It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin: A Thread About Dating

[zenidogx]

YOU PEOPLE SHOULD ALL JUST DATE EACH OTHER.

Anyone else picture him grabbing barbie dolls and making them kiss violently?

[Cameron Frye]

YOU PEOPLE SHOULD ALL JUST DATE EACH OTHER.

even though a.) i know that works in the short term and b.) you're prbly just joking around...message boards especially, compared to other social-web outlets, are not a positive influence on relationships. more often than not, users will thrive on DRAMA or a meltdown, and not (on avg) send the most positive reinforcing posts or messages across the interwebs

but i digress...

[IceyHotshot]

Anyone else picture him grabbing barbie dolls and making them kiss violently?

[guedita]

Anyone else picture him grabbing barbie dolls and making them kiss violently?

Hahahahahahaha.

I think bashing on serial monogamy is a hate crime, btw.

[Cameron Frye]

lulz, great find. superior boarding skills my friend

[Courtney]

YOU PEOPLE SHOULD ALL JUST DATE EACH OTHER.

Tom, find me a cute, nice, smart, single Coachella board member who lives within an hour's drive of me, and I would be all about that.

[romanticizer]

Ditto.
Although, I tried dating someone from a board once.
It was not the best thing to ever happen in the universe.

[Courtney]

even though a.) i know that works in the short term and b.) you're prbly just joking around...message boards especially, compared to other social-web outlets, are not a positive influence on relationships. more often than not, users will thrive on DRAMA or a meltdown, and not (on avg) send the most positive reinforcing posts or messages across the interwebs

but i digress...

I can see how this might be true in general, but off the top of my head I can think of at least two marriages that have come out of this board and at least four currently happy couples in long-term relationships. So it clearly does work sometimes.

Of course, there have also been a lot of failed relationships. So there's that too.

[Down Rodeo]

I met Down Rodeo. I was fairly drunk, but I remember him being personable and attractive. Keep trying, I think it's just hard to stand out from the rest of the people there. As you might have already understood from Courtney's (and others') posts, sending a more personalized message helps. Don't have to pressure yourself to be witty, just make it clear that you actually read the chick's profile and found something that interested you or that you might have in common.

Thanks, Heidi. These are things I do when I send messages, because I can't stand a message with no substance to it. But to no avail....maybe it's a Seattle thing. I seemed to have a better response ratio back in Berkeley. But from the impression I get from others here, I think OKCupid is just not the right solution. It appears to be one of those "it" things like when everyone got on Facebook. People seem to set up profiles and then not give a shit about following up. I'm only on there because it's tough to meet people in new cities anyway. I think developing a strong social circle is the most crucial.

[guedita]

Courtney and I had one of the most dramatic and embarrassing break ups on the message board, ever. It was a dark time.

[amyzzz]

Some of the new people may not know: I met my husband online and we have been together 12 years. However we are both very introverted and probably could not meet anyone without the aid of the internet.

[JustSteve]

Damn, 250 posts in 8 hours? I have some reading to do tonight.

[Cameron Frye]

I can see how this might be true in general, but off the top of my head I can think of at least two marriages that have come out of this board and at least four currently happy couples in long-term relationships. So it clearly does work sometimes.

Of course, there have also been a lot of failed relationships. So there's that too.

Some of the new people may not know: I met my husband online and we have been together 12 years. However we are both very introverted and probably could not meet anyone without the aid of the internet.

well the marriages that have come from this board, that's fucking awesome and i wish them the best. hearing positive stories is great

i've just had a really, REALLY bad experience so i'm jaded about that. i wasn't trying to put out any negative vibes toward anyone on here.

[Down Rodeo]

Obviously you are cute.
Girls are just kookootowninsane.

Well thanks for stroking my ego on here, guys. I'm going to go out now with an inflated sense of pride =)

[romanticizer]

Good for you!

[Cameron Frye]

Well thanks for stroking my ego on here, guys. I'm going to go out now with an inflated sense of pride =)

Good for you!

the interweb - coming together, making people happy

[nathanfairchild]

Tom, find me a cute, nice, smart, single Coachella board member who lives within an hour's drive of me, and I would be all about that.

i'm sure that once you settle on a graduate school you'll find someone a little easier. i imagine being in hawaii makes it a little difficult.

[cansei de ser sexme]

I met my girlfriend because she was a friend of my friend on Facebook and she stalked my info page and realized we were the same person and now weve been dating for a year.... so def dont discount facebook stalking/friending people you have a few mutual friends with that look interesting as a good way of meeting people.

[Cameron Frye]

nice bro...yea never looked into the FB potential

[spiggums]

I wonder if the "very large women," as you guys keep putting it, are perhaps being more forward about contacting guys because they either aren't getting a lot of messages or assume they won't get a lot of messages? I'm assuming that any hot, fit, single girl who has resorted to online dating probably gets flooded with messages.

I hadn't considered it from this perspective. But that makes a lot of sense.

that's odd - i found the more honest you are in emails sent out on match, the higher percentage the girl will respond back. i realize the term honest can be vague, like anything can be honest...just say (almost literally) what you thought when you came across a women's profile that made you stop and think "hmm, unique / cute...maybe i should reach out"

usually (in my experiences) they seem to be taken back, in a positive way, more to an honest/unique email than to a generic one. over thinking initial emails on match usually doesn't help your cause (not saying you're doing that, this was my own case)

That's pretty much been my approach (I couldn't do generic emails, it just feels weird and insincere to me), and nothing. On some level though, while I don't want to fall into the "LA is weird" excuse, but I could see how that may work better on the east coast than it would here. (I only moved here about 15 months ago. Part of the reason why I haven't actually dated anyone in almost three years. Didn't think getting in another relationship back East when I had decided I wanted to move here would be a good idea.)

[suprefan]

YOU PEOPLE SHOULD ALL JUST DATE EACH OTHER.

Considering you know a few people on here that tried that already.....................................


edit: some things to look at while you look for more creeper dudes.

http://mingle2.com/dating/unicorn

http://theoatmeal.com/blog/valentines_day

http://theoatmeal.com/horrible2

[marooko]

Damn, 250 posts in 8 hours? I have some reading to do tonight.

It's not really worth it. I was on board till about page five. Nothing happened.

[wstsidela]

Whatta nightmare. I'm so glad I'm married. Good luck, gang.

[kitt kat]

Fuck off.

[wstsidela]

Fuck off.

Did I mention I was rich?

Don't be a crank. I read the entire thread and I was being sincere. Online dating sounds like a pain in the ass.

[RageAgainstTheAoki]

I'm kind of keeping things casual right now, but when I was more actively dating, I had some luck on OKC and on a couple of the others. Some things that seemed to work for me:

Keeping the tone positive. Rather than writing about what I didn't like, I wrote about what I did like. I'm not a hippy, but I can't stand "negative energy" and if I would feel it coming off of someone's profile, I would instantly pass it up. A bunch of "no's" and "don'ts" are seriously off-putting. I assumed others felt the same way and so tried to keep things bright and confident. Confident, not cocky.

Making my profile interactive. I would try and have some sort of interactive element of my profile which would invite potential dates to send me a response. Because I tend to be a bit of a ham, mine were often lighthearted or silly. It might be "Tell me about your worst date. In haiku form." or ridiculous would-you-rather questions. This type of thing probably seems pointless to the more pragmatic of you, but I found that depending upon the response you could end up learning a lot about a guy. How smart he was, how creative he was, how funny he was and, most importantly to me, how willing he was just to let go and get a bit silly. Self-seriousness is not for me. If that's not of any value to you, you could ask slightly more serious questions. Like if you're a foodie, you could ask "Tell me where to get the best dessert in town" or "Describe the 4 course meal you'd cook to impress a date." Whatever it is, you're taking the pressure off the other guy for that sparkling ice-breaker.

When messaging someone, I would always try and reference something directly from his profile. Making the effort to actually show that you read his profile and, perhaps more importantly, that you actually connect to something he wrote can go a long way.

I tended to hold off on the physical compliments until at least 3 or 4 messages had gone back-and-forth. Do it too soon and you might as well written "dtf". Do it too late and you might as well have written "just looking for friends."

Piloting my profile photos on Facebook. Well, you know, except for certain profiles. If you've taken some new photos or if you're feeling a bit self conscious about your appearance or if you just can't decide which should be your main photo, post them on Facebook. Don't tell people what they're for and see which ones get the most comments.

[Newro7ic]

Fuck off.

Keep the bad ass attitude. Lose the negativity. You are attractive, stop thinking you're not. Don't worry about what your ex is doing. You'll be fine. Just try to be in the moment and stop over-analyzing. I am guilty of it, too, sometimes. But, that's nothing a couple of drinks can't fix (for me, anyhow).

I've gone on a couple of dates using online dating sites, and they weren't terrible, but they weren't great either. One woman was nice enough, but I just didn't feel anything on my end, I wasn't attracted to her. The other one was physically attractive, but seemed to be emotionally unstable. I met one on match and the other on OKC. I sent some messages here and there, but I will admit, my heart wasn't really in it. It was more my friends saying to give it a shot. I figured, why not?

I did speed dating once, which was a lot of fun. I actually ended up going on a second date with one of them, but she was a little overly sensitive and I ended up saying something that upset her, and that was that. No big loss, though.

The truth is, you can meet someone anywhere, so, don't knock it until you try it. I still check my online profiles on occasion, and send the occasional messages, but nothing usually comes of it. I meet people in bars all the time, but it's rare that I find someone that I am attracted to. Sure, there are plenty of "hotties", but 90% of the time I see the way they are acting, or talk to them for a minute and become completely turned off.

It's all a numbers game. There are many people in this world, and most of them aren't going to be for you. Just keep on trying, or don't. Usually when I meet someone it's because I am not trying- it just happens.

[Mugwog]

It's not really worth it. I was on board till about page five. Nothing happened.

Don't worry
I'll have some more juicy dating stories that have entertained my friend for years. We have the baby scare with crazy Filipino chick, art girl love triangle witha buddy of mine and much more!

And ladies no responses on the opinion of an appropriate approach for ass play?

Hooking up with friends of friends on FB. Always a good place to start a legit meetup

[M Sparks]

Here, I'll take some opinions about this. Last week, I met someone from OK Cupid. We had talked on IM for a couple of hours on Friday night and at the end she said "OK, you should take my number and text me tomorrow at work to entertain me." Round 1 success.

On Saturday, we texted back and forth a few times, but it was clear she was having a bad day at work and mentioned her dog was sick. I said "I was going to ask if you wanted to do something, but you probably need to take care of your dog." She said she couldn't do much for the dog and she'd love to go out. She wanted to go somewhere with a "good draft selection, and good jukebox." We went back and forth trying to find a place, and somehow she found a bar on the internet that wound up being a total shithole with a terrible draft selection. The jukebox was digital and probably had good stuff, but it was already loaded up with terrible music. But we wound up sitting and talking a few hours and had a good time, and I liked the fact she didn't try to back down from the horrible bar she had picked out. We have a ton in common, she is close to my age, and also has no kids. (This is a very rare commodity at my age.)

At one point, she was looking at something on my phone and kind of holding it like a camera across the table. One of the many creepy derelicts in the bar walked by and said "Are you taking naked pictures of him." While I puzzled the logic of that statement, she said "Not yet." Round 2 success.

However, at the end of the evening, I found out she was actually going to have her dog put down the next morning. The next day, I sent her a sympathy text, mentioned losing my dog last year, just trying to be nice. She asked what I was doing, and I told her I was going to a show that night. She asked if she could come meet me to get her mind off things. She got there kind of late, so the headliner set was just starting, and we didn't really get to talk much. Afterward, I walked her to the parking garage, and she gave me a long hug. A little too long...it was really kind of awkward. But I chalked that up to the dog thing.

We texted a couple of times the following week, but it was all just "how was your day" type stuff. I asked her out for Friday because it was my only free day, but she already had plans. I'm going out of town soon, and I let her know I would not have a free night until the 17th between work and travel. We have a tentative date then, and I'm glad I get to bypass Valentine's Day somewhat. But I can't tell if this is going anywhere. She did send me a text last night at work that she "needed a massage" with a winky face, but when I tried to flirt back, she actually told me about the equipment she had been lugging around all day. Maybe she's just as bad at flirting as I am.

What do you think? I feel like I need to start some long distance text or IM flirting while I am out of town to set the stage to make some kind of move on the 17th. This seems headed to friend zone where I only hear from her when she needs consoling about something. I am really bad at making a first move...once that ice is broken, I am all set, but it's tough getting started.

The one thing I am worried about is that she has never been married, but I snooped her OKC questions and she said she wanted to get married. I think I will get freaked out if I think she is just trying to get a husband, but our conversations have not indicated that so far.

[chiapet]

I think she's bad at flirting. If she's already set a tentative 3rd date, more than a week in advance, it's a good sign that she at least finds you interesting enough to schedule time to see you again. (Versus getting last minute date requests from her when she didn't have anything else going on).

If you don't want to be in the friend zone, I think you need to make a move on the next date. Even just trying for a goodnight kiss makes it clear that you're not looking to be a buddy, and could not be considered objectionable by even the most prudish lady.