It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

[Gribbz]

Oh, christ, you're horrible, Kat. The reason guys aren't responding to you is not because you're ugly but because your attitude is horrible.

Yes. I feel like we've told her this over and over and over.

[GuyInTucson]

Yes. I feel like we've told her this over and over and over.

It's because we have.

[lt.roast.a.botch]

but what about opinionated/angry/homely?

[frizzlefry]

Totally agree. I just now saw this girl's pic in the picture thread and I honestly don't know why in the fuck she says she's unattractive. It's also why there is a side of me that thinks she's fishing for someone to tell her what she wants to hear on here.

Going through this thread more thoroughly has me thinking the same thing actually

[kitt kat]

Oh, christ, you're horrible, Kat. The reason guys aren't responding to you is not because you're ugly but because your attitude is horrible.

Honestly if you did not approach this with such a terrible attitude, you would do just fine.

Well that's my question. How do I speak with some random person I find attractive (and would probably like to sleep with) without coming off as a jerk with a horrible attitude?

EDIT: You know, getting told over and over that my insecurities and low self esteem are just attempts at fishing for compliments isn't doing much to, you know, help my low self esteem.

[JorgeC]

I saw my bandmate yesterday for the first time in a while (she's the one who cockblocked me before) and guess what? She did it again!

She starts talking about how awesome her new boyfriend is and then mentions one of his friends has been asking her about me. It's weird because I don't ever remember meeting this guy, but she says I did meet him at our last show; I was in a bad mood that night, so that could explain it. Either way, she explains that this friend of her BF has been asking to get set up with me. Just as I'm about to say something about it ("Oh, that might be interesting. Can you tell me about him?") she says — "But, I told him you wouldn't be interested and that you're not looking for anything right now, so he's stopped asking."

What. The. Fuck.

Am I wrong to be upset about this?

Did you ask her why she said that? She does know that you are actually interested in meeting guys right? I'm sure you can ask in a non-confrontational way so as to not start a fight. No need to be mad, but getting another person's perspective (her's in this case) always helps.

[frizzlefry]

Our secondary education is in a sad state if this is a legitimate question

[guedita]

Kat, how did you meet your last boyfriend? I'm assuming that at some point the two of you conversed and got to know each other, right?

[GuyInTucson]

Well that's my question. How do I speak with some random person I find attractive (and would probably like to sleep with) without coming off as a jerk with a horrible attitude?

EDIT: You know, getting told over and over that my insecurities and low self esteem are just attempts at fishing for compliments isn't doing much to, you know, help my low self esteem.

You've already acknowledged that you are an angry person, so you seem fully aware of how you act towards others. So, it's simple: stop being a person that comes off as a jerk with a horrible attitude.

EDIT: Nothing anyone has said here has helped you with your supposed low self esteem. What's your point?

[kitt kat]

Did you ask her why she said that? She does know that you are actually interested in meeting guys right? I'm sure you can ask in a non-confrontational way so as to not start a fight. No need to be mad, but getting another person's perspective (her's in this case) always helps.

She does know. I have told her numerous times how I would like to just start casually dating people and to break out of my shell; she's just really self-centered.

[kitt kat]

Kat, how did you meet your last boyfriend? I'm assuming that at some point the two of you conversed and got to know each other, right?

At a party in college. He put on Velvet Underground, I asked "Who put on the Velvet Underground?" and he came over and started talking to me.

[Gribbz]

EDIT: You know, getting told over and over that my insecurities and low self esteem are just attempts at fishing for compliments isn't doing much to, you know, help my low self esteem.

It's just frustrating to see someone routinely asking for advice and then not ever taking it.

[Alchemy]

Kat, go up to him and say, "Hey, how's it going? I like your shirt. Do you come here often? Do you go to school? Oh yeah? Cool. What are you studying? Cool. What kind of music do you like? Oh yeah, they are cool!"

Don't go up to him and say, "Hey, I want to fuck you, you cunt! Nevermind! Fuck!" and then storm off. Don't do that.

By the way, to put it all to rest:



There is the great horror in the flesh. Call me crazy, but I'd hit it.

Of course, I'm also a cholo, so I don't know if that helps anything.

[lt.roast.a.botch]

First, you need to figure yourself out and be comfortable with what you got and not what the media says you should be. Second, you need better friends. Then you should talk to random people. Consider moving to the Bay Area and out of the LA bubble.

[ods..]

THIS THREAD FUCKING SUCKS

[guedita]

So, it's simple: stop being a person that comes off as a jerk with a horrible attitude.

Disagree with this advice; I'm doing pretty well in the dating world.

[guedita]

Of course, I'm also a cholo, so I don't know if that helps anything.

Hey baby.

[spiggums]

Well that's my question. How do I speak with some random person I find attractive (and would probably like to sleep with) without coming off as a jerk with a horrible attitude?

"Hi, my name's Kat. What's your name?" (simple, basic, to the point)

"Hi, I'm Kat... great band tonight, yeah?" (obviously only if in a situation where you've seen a band)

"Hi, I'm Kat... Can I buy you a drink?" (no reason a woman can't offer to buy a man a drink... had it happen before and it was a bit disarming... which isn't a bad thing)

"Hi, I'm Kat... What are your top five desert island albums?" ( had a woman come up to me and ask this once and it led to a good hour long discussion about music)

No reason to over think things!

[Alchemy]

Hey baby.

Orale!

EDIT: This exchange between Cara and I should teach all of you how to find love and lust in today's post-9/11 world. Notice the clear and concise opening that she made. Notice the confidence and pride that I replied with. The lesson is finished. None of you should have any excuses from now on.

[GuyInTucson]

Disagree with this advice; I'm doing pretty well in the dating world.

Difference being that you are completely secure with who you are while she is not secure with herself at all (unless it's an ugly guy that wants her. Then, well, she's totally secure with who she is).

[TomAz]

Someone should start "The Thread In Which We Psychoanalyze Kit Katt's Text Messages and Sex Life".

[JorgeC]

Hey baby.

Orale!

When did you become a churro?

[chiapet]

Someone should start "The Thread In Which We Psychoanalyze Kit Katt's Text Messages and Sex Life".

No one would read that thread except to troll.

[algunz]

Kat, I have to admit that I feel like you're fishing too whether purposefully or not . . . How many times do you have to hear it until you can learn to actually believe it and accept it. You are intelligent and beautiful. Nobody is going to embrace that in you until you can embrace it in yourself. "It's the greatest love of all."

[Gribbz]

It's just frustrating to see someone routinely asking for advice and then never taking it.

...

[Alchemy]

When did you become a churro?

It is my heritage, vato.

[Mugwog]

How about you go on dates with all the guys on the board in the LA area and we fill out testimonials on how we felt about said dates. We can play scenarios where you hit on us and we hit on you, save a stranded kitten, etc etc at a record store/show/trendy eatery meeting fantasy etc

You will have to put out if 3 rounds of drinks are finished. Shots do not count as rounds unless Kat wills it so to speed up to the sexual compatability round. We will test the limits of you making our penis soft. If you choose to further challenge us, you can wear a cutout print of Boosh looking angry and disapproving to make sure we focus on the body that is said to not be attractive by Kat. Fat guys to the front of the line

[AlecEiffel]

One thing I have noticed when ladies do the approaching is that they will often walk up, coyly say "hi" and then awkwardly stand there. Don't do that. If you initiate the situation, you should be in charge of the conversation in my opinion.

Also, one time this woman came up to me, interrupted a conversation I was already having, and started aggressively telling me over and over again how much I looked like Pete Yorn and it kind of scared the shit out of me, so don't do something like that either.

Also, Kat, it's clear that you do have self esteem issues and even if you are trolling for compliments here it just plays into that, but if that above picture is accurate you look like fucking Milla Kunis. For you to constantly berate yourself physically is pretty offensive to all of us here who actually are hideous CHUDS.

[Mugwog]

At a party in college. He put on Velvet Underground, I asked "Who put on the Velvet Underground?" and he came over and started talking to me.

Like I said we can provide a record/music fantasy

Also if you think a guy is attractive in a bar, just approach him and leave yourself open to you. Send him signals to approach you or perhaps buy him a drink and start a convo.

Or just grab his ass, he'll turn around you grab his nuts and offer some fun. You can form the relationship after you bone and feel an opportunity to be intimate. Or take down a new number of some good local cock you can ring up

[Miroir Noir]

When guys have approached me in the past, I usually freeze up and look at the floor and act kind of rude/disinterested usually because 1. I'm not interested 2. I am mortified

1) If you're not interested, you're not interested.

2) What are you afraid of? Seriously? Everyone here -- regardless of their looks, personality, conversational style, level of self esteem, or historical level of luck with the opposite/same sex -- has been rejected in the course of a pickup, or has choked under pressure. It's okay to fail, but it's not okay to not give yourself another chance.

You live in the second-largest metropolitan area in the United States. Even if you were the member of the most ridiculous, insular subculture imaginable you could surely find many people with whom you would be perfectly compatible. I get it, shutting off the anxiety switch is not easy. But if you can do it, there's no reason to believe that you can't find success.