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Thread: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

  1. #14071
    Member footixy's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    My wife makes slightly more than I do but it's awesome to be be able to split bills and treat one another

    In no way do I ever feel less of a man for letting her handle certain finances....Masculinity has to do with what kind of a man you are not define that by money...some men unfortunately do though

    I'm with Steve on time with kids as well...There is NOTHING that can beat having time with these rapid growing runts, call me a softy but I looove being a dad and have sacrificed certain business opportunities to make more money(to surpass my wife's salary) to spend more time with my kid

  2. #14072
    Coachella Junkie PlayaDelWes's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    I agree with all that's been said. There are times when my wife is charging hard in her career and I'm lucky enough in my work situation to spend as much time with the kids as I can and there are times when she is bored or in a stagnant role where she puts other non-career related activities first. Between earned comp and time spent for the betterment of the family / relationship, it’s the sum of the parts that counts.

    I can see that if your spouse is working and you are not only not working, but not doing anything at all, where anxiety or inferiority complexes may catch up with you.
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  3. #14073
    Coachella Junkie Miroir Noir's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    The idea of men being upset or emasculated at the idea of their spouse or significant other earning more than they do seems borderline quixotic at this point. We're arrived at a point where a large portion of non-college educated men have simply opted out of civil society. A lot of younger men have not just checked out of the labor market -- which is increasingly stacked against them -- but also out of family life, parenthood, civic and religious participation, political engagement, etc. The consequences of this are devastating to women, who have been left to pick almost all of the slack, and usually to their children as well.
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  4. #14074

    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by PlayaDelWes View Post
    I agree with all that's been said. There are times when my wife is charging hard in her career and I'm lucky enough in my work situation to spend as much time with the kids as I can and there are times when she is bored or in a stagnant role where she puts other non-career related activities first. Between earned comp and time spent for the betterment of the family / relationship, it’s the sum of the parts that counts.

    I can see that if your spouse is working and you are not only not working, but not doing anything at all, where anxiety or inferiority complexes may catch up with you.

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  5. #14075
    old school JorgeC's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    this phenomenon is known as "SAHD" (Stay At Home Dad) and they even have a quarterly newsletter and support groups in the New York area where it's most prevalent. Article is in the new GQ (Fassbender cover) or maybe Details (Chris Hemsworth cover). I don't remember which since we have both in the crapper.
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  6. #14076
    Member Archie Bunker's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    The woman making more money shouldn't be a big deal. You should be happy there is more money for the family in the first place.

    However, much of the loss of masculinity can come from the change in roles.

    If your wife is the one negotiating for the new car, handling the finances, making the major family decisions, etc, then it can make the man feel like his role has been degraded or redefined.

    That's not to say the man should be doing all of these things if he's terrible at them and his wife is good at them, but it also means that a woman making more than her husband shouldn't just suddenly heap the financial-type decisions upon her shoulders, because THAT is more likely to create resentment.
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  7. #14077
    Coachella Junkie chairmenmeow47's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    there's nothing like that moment where you're making out for the first time. he lays you down and softly cradles your neck and you quickly clench your fist to punch him in the face becuase him toucing your neck obviously means he's about to kill yhou and you need to punch him out. god what's wrong with me.
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  8. #14078
    old school ThatGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by chairmenmeow47 View Post
    there's nothing like that moment where you're making out for the first time. he lays you down and softly cradles your neck and you quickly clench your fist to punch him in the face becuase him toucing your neck obviously means he's about to kill yhou and you need to punch him out. god what's wrong with me.
    Did you relax and eventually enjoy it? Maybe it was the way he touched you and it was a reflex.
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  9. #14079
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    That may never go away, Ivy. It sucks. There are certain things my husband knows not to do.

  10. #14080

    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    That self-preservation instinct sucks sometimes.

  11. #14081
    Daft Punky Junkie BROKENDOLL's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Saving face... one blowjob at a time.

  12. #14082
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by algunz View Post
    That may never go away, Ivy. It sucks. There are certain things my husband knows not to do.
    You seem like the "choke me" type
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  13. #14083
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    I have no negative history with choking, but it's still not a regular thing in my repertoire.

  14. #14084
    The Fro PassiveTheory's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    So, for the folks who have/are dated/dating someone they met online who either originally lived or is still living a considerable but not insurmountable distance away from you, what did you do suggest doing as the basis for meeting that person? Like, "hey, this movie is showing at this theater halfway between where you live and where I live, we should go see it." or something else?

    I'm fucking clueless at this (as I am at most things).
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  15. #14085

    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Yes. Suggest a halfway point.
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  16. #14086
    MENACING Courtney's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Two questions:

    1) When/why did you move to Bellingham?

    2) Where does the person you are dating live?

  17. #14087
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by PassiveTheory View Post
    So, for the folks who have/are dated/dating someone they met online who either originally lived or is still living a considerable but not insurmountable distance away from you, what did you do suggest doing as the basis for meeting that person? Like, "hey, this movie is showing at this theater halfway between where you live and where I live, we should go see it." or something else?

    I'm fucking clueless at this (as I am at most things).
    Definitely find some middle ground to meet, or take turns doing things on either end of the city. Anytime one of you is always doing the driving or travelling it's time consuming, expensive and going to get old really quick.
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  18. #14088
    The Fro PassiveTheory's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by Courtney View Post
    Two questions:

    1) When/why did you move to Bellingham?

    2) Where does the person you are dating live?
    Old profile info is old. I was up there because I got into a grad program at Western and wound up leaving it this summer. I'm back in San Diego, she's in Murrieta.
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    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    Cara. Don't judge a man for not being able to formulate a coherent thought. On an internet forum of all places.

  19. #14089
    MENACING Courtney's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by PassiveTheory View Post
    Old profile info is old. I was up there because I got into a grad program at Western and wound up leaving it this summer. I'm back in San Diego, she's in Murrieta.
    How long have you been dating? How serious is it?

  20. #14090
    Banned marooko's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    meeting suggests to me this is new.

    halfway point is good, look for other things to do in the area as well. also, isn't a movie one of those bad 1st date ventures?
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  21. #14091
    Banned marooko's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    also also, where have you been, or have I just not seen you here? hmm.
    Originally Posted by Riggins33
    Why don't you show me a pic of what you look like and I'll send you a pick of myself. I'm 6'5 230....
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  22. #14092
    Coachella Junkie SoulDischarge's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Thanks for giving us the opportunity to not give a fuck again.

  23. #14093

    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    To be honest, online dating blows. I can credit that fact for motivating me to meet women more naturally.
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  24. #14094
    Coachella Junkie SoulDischarge's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Also, Passive, do whatever works for both of you. If she wants an excuse to visit San Diego then let her come there, or meet half way, or meet somewhere interesting you'd both like to go to, or go where she's at, or whatever else. Just talk it out and figure it out, there's no one way to meet up. But don't have either of you travel a long distance just to quietly sit at a movie together unless it's part of a larger plans.
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Thanks for giving us the opportunity to not give a fuck again.

  25. #14095
    Dark Lord mountmccabe's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    If the distance is a problem then the distance is a problem. If it isn't then don't treat it like one. We're talking about an hour drive (depending on traffic and what part of SD you are in).

    If you are the one suggesting meeting up (like roo I am assuming this is for the first time) then I'd say the onus is on you to drive up there. Suggest dinner (or brunch or lunch) at a place (possibly even one she has mentioned) and another activity you would like to do. I wouldn't go for a movie but live theater or a museum could work, or you could go bowling or shoot pool, sing karaoke... depending on what you like/what she has said she likes/what is available in Murietta/nearby.

    Certainly tell her that you like her and that you want to meet/hang out in person.

    If that didn't work I might try suggesting she come to SD for some weekend daytime event, giving her a chance to at least plan to drive back before too late.

    If she isn't interested in meeting in person (which doesn't mean saying no to one of these but several and not countering with alternatives) then move on.
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    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by PassiveTheory View Post
    So, for the folks who have/are dated/dating someone they met online who either originally lived or is still living a considerable but not insurmountable distance away from you, what did you do suggest doing as the basis for meeting that person? Like, "hey, this movie is showing at this theater halfway between where you live and where I live, we should go see it." or something else?

    I'm fucking clueless at this (as I am at most things).
    I'm confused by this post. Why isn't "we want to fuck" basis enough for meeting that person?
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Maybe he wants to get to know her first.
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  28. #14098
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by mountmccabe View Post
    If you are the one suggesting meeting up (like roo I am assuming this is for the first time) then I'd say the onus is on you to drive up there. Suggest dinner (or brunch or lunch) at a place (possibly even one she has mentioned) and another activity you would like to do. I wouldn't go for a movie but live theater or a museum could work, or you could go bowling or shoot pool, sing karaoke... depending on what you like/what she has said she likes/what is available in Murietta/nearby.
    I agree with this.

  29. #14099
    The Encyclopedia bmack86's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by amyzzz View Post
    Maybe he wants to get to know her first.
    Dammit Amy, your sex thread statements have tainted my consciousness. I misread that as "Maybe he wants to get to know her fist."
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  30. #14100
    The Fro PassiveTheory's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    I wrote out a joke in response to what Bryan posted about this girl putting her fist in my ass but it was awful, so let's move on.

    To answer Courtney and everyone else, yes this is relatively recent. I contacted her over a week ago, we started messaging each other regularly and then she gave me her number a few days ago and we've been texting back and forth since then.

    Quote Originally Posted by mountmccabe View Post
    If you are the one suggesting meeting up (like roo I am assuming this is for the first time) then I'd say the onus is on you to drive up there. Suggest dinner (or brunch or lunch) at a place (possibly even one she has mentioned) and another activity you would like to do. I wouldn't go for a movie but live theater or a museum could work, or you could go bowling or shoot pool, sing karaoke... depending on what you like/what she has said she likes/what is available in Murietta/nearby.
    This is very good advice, thanks John. The only snag I've foreseen is that when I asked what she likes to do in her free time, it was a lot of indoors-y kind of activities (watching tv, playing video games, etc.). But I did find out that there's a park out there that she frequents, so maybe I can figure something out around that.

    Quote Originally Posted by mountmccabe View Post
    Certainly tell her that you like her and that you want to meet/hang out in person.
    This is what I was going to do, but because I'm fairly self-conscious I was worried that I might frighten her if I just said "Hey, we should hang out" without having something specific in mind. Is that an irrational thing to do? I'm always worried that I'm going to make someone feel uncomfortable, but I guess it would be easy to date people if there wasn't

    Quote Originally Posted by mountmccabe View Post
    If that didn't work I might try suggesting she come to SD for some weekend daytime event, giving her a chance to at least plan to drive back before too late.

    If she isn't interested in meeting in person (which doesn't mean saying no to one of these but several and not countering with alternatives) then move on.
    Word.

    And the consensus seems to be "find something(s) to do that are fun but not a movie" which is fine because I'm not set on movie dates any way. I did see that there's a record store in Temecula that looks neat, but that would have to be either an aside or for the drive back or whatever. She half-heartedly collects records and I can't think of a worse way to spend time getting to know someone than standing awkwardly nearby while they rifle through vinyl... Unless that has actually worked for anyone before. (If so, stories?)
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    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    Cara. Don't judge a man for not being able to formulate a coherent thought. On an internet forum of all places.

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