Advice for Teen Going Alone (sort-of)

[xogirl]

Please no super sarcastic or rude comments--just looking for a little advice.

My 17 year old daughter and I have been completely excited to go to Coachella since we bought the tickets and car camping pass last June. She was supposed to be bringing a friend to go with us, but now every single friend that was supposed to go can no longer go. My daughter loves the bands playing this year, and loves festivals, but she doesn't want to go now because the experience will be so different hanging with me than the experience that she was expecting. If we go, I'm not having her be on her own--we love the same music, and she can tell us where to go--plus she's way too pretty and trusting for me to let her hang on her own.

So, in your opinion, can she still have a great time at the festival hanging with her mom? Her expectations were so completely different from that, and I don't want to spend the considerable amount of money needed to go if she's going to be miserable. Don't get me wrong--music is her life, and she loves festivals--it's just alot of money to spend if it's going to completely be a drag overall experience for her to be with her mom all weekend.

Thanks!

[PlayaDelWes]

can she still have a great time at the festival hanging with her mom

Of course. You'll both enjoy it and be fine. /thread

[PlayaDelWes]

And maybe you will gain some trust throughout the weekend and you can each split off and do your own thing from time to time.

[PulpAffliction]

And maybe you will gain some trust throughout the weekend and you can each split off and do your own thing from time to time.

Exactly this - give her space, and the two of you will have a blast.

[Neighborhood Creep]

dibs

[braundiggity]

Obviously don't do anything you feel uncomfortable with, but I'll echo the above - the fest is very safe, and it's entirely possible, for example, that one of you will get worn out while the other wants to see another band. It's also possible you could get separated in a crowd whether you want to or not. Plans will always change during the day. Just make sure to set meeting places (ESPECIALLY for the end of each day), trust that your fellow Coachella-goers take care of each other, and have a great time!

[SP The Ghost]

I go with my mom every year. Let her go where she wants to go, make sure you have regular meet up times (Moms want to know your safe, even if you're 25...) and you'll be fine. She'll be off to college in a year anyway. Let her have fun.

[PlayaDelWes]

OP, sorry you couldn't make it in 2009. You'll have a great time this year.

[TomAz]

She was supposed to be bringing a friend to go with us, but now every single friend that was supposed to go can no longer go.

Exact same thing happened to me & my 20 year old daughter. We were going to go together but friends were supposed to come with her so she doesn't have to hang out with dad the whole weekend. The friends farted around and didnt' get tix and so my daughter decided she didn't want to go after all. And I think it was the right decision on her part.

I don't know you or your daughter so I can't give you 'advice'. The right decision for my kid may not be the right decision for yours.

[TomAz]

Also, you might wish to weigh the fact that this guy will be there with his son:

Single Dad, hoping to have a chance to hooook up while I'm there, him to. Mom and Daughter team would be awesome..

[fatbastard]

Can you post a photo of her in a bikini before providing any advice?

[amma_sol]

I think it really depends on your relationship with your daughter. My mom and I don't have the same taste in music as each other and when I go to shows and festivals that is an entirely different world that I wouldn't want my mom to be apart of. It is nothing against her but it is just my happy place and my mom causes me a lot of stress. Music is my life as well but I would probably choose to skip out on it and go next year or something. BUT, My mom would never offer to go to coachella with me so I would never be in this predicament. You have to choose depending on your relationship.

[Monko762]

There was some guy bringing his son basically saying the same thing but in "man" words. He seemed really "friendly", and he said something about a mother daughter team for him and his son. Find that guy on the boards and I think you and your daughter will have a fucking blast!

DONT BE A PRUDE!

edit: http://www.coachella.com/forum/showt...s-to-Coachella

there you go, think of me as a message board cupid.

[TomAz]

Also, you might wish to weigh the fact that this guy will be there with his son:

There was some guy bringing his son basically saying the same thing but in "man" words. He seemed really "friendly", and he said something about a mother daughter team for him and his son. Find that guy on the boards and I think you and your daughter will have a fucking blast!

DONT BE A PRUDE!

edit: http://www.coachella.com/forum/showt...s-to-Coachella

there you go, think of me as a message board cupid.

You're a fucking retard. Do you understand how message boards work? you're too fucking stupid to even know what the hell I'm talking about. Die of anal cancer.

[cansei de ser sexme]

I am 19 and I've been going to Coachella with my dad every year since I was 13. This is not an opportunity you or your daughter want to miss if you truly like the music at Coachella. I really liked going up in the crowd alone and meeting new people, but my dad would always be in the back of the tent. Give her some space and meet some new people yourself! Just always have a predetermined meeting space after a show. Plus, at least for me, I always get more out of a show when I am by myself.

[xogirl]

Thanks for all the posts, and keep the advice coming! I didn't see the "Older people taking their teenagers to Coachella" thread before, so thanks for the link.

[weezy f baby]

Please no super sarcastic or rude comments--just looking for a little advice.

My 17 year old daughter and I have been completely excited to go to Coachella since we bought the tickets and car camping pass last June. She was supposed to be bringing a friend to go with us, but now every single friend that was supposed to go can no longer go. My daughter loves the bands playing this year, and loves festivals, but she doesn't want to go now because the experience will be so different hanging with me than the experience that she was expecting. If we go, I'm not having her be on her own--we love the same music, and she can tell us where to go--plus she's way too pretty and trusting for me to let her hang on her own.

So, in your opinion, can she still have a great time at the festival hanging with her mom? Her expectations were so completely different from that, and I don't want to spend the considerable amount of money needed to go if she's going to be miserable. Don't get me wrong--music is her life, and she loves festivals--it's just alot of money to spend if it's going to completely be a drag overall experience for her to be with her mom all weekend.

Thanks!

depends... is she bringing her friend molly as well?

[strangelove13]

This part gives me pause

If we go, I'm not having her be on her own--we love the same music, and she can tell us where to go--plus she's way too pretty and trusting for me to let her hang on her own.

If you plan on watching her all day, and she knows it, there's no way she'll want to go. However, if you plan on doing some things with her, but also give her some freedom, she'll probably be more open-minded to the idea. Once the set times are out, you can plan out when you'll be together and when you'll be separate (as well as appropriate meeting times). And once you're finally on the festival grounds, she just might decide to spend more time with you than she planned because she knows no one else there, but the fact that she has the freedom to leave is important. It's like going to Disneyland as a kid with your parents; if you're stuck with them all day, it sucks, but if they give you freedom to explore on your own, you're more likely to enjoy the time actually spent together.

but if she's adamant that she doesn't want to go, don't force her, and sell the ticket(s) while you still can

[nerdtram]

this will be my fourth year going with my dad (i'm 25.) we went our first year together when I was 17.

i'm going both weekends this year. one year will be with my friends where we party and the other one will be with my dad.

i don't know, maybe i'm the exception but going with my Dad has always been the best. we're drunk the whole weekend and just chilling. I mean, I'm going twice because i love going with my dad so much.

My advice is probably "tell your kid to grow up and think about how lucky she is that she has a cool enough mom that would A. want to go. B. have a good time." but thats terrible advice cause kids dont listen to that kind of shit.

just have the time of your life with her, make it a blast, give her some space and hopefully when she's 25 she'll still want to go with you.

[Lynn163]

This part gives me pause


If you plan on watching her all day, and she knows it, there's no way she'll want to go. However, if you plan on doing some things with her, but also give her some freedom, she'll probably be more open-minded to the idea. Once the set times are out, you can plan out when you'll be together and when you'll be separate (as well as appropriate meeting times). And once you're finally on the festival grounds, she just might decide to spend more time with you than she planned because she knows no one else there, but the fact that she has the freedom to leave is important. It's like going to Disneyland as a kid with your parents; if you're stuck with them all day, it sucks, but if they give you freedom to explore on your own, you're more likely to enjoy the time actually spent together.

but if she's adamant that she doesn't want to go, don't force her, and sell the ticket(s) while you still can

This, and I would imagine she'll end up meeting other kids her age in the camp grounds to hang out with. I know there are several board members camping with their teens. When we first brought our teenage son in 09, we had to have absolute trust in him to make the right choices when he was on his own. Like others have said, have practical meeting places and times and don't count on cell phones.

[iammrcandyman]

I was 17 at my first Coachella, but I wasn't accompanied by my parents, and I'm a guy. Coachella is a liberal atmosphere so expect to smell pot, see strange things, etc. You're going to have to play cool mom for the weekend. It's your decision, but I'd go with her and give her some freedom. If you let her on her own for a bit, I guarantee she'll find some friends her age within a couple of hours. There are tons of people her (and your) age there. Let her find some friends, meet up with her a bit later to discreetly get a look at the people she's with, and you're both off to a good weekend.

Coachella is a relatively safe atmosphere. People are friendly and you can have some peace of mind knowing that the vast majority of the people there are looking to have a fun and safe experience just like you are. If your daughter wants to be alone for a while, I wouldn't worry about it. I did Coachella by myself when I was her age and I had a great time. If anything happens and she calls for help, the people around her will respond. Also, I wouldn't be concerned over being slipped anything when there are no drinks to slip things in.

I guess the only question is whether you trust her and the decisions she will make on her own, because the people at Coachella are good people.

[aphrael]

Obviously don't do anything you feel uncomfortable with, but I'll echo the above - the fest is very safe, and it's entirely possible, for example, that one of you will get worn out while the other wants to see another band. It's also possible you could get separated in a crowd whether you want to or not. Plans will always change during the day. Just make sure to set meeting places (ESPECIALLY for the end of each day), trust that your fellow Coachella-goers take care of each other, and have a great time!

Words of wisdom.

You and your daughter can have a blast, even if it's not the same as going with friends of the same age.

But understand that the odds are very, very high that you'll get separated during the festival - it requires work not to, and at some point, it'll just be easier not to worry about it. Make sure you have meeting places. If/when you do get separated, understand that meeting may not happen for some time, both because of the crowd and because tearing yourself away from $band can be hard.

[aphrael]

this will be my fourth year going with my dad (i'm 25.) we went our first year together when I was 17.

i'm going both weekends this year. one year will be with my friends where we party and the other one will be with my dad.

i don't know, maybe i'm the exception but going with my Dad has always been the best. we're drunk the whole weekend and just chilling. I mean, I'm going twice because i love going with my dad so much.

My advice is probably "tell your kid to grow up and think about how lucky she is that she has a cool enough mom that would A. want to go. B. have a good time." but thats terrible advice cause kids dont listen to that kind of shit.

just have the time of your life with her, make it a blast, give her some space and hopefully when she's 25 she'll still want to go with you.

off topic, but ... that's fucking awesome.

[Ray del Mundo]

depends... is she bringing her friend molly as well?

I lul'd

[xogirl]

wow--great advice all around. I'm pretty much the epitome of a "cool mom," it's just that I'm a little worried about other people there and their intentions (I guess I should stop reading the nasty posts on the forum). So, basically I should chill and have fun with her (we always do--I've been taking her to concerts since she was 5 and she's been to over 200). I guess I'm also a bit nervous about the car camping, but I'm sure it will be fun too.

[aphrael]

wow--great advice all around. I'm pretty much the epitome of a "cool mom," it's just that I'm a little worried about other people there and their intentions (I guess I should stop reading the nasty posts on the forum). So, basically I should chill and have fun with her (we always do--I've been taking her to concerts since she was 5 and she's been to over 200). I guess I'm also a bit nervous about the car camping, but I'm sure it will be fun too.

Lots of people on the forum are dicks for no particular reason other than, that's the culture here.

The festival itself? My experience is that everyone is pretty much relaxed, and that there's a great community vibe. Particularly in the campgrounds. Ya'll have nothing to worry about.

[iammrcandyman]

wow--great advice all around. I'm pretty much the epitome of a "cool mom," it's just that I'm a little worried about other people there and their intentions (I guess I should stop reading the nasty posts on the forum). So, basically I should chill and have fun with her (we always do--I've been taking her to concerts since she was 5 and she's been to over 200). I guess I'm also a bit nervous about the car camping, but I'm sure it will be fun too.

Ignore the forum posts, if the vibes on these forums were anything like Coachella, Coachella would suck.

Car camping is a great experience, just do your homework to make sure you have the essentials.

[Lynn163]

wow--great advice all around. I'm pretty much the epitome of a "cool mom," it's just that I'm a little worried about other people there and their intentions (I guess I should stop reading the nasty posts on the forum). So, basically I should chill and have fun with her (we always do--I've been taking her to concerts since she was 5 and she's been to over 200). I guess I'm also a bit nervous about the car camping, but I'm sure it will be fun too.

From one mom to another, ignore the nasty posts on here like you would ignore an annoying teenager. Seriously, I have never seen anything disturbing at Coachella. Everyone is in amazing spirits, friendly, and just there to have a fun experience. You are welcome to pm me if you would like to talk more about my experience.

[Cheddar's Cousin]

...Seriously, I have never seen anything disturbing at Coachella...

Naked wizard?

[Lynn163]

Ha! I thought of that as I was writing the post. Does it count if I didn't actually see it?