmful bacteria in rancid food, for example, creates gas. The colon has distension sensors that can tell when there is unexpected gas pushing the colon walls out —thus the "second brain" tells the person that he or she is having intestinal difficulties by way of the sensation of nausea. Doctors typically recommend either total anaesthesia or a partial "twilight" sedative to either preclude or to lessen the patient's awareness of pain or discomfort, or just the unusual sensations of the procedure. Once the colon has been inflated, the doctor inspects it with the scope as it is slowly pulled backwards. If any polyps are found they are then cut out for later biopsy.
    And if this isn't enough fun for you, there is a 2 in 1000 chance of gastrointestinal perforation, "which is life-threatening and requires immediate major surgery for repair."

    I might yet chicken out. We'll see.
    Quote Originally Posted by efrain44 View Post
    Anyone know who the guy in the Cardinals jersey is? I've seen him in pictures on the board and I thought I saw him this year.

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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    needs moar youtubes.

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    Member flowbee's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post

    And if this isn't enough fun for you, there is a 2 in 1000 chance of gastrointestinal perforation, "which is life-threatening and requires immediate major surgery for repair."
    That's only like 1 in 500.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Couldn't it just be a 1 in 500 chance of gastrointestinal perforation?

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    Member anti-square's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    No. It happens around the 700th time and its usually back to back. It's more about the doc than the patient.
    ...

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    Coachella Junkie luckyface's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Tom... this is not fun. Good luck. The procedure is about 10x easier than the prep. You will hate life by about hour 2 after you start prepping.
    For your health

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    old school Somewhat Damaged's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    This is why I want to die before I turn 50.
    Quote Originally Posted by canexplain View Post
    I like the Coachella package they sent out this year. we now all have a snail.....cr****
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    In 12 more years, that snail will be nice and ready for you to fuck it.

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    Member HowToDisappear's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Due to family history, I had to start having them some years earlier than recommended, and will have to have them more often than most for the rest of my life.

    The colonoscopy itself is not that bad. You're partially sedated, and you get to watch it performed on a big HD monitor, which is actually kind of interesting, especially since you're, you know, partially sedated.

    The colon prep part is every bit as unpleasant as you'd expect it to be. Do yourself a favor --- although the usual prep does not require that you fast the day before you drink the Colon-Blow (only the day of with clear liquids) --- go ahead and do it anyway. Drink Ensure or something as your meals for that day. The less solids you have in your system on the day you have to drink that dreck, the less you can actually get away with drinking. (I know, I know, you're supposed to drink all one gallon of it, but I've gotten away with less. You can also drink the last of it as late as 2 1/2 -3 hours before the actual procedure, if you simply can't bring yourself to drink it all in the time allotted. Just don't tell your doctor you heard any of this from me, as this is totally against the directions.)



    Don't chicken out. It may save your life. It saved mine.

    (This CMB PSA was brought to you courtesy of HTD)
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    old school HotHamWater's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Second-best active ass thread on the board. Kudos, Tom.

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    Coachella Junkie locachica73's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    There's a happy thought!

    I am 39 and have had 4 or 5 of these done. They aren't that bad.

    Having the scope down the throat, that is the worst, especially when you wake up halfway through the procedure. Or having to eat a radioactive egg. YUMMMM
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    I have snuck in weapons before
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    A butt plug is not a weapon.

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    Dark Lord mountmccabe's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    A colonoscopy is a procedure where they stick a tube 5 feet up your ass, with a camera attached to the end, and look for problems.
    Will this stream live on YouTube?
    Quote Originally Posted by SoulDischarge View Post
    See how wrong you are, Tommy? Randy is agreeing with you.

  12. #12
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    insert 'Tom's full of shit' joke here.
    Quote Originally Posted by efrain44 View Post
    Anyone know who the guy in the Cardinals jersey is? I've seen him in pictures on the board and I thought I saw him this year.

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    Banned thelastgreatman's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Tom, I'm not a doctor or anything, but after our little gentleman's interlude at Coachella I can assure you your colon doesn't tear easily.
    Quote Originally Posted by schoolofruckus View Post
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    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Your nose didn't go very deep though.
    Quote Originally Posted by efrain44 View Post
    Anyone know who the guy in the Cardinals jersey is? I've seen him in pictures on the board and I thought I saw him this year.

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    ankle biter guedita's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    What kind of drugs are you getting pre-op and post-op?

    4/20: Godflesh, Cut Hands @ DNA Lounge
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    Banned thelastgreatman's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    Your nose didn't go very deep though.
    ... I'm not sure you and I are looking at the same nose, buddy. Trust me, if I got nostril deep in you you'd be begging for the camera.
    Quote Originally Posted by schoolofruckus View Post
    Look, your parenting is yours and Randy's business alone.
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    Member MoSetsfire's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Enjoy that Golytely. That stuff is brutal.

    real talk though. Its good to see you are following doctors orders and getting yourself checked out. kudos.
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    if you can't pull off getting drugs into a festival and consuming them, you don't deserve them.
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    Somebody shoot this fuck.

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    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    What kind of drugs are you getting pre-op and post-op?
    Laxatives.
    Quote Originally Posted by efrain44 View Post
    Anyone know who the guy in the Cardinals jersey is? I've seen him in pictures on the board and I thought I saw him this year.

  19. #19
    ankle biter guedita's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Laxatives post procedure, too? Sounds like a smooth flowing party.

    4/20: Godflesh, Cut Hands @ DNA Lounge
    4/21: The Men @ Rickshaw Stop
    4/26: Simian Mobile Disco, Earth @ Pappy and Harriet's
    5/2-5/4: Austin Psych Fest @ Carson Creek Ranch
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    5/17: Kishi Bashi @ GAMH
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    5/21: Baths @ The Independent
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    Member HowToDisappear's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Good god, that would be a nightmare.


    Thankfully, no. You can eat or drink anything you'd like afterward.
    Quote Originally Posted by PotVsKtl View Post
    See that guy in the background talking loudly about crab cakes? That's you.

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    Member thom cobain's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    I had one done a few months ago. The prep is hell. Hell. The procedure it self was not that bad because I was sedated. Don't remember a thing. Just woke up high, then a little later when going to the bathroom, I noticed someone had touched my butt hole. Unsettling.

    Good luck.
    2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2012, 2013, 2013, 2014, 2014

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    Coachella Junkie luckyface's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Quote Originally Posted by locachica73 View Post
    There's a happy thought!

    I am 39 and have had 4 or 5 of these done. They aren't that bad.

    Having the scope down the throat, that is the worst, especially when you wake up halfway through the procedure. Or having to eat a radioactive egg. YUMMMM
    I preferred the endoscopy over the colonoscopy. At least you didn't have to do anything but fast for the endoscopy. I partially woke up during both and let me tell you, both suck equally when you are partially aware of the pain and what is going on.
    For your health

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    Coachella Junkie locachica73's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    I was fully awake for my first colonoscopy and it was horribly embarrassing but I knew what was going on, the other ones though I was fully under and never woke up to anything. Waking up halfway through the two endoscopies I have had done though, I completely freaked out and tried to rip all the tubes out. It is just such a weird feeling to wake up and not know what the fuck is going on. I think it was just a combo of all the meds I was on and having a tube shoved down my throat.
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    A butt plug is not a weapon.

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    Stage Manager captncrzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    This sounds awful.

    Good luck with your asshole.
    Quote Originally Posted by miscorrections View Post
    I think the safest course is to assume everyone is a fucking nightmare and proceed from there.
    Odi profanum vulgus et arceo. I hate the unholy rabble and keep them away - Horace.

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    Coachella Junkie Pixiessp's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    I still have to reschedule mine. My Go-Lytely is very conveniently perched on my counter.
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    If you're in a relationship that causes Ancestry.com to crash, it's probably inappropriate.

  26. #26
    Coachella Junkie locachica73's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    haha @ go-lytely, such an inappropriate name.
    Quote Originally Posted by SlowMotionApocalypse View Post
    I have snuck in weapons before
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    A butt plug is not a weapon.

  27. #27
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Quote Originally Posted by captncrzy View Post
    This sounds awful.

    Good luck with your asshole.
    Unfortunately, I've had worse things done to it.
    Quote Originally Posted by efrain44 View Post
    Anyone know who the guy in the Cardinals jersey is? I've seen him in pictures on the board and I thought I saw him this year.

  28. #28
    Stage Manager captncrzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Go on...
    Quote Originally Posted by miscorrections View Post
    I think the safest course is to assume everyone is a fucking nightmare and proceed from there.
    Odi profanum vulgus et arceo. I hate the unholy rabble and keep them away - Horace.

  29. #29
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    Surgery for an anal fissure. Nothing like taking a post-anesthesia shit with stitches holding your asshole together.
    Quote Originally Posted by efrain44 View Post
    Anyone know who the guy in the Cardinals jersey is? I've seen him in pictures on the board and I thought I saw him this year.

  30. #30
    Coachella Junkie Mugwog's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Thread In Which We Discuss TomAz's Upcoming Colonoscopy

    When they enter you, think of me.

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