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Thread: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

  1. #11701
    Member FEELS's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by mountmccabe View Post
    Archie goes too far with it and paints an unrealistic picture (not surprising from someone buying to "friend zone" bullshit). "I'm not sure" isn't some sort of magic phrase and who the hell is sure what they want at the start of a relationship/whatever.

    That being said it is easy to focus on someone or get too invested in someone that isn't there.

    I don't think you did anything wrong in this situation, though. If you were having fun dating her a couple of months is no big deal and a reasonable amount of time to get to know someone, especially when y'all are so young and figuring out what you like, what you want, etc. And now she says she isn't interested in a romantic relationship so you move on. Rejection is never fun to hear but at least she said something and told you so you know and can move on.
    Wise words, thanks.

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  2. #11702
    Gummi bear sultan miscorrections's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Anyone who seriously utters the phrase "friend zone" deserves a cattle bolt to the head.
    Quote Originally Posted by bmack86 View Post
    Has anyone gone on a date with a sandwich recently? What base did you get to? Ham?

  3. #11703

    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by mountmccabe View Post
    You both could have been nervous the first time. Or having a bad day. Or distracted by something else. Or you just haven't hit on the right topics/experiences/moods for you to click. If you didn't have a bad time, find her awful or whatever give it another shot.




    It sounds like you could be learning the wrong lessons. Flirt, sure. Tease, maybe but don't play games. If "be a dick" means express your confidence and be willing to be yourself and say what you feel/want/etc that's one thing but if it means be mean, negging and all that bullshit then no, that's an awful idea.




    Making dumb jokes perpetuating myths and attacking yourself isn't a positive way of doing anything. Stand by what you say and say things you want to stand by. And there's a difference between some self-deprecation and calling for pity/a complete lack of confidence.

    All right, I agree with everything here. And yeah - "being a dick" means not being a doormat, to me. I'm enjoying teasing but I have no desire to make anyone feel bad. On the same token instead of hearing something questionable (rude, negative) and wondering about it I'll ask what she meant. And I'm not afraid to disagree. Used to think disagreement was bad, but if you can't handle differing opinions from your partner and be honest about them why date at all?
    Arcade Fire - Sir Richard Bishop, Bill Orcutt - Spoon - Paul McCartney - Steve Gunn - Beserktown Fest - Slint - Sleep - Swans - Owen Pallett - Neutral Milk Hotel - Chris Thile & Edgar Meyer - Bobby Bradford Quartet - Matana Roberts - Wadada Leo Smith, Anthony Braxton - Thurston Moore, Sebadoh - Songs for Unseen Warhol Films - Ben Frost, Tim Hecker, Pete Swanson - Ryoji Ikeda - Slowdive - A Winged Victory for the Sullen - John Zorn Marathon

  4. #11704
    ankle biter guedita's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Wait so what exactly went wrong on the date?

    8/16: Anthony Naples, Maxmillion Dunbar @ f8
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  5. #11705
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    You're too worried about words. It's ok to follow your dick sometimes. Just don't be a dick.

  6. #11706

    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    It felt like pulling teeth to keep the conversation going and I felt like an idiot everytime thete wss a lull. I admit that's probably on me.

    I found myself thinking about her this morning though so I'll give her a call today.
    Arcade Fire - Sir Richard Bishop, Bill Orcutt - Spoon - Paul McCartney - Steve Gunn - Beserktown Fest - Slint - Sleep - Swans - Owen Pallett - Neutral Milk Hotel - Chris Thile & Edgar Meyer - Bobby Bradford Quartet - Matana Roberts - Wadada Leo Smith, Anthony Braxton - Thurston Moore, Sebadoh - Songs for Unseen Warhol Films - Ben Frost, Tim Hecker, Pete Swanson - Ryoji Ikeda - Slowdive - A Winged Victory for the Sullen - John Zorn Marathon

  7. #11707
    Coachella Junkie chairmenmeow47's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by IceyHotshot View Post
    It felt like pulling teeth to keep the conversation going and I felt like an idiot everytime thete wss a lull. I admit that's probably on me.

    I found myself thinking about her this morning though so I'll give her a call today.
    don't be afraid of the "lull". i mean, don't let it go on for five minutes, but i dated a guy one time who would sigh and then giggle slightly every fucking time there was a moment of silence and it was irritating.

    and yes, give her a call
    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    It's when we discuss Coachella that we are at our collective dipshittiest.

  8. #11708
    Member FEELS's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by chairmenmeow47 View Post
    i dated a guy one time who would sigh and then giggle slightly every fucking time there was a moment of silence and it was irritating.
    haa that would be the worst

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  9. #11709
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    he also wanted to hold hands when we walked, even when walking through rooms. fucking christ i can't stand walking in tandem unless i'm rolling or something. and he got upset with me for getting really drunk one night when we went out, drinking. and after he had told me some story about getting too drunk and obnoxiously singing loudly in the woods. ya know, i feel a lot less bad about that whole thing now. fuck that guy.
    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    It's when we discuss Coachella that we are at our collective dipshittiest.

  10. #11710

    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Called and left a message, thanked her for a good time and asked if she'd like to go out again. Wait and see now I guess.
    Arcade Fire - Sir Richard Bishop, Bill Orcutt - Spoon - Paul McCartney - Steve Gunn - Beserktown Fest - Slint - Sleep - Swans - Owen Pallett - Neutral Milk Hotel - Chris Thile & Edgar Meyer - Bobby Bradford Quartet - Matana Roberts - Wadada Leo Smith, Anthony Braxton - Thurston Moore, Sebadoh - Songs for Unseen Warhol Films - Ben Frost, Tim Hecker, Pete Swanson - Ryoji Ikeda - Slowdive - A Winged Victory for the Sullen - John Zorn Marathon

  11. #11711
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by chairmenmeow47 View Post
    he also wanted to hold hands when we walked, even when walking through rooms. fucking christ i can't stand walking in tandem unless i'm rolling or something. and he got upset with me for getting really drunk one night when we went out, drinking. and after he had told me some story about getting too drunk and obnoxiously singing loudly in the woods. ya know, i feel a lot less bad about that whole thing now. fuck that guy.
    holding hands is one of the dumbest things to go along with dating. i thought it was cool when i was younger but yeah that shit is irritating, and i wouldn't put someone else in the shitty situation of having to hold my constantly sweaty hands aha.

    7/10 Cloud Nothings W/ Metz @ Constellation Room
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    8/23-8/24 FYF Fest
    9/11 Swans @ The Roxy

  12. #11712

    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Second date on Sat during the day. We're going to the beach.
    Arcade Fire - Sir Richard Bishop, Bill Orcutt - Spoon - Paul McCartney - Steve Gunn - Beserktown Fest - Slint - Sleep - Swans - Owen Pallett - Neutral Milk Hotel - Chris Thile & Edgar Meyer - Bobby Bradford Quartet - Matana Roberts - Wadada Leo Smith, Anthony Braxton - Thurston Moore, Sebadoh - Songs for Unseen Warhol Films - Ben Frost, Tim Hecker, Pete Swanson - Ryoji Ikeda - Slowdive - A Winged Victory for the Sullen - John Zorn Marathon

  13. #11713
    Coachella Junkie chairmenmeow47's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by IceyHotshot View Post
    Second date on Sat during the day. We're going to the beach.
    woo-hoo!!!!
    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    It's when we discuss Coachella that we are at our collective dipshittiest.

  14. #11714
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by IceyHotshot View Post
    Second date on Sat during the day. We're going to the beach.
    Nice! Get it iiiiiiin!

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  15. #11715
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by xanman86 View Post
    Get it iiiiiiin!
    Ugh

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  16. #11716
    ankle biter guedita's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    I'm a big fan of hand holding and arm-clutching when it comes to dating. Not so much of because of the physical intimacy, but because I have vertigo.

    8/16: Anthony Naples, Maxmillion Dunbar @ f8
    8/18: Man Man @ The Chapel
    8/23-8/24: FYF Fest
    8/30: Peaking Lights @ The Chapel
    9/3: Bear in Heaven @ The Independent
    9/24 - 28: Decibel Festival
    10/5: The War on Drugs, Cass McCombs @ The Fillmore
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  17. #11717
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    You did seem a bit wobbly last spring. I thought it was the sore legs.

  18. #11718
    Can't Post anymore. bummer Zafocaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by FEELS View Post
    Ugh
    VS.
    Quote Originally Posted by xanman86 View Post
    Nice! Get it iiiiiiin!
    Youngster who courts virgins for months, falling in love with them before figuring out that the girl will never fuck them

    VERSUS

    Net Virgin who tries asserting that he isn't a net virgin by egging other net virgins on to not scoring because they're just pathetic net virgins

    FIGHT!


    Now accepting bets.

  19. #11719
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    I regret having not put you on ignore yet.

  20. #11720
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by algunz View Post
    I regret having not put you on ignore yet.
    Do you expect to accomplish anything by this post? I won't be moved by random tear stained posts by regulars with a, "There goes the neighborhood" mentality they seem bound to. I regret having as much insight on your life as I do through the little posts you leave around like this. Seriously, Algunz. You of all should know better by now. I care even less about you than you do. Now roll over, so I can stick it in, or shut the hell up already <3

  21. #11721
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Creepy.

    When scrolling down on my phone, Icey & Kitt's avatar look exactly the same.

  22. #11722
    VigoTheCarpathian
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by Zafocaine View Post
    I care even less about you than you do.
    So you responded with a resentful paragraph

  23. #11723
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by VigoTheCarpathian View Post
    So you responded with a resentful paragraph
    I do care about honesty Algunz messaged me trying to find out whose mask I was almost as soon as I started posting here. I'm not going to act like I haven't noticed her over the past few months. I conveyed as much, with a tip of the hat suggesting that we've all overplayed our parts here. Some of us have made it more personal than others. I can't fling paragraphs anymore now, Vig? You're going to try seizing my being all because you have a soft spot in your heart for an old lady who doesn't compare you to Jason Alexander? Come on, breh. When did this stop being fun? lol

  24. #11724
    VigoTheCarpathian
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Well I don't know about all that. So far you've been the only one to compare me to Jason Alexander... which was funny... Gunz is one of my favorite boardies.... Why are you being mean to everyone?

  25. #11725

    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by algunz View Post
    When scrolling down on my phone, Icey & Kitt's avatar look exactly the same.
    You take that back!
    Arcade Fire - Sir Richard Bishop, Bill Orcutt - Spoon - Paul McCartney - Steve Gunn - Beserktown Fest - Slint - Sleep - Swans - Owen Pallett - Neutral Milk Hotel - Chris Thile & Edgar Meyer - Bobby Bradford Quartet - Matana Roberts - Wadada Leo Smith, Anthony Braxton - Thurston Moore, Sebadoh - Songs for Unseen Warhol Films - Ben Frost, Tim Hecker, Pete Swanson - Ryoji Ikeda - Slowdive - A Winged Victory for the Sullen - John Zorn Marathon

  26. #11726
    Can't Post anymore. bummer Zafocaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Actually, fine. Algunz, would you like me to retract my presence from the message board? If you guys can't be adult, then I'll give the option. You can all go back to laughing every time RSW and MJA gang up on some moron without anyone there to remind them of how fucking weakshit they are. It's up to you, at this point.

  27. #11727
    Member Archie Bunker's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by mountmccabe View Post
    Archie goes too far with it and paints an unrealistic picture (not surprising from someone buying to "friend zone" bullshit). "I'm not sure" isn't some sort of magic phrase and who the hell is sure what they want at the start of a relationship/whatever.

    That being said it is easy to focus on someone or get too invested in someone that isn't there.

    I don't think you did anything wrong in this situation, though. If you were having fun dating her a couple of months is no big deal and a reasonable amount of time to get to know someone, especially when y'all are so young and figuring out what you like, what you want, etc. And now she says she isn't interested in a romantic relationship so you move on. Rejection is never fun to hear but at least she said something and told you so you know and can move on.
    The funny thing is that I believe mountmccabe is a lot younger than I am, yet apparently he forgot what it's like to be 20.

    Though there are a few exceptions, 18-year-old girls are notoriously shallow when it comes to their dating preferences. They don't consider if you're a good person, trustworthy, likely to make a good husband/father, or even if you have a great career ahead of you. It's typically all fueled by attraction and the "wow factor" with them. When I say "attraction", it's a lot physical, but also a lot personality-based, as well. But there doesn't tend to be much of a grey area. Either they are really into you (which, by the way, can change every time the wind changes), or they're not at all. There is very little in between.

    "I'm not sure" in 18-year-old-girl-speak typically means, "I am not attracted to you, but I love hanging out with you as a friend, and I love how nice you are to me. I'm afraid to tell you that I have zero romantic interest in you, because that might end our friendship. Therefore, I will give you a non-committal answer, which also excuses me from ever having to make out with you."

    An 18-year-old girl who seemingly never dates, despite having a lot going for her (very pretty, and a great personality, according to you) is also a bad sign. This means she's generally not ready to date and/or has ridiculously high standards as to who she's willing to date, which again means you're in bad shape either way.

    I know you are waiting for a scenario that resembles the end of a Taylor Swift song, but it's not going to happen. She's not going to come to you one day and say, "I just realized after months of hanging out with you that you're the perfect guy for me!" At best, she will cuddle/make out with you during some moment of weakness, maybe even go as far as having sex. But within days, she will deem it all a "mistake" and your heart will feel like it's been ripped out of your chest.

    I would suggest walking away from this one.

    Even though I am 41 years old, I remember being your age as if it were yesterday, and I wish I could give my old self some of this same advice.

    BTW, as you get older, and you start dating women who are also older, you will notice that they are far less shallow and much more motivated by the "more important things" than the young girls are. For example, a 37-year-old woman might be very happy with a guy who seems like he's financially stable, good husband material, and good father material, even if he isn't normally the type she would otherwise have dated in the past. Some of the "I need excitement" mentality gets replaced by a more practical view in life, which makes it a lot easier as a guy to be dating when you're older. Well, there's both that and the fact that a lot of younger girls are also willing to date older men.
    Everybody Wang Chung tonight.

  28. #11728
    Member Archie Bunker's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by IceyHotshot View Post
    Called and left a message, thanked her for a good time and asked if she'd like to go out again. Wait and see now I guess.
    Don't do that again. It makes you sound either phony or desperate, and you don't want to be seen as either one.

    Don't ever thank a girl for going out with you. It makes it look like you are acknowledging that she is too good for you, and thus is doing you a favor by even giving you the time of day.

    If you sense that a girl has some degree of interest in you (which she probably does here, since she's willing to go on a second date), the best way to act is "moderately interested".

    That is, don't act too excited or too enthralled with her, but also don't act like a hard-to-get, aloof asshole. Show interest in spending time with her and talking to her on the phone, but don't kiss ass or rave about what a great catch she is.

    Groucho Marx once said, "I'd never join a club that would have me as a member." Unfortunately, that's the way a lot of people view dating, especially women.
    Everybody Wang Chung tonight.

  29. #11729
    Coachella Junkie Drinkey McDrinkerstein's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Thanks Tom Leykis.
    last.fm
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    9/18/14 Neutral Milk Hotel - Hollywood Bowl

  30. #11730
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    *Breaks out a crisp Hamilton* Did someone say nappy headed?

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