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Thread: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

  1. #271
    Coachella Junkie M Sparks's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Thanks, Heidi. I'm not interested in prudish ladies anyway, so I really need to learn to be a little more forward. When I was young, I went out with a co-worker who I had assumed was gay, but the rumor mill had assured me was interested in me. I walked her back to her car and was going to go in for a kiss when I noticed her rainbow flag sticker. I played dumb and asked what it represented. She said it was a gay pride symbol and ummed and uhhed and said "I'm just so proud of my gay friends." So I backed down, but we kept hanging out. Finally a few weeks later, we were at her house during a snow storm and she had to pretty much push me down and kiss me to get things going. That should have taught me to take more chances, but instead I'm always afraid of reading signals wrong, plus I'm now more attracted to women who are very forward.

    (As it turned out, I was just her lesbian version of bisexual college experimentation, but we went out about 4 months before it totally fell apart.)

  2. #272
    Pedley Rocks JustSteve's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by kitt kat View Post
    I guess I phrased it wrong? But I'd much rather be happier telling my parents/friends that I met my boyfriend at a record store when he came up to talk to me about my music tastes than saying I met them on the Internet. I think Internet dating would be looked down upon by my friends and ESPECIALLY looked down upon by my family..
    You say you think it will be frowned upon by everyone else, but the way I am reading it it seems you also think you are too good/above meeting someone online, like you have attached a stigma to it. You worry too much about other people and what you perceive they are thinking about you.
    Last edited by JustSteve; 02-07-2012 at 12:01 AM.

  3. #273
    Coachella Junkie M Sparks's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    If you meet someone online, the person you meet will also be online, so they can't look down on you. Who cares what other people think?

    That said, I do get that there is kind of a stigma with any kind of dating service, internet or not. I know some people look down on OK Cupid because it's free. I previously tried some pay sites, and I was slightly embarrassed to tell people I had used them. But with OK Cupid, it's just kind of a "why not try it" thing.

    Meeting on the internet doesn't have to mean a dating site though. I met my ex-wife online back when it was a novelty. (She was on DOS!) We just met in an NAU chat room. I was not trying to hook up with her, in fact I thought she was a guy for a while. We just made each other laugh, and there was chemistry when we finally met. I don't see the difference between that and going out with someone you met at the bank or whatever.

    As an introvert, I have trouble just striking up a good conversation with a stranger. I'm better than I used to be, but it's still tough. The online dating thing breaks the ice first...by the time we meet, I've already had time to prove myself in some way. Meeting a stranger in person is all about looks at first. I am never the most attractive person in the room (except maybe at Walmart), so I'm at a disadvantage, but I can out-talk most people on a dating site.

  4. #274
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Oddly enough, I bumped into an old high school crush after complaining in this thread...

  5. #275
    Daft Punky Junkie BROKENDOLL's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by kitt kat View Post
    I'm so scared of blind dates, too.

    I just want to meet someone organically. Not on the Internet. Not at a bar.

    I can't tell you how many times I've gone to Amoeba for no other reason than to try and talk to hot guys buying records. I usually fail at this because I'm way too awkward to talk to people. One time, a guy who worked there got me a record off the back wall and he complemented me on my taste and all I could say is "Yeah OK thanks."

    Usually these trips end up with me spending a lot of money to mask my sadness.
    Quote Originally Posted by kitt kat View Post
    Sigh. This.

    I'm actually not really looking for a boyfriend now; I think seeing my ex rush back into a relationship so quickly has totally turned me off from it. I don't want to be "that person." I was to figure out who "Kat" is — but this also doesn't mean I don't want to start meeting new people. I like going out to dinner and concerts and bars. Is it so wrong for me to just want to have a handful of guys I can call up to do this with?

    It is my personal decision to not join online dating sites. I don't think it's for me. I am a very different person in real life than I am seen on the Internet.

    This being said, I am having a really hard time finding people in the real world. I went to a bar this weekend and tried talking to some guy who just happened to sit next to me( wasn't interested sexually, just wanted to be nice) and he told me "I don't talk to ugly chicks." Well, great. None of my girl friends will set me up with anyone. My bandmate seriously cockblocked me when her new boyfriend asked if I was looking for someone to go on a date with; I was about to say, "Sure!" when she interrupted saying "No, Kat has a lot of guys. She doesn't need anyone." Now, that's total utter bullshit -- the guy I was hooking up with for a while hasn't been in contact with me for over a month and he never responded to the last time I asked him to hang, so I gave up pretty quickly.

    So, yeah. I am tired of sitting at home alone. It only makes me think about how my ex already moved on so quickly and I'm an ugly troll no attractive, decent men want to touch with a 10 ft pole. I am at a loss.
    Quote Originally Posted by kitt kat View Post
    I guess I phrased it wrong? But I'd much rather be happier telling my parents/friends that I met my boyfriend at a record store when he came up to talk to me about my music tastes than saying I met them on the Internet. I think Internet dating would be looked down upon by my friends and ESPECIALLY looked down upon by my family.
    Hm, maybe I should just start hanging out at Record Club at El Prado then. A friend of mine dated a guy she met there for a while...
    If Discogs had a dating section of their site, I'd probably have no problem getting laid considering how I got both my ex and the guy I recently was hooking up with interested was by talking (bragging?) about my LP collection.

    SIGH. I think there's a bag of potato chips at home calling my name.
    At this point, Kat, you need to hurry up and reply back to the chips and quit worrying about what friends and family think. And, forget about how quickly Bachelor #1 moved on... Christ, he was only interested in your record collection anyway! You're still fragile and prone to crumbling right now and I really think that the chips will be more understanding of that compared to some cute, hot guy in a record store who's looking for music. DO IT. WHY WASTE TIME WITH ALL THIS DATING NONSENSE WHEN YOU'VE GOT ALL THOSE "LAYS" AT HOME WAITING FOR YOU?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cameron Frye View Post
    hey Kat - trying to line up enough interviews in one of the last weeks in Feb to make a flight out to LA. hopefully make a trip out to Amoeba and grab chic-fil-a. we should meet up for a drink when i'm out there.
    See? This post sounds genuine and makes me want to slip on some diapers and grab my Bow and Arrow of Love and start taking pot shots at Kat for being so wishy-washy!


    But then I saw this...
    Quote Originally Posted by kitt kat View Post
    Fuck off.
    Its like the Infinite Monkey Theorem, if you put X amount of monkeys in a room with a typewriter and ask them to give you Shakespeare 99% of them will fling their shit at you while the other 1% will masturbate in the corner.

  6. #276
    Member Cameron Frye's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    i lol'd at the..."but then i saw this" part. solid responses though

    i still can't wrap my mind around a guy telling a girl, an attractive girl who's in band and thinks of records when she hears the word Amoeba, "i don't talk to ugly chicks". i don't believe i've ever overheard that comment in public at any point in my adult life before. i guess it could be a regular occurrence in hip neighborhoods like soho/bowery or silverlake/parts of melrose...but what the fuck man, that's fucked up.

    kat's comment about being awkward when starting up a conversation or trouble meeting people in the real world touch home. i just feel that the most unique/interesting comment to say to a girl to break the ice, it just sounds fucking stupid in my head. i'm just a big fucking pussy when it comes to making conversation with attractive females.

    i was doing the "record store" thing back in high school, except back then it was primarily a CD / cassette tape place. anywho, i'm riffling through Tears For Fears cds (best 80's band btw) and this super cute girl in a rival high school's t-shirt walks straight up to me, smiles, and says HI. As simple and cute as that and you know what my FUCKING response was???? NOTHING guys, literally fucking nothing...i stood there, shocked, blank face. quietly put a CD back down in the rack without saying shit and just walked away. WALkED THE FUCK AWAY because i was so taken back / intimidated. intimidated by a cute girl who showed an act of fucking kindess by smiling and saying hi.

    if time travel ever occurs, the first use i'll make of it will be to travel back in time immediately after that event and proceed to punch myself directly in my prude face.

    fuck
    Last edited by Cameron Frye; 02-07-2012 at 03:57 AM.
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  7. #277
    old school stuporfly's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    I met my girlfriend on OKC after one of my best pals steered me toward the site with the assurance that I'd find someone as sarcastic and fond of music as I am. It totally worked, too. By that point, it had been a year-and-a-half since my marriage finally fizzled out. While I'd dated a few different women in the interim, it was mostly just uncomplicated fun. I couldn't be happier with how it all turned out, though I recognize that my brief OKC experience is not necessarily representative of how it works for everyone.
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    well hello my fancy pants.

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    Member frazzles's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    I have nothing to really contribute to this thread. However, Kat's sentiments of social awkwardness and "organic" meetups echo my own. Kat thinking of herself as ugly is a total "LOL WUT", though...
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    Coachella Junkie faxman75's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by fatbastard View Post
    The guy in the seat next to calling you ugly was totally fucked up.
    I'm a little behind on this thread. I may have misunderstood myself but I think the guy thought he had a good line and by saying he "doesn't talk to ugly chicks" was meaning he found her attractive, which was why he was talking to her. Either way it was a terrible line and he sounded like an asshole.

  10. #280
    man-homie obzen's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    YOU PEOPLE SHOULD ALL JUST TAZE EACH OTHER.

    I read it like that.

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    Coachella Junkie chairmenmeow47's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by Down Rodeo View Post
    I'm going to get this thread back to its original intention.

    very cute not sure what the problem is then! maybe try searching for a different type of girl? i had luck with that recently. i messaged a few people, which i had never done before. one of them was someone i was on the fence about, wasn't exactly my type. but it was a great date and we're going out again.

    also, there's way too much to reply to at work, but keep trying everyone! like Newro7ic said, it's a numbers game. the more you put yourself out there, in any fashion, the more chances you have.
    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    It's when we discuss Coachella that we are at our collective dipshittiest.

  12. #282
    Coachella Junkie GuyInTucson's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by JustSteve View Post
    You say you think it will be frowned upon by everyone else, but the way I am reading it it seems you also think you are too good/above meeting someone online, like you have attached a stigma to it. You worry too much about other people and what you perceive they are thinking about you.

    Beat me to it. Steve is right.

    I had this issue in my early 20's until I realized that worrying about how others perceived me and stopped putting up a front. I was extremely insecure and would try different avenues to deflect my self-consciousness. Often, I came off as cocky (you can ask Ivy, haha) but in reality, I was the opposite. The whole facade I put up was the opposite extreme of how I was in my early teen years. It took me a while to find a happy median.

    In my experience, there have been several women who lack self-confidence and loathe in their own sorrow that often put up a barrier and come off as bitchy. Others with insecurity issues tend to put out entirely too easily - which is fine if that's what you want - but if you’re interested in a relationship, you may want to hold off on the physical side of things. If guys aren't approaching you and you are actually attractive (which by the accounts of most men in here that have seen / met you, kat, you are), perhaps they are getting different signals than you think you are sending out. No one likes a woman who lacks confidence (It's the same for men in reversed roles), but what can be even worse is if you put up a front and someone takes it as you being a snob or a bitch. I'm not saying that's what is happening, but I have encountered this on more than one occasion.

  13. #283
    Coachella Junkie chairmenmeow47's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    also, something to remember is your intentions mean dick-all. it's all about how others perceive you.
    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    It's when we discuss Coachella that we are at our collective dipshittiest.

  14. #284
    Coachella Junkie GuyInTucson's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by chairmenmeow47 View Post
    also, something to remember is your intentions mean dick-all. it's all about how others perceive you.
    It's also probably not a good idea to ask a girl if she cheats on her boyfriend when you're trying to flirt with her, amirite?!

  15. #285
    Coachella Junkie chairmenmeow47's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    hahahahhahaha, yeah. i think it's hilarious that that's the first thing you ever said to me and that we are still friends
    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    It's when we discuss Coachella that we are at our collective dipshittiest.

  16. #286
    old school Goatchella's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    I hope you poor fuckers find someone to be miserable with soon.

  17. #287
    Coachella Junkie GuyInTucson's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by chairmenmeow47 View Post
    hahahahhahaha, yeah. i think it's hilarious that that's the first thing you ever said to me and that we are still friends
    Yes but I doubt we still would be friends had we never grew out of the phases we were in back in those days. I was a bit immature. Not that I don't have some growing up to do still, but I am in a much better place these days, which is probably why I have somehow managed to stay with one girl for 6 1/2 years after being a total man-whore the previous 5-6.

  18. #288
    old school Fourthisto's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    I'm no expert on the subject, but some things you are talking about hit home, Sparks, so I feel like I should chime in a bit:

    Quote Originally Posted by M Sparks View Post
    What do you think? I feel like I need to start some long distance text or IM flirting while I am out of town to set the stage to make some kind of move on the 17th.
    I think you should, because if not that's a long time to be out of touch - but not to a point where it becomes too much. In the beginning of a relationship here's a fine line between letting the other person know you're thinking of them and kind of smothering them, especially if they are coming off a relationship or don't know where things are headed. So maybe check in every other/third day or whenever... but let her approach you via IM/text/phone call/etc. , and take note of how often she does, that way you have an idea that it's not just a one way road here and she's interested in you as well. Do you have her address? You could send her a postcard or something silly like that from wherever you're visiting with a message about how you're looking forward to seeing her again on the 17th - you know, just to reinforce the next date and let her know she's worth the price of a stamp. Stuff like that can go a long way. It's the little things.

    I am really bad at making a first move...once that ice is broken, I am all set, but it's tough getting started.
    I hear ya - fortune favors the brave, however. Trust your feelings and act on them - the way she reacts will show you the way.
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  19. #289
    Coachella Junkie chiapet's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Yea, Marc, I think a lot of us could sympathize with that. As a chick, I find it even harder to make the first move. Afraid of coming across as too aggressive, or something. But I think as long as you're more interested in having this girl turn into a girlfriend/date/fuck buddy than "just a friend," it's better to make a move. The longer you wait, the more firmly you're in the friend zone. If you're not really looking for another female friend, then don't worry about her turning you down. If she does, move on to the next one.

    I think the texting or IM flirting is a good idea as long as it's not too over the top or crude. Just enough to keep you in her mind over the next week. It's amazing how well just a simple "looking forward to seeing you on Friday," a couple of days in advance, can do for a girl's self-esteem and excitement/anticipation about your date.

  20. #290
    old school frizzlefry's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by M Sparks View Post
    (As it turned out, I was just her lesbian version of bisexual college experimentation, but we went out about 4 months before it totally fell apart.)
    Nice
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  21. #291
    Coachella Junkie locachica73's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Marc, I was told that a good way to know if a woman wants to kiss you is she will stare at your mouth as you speak, it could also be that she has a hard time hearing but it might be safe to assume she just really wants your tongue in her mouth. So keep your eyes open for that on the next date. I also think you should send her a text, something casual, just one though and wait for a response. There is a fine line between interested and stalker these days.
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  22. #292
    ankle biter guedita's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    When I want to kiss a guy I close my eyes and stick out my tongue and hope that he gets the hint.

    10/18-19: Treasure Island Music Festival
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  23. #293
    Coachella Junkie SoulDischarge's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    I stick my head right up next to his and then wrap both of our heads in barbed wire so that if he tries to evade, we'll both be gushing blood.
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Thanks for giving us the opportunity to not give a fuck again.

  24. #294
    ankle biter guedita's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    I will also resort to texting "KISS ME, KISS ME, KISS ME," while we are standing in front of each other and then I will slowly hum "Kiss the Girl" from The Little Mermaid

    10/18-19: Treasure Island Music Festival
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  25. #295
    Coachella Junkie SoulDischarge's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    You should give skywriting a try. That makes an impression on the first date.
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Thanks for giving us the opportunity to not give a fuck again.

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    Coachella Junkie locachica73's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    LOL Cara, I like that approach, I may have to try that if I am ever single again. Now I just say, Hey, wanna make out? Romance is dead.
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    Coachella Junkie chiapet's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    I will also resort to texting "KISS ME, KISS ME, KISS ME,"
    This made me think of the Cure song. I would probably kiss any person who managed to work that into a date.

  28. #298
    Member Newro7ic's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by locachica73 View Post
    LOL Cara, I like that approach, I may have to try that if I am ever single again. Now I just say, Hey, wanna make out? Romance is dead.
    It's amazing how simple and effective this is. Something as simple as, "Can I kiss you?", "I want to kiss you right now.", or "Would you mind if I kissed you?". Then you get to see the goofy school girl smile, and you know you're in there. That smile is cute as fuck, too.
    Quote Originally Posted by bmack86 View Post
    Women just obviously can't write creative music. They're all ripping off the Beatles, who were men. Duh.

  29. #299
    Coachella Junkie locachica73's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    I don't know, thinking back on all my first kisses (there are a lot) the more romantic/sexy ones were the ones that just happened, you are talking and suddenly you can't stop yourself, your faces get closer and closer and bam, the kiss. When a guy asks me if he can kiss me I always feel a little cheated out of the unexpected butterflies I would have gotten had he not asked.
    Quote Originally Posted by SlowMotionApocalypse View Post
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    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    A butt plug is not a weapon.

  30. #300
    Member Newro7ic's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by locachica73 View Post
    I don't know, thinking back on all my first kisses (there are a lot) the more romantic/sexy ones were the ones that just happened, you are talking and suddenly you can't stop yourself, your faces get closer and closer and bam, the kiss. When a guy asks me if he can kiss me I always feel a little cheated out of the unexpected butterflies I would have gotten had he not asked.
    Like everything else, it is situational. I've had great first kisses doing it either way.
    Quote Originally Posted by bmack86 View Post
    Women just obviously can't write creative music. They're all ripping off the Beatles, who were men. Duh.

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