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Thread: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

  1. #12571
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Should have sent him a picture of vomit back or wake him up at awful times with a message about your cat's latest accessory

  2. #12572
    ankle biter guedita's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    He, like most people, seem to thinking I'm joking when I flat out tell them that I do not give a fuck about their lives.

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  3. #12573
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Can he tell his mom this stuff maybe?
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Because fucking millenials that's what

  4. #12574
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    He was trying to get laid.
    Quote Originally Posted by schoolofruckus View Post
    Look, your parenting is yours and Randy's business alone.
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  5. #12575
    ankle biter guedita's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by amyzzz View Post
    Can he tell his mom this stuff maybe?
    lol

    Quote Originally Posted by thelastgreatman View Post
    He was trying to get laid.
    duh

    9/12: Shifted @ Mercer
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    10/3-5: Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival
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  6. #12576
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    I like that his methodology is "I should mention vinyl to her." Does your vagina react to vinyl?
    Quote Originally Posted by schoolofruckus View Post
    Look, your parenting is yours and Randy's business alone.
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  7. #12577
    ankle biter guedita's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    He moved to the East Coast, so it's an even weirder methodology.

    9/12: Shifted @ Mercer
    9/24 - 28: Decibel Festival
    10/3-5: Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival
    10/4: Ought @ BoH
    10/5: The War on Drugs, Cass McCombs @ The Fillmore
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  8. #12578
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    "Guess what album I just got in the mail--hey wanna Skype and jerk off?"
    Quote Originally Posted by schoolofruckus View Post
    Look, your parenting is yours and Randy's business alone.
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  9. #12579
    ankle biter guedita's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    No, it's really more that once the lines of communication re-opened, he bombards me all the time with shit I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT. And me telling him to shut the fuck up doesn't work. Ignore-town.

    9/12: Shifted @ Mercer
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  10. #12580
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    "Guess what I just downlo--WHAT'S YOUR ASS LOOK LIKE RIGHT NOW?"
    Quote Originally Posted by schoolofruckus View Post
    Look, your parenting is yours and Randy's business alone.
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  11. #12581
    Entry level Alt kitt kat's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    How does one deal with a depressed partner who refuses to get help?

    So, a few months ago, you might recall that my boyfriend asked me to address my anxiety/stress/anger issues or else he might not be able to stay in the relationship. I took that as a ~*~*very serious*~*~ wake up call and have been attending therapy ever since. It's been really helpful — and now that grad school is wrapping up this week (!!!!!!!) I know that a huge part of what was making me anxious will be out of my life completely. Things have been good for me, personally. I am happy and stoked on everything.

    I wish I could say the same thing about my boyfriend

    He is depressed. It's almost textbook. He's despondent, doesn't want to go out, pushes his friends away, etc. In the last week, he's entered a severely depressed state twice; both times have involved him crying, breaking down and becoming near catatonic. During the first one (Friday night - Sunday morning) I told him he needed to go get help. Also said that I am there to support him and help him in whatever way I, as a girlfriend, can — but I cannot take on his emotional burden and he ultimately needs to see someone whose job it is to manage/heal depression. I can't be his therapist. Mentioned that it took me a long time to be happy with myself, etc. and that I can't be brought back down to that place with him. I also told him that, if he doesn't get help, I don't see me staying in the relationship much longer. He stayed inside his house all day on Saturday.

    It happened again last night. I said a lot of the same thing, including some stuff that my therapist thought would be helpful.

    Over the weekend, I lost a longtime family friend to suicide; I'm going home for the funeral this weekend. She experienced depression. I don't think my boyfriend is suicidal (he insists he isn't) but having this all happen around the death of my friend does highlight the importance/urgency of him getting help ASAP. The problem is HE WON'T GET HELP. He says he's done it before and it didn't work, or the therapists "didn't care." He was put on ADHD meds once a few years back and he said it totally helped him — but he hated the therapist so much, he quit everything. He says he's a "lost cause," and that he's "sorry that [I] fell in love with [him]." He says that he is hurting me and letting me down and he knows he's losing me. Despite knowing all this, he still won't pull himself together to get help. I offered to get him committed and he refused because he's afraid that will make him lose his job. (Or else he said he would.)

    Would it be appropriate to contact his mother in this situation to let her know what's going on? That is my next and last resort. Otherwise, I feel like I am out of options. I love him to death, but at a certain point, I have to think of myself. I was already trapped in a shitty relationship for a long time and I don't want to do that ever again.

  12. #12582
    Gummi bear sultan miscorrections's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    What's she going to do that you can't? If he doesn't want help he doesn't want help. That's an internal decision.
    Quote Originally Posted by bmack86 View Post
    Has anyone gone on a date with a sandwich recently? What base did you get to? Ham?

  13. #12583
    ankle biter guedita's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Abandon ship.

    9/12: Shifted @ Mercer
    9/24 - 28: Decibel Festival
    10/3-5: Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival
    10/4: Ought @ BoH
    10/5: The War on Drugs, Cass McCombs @ The Fillmore
    10/18-19: Treasure Island Music Festival

  14. #12584
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Give him the same ultimatum he gave you.
    Quote Originally Posted by schoolofruckus View Post
    Look, your parenting is yours and Randy's business alone.
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  15. #12585
    Entry level Alt kitt kat's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    I did give him the ultimatum. I didn't want to, but I had to. The ball is totally in his court.

    Quote Originally Posted by miscorrections View Post
    What's she going to do that you can't? If he doesn't want help he doesn't want help. That's an internal decision.
    My only hope with that is maybe his parents can stage some sort of intervention...? Or offer to assist him financially with therapy? I'm going to be gone this weekend. It would be the perfect time for them to drive down from Ventura Co. to come see him. I dunno. I just don't know if telling her, "Hey your son is really fucking depressed" would be kind/the right thing or completely out of bounds as the girlfriend.

  16. #12586
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Depends on their relationship and also your place in the scheme of their larger relationship. But it really doesn't matter - if he doesn't want to get better, any actions they take aren't going to have an effect.
    Quote Originally Posted by bmack86 View Post
    Has anyone gone on a date with a sandwich recently? What base did you get to? Ham?

  17. #12587

    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by kitt kat View Post
    ...

    Would it be appropriate to contact his mother in this situation to let her know what's going on? That is my next and last resort. Otherwise, I feel like I am out of options. I love him to death, but at a certain point, I have to think of myself. I was already trapped in a shitty relationship for a long time and I don't want to do that ever again.
    It would be appropriate, I guess. However, that doesn't address YOUR situation. Take care of yourself, not him.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mammoth85 View Post
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  18. #12588
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    For forty bucks, I'll show up at your place and make him go to therapy.
    Quote Originally Posted by schoolofruckus View Post
    Look, your parenting is yours and Randy's business alone.
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  19. #12589
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    You should know that if you do contact his mother, he is going to be extremely pissed about it, as he is emotionally unbalanced, and that would surely be the end of your relationship (as it sounds like it should be anyway).
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  20. #12590
    Dark Lord mountmccabe's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    There are many different therapists. If he didn't like his last therapist he doesn't have to go back to that person. And when he goes to somebody now he doesn't have to stay with that person if they don't work well together.
    Quote Originally Posted by SoulDischarge View Post
    See how wrong you are, Tommy? Randy is agreeing with you.

  21. #12591
    Entry level Alt kitt kat's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    You should know that if you do contact his mother, he is going to be extremely pissed about it.
    Afraid of this.

    Quote Originally Posted by mountmccabe View Post
    There are many different therapists. If he didn't like his last therapist he doesn't have to go back to that person. And when he goes to somebody now he doesn't have to stay with that person if they don't work well together.
    This is what I've been trying to tell him. It's always met with an excuse: "I can't miss work to go to therapy." (My therapist sees people until 8PM and on weekends! He can find one that does late meetings, too.) "It won't work for me." (You can't say that until you try.)

    I feel like a broken tape player at this point.

  22. #12592
    ankle biter guedita's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    How long have you two been dating?

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    10/3-5: Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival
    10/4: Ought @ BoH
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  23. #12593
    Entry level Alt kitt kat's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Nine months.

  24. #12594
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Seriously, forty bucks.
    Quote Originally Posted by schoolofruckus View Post
    Look, your parenting is yours and Randy's business alone.
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  25. #12595
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Maybe you can try to make him understand that at some point this depression is going to affect his ability to work.
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  26. #12596
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    We all know it took forever for you to find this guy, but he's got to figure himself out. You can give Randy $40 and he will surely end your relationship for you. Thats probably easier than a real break up.

    That's a wonderful idea...$40 to break up your bad relationship

  27. #12597
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    I would not!
    Quote Originally Posted by schoolofruckus View Post
    Look, your parenting is yours and Randy's business alone.
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  28. #12598

    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    I understand that with online dating you are going to send messages, receive promising messages, receive phone numbers, text around, talk about meeting up, pick a day (i.e. tonight), and then stop hearing from the other person. But it still sucks.
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  29. #12599
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by xuclarockerx View Post
    I understand that with online dating you are going to send messages, receive promising messages, receive phone numbers, text around, talk about meeting up, pick a day (i.e. tonight), and then stop hearing from the other person. But it still sucks.
    Maybe she had an emergency of some sort? Don't write her off yet.

    Curious though, how long do you talk back and forth before exchanging phone numbers and make a plan to meet? I usually leave that up to the guy, but it seems like a lot of guys just want a pen pal they can continually message back and forth with, but never want to take the next step. I was talking to a guy for about 2 weeks now and finally just got bored and stopped responding.
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  30. #12600
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Going on a date with a divorced stripper with a kid this Friday. She also lives 45 min away from me.

    Good choices.

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