It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

[Cameron Frye]

I 've only ever once been rejected when I went in for a kiss. This girl was flirting up a storm with me and dancing very seductively up against me. Yet when I tried to give her a kiss she moved away and looked at me like I was doing something very wrong. It was our 3rd date. She was the one that asked me out. All 3 times.
She even acted jealous when I was hanging out with another girl a few nights before our date.

did you eva end up tappin dat ass? or did nothing come after the 3rd date?

[Cameron Frye]

io9 post: "How much of your online dating profile do people actually read?"

- men spend 65% more time looking at photos compared to women
- women spend 50% more time actually reading through profiles compared to men

http://io9.com/5883009/how-much-of-y...-actually-read

[Still-ill]

i've had this happen before, maybe not in the exact same timeframe

i'd rather be punched in the face by a girl than this

I've never had that happen, but I did once try to pull the: "My mama told me that if I really like a girl, I don't kiss her on the first date". I thought this would somehow eventually reciprocate into crazy sex, but instead she got mad as hell and asked why I didn't find her attractive. Lame.

[chiapet]

I've always had good luck in Seattle with the ladies. I agree people in that city are chill as fuck too.

This is totally irrelevant to this thread, but when it is cold, I wear a fuzzy bear hat.
I am... a little too old to be able to pull that off.
In my own city, it gets me weird looks, suspicious stares, and in general people regarding me like, "Who do you think you are? How OLD do you think you are?"*

In Seattle, people smile at it. Not indulgently. But like, cute hat!

During one of my last trips, I was in Whole Foods, and didn't bother to take my hat off. This really attractive guy working in the produce section sees me and says "bear hat!!"
Then a few minutes later "I like your bear hat."

Then while I'm browsing, I hear him mumbling about cute girls in animal hats!

And then when I walk by later, he is singing a little song about girls in hats.


It's totally possible that he is insane. But he was cute.

And basically that type of thing happens every time I'm in Seattle, and makes me feel I'm in the wrong city, and should be in the right city, where guys are sweet, and charming and outgoing enough to be like "Hi! I like you!" instead of having to constantly act like they are too good for everyone they meet.

Edited to add: I also feel like in Seattle, in general, people are willing to take a moment and smile and say hi and compliment you or otherwise just be pleasant, and it really has a positive impact on how you feel in that city. I'm used to people scowling and refusing to look up from their papers.


*Except little girls, they smile at me and say I LIKE YOUR HAT!!!! and look sad that they do not have a cute bear hat too.

[Courtney]

Ha, I have seen the hat. It IS cute.

[Courtney]

Also, it occurs to me that I'm not really giving myself a fair shot of meeting potential dates in the real world because my life basically revolves around work (all straight women and gay men), hobbies like art museums and knitting group and yoga (again, all straight women and gay men), spending way too much time on the internet, and hanging out alone or with a very insular group of friends.

Maybe I should be doing more record store trolling like Kat. Or grocery stores. Isn't that the cliche -- that you can meet people in grocery stores?

[hippityhip]

chiapet - I feel ya. Earlier in this thread I actually talked about how your location really affects your dating life. As I said before when I lived in The Bay area I had no problems hooking up and going out on dates. I felt like I belonged there. Seattle was awesome too. I get back to LA and it's been pretty tough. Just a different vibe in So Cal than anywhere else really... This also ties in to the fact that in So Cal there are a lot of beautiful people. This means that there is a lot of competition so people can be choosy on who they date. What has worked for me is that I have an LA So cal vibe to me that women are attracted too in other parts of the country. Being back home I'm just like the rest.

And bear hats are awesome

[chiapet]

Courtney, I can sympathize in a way -- though my work is almost entirely straight males, I immersed myself in my job for so many years that my social circle was my coworkers. While I tried dating a couple here and there, that's really not a great idea. I just wasn't getting out often enough to meet new people (or when I did go out to shows and such, I was so exhausted that I was completely closed off to socializing or meeting people).

I'm trying to work on just meeting more people - not necessarily dates -- wherever I am. I'm already the type to smile at and make small talk with strangers, but I'm trying to take it a step further and extend myself to speak with them or meet with them further. It's like the exchange that Kat mentioned - a cute guy compliments you on your record selection, and you can... brush him off and say "uhm okay thanks bye"; you can smile and say thanks but then let him walk away; or you can say "oh, you know they're playing a show here in 2 weeks. I'm going with some friends - do you want the show info?" Maybe it goes nowhere at all, but at least you leave the conversation open. A good example is that I have a tentative cooking date with a girl and guy who work in one of the groceries here - she saw me buying... a lot of leeks, and commented on it, and I started chatting about soup, and before I knew it, I was inviting her and her friend to cook with me.

Is that weird? I do it a lot. People end up giving me their numbers or email addresses, maybe we exchange emails a few times and find we're not interested in each other (as friends or as more), but usually I at least find someone that I would enjoy running into at a show. *shrug*

[Courtney]

Ha, I can't imagine asking someone over for a cooking demonstration after just meeting him/her. I think we are very different that way. But perhaps it's something I can work at getting better at.

[unit300021]

Never even thought of online dating prior to this thread, and never heard of OKCupid before. Signed up for it thinking it's worth a shot and maybe I'll meet a nice girl, but I am also not relying to much into it, but we shall see what happens. Will report back here if anything good or bad comes from it.

[chiapet]

Well I think we've already illustrated that I'm weird. I guess I'm pretty open about letting people come over to my place as long as I don't think they're going to.... steal from me or kill me? And I mean, it's a chick who works in my neighborhood store that I've seen working the checkout counter dozens of times.

But if you strike my specific weird example, and take it more abstractly, I'm commenting on something I see most of my women friends do. They're friendly and beautiful and charming and approachable; should have guys beating their doors down asking for dates; yet when a cute guy compliments them or tries to talk to them, they're like "oh! thank you! That's so nice!" (very sincerely!) and then immediately walk away or bury their eyes in their book or put their headphones back on. They leave the guy no way to proceed without feeling like a pest or a creep.

[SoulDischarge]

If it wasn't for the internet, I'd probably still be a virgin. Hitting on strangers in public is pretty much exclusively the domain of straight people (unless you're insanely confident and don't mind getting in a fist fight over something retarded like flirting). I can't even express how much more secure I am about myself due to the internet. If it wasn't for sites specifically aimed at bears/fat gays, I'd probably be totally self hating about my weight. As it is, I've realized that no matter what you look like, someone really fucking hot will find you attractive, somewhere.

[chiapet]

If only it were easier to find those hot people who want to fuck you (well, me).

[SoulDischarge]

That's why internet dating is a blessing/burden. You can finally find people who have no problem fucking you, but they typically live 500+ miles away.

[fatbastard]

Scott Gilliland; you little motherfucker.

[GuyInTucson]

That's why internet dating is a blessing/burden. You can finally find people who have no problem fucking you, but they typically live 500+ miles away.

When I was 17, I drove 200 miles just to get laid. Pathetic? Yes. Worth it? Totally.

[chiapet]

Some of the best sex I've had was from internet guys that I let drive hours "just to get laid." Would I have put in that effort? Probably not. But was I fine with them being that pathetic? Hell yes.

[kitt kat]

They're friendly and beautiful and charming and approachable; should have guys beating their doors down asking for dates; yet when a cute guy compliments them or tries to talk to them, they're like "oh! thank you! That's so nice!" (very sincerely!) and then immediately walk away or bury their eyes in their book or put their headphones back on. They leave the guy no way to proceed without feeling like a pest or a creep.

I've been guilty of this many times.




RE: The asking/moving in for the kill dilemma. Kinda pulled that on the guy I was hooking up with after my breakup. He had invited me over after a concert, we were hanging out in his room listening to records and drinking...but he didn't really make a move. So, I said I was going to go. He walks me to the door, but so clearly just wanted to sleep with me. I tell him, "If you're going to do something, just do it."

And then we had sex. It was pretty nice. Except now he doesn't talk to me. Sigh.

[getbetter]

I really hate my dating life right now just because it's pretty much nothing.

[gaypalmsprings]

[SoulDischarge]

Provocative.

[Courtney]

I really hate my dating life right now just because it's pretty much nothing.It makes me feel worse when someone mention how good looking I am. (not trying to be cocky i just get it a lot)

This surprises me. You look so handsome with your hair short!

[IceyHotshot]

I think my two biggest problems are being really introverted and also unattractive. I even found out that my ex was never attracted to me (through something she told a mutual friend after we broke up). It's hard to date with that limitation and when I have difficulty making a strong first impression.

[marooko]

Ah yes, the ancient riddle of "When is it appropriate to ask if it's okay to hold a door open for someone", a question as old as time. The world may never know.

You're asking the wrong question.

[getbetter]

This surprises me. You look so handsome with your hair short!

Living in Cucamonga it's pretty hard to find decent chick that's in to the few things I'm interested into.If they are cool they usually have a boyfriend(which show a character flaw if anything does happen) or I get a gut feeling that's somethings not right or have a poor taste in music or beer.I've pretty much learned a gut feeling is something to live by.

[chiapet]

Yes, Zack, you look great with your new haircut. There's absolutely no reason for you not to be completely overwhelmed with girls hitting on you. Either your standards are pretty strict, or you're oblivious, because I know quite a few girls who think you're hot.

[Courtney]

I think if he's limiting his choices to women with good taste in beer, that could possibly count as unreasonably strict. I mean, is it really the end of the world if she orders a chardonnay instead of a niche microbrew?

[TomAz]

He should hook up with Barney at Moe's.

[kitt kat]

I think if he's limiting his choices to women with good taste in beer, that could possibly count as unreasonably strict. I mean, is it really the end of the world if she orders a chardonnay instead of a niche microbrew?

YES.

[Courtney]

I have to admit that I'm being a little big of a hypocrite, because a guy ordered a zinfandel or umbrella drink or something during a first date with me, I would probably have the urge to immediately count him out.