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Thread: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

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    Coachella Junkie greghead's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Kat, are you guys fighting or just bickering? When gf and I actually fight, we fucking fight. But more frequently we bicker at each other when we're stressed. Normally, we just need a few minutes to breathe and we're cool to talk and get ourselves back on track. We've been together for a decade and things are still great, so I wouldn't worry too much, that shit is very normal. You guys are cognizant of the frequency in which you guys fight and the stress it causes, which is a good sign. Seems just a matter of being a little more patient and devising steps to release pressure before you guys meltdown.
    Quote Originally Posted by nathanfairchild View Post
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    Member chbludevil's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Kat, I suggest you learn that arm bar move that works so well for that female MMA fighter. That way your bf will think twice before stepping out of line the next time.

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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by kitt kat View Post
    (ie: misinterpreted text messages)
    Getting in arguments over misinterpreted text messages is one of the dumbest things. My wife tends to not understand them every once in awhile. There is no tone, no sarcasm detected, or some other dumb stuff and she gets angry over nothing. A lot is due to her being so busy/stressed at work and not taking the time to really focus on what was written. I have put her in timeouts over it. Need to ask me a question? Call me.

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    Pedley Rocks JustSteve's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by mountmccabe View Post
    You gotta admit, Randy, that it's likely that chbludevil is involved in more than his fair share of miscommunicating.
    I keep reading the username as schlubdevil.

  5. #12035
    Entry level Alt kitt kat's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by mountmccabe View Post
    Miscommunication can happen but this will continue to be a problem unless you get used to each others communication style. Try to be as clear as possible. Try to assume the best, going with a generous interpretation.

    Also I would be unhappy if my partner kept getting upset with me because of external bullshit, especially if it was to the point of picking fights to let off stream.

    This is a good sign. But if you're fighting about the same things over and over and not learning anything you're going to keep having those fights and they are likely to get old.
    It's definitely related to us now REALLY getting used to each other's communication style. The more we've grown comfortable with one another, the more we've put our guards down. I tend to be impatient and frustrated with stuff, he's stubborn and moves at his own pace. The situations that arise from this are usually related to inane stuff exacerbated by our respective qualities. Really stupid stuff like, needing to be somewhere at a certain time, not being able to decide what to eat.

    We also tend to be grumpy when we haven't had anything to eat. It's become a running joke because it almost always solves the problem.

    We've had this exact discussion before, though. We know it's because things are progressing into a different stage, and we've both been open in trying to dissect and understand where the feelings are actually coming from. I really love him, and I'm extremely happy. I've noticed my mood has changed, overall.

    On Sunday, we're going to have dinner at his parent's house. I've met them twice before and it's been great but oh my god does it make me fucking nervous.

  6. #12036
    Member clleadz's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    So I've been seeing a girl from OkCupid for about a month. I was pretty done with the site when we met and I deactivated my account, she knows this. However my friend is also on there and can see that she is still logging in regularly. Naturally, I assume the worst: that she is messaging and seeing other guys.

    Should I bring this up with her?

  7. #12037

    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by greghead View Post
    Kat, are you guys fighting or just bickering? When gf and I actually fight, we fucking fight. But more frequently we bicker at each other when we're stressed. Normally, we just need a few minutes to breathe and we're cool to talk and get ourselves back on track. We've been together for a decade and things are still great, so I wouldn't worry too much, that shit is very normal. You guys are cognizant of the frequency in which you guys fight and the stress it causes, which is a good sign. Seems just a matter of being a little more patient and devising steps to release pressure before you guys meltdown.
    Every time I read about you and your girlie I feel like it's so similar to my own relationship.. We're on our 10th year together too, high school sweethearts.

    Quote Originally Posted by kitt kat View Post
    It's definitely related to us now REALLY getting used to each other's communication style. The more we've grown comfortable with one another, the more we've put our guards down. I tend to be impatient and frustrated with stuff, he's stubborn and moves at his own pace. The situations that arise from this are usually related to inane stuff exacerbated by our respective qualities. Really stupid stuff like, needing to be somewhere at a certain time, not being able to decide what to eat.

    We also tend to be grumpy when we haven't had anything to eat. It's become a running joke because it almost always solves the problem.

    We've had this exact discussion before, though. We know it's because things are progressing into a different stage, and we've both been open in trying to dissect and understand where the feelings are actually coming from. I really love him, and I'm extremely happy. I've noticed my mood has changed, overall.

    On Sunday, we're going to have dinner at his parent's house. I've met them twice before and it's been great but oh my god does it make me fucking nervous.
    Eeeep is it the season of bitchiness right now? We actually had a giant fight about a week ago and I accidentally said some things I REALLY shouldn't have. I can be a bit of a bitch when I wanna be (understatement).

    Don't be worried about his parents. If they love him they'll love you too.
    Last edited by Starraven; 03-12-2013 at 11:04 AM.

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    Pedley Rocks JustSteve's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by clleadz View Post
    So I've been seeing a girl from OkCupid for about a month. I was pretty done with the site when we met and I deactivated my account, she knows this. However my friend is also on there and can see that she is still logging in regularly. Naturally, I assume the worst: that she is messaging and seeing other guys.

    Should I bring this up with her?
    Sure, if you want it to be over. It's been a month. Has there been any conversation about being exclusive with each other?

  9. #12039
    Coachella Junkie chairmenmeow47's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by clleadz View Post
    So I've been seeing a girl from OkCupid for about a month. I was pretty done with the site when we met and I deactivated my account, she knows this. However my friend is also on there and can see that she is still logging in regularly. Naturally, I assume the worst: that she is messaging and seeing other guys.

    Should I bring this up with her?
    your friend sounds a bit possessive. do you have an exclusive relationship? also, i login sometimes just to read messages and sometimes provide a smart-ass response that has nothing to do with being romantic. or i log-in to check a guy's profile because i wanted to show a friend his picture. or i have just-friends that find me on the site and want to say what's up. or sometimes i want to show my friends my profile as an example of how to create one.

    the point is, when you go looking for trouble, you will find it. this is why i try to avoid doing shit like seeing what sites someone's logging into, who they are responding to on facebook, checking-up on their female friends or whatever. if you do these things, you WILL eventually find something that makes you a little nervous. i've done it, i'm not perfect, i'm just saying it's not a healthy way to be in a relationship.

    but, now that you've seen this and i'm sure will have trouble ignoring it (especially with the nosy friend who will likely not let this go), you might as well avoid talking about OKC specifically and talk about exclusivity, if you haven't already. best of luck.
    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    It's when we discuss Coachella that we are at our collective dipshittiest.

  10. #12040
    Member clleadz's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by JustSteve View Post
    Sure, if you want it to be over. It's been a month. Has there been any conversation about being exclusive with each other?
    I figured it would be pretty much the same conversation.. no? this is the first girl I've liked for a while, so I don't want to bring it up too soon and fuck things up. We've been spending a ton of time together and she seems super into me, which is why I am bothered at all by it.

    Also, the petty part of me would want to be seeing other people if she is...

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    Coachella Junkie chairmenmeow47's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by clleadz View Post
    I figured it would be pretty much the same conversation.. no? this is the first girl I've liked for a while, so I don't want to bring it up too soon and fuck things up. We've been spending a ton of time together and she seems super into me, which is why I am bothered at all by it.

    Also, the petty part of me would want to be seeing other people if she is...
    conversation A: hey, i really like you, but i certainly don't trust you and neither do my friends. they stalk your online profiles to see what you're doing and let me know you may still be using the dating site to meet guys. are you?

    conversation B: hey, i really like you, want to be exclusive?
    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    It's when we discuss Coachella that we are at our collective dipshittiest.

  12. #12042
    Member clleadz's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by chairmenmeow47 View Post
    your friend sounds a bit possessive. do you have an exclusive relationship? also, i login sometimes just to read messages and sometimes provide a smart-ass response that has nothing to do with being romantic. or i log-in to check a guy's profile because i wanted to show a friend his picture. or i have just-friends that find me on the site and want to say what's up. or sometimes i want to show my friends my profile as an example of how to create one.

    the point is, when you go looking for trouble, you will find it. this is why i try to avoid doing shit like seeing what sites someone's logging into, who they are responding to on facebook, checking-up on their female friends or whatever. if you do these things, you WILL eventually find something that makes you a little nervous. i've done it, i'm not perfect, i'm just saying it's not a healthy way to be in a relationship.

    but, now that you've seen this and i'm sure will have trouble ignoring it (especially with the nosy friend who will likely not let this go), you might as well avoid talking about OKC specifically and talk about exclusivity, if you haven't already. best of luck.
    Great, thanks for the advice! I have also been pretty jealous / possessive in the past, so I fight those tendencies extremely hard these days and they are going away.

    You are very right about the whole looking through facebook etc and finding things you don't like. Now facebook (and it's photos) have been around for a while there it's all too easy to look back in time. Ex-girlfriends of mine still have tons of pics of me in their old albums and stuff

  13. #12043
    Member clleadz's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by chairmenmeow47 View Post
    conversation A: hey, i really like you, but i certainly don't trust you and neither do my friends. they stalk your online profiles to see what you're doing and let me know you may still be using the dating site to meet guys. are you?

    conversation B: hey, i really like you, want to be exclusive?
    ha, sure. a little reductio ad absurdum. I more meant that conv B=conv A, but that conv A does not necessarily = conv B

  14. #12044
    Coachella Junkie chairmenmeow47's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by clleadz View Post
    Great, thanks for the advice! I have also been pretty jealous / possessive in the past, so I fight those tendencies extremely hard these days and they are going away.

    You are very right about the whole looking through facebook etc and finding things you don't like. Now facebook (and it's photos) have been around for a while there it's all too easy to look back in time. Ex-girlfriends of mine still have tons of pics of me in their old albums and stuff
    anytime i get jealous myself sometimes. i use the paul anka philosophy of just don't look!

    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    It's when we discuss Coachella that we are at our collective dipshittiest.

  15. #12045
    Coachella Junkie Mugwog's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by kitt kat View Post
    My boyfriend and I have both said to one another that we've been concerned we're "fighting too much." I think the "too much" is there only because we're totally out of the "honeymoon" stages and into the more "serious" stages. (It's been 7 months now.)

    We never scream or anything of that nature just your usual raised/angry voices. We don't call each other names. We definitely don't hit one another. Usually the fights come about via miscommunication (ie: misinterpreted text messages) or one of us being generally frustrated/stressed about non-relationship things and those feeling spilling into the relationship. After fighting, we always end up coming to one another (either after talking it out, or after cooling down for 30 mins or so alone) and do the whole apologizing/explaining thing. ("I was actually mad because blah blah blah...")

    I know fights are normal. I just need the reassurance that this shouldn't be anything to worry about. The attraction levels are just as crazy (if not more?) than when we first started dating, and we're generally in good spirits with one another.
    My gf and I are around this stage: I just tell her she needs to stop over analyzing shit and go with the flow. In addition, do not attempt to castrate me or control my schedule/finances. In fact, just keep out of that shit until you're ready to get married. She definitely works herself up for no reason (imo) and then we have sex and its all good.

    So maybe just bang some more?

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    Coachella Junkie locachica73's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Women tend to over analyze everything, or at least most of the women I know. Asking us not to do it is like asking a dude not to scratch his balls.

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    Coachella Junkie greghead's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by kitt kat View Post
    It's definitely related to us now REALLY getting used to each other's communication style. The more we've grown comfortable with one another, the more we've put our guards down. I tend to be impatient and frustrated with stuff, he's stubborn and moves at his own pace. The situations that arise from this are usually related to inane stuff exacerbated by our respective qualities.
    So you've basically started being your real selves and stopped being the person you wanted your other to see you as. Normal early relationship stuff. Do you fart in front of each other yet? That's the true sign that you've arrived in the comfortable stage.
    Quote Originally Posted by nathanfairchild View Post
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by greghead View Post
    So you've basically started being your real selves and stopped being the person you wanted your other to see you as. Normal early relationship stuff. Do you fart in front of each other yet? That's the true sign that you've arrived in the comfortable stage.
    If I'm not comfortable farting or taking a shit while he's around by the 4th date, then it's not meant to be.

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    Coachella Junkie greghead's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    There we go. It's not even the girls, sometimes guys are total pussies and won't fart for months and months. Fuck that business. Pretty sure I dutch-ovened Jennie in the first month or two of our relationship. Trial by fire, if you will.
    Quote Originally Posted by nathanfairchild View Post
    Has Pitchfork revealed it's top 200 covers by Arcade Fire yet?

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    Member chbludevil's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    How awful is it when you first start dating and you have to hold your farts in all night? Then when you finally bid adieu you're sending out beluga whale mating calls

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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by locachica73 View Post
    Asking us not to do it is like asking a dude not to scratch his balls.
    Touche

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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by Robin View Post
    If I'm not comfortable farting or taking a shit while he's around by the 4th date, then it's not meant to be.
    This. My girl and I fart on one another when we are snuggling in the morning. Very romantic

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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    I prefer never feeling like it's ok to fart in front of someone I am dating, I hope they never feel comfortable doing that in front of me. Accidents happen occasionally, but when they do I prefer there to be a bit of embarrassment and an apology.

  24. #12054
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    Quote Originally Posted by greghead View Post
    There we go. It's not even the girls, sometimes guys are total pussies and won't fart for months and months. Fuck that business. Pretty sure I dutch-ovened Jennie in the first month or two of our relationship. Trial by fire, if you will.
    I hope she returned the favor.
    A long time ago, my boyfriend at the time had me pinned between his ass and the wall. There was no escaping!
    Quote Originally Posted by chbludevil View Post
    How awful is it when you first start dating and you have to hold your farts in all night? Then when you finally bid adieu you're sending out beluga whale mating calls
    This is why I always try to take a shit before the first few dates. It diminishes the risk of having to fart during.

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    Member chbludevil's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    My gf and I are so in love that we even enjoy the smell of each others' farts. That's how you know it's true love

  26. #12056
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by locachica73 View Post
    I prefer never feeling like it's ok to fart in front of someone I am dating, I hope they never feel comfortable doing that in front of me. Accidents happen occasionally, but when they do I prefer there to be a bit of embarrassment and an apology.
    That is just prudish behavior

  27. #12057
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    That is some inhibited shit.
    Quote Originally Posted by bmack86 View Post
    Has anyone gone on a date with a sandwich recently? What base did you get to? Ham?

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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by locachica73 View Post
    I prefer never feeling like it's ok to fart in front of someone I am dating, I hope they never feel comfortable doing that in front of me. Accidents happen occasionally, but when they do I prefer there to be a bit of embarrassment and an apology.
    What do you do when you have to fart?
    It's not like I purposely try to fart around the person I'm dating, but if I have to fart, I usually give him a warning. It is his choice if he wants to stick around for it or leave.

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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by locachica73 View Post
    I prefer never feeling like it's ok to fart in front of someone I am dating, I hope they never feel comfortable doing that in front of me. Accidents happen occasionally, but when they do I prefer there to be a bit of embarrassment and an apology.
    A family friend of ours who has been married to her second husband is like this also. She still walks into another room when she is about to fart and only goes to the bathroom to poo when her husband isn't around and if he she sends him out of the room. A bit crazy but just know that there is at least one other person who thinks like you.
    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    Why aren't there more good role models for fat people who fall down a lot?

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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    I don't know, I guess my body is just trained to not let loose as often because I am so grossed out by it. I tend to hold it in until I go to the bathroom. Nick and I were together almost 4 years he always laughed at the fact that the only time he ever heard me pass gas was when I was asleep and didn't know I did it.

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