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Thread: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

  1. #391
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    My rule would be as I would with any other personal service:

    If the person is self-employed -- in other words they are keeping the entire fee for themselves -- then there is no need to tip. They are the 'business owner' and (in my view) one does not tip business owners.

    If the person is an employee of an agency -- in other words they are just getting paid a salary and the agency gets the fee -- then tipping is appropriate.

  2. #392
    Coachella Junkie chairmenmeow47's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    ok, i think it's the former. i am booking for the holidays and just trying to budget.
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  3. #393
    Member gazercmh's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    What about tipping an Uber driver? I never have, as they say the tip is included, but a friend of mine said he's had some awkward experiences where it was clear the driver was expecting a tip at the end of the ride.

  4. #394
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Well you can't say "tip is included" and then expect an additional gratuity on top of the stated fee, can you? I mean at least not honestly.

  5. #395
    old school JorgeC's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    My rule would be as I would with any other personal service:

    If the person is self-employed -- in other words they are keeping the entire fee for themselves -- then there is no need to tip. They are the 'business owner' and (in my view) one does not tip business owners.
    I have a friend (an older friend, around same age as you Tom) that told me the same thing. We have a regular lunch spot where we used to have a great waitress. She eventually moved on and the business owner never hired another server. Owner waits on us now and we still get great service, but then my friend stopped tipping. I asked him why and he said you aren't supposed to tip the business owner.

    I think this is outdated, you should tip if you think the service was deserving no matter who is doing the service.
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  6. #396
    old school ThatGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    My rule would be as I would with any other personal service:

    If the person is self-employed -- in other words they are keeping the entire fee for themselves -- then there is no need to tip. They are the 'business owner' and (in my view) one does not tip business owners.
    I've always believed this to be true but now I'm wondering. My hairstylist is the owner of her salon - and when I've tipped her I believed that the bulk of the tip is for the support staff she employs, such as the receptionist and shampoo girls. Do I need to indicate who the tip is for in this case?
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  7. #397

    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    They usually refuse a tip when I try.

    I had a terrible uber experience a couple weeks ago. The jerk tried to swoop up on the other uber drivers job and then tried to get me to pay him under the table for a cut rate. I flipped the fuck out on him. I gave him terrible verbal abuse for the five minutes he had to drive me back to the party. I told him how stupid he was for trying this scam. I told him I'm calling the police. He was actually shaking. Kid looked like one of those "suburban gangster" types who thinks his shit doesn't stink but has very little real world experience. He thought he was being smooth and I just had to break his brains open for him. He was truly sorry.

  8. #398
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by JorgeC View Post
    I think this is outdated, you should tip if you think the service was deserving no matter who is doing the service.
    The reason for tipping to begin with is so that the person providing the service is directly rewarded (and, presumably, thus appropriately motivated) for doing the service well. Business owners keep all the profits; hence they are getting directly rewarded and are appropriately motivated and tipping is unnecessary.

    The opposing view that you have expressed is based on a vague emotional feeling that you should pay someone for doing a service for you. It doesn't recognize the actual economics of the transaction and instead focuses on the apparent economics. This viewpoint is not uncommon among well-intentioned but naive dunderheads and rubes.

  9. #399
    ankle biter guedita's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    I received a wedding invite addressed to only me, but the RSVP says:

    "Name(s)"

    that means I can bring a date, right?
    Any tips on this?
    Last edited by guedita; 08-11-2014 at 12:53 PM.

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  10. #400

    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    They think you're a polygamist?

  11. #401
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Any tips on this?
    "Name(s)" is written that way because sometimes the invitation goes to one person, and sometimes the invitation goes to two or more people (a married couple, an entire family, etc). So to infer that it is written that way to let you know you can bring a date seems to be a bit of a leap of logic.

    As to the broader subject, I really have no idea if people bring (uninvited) dates to weddings. Wouldn't seem like such a bad thing if the date was a "serious" thing as opposed to a "casual" thing, i.e., in keeping with the gravity of the event itself. But really I don't know what's done.
    Last edited by TomAz; 08-11-2014 at 01:02 PM.

  12. #402
    old school JorgeC's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    The reason for tipping to begin with is so that the person providing the service is directly rewarded (and, presumably, thus appropriately motivated) for doing the service well. Business owners keep all the profits; hence they are getting directly rewarded and are appropriately motivated and tipping is unnecessary.

    The opposing view that you have expressed is based on a vague emotional feeling that you should pay someone for doing a service for you. It doesn't recognize the actual economics of the transaction and instead focuses on the apparent economics. This viewpoint is not uncommon among well-intentioned but naive dunderheads and rubes.
    At least you called me well-intentioned =o) I was expecting worse.
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  13. #403
    Coachella Junkie locachica73's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Any tips on this?
    I would assume it's for you and a guest, only because I would hope no one would send out an invite for a wedding and not allow you to bring a date.
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  14. #404
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    I've always believed this to be true but now I'm wondering. My hairstylist is the owner of her salon - and when I've tipped her I believed that the bulk of the tip is for the support staff she employs, such as the receptionist and shampoo girls. Do I need to indicate who the tip is for in this case?
    Yeah see here I think it gets complicated but your approach makes sense to me. I would think it would be understood that the tip is for the support staff, but perhaps a diplomatic conversation with the stylist would be in order. "Hey, Thelma, do you share the tip with your support staff?" The best answer would be "Of course, the tip goes entirely to the staff." A suboptimal but what-are-you-gonna-do answer would be "Yes." If the answer is "No" or just a stare/glare, then I would stop tipping the owner and start tipping support staff directly.

  15. #405
    old school Robin's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by locachica73 View Post
    I would assume it's for you and a guest, only because I would hope no one would send out an invite for a wedding and not allow you to bring a date.
    I've been invited to many weddings where I was not allowed to bring a date. Seating and feeding one person can get pretty expensive.

    Cara - you shouldn't assume anything. Just ask the couple.

  16. #406
    Coachella Junkie chairmenmeow47's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    i used uber once and a tip was not solicited or expected.

    i find the idea of tipping a cat sitter odd. i have no idea how well she did at the service except for knowing if my cat is alive or dead when i return. i dunno, it feels weird to me to tip, but maybe i am just being stingy. i am also not asking her to check my mail, do things with lights, or any of the other "extras" offered. a tip would be well over an extra day of service. now i feel like though i should tip because it's the holidays and it seems vague as to whether you should. guess it's always good to err on the side of someone who knows where you live getting a tip.

    as far as the wedding guest thing, i think you should ask the person who sent the invite. normally there is a mention of guests or +1.
    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    It's when we discuss Coachella that we are at our collective dipshittiest.

  17. #407
    Coachella Junkie Drinkey McDrinkerstein's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    I am not sure if I would tip a proessional pet sitter or not. I have always had friends take care of my cat, and people have always been more than happy to get $20-25/day plus having the option to hang out at my house for it.

    Also, you are not supposed to tip an uber driver - it's included in the price. The entire point of it is that you are not supposed to use cash at all, which makes it really appealing.
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  18. #408
    Coachella Junkie locachica73's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by Robin View Post
    I've been invited to many weddings where I was not allowed to bring a date. Seating and feeding one person can get pretty expensive.

    Cara - you shouldn't assume anything. Just ask the couple.
    That seems odd to me. I wouldn't want to go somewhere that would require dressing up and possibly dancing, if I wasn't allowed to bring someone. Then again, I don't go to many weddings (thankfully).
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  19. #409

    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by Robin View Post
    I've been invited to many weddings where I was not allowed to bring a date. Seating and feeding one person can get pretty expensive.
    It's because they want you to meet someone at the wedding.

  20. #410
    old school JorgeC's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by chairmenmeow47 View Post
    i find the idea of tipping a cat sitter odd. i have no idea how well she did at the service except for knowing if my cat is alive or dead when i return. i dunno, it feels weird to me to tip, but maybe i am just being stingy. i am also not asking her to check my mail, do things with lights, or any of the other "extras" offered. a tip would be well over an extra day of service. now i feel like though i should tip because it's the holidays and it seems vague as to whether you should. guess it's always good to err on the side of someone who knows where you live getting a tip.
    yeah, pet sitting is usually not a tipped job. My "outdated" comment was directed to Tom's business owner comment since I'd heard it before. I have a friend who does pet sitting on a regular basis and she never gets tipped over her daily rate. Sorry for the confusion.
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
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  21. #411
    old school ThatGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    I would only tip a house/pet sitter if they went above and beyond with cleaning, or if something had gone wrong with the house or the dog during the trip and they had to deal with it unexpectedly. Otherwise a pre-arranged rate or fee should be sufficient.
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  22. #412
    Member gazercmh's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    If a friend invites you to a wedding and knows you're in a serious relationship, it seems reasonable to infer that "name(s)" means you can bring a date.

  23. #413
    Pedley Rocks JustSteve's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by JorgeC View Post
    I have a friend (an older friend, around same age as you Tom) that told me the same thing. We have a regular lunch spot where we used to have a great waitress. She eventually moved on and the business owner never hired another server. Owner waits on us now and we still get great service, but then my friend stopped tipping. I asked him why and he said you aren't supposed to tip the business owner.

    I think this is outdated, you should tip if you think the service was deserving no matter who is doing the service.
    Well, in terms of a restaurant it is not just the server getting the tips. Busboys, bartenders, cooks all get a piece of it at he end of the day, so I would still tip on something like that, maybe mention to her that the food was great and if she can pass it on to the staff.
    Last edited by JustSteve; 08-11-2014 at 04:22 PM.

  24. #414
    old school ThatGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    I'm attending a wedding for a good friend's daughter this afternoon. I purchased a gift online that was delivered to the bride to be a couple of weeks ago. But should I still come to the wedding with a card or something that says congrats? I feel strange going to something like this empty handed, although I'll have some cash handy in case a collection box goes around.
    Quote Originally Posted by M Sparks View Post
    It's all riding on this. You've got big dreams to ride to the top of the Flash Mob world. Well internet fame costs. And right now is when you start paying for it...in sweat.
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    hey. get your own colonoscopy thread, bitch.

  25. #415
    Coachella Junkie chairmenmeow47's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    i think it depends on the wedding, but the last few i have been to didn't even really deal with gifts at the wedding; most of that was done at the various showers. i don't think it would be a big deal to show up without one.
    Quote Originally Posted by malcolmjamalawesome View Post
    It's when we discuss Coachella that we are at our collective dipshittiest.

  26. #416
    old school nosurprises12's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    As long as you sent something that's really all that matters; I got married a few years ago and didn't ever think "Boy, X Guest was a real jerk for sending us a wedding gift via the mail but not also giving us a card on the day of"!
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  27. #417
    Stage Manager captncrzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    I can't imagine the bride would be paying attention to what you are carrying in.
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  28. #418
    Dark Lord mountmccabe's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by captncrzy View Post
    I can't imagine the bride would be paying attention to what you are carrying in.
    Yeah, that's what you have wedding attendants for.
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  29. #419
    Coachella Junkie shakermaker113's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    I feel weird if I DO show up to a wedding with something in hand.

    while we are on the topic, I am somwhat confused when ordering wedding gifts from a registry whether to plan it to arrive before or after the wedding. I feel like if I were getting married I wouldn't want to bother with them until after, but I've heard people concerned about whether a wedding gift they ordered would arrive by the wedding.

  30. #420

    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    I have a habit of forgetting to get a gift and not sending one months after the wedding. The worst was almost a year after. Is this bad etiquette? Someone once told me that a year after is ok but now I question that.

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