It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

[chiapet]

I am having difficulty with the degree to which I am interested, or not interested, in people for superficial reasons.

Like, there are a bunch of guys who sound interesting, but they are not attractive, and if I'm to be realistic, I'm not going to go out with them enough times to really give them a chance, really. (So I should probably not accept a first date). It's stupid because I have a bunch of guy friends who are not very attractive, yet I would go out with them since I've already gotten to know them.

[HandBanana]

She can B a fan of The National and still want 2 P in ur butt.

[kitt kat]

I saw my bandmate yesterday for the first time in a while (she's the one who cockblocked me before) and guess what? She did it again!

She starts talking about how awesome her new boyfriend is and then mentions one of his friends has been asking her about me. It's weird because I don't ever remember meeting this guy, but she says I did meet him at our last show; I was in a bad mood that night, so that could explain it. Either way, she explains that this friend of her BF has been asking to get set up with me. Just as I'm about to say something about it ("Oh, that might be interesting. Can you tell me about him?") she says — "But, I told him you wouldn't be interested and that you're not looking for anything right now, so he's stopped asking."

What. The. Fuck.

Am I wrong to be upset about this?

Stupid hot boy kept being stupid and hot this weekend; why would a guy text me unprompted, but be very oblique and awkward in the texts? And then come to a party to hang out with me and then kinda walk away the rest of the night then text me the next day asking why I "disappeared" at said party!?


Finally, last issue —

GUYS: How would you react if a random girl (who found you attractive) just approached you and started talking to you completely unprompted? Would you be turned off/sketched out/creeped out? Or would you at least be receptive? I'm struggling with this one a lot; I can't tell if people are just being nice but are very weirded out by me, so I'm afraid to do this. Similarly, I assume the reaction would be different if you found the girl repulsive; I honestly cannot tell when people find me completely unattractive or not so I generally just avoid them at all costs. I want to know because I'm going to SXSW soon and there's going to be lots of hot dudes there, some of whom I'd have a reason to talk to/I have mutual friends with — but I don't want to be that weirdo who starts talking to you simply because you know the same people or whatever. (I think there's a lot of questions in here...)

[Gribbz]

GUYS: How would you react if a random girl (who found you attractive) just approached you and started talking to you completely unprompted? Would you be turned off/sketched out/creeped out? Or would you at least be receptive? I'm struggling with this one a lot; I can't tell if people are just being nice but are very weirded out by me, so I'm afraid to do this. Similarly, I assume the reaction would be different if you found the girl repulsive; I honestly cannot tell when people find me completely unattractive or not so I generally just avoid them at all costs. I want to know because I'm going to SXSW soon and there's going to be lots of hot dudes there, some of whom I'd have a reason to talk to/I have mutual friends with — but I don't want to be that weirdo who starts talking to you simply because you know the same people or whatever. (I think there's a lot of questions in here...)

I love it when women approach me. All guys should. I think it shows confidence (a quality which most find attractive).

[chairmenmeow47]

i find that internet men say the like it when women approach, but whenever i approach men in the real world, it doesn't go over well at all. i've given up.

[greghead]

I love it when women approach me. All guys should. I think it shows confidence (a quality which most find attractive).

I agree. I'd be into it.

Just don't do it when my girlfriend's around, she gets violent.

[HandBanana]

When girls make the first move it is so unexpected that we just assume they are being friendly and since we dont want to be "that guy" that doesnt take "no" for an answer and is too aggressive we usually just hang back a bit.
Sometimes it isnt til much later that we realize we were being hit on at all.
Hell, my girlfriend of the last 2 and a half years had to get me over to her house and into her bed before I got the hint. And no, Im not kidding.

[Gribbz]

When girls make the first move it is so unexpected that we just assume they are being friendly and since we dont want to be "that guy" that doesnt take "no" for an answer and is too aggressive we usually just hang back a bit.
Sometimes it isnt til much later that we realize we were being hit on at all.
Hell, my girlfriend of the last 2 and a half years had to get me over to her house and into her bed before I got the hint. And no, Im not kidding.

Obliviousness can definitely play a factor. Also, some guys are just pussies.

[lt.roast.a.botch]

i say talk to the random dudes. having mutual friends is always a good starting point for conversations. i think it is refreshing when a woman has confidence and brains to initiate and keep a conversation. at worst, you'll just weird them out and that could be good for them in the long run.

[MoSetsfire]

I saw my bandmate yesterday for the first time in a while (she's the one who cockblocked me before) and guess what? She did it again!


She starts talking about how awesome her new boyfriend is and then mentions one of his friends has been asking her about me. It's weird because I don't ever remember meeting this guy, but she says I did meet him at our last show; I was in a bad mood that night, so that could explain it. Either way, she explains that this friend of her BF has been asking to get set up with me. Just as I'm about to say something about it ("Oh, that might be interesting. Can you tell me about him?") she says — "But, I told him you wouldn't be interested and that you're not looking for anything right now, so he's stopped asking."

What. The. Fuck.

Am I wrong to be upset about this?

Have you tried explaining to her that you are looking for somebody?

Stupid hot boy kept being stupid and hot this weekend; why would a guy text me unprompted, but be very oblique and awkward in the texts? And then come to a party to hang out with me and then kinda walk away the rest of the night then text me the next day asking why I "disappeared" at said party!?

Were you acting standoffish?

Finally, last issue —

GUYS: How would you react if a random girl (who found you attractive) just approached you and started talking to you completely unprompted? Would you be turned off/sketched out/creeped out? Or would you at least be receptive? I'm struggling with this one a lot; I can't tell if people are just being nice but are very weirded out by me, so I'm afraid to do this. Similarly, I assume the reaction would be different if you found the girl repulsive; I honestly cannot tell when people find me completely unattractive or not so I generally just avoid them at all costs. I want to know because I'm going to SXSW soon and there's going to be lots of hot dudes there, some of whom I'd have a reason to talk to/I have mutual friends with — but I don't want to be that weirdo who starts talking to you simply because you know the same people or whatever. (I think there's a lot of questions in here...)

Never let the world make you jaded, go into every conversation with an open mind, and a closed heart. Just talk and if they talk back in a way that pleases you continue the conversation. If they don't then end the conversation and walk away. But don't try and walk away or stay on anyone else's behalf.

This is a quote from shit my dad says, but if you switch the word "woman" for "man" it fits.

"That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son. Let women figure out why they won't screw you, don't do it for them."


PS. I will also be at SxSW. Have you ever been? I go just about every year since its a quick drive down I-35

[IceyHotshot]

I know it shouldn't be this way, but the few (less than a handful of times) a girl has approached me, I have gotten super defensive. I assume they are trying to mess with me for laughs later, because I don't understand why anyone would hit on me. Obviously this means I reply negatively to getting hit on.

[stuporfly]

When girls make the first move it is so unexpected that we just assume they are being friendly and since we dont want to be "that guy" that doesnt take "no" for an answer and is too aggressive we usually just hang back a bit.
Sometimes it isnt til much later that we realize we were being hit on at all.
Hell, my girlfriend of the last 2 and a half years had to get me over to her house and into her bed before I got the hint. And no, Im not kidding.

Same scene over here. I think my girlfriend might have actually had to take me by the hand and tell me we were going to make out before I knew what was what. I'm also an idiot, though.

[faxman75]

Finally, last issue —

GUYS: How would you react if a random girl (who found you attractive) just approached you and started talking to you completely unprompted? Would you be turned off/sketched out/creeped out? Or would you at least be receptive? I'm struggling with this one a lot; I can't tell if people are just being nice but are very weirded out by me, so I'm afraid to do this. Similarly, I assume the reaction would be different if you found the girl repulsive; I honestly cannot tell when people find me completely unattractive or not so I generally just avoid them at all costs. I want to know because I'm going to SXSW soon and there's going to be lots of hot dudes there, some of whom I'd have a reason to talk to/I have mutual friends with — but I don't want to be that weirdo who starts talking to you simply because you know the same people or whatever. (I think there's a lot of questions in here...)

I don't get the weireded or creeped out thing at all. If an attractive girl talked to me I would not run away. She can be an attractice friend, acquaintance or stranger. There is nothing at all wrong with a girl approaching a guy and starting conversation.

[kitt kat]

Were you acting standoffish?

Not that I thought! I was the one who texted him saying he should come after he had asked me what I was up to. I've been trying to get him to just hang out with me so we can sleep together again for weeks now. He's clueless.

I know it shouldn't be this way, but the few (less than a handful of times) a girl has approached me, I have gotten super defensive. I assume they are trying to mess with me for laughs later, because I don't understand why anyone would hit on me. Obviously this means I reply negatively to getting hit on.

Yeah, this is how I react when guys talk to me...on the rare occasion that they do talk to me, anyway.

[Alchemy]

I'll hear the girl out if she has randomly approached me. (Depending on where I am, I'll probably have the shields up, but I would be cautious of anybody who randomly approached me - not just random girls.) I admit that if the girl is unattractive, and she's just trying to get to know me (as in, she has nothing important to tell me), I probably will not contribute much to the conversation. If she is a delightful and pretty person, I will celebrate her sudden appearance, and later on, she will become my lover.

[Gribbz]

Kat, perhaps make some eye contact before actually approaching him? I think eye contact is pretty telling. At least for me.

[kitt kat]

Kat, perhaps make some eye contact before actually approaching him? I think eye contact is pretty telling. At least for me.

I am frightened just thinking about that.

What usually happens when I see a guy I think is cute somewhere and I'm looking his direction is that he'll notice and then it will get very awkward. The guy's reaction is usually one of "WTF why is this weird girl looking at me" and then I desperately try to play it off like I was looking somewhere else, distracted. The I run away.

[Gribbz]

I am frightened just thinking about that.

What usually happens when I see a guy I think is cute somewhere and I'm looking his direction is that he'll notice and then it will get very awkward. The guy's reaction is usually one of "WTF why is this weird girl looking at me" and then I desperately try to play it off like I was looking somewhere else, distracted. The I run away.

This is what I would be thinking: "Hey, this cute girl is looking at me. I'm going to go introduce myself." I understand that this isn't easy for some guys, but it doesn't get any more obvious than that. I mean, what more do guys need?

[MoSetsfire]

This is what I would be thinking: "Hey, this cute girl is looking at me. I'm going to go introduce myself." I understand that this isn't easy for some guys, but it doesn't get any more obvious than that.

Dale is like Coachella Yoda right now.

[kitt kat]

Yeah, I don't think most guys think like that, though. Maybe it's just where I live or the kind of guys I'm into — but it always seems like they're horribly offended by my presence.

[IceyHotshot]

I am frightened just thinking about that.

What usually happens when I see a guy I think is cute somewhere and I'm looking his direction is that he'll notice and then it will get very awkward. The guy's reaction is usually one of "WTF why is this weird girl looking at me" and then I desperately try to play it off like I was looking somewhere else, distracted. The I run away.

Haha, this is like my exact reaction when I see a girl lock eyes with me (swapping the word girl for guy). I think that's just your own internal diaglogue though and I doubt it's what the guy is actually thinking. Instead of looking away, why not smile? Even if you aren't confident, play it off like you are!

[Gribbz]

Yeah, I don't think most guys think like that, though. Maybe it's just where I live or the kind of guys I'm into — but it always seems like they're horribly offended by my presence.

Back in the day, I probably would have been "weirded out" by it as well(I was overweight in high school). I guess I just have a lot more confidence now.

[Drinkey McDrinkerstein]

I guess it depends on exactly what the girl's facial expression is. If you look fucking terrified when we catch you looking at us, we're probably not going to approach you.

[kitt kat]

Why wouldn't you? I'm pretty shy and I'd rather the guy come start a conversation so I don't feel horribly embarrassed.

[lt.roast.a.botch]

Yeah, I don't think most guys think like that, though. Maybe it's just where I live or the kind of guys I'm into — but it always seems like they're horribly offended by my presence.

nobody is going to be offended by anyone's presence based off of a brief meeting with a complete stranger. you would have to say some really offensive shit or smell bad.

[kitt kat]

I meant offended as in...my physical appearance makes their dicks go limp.

[Gribbz]

I'm pretty shy and I'd rather the guy come start a conversation so I don't feel horribly embarrassed.

Like I said, when you make that kind of eye contact you're more or less spelling it out. I would smack one of my friends if they didn't approach you after that.

[MoSetsfire]

I meant offended as in...my physical appearance makes their dicks go limp.

Do you have a picture up anywhere? your posts make it sound like you look deformed. the curiosity is killing me.

[IceyHotshot]

Do you have a picture up anywhere? your posts make it sound like you look deformed. the curiosity is killing me.

She does and she is attractive.

[Alchemy]

I guess it depends on exactly what the girl's facial expression is. If you look fucking terrified when we catch you looking at us, we're probably not going to approach you.

Haha. I do not want a girl to eye me as though I were a serial killer who murdered her family in the distant past, then vanished from the world only to exist in her nightmares, and have now taken an unexpected manifestation in the physical realm.

Pretty much the only thing that truly works is a smile.