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Thread: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

  1. #12421
    old school gmoneyak's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    You might just be a grade A bitch, Kat.. I know, my ex was a classic example.

    Very smart, very pretty, but so insanely agitated by any and everything imaginable. She had the uncanny ability of letting everybody get to her, nothing could be let go.

    Obviously, by the time i got around to see her each week, she was already on the edge and in a shitty mode. Eventually, it was found out through therapy that she had some deep-rooted family issues that needed to be resolved. By then, i was over it.. My patience was burned out with her overall lack of gratitude for anything i did.

    You sound familiar, she too was acutely aware with her own faults in this matter. She just couldn't fucking help herself.
    Last edited by gmoneyak; 04-05-2013 at 05:43 PM.

  2. #12422
    old school unit300021's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by kitt kat View Post
    Well, my anger issues might be ruining my relationship.

    Boyfriend told me that he cannot deal with my outbursts anymore. I get angry or frustrated about something/anything unrelated to him, and I lash out and attack him/his insecurities as a way to "Get the anger out." I know that it's happening as it's happening, and I can't stop it. It's gotten bad in the last month; I've been stressed with school and work and got put on Xanax by my doctor for anxiety. Boyfriend says he will break up with me if I do this again. I don't like ultimatums, but...I think I've fucked up a good thing simply because I can't stop myself from being so sad and angry all the time.

    You all might want to clear a space on the loser couch in this thread for me. I have a feeling I'll be back here soon.
    Quote Originally Posted by Zafocaine View Post
    I'm no expert...............

    But in a lot of cases, a partner will use a minor problem like this as a breaking point because they don't have the words to say they want to break up. Generally speaking, these people will find any excuse, whether it's your anger, their emotions for someone else, the way their parents feel about you, or anything at all really. If it's not right, you can't force it. He should be man enough to love you for your outbursts, and find a way to deal with it, instead of having a shit fit and pushing you into taking medication.

    Boyfriend is supposed to be there to help you through times like this, not threaten a breakup. Such a threat just makes you more stressed out. You sound much better than this dude. Burn that bridge, if you get the chance.
    Wow is Zafocaine actually trying to give out legit and sincere sounding advice? I haven't really been around much this past week did something change with him? As strange as it it for me to agree with him there might an underlying issue other then the anger. Unless of course it's you constantly out bursting at him multiple times a day, which if the case you can't really blame him for being tired of it.
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  3. #12423

    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by amandabomb View Post
    So my friends and I were having a debate about first dates - is it too harsh to decide, after just one date, that you never want to date that person again?
    I think it takes time to get to know someone and, as an arguably unconventional specimen myself, I don't like the idea of writing someone off as soon as possible. On the other hand, it can get overwhelming to give everyone a "fair" chance. I guess it depends how desperate you are.



    Quote Originally Posted by SlowMotionApocalypse View Post
    I haven't been on a "date" since Feb 28th, 1996
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    Hey here's an idea. You know those people who are desperately poor, down on their luck, uneducated, abused, and generally ill-equipped for life? Let's make fun of them.

  4. #12424

    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    I don't think it's the duty of some guy you've been with for under a year to deal with your shit and sit with you through therapy. Trust me, I've been on the other side of that (needing help) and my gf left me and it was the right thing for both of us.
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  5. #12425
    Member Archie Bunker's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Your anger issues won't go away until you understand why you're so angry and have a definitive plan to stop them.

    Just "trying to be nicer" will never work, and yes, your boyfriend will leave you if this continues. At some point, an abused significant other has just had enough.
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  6. #12426
    Dark Lord mountmccabe's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by unit300021 View Post
    Wow is Zafocaine actually trying to give out legit and sincere sounding advice? I haven't really been around much this past week did something change with him? As strange as it it for me to agree with him there might an underlying issue other then the anger. Unless of course it's you constantly out bursting at him multiple times a day, which if the case you can't really blame him for being tired of it.
    No. Zafo is trolling/a moron as always and should be ignored. Taking your anger out on your partner is not OK. Sorry, Kat, it sounds like you're being abusive and no one should have to put up with that. It does not have to be multiple times per day to be a problem. And yes, I am all for significant others being there for each other and helping each other through tough times but there has got to be a limit.

    Attacking your boyfriend's insecurities because you are mad about unrelated shit is awful and a serious problem. If you cannot control your anger you might do well to look into therapy and/or work on a plan to change the things in your life that are frustrating or angering you.
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  7. #12427
    old school ods..'s Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Or let a few of us fuck the anger out of you in a train. Whichever.

  8. #12428
    old school unit300021's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by mountmccabe View Post
    No. Zafo is trolling/a moron as always and should be ignored.
    You are right he probably should be, but I don't have anyone on ignore and if I decide to ever put anyone on it I'm starting with others before him.

    Quote Originally Posted by ods.. View Post
    Or let a few of us fuck the anger out of you in a train. Whichever.
    This might be the best/funniest response I have heard in awhile.
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  9. #12429
    Can't Post anymore. bummer Zafocaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Obviously he's not down for what she's putting out. There's no question of whether or not they should be together, and I remember thinking kat was a tool months ago when she was talking about her relationship with her relatives, but there are people out there who "love" someone enough to help them with their troubles instead of bailing, or contributing. Bailing is definitely the best method if you want to save your own skin, but it also shows how much you value you partners. I don't know about the rest of you, but I think jack shit of people who bail under pressure. You know the type. They bail on their jobs, their girls, their family, their obligations. You actually come in here posting as if you're not the "troll" trying to teach these people how great it is to live without integrity?

    Cool story, bro. I've got a few of my own.

  10. #12430
    Member sbconnection's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    [QUOTE=Courtney;2702868]Yes, seriously. I'm a fan of kickboxing myself. But whatever works. Just find something that's a good release. Angry sex works sometimes too depending on what your significant other is into.[/QUOTE=Courtney;2702868]

    I have never had the pleasure of hate fucking. By the time we start making out I forget why I'm mad.

    Also, my outlet to controlling my craziness is lots of weightlifting and smoking TONSSSSSSS of Weed. Also, like Bmack said, good old fashion thrashing punk rock does the trick.

    Kat, you've got to find a way to let things go and just don't give a fuck. Be a strong bitch! Not the bitch that your boyfriend threatens to break up with. He's kind of treating your anger like a temper tantrum, don't go down like that.
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  11. #12431
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by sbconnection View Post
    He's kind of treating your anger like a temper tantrum, don't go down like that.
    This doesn't sound like a temper tantrum to you?

    I get angry or frustrated about something/anything unrelated to him, and I lash out and attack him/his insecurities as a way to "Get the anger out." I know that it's happening as it's happening, and I can't stop it.
    It would be wrong of the boyfriend to bail on the first instance, but if this is repeated abuse, as Kat admits it is, I don't understand the mindset that says he should stick around if she's not willing to change. I hate having to do the ol' gender switcheroo, but if it were a man taking his unrelated shit out on a woman by verbally attacking her, there's no way people would condone it, as well as they shouldn't. It's always seemed to me like one's spouse or significant other should be a buffer or ally when external things do get frustrating/infuriating/too much to handle, and attacking them for something they're not responsible for makes no sense at all. Of course realizing there's a difference between venting anger at someone (which we all do) and actually attacking someone (which is what Kat says she does).
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  12. #12432
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by roberto73 View Post
    It's always seemed to me like one's spouse or significant other should be a buffer or ally when external things do get frustrating/infuriating/too much to handle, and attacking them for something they're not responsible for makes no sense at all. Of course realizing there's a difference between venting anger at someone (which we all do) and actually attacking someone (which is what Kat says she does).
    Exactly right. The right word is 'ally'.

    Advice to Kat: your past is not your future. Learn to control it rather than letting it control you. There will be work involved.
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  13. #12433
    Banned marooko's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by kitt kat View Post
    I get angry or frustrated about something/anything unrelated to him, and I lash out and attack him/his insecurities
    I'm an angry person, but I would never do something like this to my SO. Way too far, kitty, deal with this. I don't even like crapping on my coworkers when they piss me off, we're on the same team.

  14. #12434

    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Went out on a first date last night. I was way more enthusiastic about my dinner plate than the man behind it. Moments before asking for the check I found myself openly yawning at the table multiple times because I was really exhausted from the week and after a nice meal and a tasty dessert, who wouldn't be comfortably sleepy? I was tired and I told him so, if he got offended then that's his problem.

    The conversation was decent enough through the meal but I was not feeling any sparks between us at all.

    Should I give this guy a "fair" chance? maybe. I just can't be arsed to sit through another date like that.

  15. #12435
    Member sbconnection's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    I think you just answered your own question.

    With in the first couple minutes of meeting someone I can usually tell if I want to have a second date. If you have to be "arsed" to have another date like that with this guy then don't bother... NEXT!
    Weedeater/Black Cobra 1/17 @ Thee Parkside | Justin Timberlake @ SAP Center 1/19 | Scott H. Biram @ Rickshaw Stop 3/11 (?) |DEATH @ The Chapel 3/23 | Gary Numan @ the Fillmore 4/6 | Coachella Weekend 1 | Franz Ferdinand 4/28

  16. #12436

    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Mr.Trent finished the meal by putting a cigarette out in the middle of the plate.
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  17. #12437
    Member ramblinon's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by mountmccabe View Post
    No. Zafo is trolling/a moron as always and should be ignored. Taking your anger out on your partner is not OK. Sorry, Kat, it sounds like you're being abusive and no one should have to put up with that. It does not have to be multiple times per day to be a problem. And yes, I am all for significant others being there for each other and helping each other through tough times but there has got to be a limit.

    Attacking your boyfriend's insecurities because you are mad about unrelated shit is awful and a serious problem. If you cannot control your anger you might do well to look into therapy and/or work on a plan to change the things in your life that are frustrating or angering you.
    This. Life is stressful enough as it is... who would want to be with someone who heightens their stress levels even more? I've broken up with women over that, and I don't at all regret it.

    Get therapy. Seriously, no one wants that shit in their life. Drama is for teenagers, grow the fuck up.


    Strangely, now that I think about it, you sound a bit like my next door neighbors, except he screams back just as loudly. They will go at it for a solid hour a few times a week, then chill, have a cigarette, and apparently they're back to cool. They're so codependent that I don't think they could break up. It's too bad, because I very badly want to stick my penis in her vagina.

  18. #12438
    Can't Post anymore. bummer Zafocaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Once again, the plague masquerading as healthy. You are what's wrong with these people. You'll never dick down that dude's wife, and if you do, you'll get nothing out of it. The fact that you think about fucking another man's wife enough to tell us about it shows how typical and unhealthy you truly are. Maybe they shouldn't be together, but they sure as shit shouldn't be with anyone else if they can tolerate one another. Some people aren't going to grow healthy if you just abandon and ignore them. That would be like a doctor telling you to wait a tumor out, you fucking moron. Stress has nothing to do with drama. Maybe your parents are still paying your bills(like the trust fund baby most of you seem to be), so you have zero concept of real world stress, but that shit can get heavy enough to drown people. On top of that, her boyfriend is probably going to end up cheating on her before they actually break up (more common than not, in such a situation) which will push her even farther down that dark hole. You haven't talked to the guy, and this woman is obviously trying to take the blame for something that isn't entirely her fault. Do you blame the insane for being incorrect? It sounds to me like kat has always been a controlling yelling snobbish smothering type. He knew what he was getting in for. He thought having pussy on the regs was going to make who she was easier to take? That's his mistake, and shouldn't be another problem for her. Think about it, you unhealthy stunts.

    Quote Originally Posted by marooko View Post
    I'm an angry person, but I would never do something like this to my SO. Way too far, kitty, deal with this. I don't even like crapping on my coworkers when they piss me off, we're on the same team.
    Seriously? The other day I was chilling with a friend. I was playing videogames, and he was texting while I fucker it up. The next thing I know (midnight club LA) I lost all my good cars in a pink slip race, and this guy is trying to say how bullshit it is that I lost the cars while he hadn't even been watching the races, so involved in his texting.

    I turned around and said, "Shut the fuck up. Go back to your fucking texting." Strong words, sure, but to me not very personal.

    Next thing it turns into some argument about who's been getting pussy/ seeing pussy/ talking to girls/ living with girls/ yadda yadda.

    Point? Everyone fucking argues. Friends, relatives, lovers, and strangers. We're all going to argue. Someone you take into your bed and share the most personal sides of you with shouldn't be ready to ditch you on the drop of a dime. If you guys can't understand that, then something is wrong with you.

    Furthermore, if kat can't realize that this guy doesn't value her for shit, then something (aside from anger and misdirection issues) is incredibly wrong with her.

    Edit: When I say something is wrong with you, I know it's not your fault. It's a lot easier to be a goon when everyone around you is saying it's alright to be a goon. At what point do you stop all the shiester things you've been doing and adopt integrity into your brand of being? No one will make you be that person you always thought of yourself as (the hero, or the anti-christ), though your real life decisions will come into play when being viewed by others. It's a lot easier to let a plant die than it is to keep it growing and beautiful. Not surprised this needs explaining here.
    Last edited by Zafocaine; 04-06-2013 at 03:31 PM.

  19. #12439
    Gummi bear sultan miscorrections's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Arguing is very, very different than launching an offensive on someone's insecurities. When I get really, really, truly enraged I do the latter, and the sting from that never really gets forgotten. People can forgive below the belt attacks, but they sure as hell shouldn't have to on a regular basis.
    Quote Originally Posted by bmack86 View Post
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  20. #12440
    ankle biter guedita's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Avoiding the kat drama for now, I would just like to say that if you have no initial interest in any way to a first date you are in no way obligated to feel it out for a second date. Seriously, check the fuck out of that date and get plastered.

    I am awake and reading this thread cus both my boyfriend and his goddamned german shepard are passed out on top of me. Is a ton a hundred pounds? I am trapped beneath snoring bodies.

    Kat, work on yourself. If you arent healthy, your relationship wont be. Also still wondering if the age difference between you and boyfriend is in any way afactor here.
    Last edited by guedita; 04-07-2013 at 04:01 AM.

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  21. #12441
    Member Archie Bunker's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Here is another good reason NOT to have a second date if the first one sucked:

    Most successful long-term relationships had a strong, exciting start.

    It is inevitable that the excitement of a new relationship will wear off, and this typically occurs somewhere between 6 weeks and 6 months.

    However, the memory of a "strong start" often forms the foundation that keeps everything together for the long term. If you start to tire of your partner, get bored of them, or find them frustrating, you always have the exciting memories of the past to draw upon.

    If you lack this strong start, and more just tolerate someone that you're not really into, eventually resulting in them "growing on you", things are different. While you can truly get to appreciate and love the person, there will be a passion that is always lacking, and it will be a lot easier to find yourself wondering what it would have been like if you were with someone who you found more appealing.

    Or, simply put, if there weren't enough good times at the beginning, you won't have much in your mind to counteract the bad times when they occur.

    Eventually, I made a promise to myself to ditch any dating situation where either party "isn't sure" about the other in the early goings. If we aren't both really excited about each other at the beginning, I want nothing to do with it.
    Everybody Wang Chung tonight.

  22. #12442
    Member Archie Bunker's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    I actually learned the above at age 18 but didn't realize it.

    Prior to that, all of my relationships/dating situations were with girls that I found attractive, and ones that (at least initially) really liked me. All of these ended either because the girl dumped me or because we had a big fight and mutually decided it was over.

    I hadn't yet had a situation where the girl was still into me and I had to dump her.

    This changed when I was 18. I was with a girl whom I didn't really find physically attractive -- a first for me -- and finally after about two months, I decided I didn't want to continue anymore. It was very hard for me to dump her, because she was very nice and hadn't done anything wrong. I just wasn't into her, and after feeling too guilty to dump her for about 1-2 weeks, I finally bit the bullet and did it. Needless to say, she was both surprised and disappointed, and I felt awful.

    I should have learned the lesson then, but I repeated the mistake a few more times in my life.

    Keep in mind that I don't even have super-high standards as far as looks go. Not at all. But you really do need some degree of physical attraction to make things work.
    Everybody Wang Chung tonight.

  23. #12443
    Can't Post anymore. bummer Zafocaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by miscorrections View Post
    Arguing is very, very different than launching an offensive on someone's insecurities. When I get really, really, truly enraged I do the latter, and the sting from that never really gets forgotten. People can forgive below the belt attacks, but they sure as hell shouldn't have to on a regular basis.
    It only hurts the first time. It's more like sport after that.

  24. #12444
    ankle biter guedita's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating


    8/16: Anthony Naples, Maxmillion Dunbar @ f8
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    8/23-8/24: FYF Fest
    8/30: Peaking Lights @ The Chapel
    9/3: Bear in Heaven @ The Independent
    9/24 - 28: Decibel Festival
    10/5: The War on Drugs, Cass McCombs @ The Fillmore
    10/18-19: Treasure Island Music Festival

  25. #12445
    Member amandabomb's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by Archie Bunker View Post
    If we aren't both really excited about each other at the beginning, I want nothing to do with it.
    I agree with this, but what about when you're the one who's not excited about the other person, but that person is obviously eager? This has happened to me a few times, where I've felt pretty meh after a date but the guy said how much of a great time he had, wants to get together again, etc. My normal (and probably pretty shitty) protocol is to smile and give a, "yeahh...it was fun, sure let's hang out again" response, but flake on the follow-through. I have a really hard time disappointing people, especially when they're nice and haven't done anything wrong, but I really don't know what the appropriate response should be. Bahhh...

    On a brighter note, I just started chatting with someone on Tinder who seems pretty cool! Really great taste in music We're planning on meeting up when I get back from Coachella. Woot!
    "If you've lost your faith in love and music, the end won't be long." -The Libertines

  26. #12446

    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by amandabomb View Post
    I agree with this, but what about when you're the one who's not excited about the other person, but that person is obviously eager? This has happened to me a few times, where I've felt pretty meh after a date but the guy said how much of a great time he had, wants to get together again, etc. My normal (and probably pretty shitty) protocol is to smile and give a, "yeahh...it was fun, sure let's hang out again" response, but flake on the follow-through. I have a really hard time disappointing people, especially when they're nice and haven't done anything wrong, but I really don't know what the appropriate response should be. Bahhh...

    On a brighter note, I just started chatting with someone on Tinder who seems pretty cool! Really great taste in music We're planning on meeting up when I get back from Coachella. Woot!
    We've all been there at some point. I've been both the eager one and the cold bitch and all that comes to mind is that life and human relations are fucked up, but once in a fucking blue moon we meet someone who is equally excited about us as we are of them. It sucks when the person you're attracted to doesn't give a shit about you but then again I don't feel bad when I end communications with someone I don't like. The only thing to learn here is to accept this fucked up cycle and hope to meet someone you like who appreciates you for who you are.

  27. #12447

    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    My new friend was over at the side stage for Grinderman last night then watched How To Destroy Angels. I think we were made for each other.
    "why are you so annoying" TheKlein25

  28. #12448
    old school unit300021's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Don't worry. Your cousin is going to come in and ruin it for you. If she doesn't then your blow job lady might come over at the wrong time. And how somehow if that still doesn't do anything then her wanting to talk to you while you are in the bathroom certainly will.

    Sorry but I had to, wait I'm not sorry at all, but I still had to.
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  29. #12449

    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by unit300021 View Post
    Don't worry. Your cousin is going to come in and ruin it for you. If she doesn't then your blow job lady might come over at the wrong time. And how somehow if that still doesn't do anything then her wanting to talk to you while you are in the bathroom certainly will.

    Sorry but I had to, wait I'm not sorry at all, but I still had to.
    None of them have access to the Palm Springs location.
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    How much does Coachella girl run?
    Quote Originally Posted by canexplain View Post
    Remember Hitler? I don't but here we are again .. cr****

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