It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

[thefunkylama]

Here's an interesting question:

How long do you stay in a relationship if there's no sex involved? And I don't mean in the "savin' it for marriage" way.

[guedita]

Poor guy.

What's ketamine? :P

Horse Tranquilizer.

[getbetter]

Here's an interesting question:

How long do you stay in a relationship if there's no sex involved? And I don't mean in the "savin' it for marriage" way.

What about blowjobs??

[Courtney]

Here's an interesting question:

How long do you stay in a relationship if there's no sex involved? And I don't mean in the "savin' it for marriage" way.

If it's a new relationship, one month is my general time frame before I start to think it's probably not going to work out.

For long-term relationships where we have been sexually active in the past and then something happens, it depends on the context of how long we have been together and what sorts of external/internal factors are at play.

[thefunkylama]

Blow jobs once every two weeks, but offered more frequently.

[ThatGirl]

Here's an interesting question:

How long do you stay in a relationship if there's no sex involved? And I don't mean in the "savin' it for marriage" way.

If you are in a relationship that doesn't involve any sex, it doesn't really distinguish itself from any other platonic relationship you have with anyone else. When you say no sex involved - is that there is no sexual tension, or physical affection that would otherwise be deemed platonic? Or just that there is a lull in the sex life?

[guedita]

Here's an interesting question:

How long do you stay in a relationship if there's no sex involved? And I don't mean in the "savin' it for marriage" way.

If both people are committed to working on it and there's actual effort shown by both parties I'd say give it a couple of months. If there are merely empty promises to work on it that aren't fulfilled or if there's no effort at all, just get out out out out out

[thefunkylama]

If you are in a relationship that doesn't involve any sex, it doesn't really distinguish itself from any other platonic relationship you have with anyone else. When you say no sex involved - is that there is no sexual tension, or physical affection that would otherwise be deemed platonic? Or just that there is a lull in the sex life?

No consummation of sexual tension. Physical affection present at non-platonic levels, but sparingly.

[ThatGirl]

No consummation of sexual tension. Physical affection present at non-platonic levels, but sparingly.

I'd say first step is a frank discussion about the intent of the relationship and deciding what to do from there.

[lehorne]

Have had a hard time getting OKC dates with the most desirable ones, which in this case are an Italian and a Middle Eastern girl. Good enough banter where they seemed genuinely engaged, but when I pull the trigger offering my number or a date the conversation has stopped in both instances. Maybe I’m going for the kill too soon (thought three messages each was enough?). Need to gradually slice them up first, I guess.

[ThatGirl]

Have had a hard time getting OKC dates with the most desirable ones, which in this case are an Italian and a Middle Eastern girl. Good enough banter where they seemed genuinely engaged, but when I pull the trigger offering my number or a date the conversation has stopped in both instances. Maybe I’m going for the kill too soon (thought three messages each was enough?). Need to gradually slice them up first, I guess.

I would probably suggest a phone conversation or two first before initiating a meeting.

[Dogvolta]

I would probably suggest a phone conversation or two first before initiating a meeting.

This. Don't go for the kill until you've texted/chatted a couple times.

[lehorne]

roger

[IceyHotshot]

Ha Heidi.

I don't understand the way some of you talk about dating/sleeping with overweight people. It seems pretty simple to me: if you are attracted to someone, date/sleep with that person. If you're not, don't. Why would anyone embark on any sort of relationship, however temporal or long-lasting, when one does not find that relationship appealing?

It's called settling. I'm sure many people do it.

[Courtney]

I would probably suggest a phone conversation or two first before initiating a meeting.

Ugh. Maybe I'm in the minority, but I don't want to waste time with endless e-mails and phone calls. I'd rather just meet someone quickly to see if we have physical chemistry and compatibility.

It's called settling. I'm sure many people do it.

I guess I don't really understand settling. I'd rather be single than be in a relationship with someone I find unattractive either physically or otherwise. I'd rather not sleep with anyone rather than sleep with someone I find unappealing.

[VigoTheCarpathian]

yawwwwwwwn

[chiapet]

If it's a new relationship, one month is my general time frame before I start to think it's probably not going to work out.

For long-term relationships where we have been sexually active in the past and then something happens, it depends on the context of how long we have been together and what sorts of external/internal factors are at play.

I agree with this mostly. For a new relationship, I'd probably give it a couple of months. Would depend on how frequently we spent time together and how quickly the relationship was moving in general. It would also depend on whether I was free to sleep with other people while waiting for that person.

Sometimes I feel like a misandrist for expecting all men to want to have sex immediately. When I encounter one who wants to wait or doesn't have sex in casual relationships, it's hard for me to not react as if there is something wrong with him. Because really, a relationship with a guy without sex... that's a friendship. I already have enough guy friends.

And yea, all of the snarky comments about overweight women are irritating. If you know you're not going to be attracted to someone because of her appearance, then don't go out with her. If she lied about her appearance and upon meeting, it's a turn off, end the date. Complaining to the internet that too many of the women that contact you / want to go out with you are overweight,... it only makes you look immature.

At least you can tell in advance that you're not going to want to go out with me (because of appearance). I wish it were possible to determine so quickly that a guy will lack any personality.

[chiapet]

Yea, I don't "settle." Sometimes I sleep with a person that I wasn't initially physically attracted to, but that's only after having gotten to know the person and finding them attractive in many other ways (friends, usually).

[VigoTheCarpathian]

I went out with a Burning Man chick last week to watch her friends funk band. Burning Man people are weird as fuck

[guedita]

Ugh. Maybe I'm in the minority, but I don't want to waste time with endless e-mails and phone calls. I'd rather just meet someone quickly to see if we have physical chemistry and compatibility.

The only appealing thing about a phone call is that you might get some insight into what the person sounds like when they breathe heavily.

[jackstraw94086]

I went out with a Burning Man chick last week to watch her friends funk band. Burning Man people are weird as fuck

Well it's no wonder seeing as they have a strict policy that every attendee conform to a precise profile. It's really quite a sight. An army of uniformed Burning Man people marching in lockstep.

[guedita]

hahahahahaha

[thefunkylama]

Sometimes I feel like a misandrist for expecting all men to want to have sex immediately. When I encounter one who wants to wait or doesn't have sex in casual relationships, it's hard for me to not react as if there is something wrong with him. Because really, a relationship with a guy without sex... that's a friendship. I already have enough guy friends.

I'm really familiar with these sentiments.

[H_is_O]

I work out frequently, I value staying in shape and feeling good and healthy (honestly I do it to feel physicaly good and mentally good/clear, not because I want to be muscles malone, in fact, I am lacking in the bulk department). Does that make me shallow for being bothered by how many overweight women are on dating sites?

I believe in taking care of myself, in a balanced diet, in a rigorous exercise routine.

ln the morning, if my face is a little pufffy, I'll put on an icepack while doing my stomach crunches.

I can do a thousand now.

[jackstraw94086]

I agree with this mostly. For a new relationship, I'd probably give it a couple of months. Would depend on how frequently we spent time together and how quickly the relationship was moving in general. It would also depend on whether I was free to sleep with other people while waiting for that person.

Sometimes I feel like a misandrist for expecting all men to want to have sex immediately. When I encounter one who wants to wait or doesn't have sex in casual relationships, it's hard for me to not react as if there is something wrong with him. Because really, a relationship with a guy without sex... that's a friendship. I already have enough guy friends.

And yea, all of the snarky comments about overweight women are irritating. If you know you're not going to be attracted to someone because of her appearance, then don't go out with her. If she lied about her appearance and upon meeting, it's a turn off, end the date. Complaining to the internet that too many of the women that contact you / want to go out with you are overweight,... it only makes you look immature.

At least you can tell in advance that you're not going to want to go out with me (because of appearance). I wish it were possible to determine so quickly that a guy will lack any personality.

It's entirely fair to expect that a guy should want to have sex as long as one is open minded about how often is often enough for your partner. it's so rare that you think it might be a dealbreaker then is actually a dealbreaker. No harm no foul.
When guys leaves their 20's their libidos generally diminish to varying degrees, but are a few mistakes women too often make in handling this:
1) interpreting less frequent interest in sex as diminishing attraction.
2) not simply jumping his fucking bones more often. He's almost always into it. Too many chicks learn when young that it's the guy's job to initiate sex. Penis will not always be delivered to your door on your ideal schedule. Sometimes you have to drive to the post office to pick up your package.
3) on the rare occasion that a sex offer is refused, don't take it personally. If there are no other signs that there's a problem in the relationship then sometimes not in the mood means not in the damn mood. We've had to endure that shit from women for years when our hormones were in the red zone. We survived.

I have a good friend who doesn't fit an underwear model figure and I've heard her comment before that she's thrilled at some of the social stigma and comments one often hears guys or girls about an aversion to dating folks with fuller figures. For one thing it generally means the person is a bit mentally immature for a deep relationship anyway (although some people grow out of this). Also it's often the case that the aversion doesn't necessarily spring from a lack of personal attraction, but fear of what others would think about it. In both cases it points to someone who she not only doesn't want to date, but there's a good chance that person wouldn't be a quality friendship either. It's someone you would probably be wasting your time with. It's a rather convenient time saving filter. She says she'd be horrified to have a tiny waist and not have any idea how genuine guys are until it's too late.

[chairmenmeow47]

oh no, my tiny waist has made it impossible for me to filter out men! how will i ever understand human personalities without more weight on me?!?!

[chiapet]

You know what he's saying, and it's true in many situations. There are plenty of people who are just interested in your aesthetics without being very interested in you personally or caring to develop the physical attraction into anything more meaningful. It's not even an issue specific to those with model-like figures. Ivy, you can't tell me that you've not been approached by guys who were solely interested in you because of the size of your chest. I think the point is that anyone who is solely interested (or disinterested) in a physical attribute probably wouldn't make much of a partner, or at least wouldn't make a very interesting one.

[chairmenmeow47]

i'm smart enough to know when someone is only using me for sex. i'd imagine a woman with a larger waist is smart enough too. i find it absolutely absurd that larger women don't also get treated like shit by some men and have to decipher which ones are good for them and which ones aren't.

[chiapet]

Also, I think maybe it sounds like I'm whining that (some) guys won't date me because I'm overweight? I'm not. Physical appearance isn't the strongest type of attraction for me, but I know that's atypical, and I wouldn't date someone I found unattractive, so I don't expect other people to either. If it really bothered me, I'd just become skinny.

The only times I get upset about the matter are when guys who already know me will tell me that they wish they had a girlfriend like me, or tell me they would want to date me if I were thin. That's really something a person should keep to himself. :P

[jackstraw94086]

oh no, my tiny waist has made it impossible for me to filter out men! how will i ever understand human personalities without more weight on me?!?!

Wow you just totally missed the entire point and evicerated your own flimsy straw man based on a comical exaggeration of a point not being asserted.

Don't worry. I'm sure thicker women don't hate you nearly as much as you are attempting to pretend you don't believe they do. They don't need your brave words of encouragement