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Thread: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

  1. #14641
    Coachella Junkie chairmenmeow47's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    my worst date ever involved me meeting a guy at his local bar. we had talked maybe twice in a class at school, but it was school so we hadn't really talked much. his bartender said she had "heard all about me" which kinda weirded me out. we took his car to a pool hall and on the way his radar detector kept going off because he was speeding. but he kept getting angry at it for making noise, which is it's one job in life to alert him with a noise of cops. then he told me his ex-girlfriend had recently had his abortion and he was angry with her for not telling him. and that he was really glad i said yes to going out because "masturbation was getting kind of old". at the pool hall, all of his friends hit on me and he didn't say anything to stop it. a girlfriend of his invited us to a strip club to see her dance, so i said yes to get out of there. she was the best part of the night and was the best booty shaker i have ever seen. we ended up chatting and ignoring him. on the way home he offered to let me sleep at his house. i said no and pretty much did my best to never talk to him again.
    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    It's when we discuss Coachella that we are at our collective dipshittiest.

  2. #14642
    Coachella Junkie locachica73's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    I had a guy demand half of the money he spent on me in two dates because I didn't sleep with him. I told him to fuck off and he continually text me for days demanding the money.

    I had a guy go in for the kiss and hump my leg like a dog and grab my underwear and give me a wedgy during the kiss. Then couldn't figure out why I wouldn't go out with him again.

    I had a guy plan our future and break up with me in less than 4 hours time.

    I had a make out session with a guy in my car and he prematurely finished all over my dashboard, then got out of the car to "clean up" and then made a run for it.

    I hate dating.
    Quote Originally Posted by SlowMotionApocalypse View Post
    I have snuck in weapons before
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    A butt plug is not a weapon.

  3. #14643
    old school JorgeC's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    hahahhha. Loca, I'm sorry, but those are funny. The guy that made a run for it while cum is dribbling down his leg. Gross, but funny.
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
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  4. #14644

    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Good God. I must be a regular Errol Flynn.

  5. #14645

    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    The worst thing that ever happened to me was when this chick made me take her to a Tom Petty concert and everyone standing around us was like 50 years old and smoking weed. I got drunk and accidentally used the freeway off ramp as an on ramp. That was the last night we spoke.

  6. #14646

    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Oh, ha! one time in Vegas i hit it off with this girl at the circle bar at the hardrock, and I was doing really well on the dice table so I asked her to dinner. We went to that smith and lewenskys and I got her lobster(like I said , I did really well). So I get her up to my room only to find out that she wanted a couple hundred bucks to sleep with me. Pretty embarrassing. I thought I caught a big fish and it turned out I was the fish.

  7. #14647

    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    She was dressed in regular clothes too. I mean, she didn't look like a hooker at all.

  8. #14648
    Coachella Junkie locachica73's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by JorgeC View Post
    hahahhha. Loca, I'm sorry, but those are funny. The guy that made a run for it while cum is dribbling down his leg. Gross, but funny.
    He called me awhile later to apologize, I had already deleted his number and had no idea who I was talking to until he reminded me. His phone number was added back into my phone as EW or something. I stopped deleting numbers from my phone after that, just changed names to DON'T ANSWER.
    Quote Originally Posted by SlowMotionApocalypse View Post
    I have snuck in weapons before
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    A butt plug is not a weapon.

  9. #14649
    The Encyclopedia bmack86's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by locachica73 View Post
    I had a make out session with a guy in my car and he prematurely finished all over my dashboard, then got out of the car to "clean up" and then made a run for it.

    I hate dating.
    So either we're missing a big step here, or this guy jizzed everywhere because of some heavy kissing?
    Quote Originally Posted by canexplain View Post
    Remember Hitler? I don't but here we are again .. cr****

  10. #14650

    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    At least you aren't this guy

    Arcade Fire - Sir Richard Bishop, Bill Orcutt - Spoon - Paul McCartney - Steve Gunn - Beserktown Fest - Slint - Sleep - Swans - Owen Pallett - Neutral Milk Hotel - Chris Thile & Edgar Meyer - Bobby Bradford Quartet - Matana Roberts - Wadada Leo Smith, Anthony Braxton - Thurston Moore, Sebadoh - Songs for Unseen Warhol Films - Ben Frost, Tim Hecker, Pete Swanson - Ryoji Ikeda - Slowdive - A Winged Victory for the Sullen - John Zorn Marathon

  11. #14651
    Coachella Junkie chairmenmeow47's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by locachica73 View Post
    I stopped deleting numbers from my phone after that, just changed names to DON'T ANSWER.
    yes. i had a few of those for a few years. when i broke up with the guy i used to live with, his friend kept calling me to notify me of his house parties and also asking me to bring the "hot ladies". because ya know, i have a gaggle of them just waiting to go to some nerdy douchebag's house. plus you forget these people's names, do not answer is much easier!!!
    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    It's when we discuss Coachella that we are at our collective dipshittiest.

  12. #14652
    ankle biter guedita's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by bmack86 View Post
    So either we're missing a big step here, or this guy jizzed everywhere because of some heavy kissing?
    presumably his penis was out and alert, right? or did the jizz shoot through his pants and hit the dashboard?

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  13. #14653
    The Encyclopedia bmack86's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    So many questions.
    Quote Originally Posted by canexplain View Post
    Remember Hitler? I don't but here we are again .. cr****

  14. #14654

    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    I'm picturing her planning to go down on him in the car and he finished before she could stop making out.

  15. #14655
    zeezus amyzzz's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Maybe she was also giving him a handjob? Or he was rubbing on her?
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Because fucking millenials that's what

  16. #14656
    ankle biter guedita's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Jizzplosive Penis Syndrome

    8/16: Anthony Naples, Maxmillion Dunbar @ f8
    8/18: Man Man @ The Chapel
    8/23-8/24: FYF Fest
    8/30: Peaking Lights @ The Chapel
    9/3: Bear in Heaven @ The Independent
    9/24 - 28: Decibel Festival
    10/5: The War on Drugs, Cass McCombs @ The Fillmore
    10/18-19: Treasure Island Music Festival

  17. #14657

    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Highest quality reading.
    LOL! <33
    Quote Originally Posted by Zafocaine View Post
    Great advertising strategy for her vagina though! As if having a vagina weren't all a vagina needed. Now introducing the Lustful Scorned Lover scent, by RSW.

  18. #14658
    ankle biter guedita's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    March 5, 2011

    Had a date tonight, so didn't go to the gym - no weight lifting. Accidentally came all over the dashboard of her car- sprinted away, maybe 200-300 feet. Walked the remaining 2.1 miles home. Burned: 200 calories?

    8/16: Anthony Naples, Maxmillion Dunbar @ f8
    8/18: Man Man @ The Chapel
    8/23-8/24: FYF Fest
    8/30: Peaking Lights @ The Chapel
    9/3: Bear in Heaven @ The Independent
    9/24 - 28: Decibel Festival
    10/5: The War on Drugs, Cass McCombs @ The Fillmore
    10/18-19: Treasure Island Music Festival

  19. #14659
    Coachella Junkie locachica73's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    He had reached down and removed himself from his pants without my knowledge, I tend to keep my eyes closed while kissing. I felt him tense up and heard him make the noise, I jumped back and there it was. Then he asked me if I had anything to wipe up, I was shocked, searched my car and all I found was a plastic grocery bag. I handed it to him, he tried to wipe himself off, threw the spooge bag at me and got in his car and drove off. It took all of 5 minutes. When he called and I finally figured out who he was, his reasoning for bolting was he was obviously very embarrassed, that has never happened to him before...

    My friends and I nicknamed him prejack.
    Last edited by locachica73; 06-19-2014 at 01:45 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by SlowMotionApocalypse View Post
    I have snuck in weapons before
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    A butt plug is not a weapon.

  20. #14660
    Coachella Junkie stinkbutt's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    He threw it at you? Wtf? That's horrible
    Quote Originally Posted by roboto View Post
    And stinkbutt leaving a motorhead set when you know he's dying just to talk shit ? Your a shitty person as well .please let mja give you an anal love disease .

  21. #14661
    Banned thelastgreatman's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    "threw the spooge bag at me."

    Gold medal.
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  22. #14662
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by locachica73 View Post
    I stopped deleting numbers from my phone after that, just changed names to DON'T ANSWER.
    i was about to post how fucking funny this is..

    Quote Originally Posted by locachica73 View Post
    threw the spooge bag at me
    .. til I read this. now I'm just in awe.
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  23. #14663
    Coachella Junkie chairmenmeow47's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    if you live in the same city, are good morning/good night texts really necessary?
    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    It's when we discuss Coachella that we are at our collective dipshittiest.

  24. #14664
    zeezus amyzzz's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    I'm sorry but I love that shit. I'm a needy bitch though.
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Because fucking millenials that's what

  25. #14665
    Dark Lord mountmccabe's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    I would say they're unnecessary regardless.

    Or rather "Good morning" isn't much of a conversational gambit and "good night" is even worse.
    Quote Originally Posted by SoulDischarge View Post
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  26. #14666
    Coachella Junkie locachica73's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Nick and I text each other good morning & good night every day that we aren't together. I think it's a nice way to wake up. I don't know that I would be down to do that when first talking to a guy though.
    Quote Originally Posted by SlowMotionApocalypse View Post
    I have snuck in weapons before
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    A butt plug is not a weapon.

  27. #14667
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by chairmenmeow47 View Post
    if you live in the same city, are good morning/good night texts really necessary?
    It's kind of sweet, but from what I've heard in other threads this guy is sending you texts about other tedious stuff. That's where it get's annoying.

    "Good morning"

    20 min. Later.

    "I just drank a latte."

    60 min. Later

    "Do you like pudding?"
    Last edited by algunz; 06-20-2014 at 08:08 AM.

  28. #14668
    Coachella Junkie chairmenmeow47's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    i guess i should add "are they necessary with someone you met for coffee twice within the past two weeks?"
    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    It's when we discuss Coachella that we are at our collective dipshittiest.

  29. #14669
    Coachella Junkie chairmenmeow47's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by algunz View Post
    It's kind of sweet, but from what I've heard in other threads this guy is sending you texts about other tedious stuff. That's where it get's annoying.

    "Good morning"

    20 min. Later.

    "I just got drank a latte."

    60 min. Later

    "Do you like pudding?"
    exactly!!!!
    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    It's when we discuss Coachella that we are at our collective dipshittiest.

  30. #14670
    zeezus amyzzz's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

    That's too much.
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Because fucking millenials that's what

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