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Thread: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

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  1. #1
    MENACING Courtney's Avatar
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    Default Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    This is the definitive thread for advice and tips on how to behave with good manners and social graces in any situation.

    Want to know what to bring when your pot-smoking mother-in-law invites you to your first shared Thanksgiving? Confused on what sort of Christmas gift to give your boss that says both "I am a thoughtful and competent employee" and "give me a raise already you asshole"? Unsure of how best to phrase letters of correspondence to the soccer mom mafia who steal the only handicapped parking space at your child's school? Wondering how best to inform your FWB that although you would love to spend the night, you are currently bleeding uterine lining? Look no further.

    No question is too serious or too frivolous.

  2. #2
    Pedley Rocks JustSteve's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    haha, which one is alluding to me? hmm.

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    Coachella Junkie stinkbutt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Push in your fucking chair after you're done eating, maybe this belongs in the pet peeves thread
    Quote Originally Posted by roboto View Post
    And stinkbutt leaving a motorhead set when you know he's dying just to talk shit ? Your a shitty person as well .please let mja give you an anal love disease .

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    Coachella Junkie Drinkey McDrinkerstein's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    I also hate the fuck out of people who chew with their mouths open and throw half-full cups of liquid in a garbage can
    last.fm
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    Chest Rockwell Gribbz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Don't answer your phone while we're eating.
    Quote Originally Posted by nathanfairchild View Post
    Has Pitchfork revealed it's top 200 covers by Arcade Fire yet?

    Ty Segall - 9/5 - The Mohawk
    Seth Troxler - 9/5 - Vulcan Gas Company
    Black Lips/King Khan & BBQ Show - 9/12 - J. Lorraine Ghost Town
    DJ Shadow/Cut Chemist - 9/18 - Moody Theater
    Bonobo (DJ set) - 10/10 - The Mohawk
    Caribou - 11/23 - The Mohawk

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    Coachella Junkie Drinkey McDrinkerstein's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    ...unless you're finally getting the response from your coke dealer who takes forever to get back to you.
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    Coachella Junkie stinkbutt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Also, what is proper etiquette for telling your sister she is a bitchy control freak at Thanksgiving?
    Quote Originally Posted by roboto View Post
    And stinkbutt leaving a motorhead set when you know he's dying just to talk shit ? Your a shitty person as well .please let mja give you an anal love disease .

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    Coachella Junkie Drinkey McDrinkerstein's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by stinkbutt View Post
    Also, what is proper etiquette for telling your sister she is a bitchy control freak at Thanksgiving?
    Just spit a mouthful of food onto her face.
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by stinkbutt View Post
    Also, what is proper etiquette for telling your sister she is a bitchy control freak at Thanksgiving?
    The best course of action is to minimize contact. Offer to take charge of seat assignments this year for the big dinner, and make sure to place your sister as far at the other end of the table as possible. Try to either put her between two of the biggest, loudest, most dominant personalities to help drown out the bitchiness, or put her next to people so mellow that even she cannot rattle them.

    During open socializing outside of the big meal, try to encourage your family to give her "important" tasks that will keep her occupied with busy work, reducing the amount of free time she has to dedicate to bitchiness, while simultaneously providing her with a false sense of power and satisfying her need for control.

    And, if all else fails, attempt to get diagnosed with Tourettes so that you call her out for all her bitchy control freak behavior whenever you want.

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    Chest Rockwell Gribbz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Just make sure everyone is lit.
    Quote Originally Posted by nathanfairchild View Post
    Has Pitchfork revealed it's top 200 covers by Arcade Fire yet?

    Ty Segall - 9/5 - The Mohawk
    Seth Troxler - 9/5 - Vulcan Gas Company
    Black Lips/King Khan & BBQ Show - 9/12 - J. Lorraine Ghost Town
    DJ Shadow/Cut Chemist - 9/18 - Moody Theater
    Bonobo (DJ set) - 10/10 - The Mohawk
    Caribou - 11/23 - The Mohawk

  11. #11
    old school Goatchella's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Dear Court Rocker,
    I got hit up by an old friend. She text me over the weekend. She wants to hang out. My girlfriend has been jealous of her for a long time. She always calls me out on having a thing for this friend. I asked my gf what she thought about me hanging out with her and she said she trusts me and I can do whatever I want. She says she wont care.

    my Q: Is this a trick ? Is this like my gf asking me if she looks fat in an article of clothing?
    How would a gentleman handle this.

    If my gf didn't want me to hang out with her, how would I tell the other woman?
    You wanna fook on me?!

  12. #12
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by Goatchella View Post
    Dear Court Rocker,
    I got hit up by an old friend. She text me over the weekend. She wants to hang out. My girlfriend has been jealous of her for a long time. She always calls me out on having a thing for this friend. I asked my gf what she thought about me hanging out with her and she said she trusts me and I can do whatever I want. She says she wont care.

    my Q: Is this a trick ? Is this like my gf asking me if she looks fat in an article of clothing?
    How would a gentleman handle this.

    If my gf didn't want me to hang out with her, how would I tell the other woman?
    Goatchella, well done on having the perception to realize that this is a tricky situation that calls for extreme care.

    In an ideal world, your relationship would be strong enough and your girlfriend would be cool enough that this would be a non-issue. However, given what you have said, it's difficult to tell if your girlfriend is really ok with the situation, or if she is simply pretending to be ok with it because she doesn't want to appear to be a paranoid clinger.

    Luckily, there is a simple solution to this problem: find an activity that would be fun for everyone, and invite them both to come along. If your girlfriend really IS ok with you hanging out with the friend, she will probably just decline the invitation and no harm will be done. However, if your girlfriend is feeling threatened, the invitation will hopefully give her some peace of mind in knowing that she has the freedom to monitor the situation if she really feels it to be necessary. Invite a couple additional people along and make it a group activity if your girlfriend does decide she wants to come along, to avoid it being too awkward.

    Whatever the outcome, make sure that you are regularly telling and also showing your girlfriend that she is loved and appreciated. It's a lot easier for someone to feel threatened and jealous when that person is already feeling neglected in a relationship. By giving your girlfriend positive affirmation in the strength of your relationship, she will be more likely to be completely secure with whatever you choose to do outside of the relationship.

  13. #13
    old school Goatchella's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by Courtney View Post
    Goatchella, well done on having the perception to realize that this is a tricky situation that calls for extreme care.

    In an ideal world, your relationship would be strong enough and your girlfriend would be cool enough that this would be a non-issue. However, given what you have said, it's difficult to tell if your girlfriend is really ok with the situation, or if she is simply pretending to be ok with it because she doesn't want to appear to be a paranoid clinger.

    Luckily, there is a simple solution to this problem: find an activity that would be fun for everyone, and invite them both to come along. If your girlfriend really IS ok with you hanging out with the friend, she will probably just decline the invitation and no harm will be done. However, if your girlfriend is feeling threatened, the invitation will hopefully give her some peace of mind in knowing that she has the freedom to monitor the situation if she really feels it to be necessary. Invite a couple additional people along and make it a group activity if your girlfriend does decide she wants to come along, to avoid it being too awkward.

    Whatever the outcome, make sure that you are regularly telling and also showing your girlfriend that she is loved and appreciated. It's a lot easier for someone to feel threatened and jealous when that person is already feeling neglected in a relationship. By giving your girlfriend positive affirmation in the strength of your relationship, she will be more likely to be completely secure with whatever you choose to do outside of the relationship.
    I can haz two dates? I like your style =) They are both friends on facebook and this old friend is always liking everything my girl posts. maybe she just wants mh Chewbacca of a lover.
    You wanna fook on me?!

  14. #14
    Coachella Junkie jackstraw94086's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by Courtney View Post
    Goatchella, well done on having the perception to realize that this is a tricky situation that calls for extreme care.

    In an ideal world, your relationship would be strong enough and your girlfriend would be cool enough that this would be a non-issue. However, given what you have said, it's difficult to tell if your girlfriend is really ok with the situation, or if she is simply pretending to be ok with it because she doesn't want to appear to be a paranoid clinger.

    Luckily, there is a simple solution to this problem: find an activity that would be fun for everyone, and invite them both to come along. If your girlfriend really IS ok with you hanging out with the friend, she will probably just decline the invitation and no harm will be done. However, if your girlfriend is feeling threatened, the invitation will hopefully give her some peace of mind in knowing that she has the freedom to monitor the situation if she really feels it to be necessary. Invite a couple additional people along and make it a group activity if your girlfriend does decide she wants to come along, to avoid it being too awkward.

    Whatever the outcome, make sure that you are regularly telling and also showing your girlfriend that she is loved and appreciated. It's a lot easier for someone to feel threatened and jealous when that person is already feeling neglected in a relationship. By giving your girlfriend positive affirmation in the strength of your relationship, she will be more likely to be completely secure with whatever you choose to do outside of the relationship.
    You better hope he doesn't actually light that fuse.
    If she were the type that felt the need chaperone a casual hang out then life is going to be hard with her from here on out. However, she may have other qualities that make this workable.

    The gf has called him out for wanting to date her. The worst thing he can do is go on a date with her, as innocent as he may think he's being.
    At least one person is guaranteed to be upset about it.

    If he doesn't hang out with the other girl, she might be a little disappointed, but probably less so than the gf, who's happiness should matter more anyway.

    Of course, if he really wants to hang out with this girl at the risk of upsetting his gf, and the other girls persistent enough to keep at him, then something's wrong with the gf situation from the start.

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    old school NachoCat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by jackstraw94086 View Post
    You better hope he doesn't actually light that fuse.
    If she were the type that felt the need chaperone a casual hang out then life is going to be hard with her from here on out. However, she may have other qualities that make this workable.

    The gf has called him out for wanting to date her. The worst thing he can do is go on a date with her, as innocent as he may think he's being.
    At least one person is guaranteed to be upset about it.

    If he doesn't hang out with the other girl, she might be a little disappointed, but probably less so than the gf, who's happiness should matter more anyway.

    Of course, if he really wants to hang out with this girl at the risk of upsetting his gf, and the other girls persistent enough to keep at him, then something's wrong with the gf situation from the start.
    If he goes, the GF will be upset. If he does not go both he and the other girl would be upset. Lesser of two evils is to go out with the other girl and only upset 1 person. Protip: Say you are not going , change other girls name in your phone to "Paul". Then go out drinking with "Paul" one night. WIN_WIN_WIN situation.

    Half kidding of course.

  16. #16
    Coachella Junkie jackstraw94086's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by NachoCat View Post
    If he goes, the GF will be upset. If he does not go both he and the other girl would be upset. Lesser of two evils is to go out with the other girl and only upset 1 person.
    the notion of each of those people's "upsetedness" being of equal importance is the problem.

  17. #17
    old school Goatchella's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by NachoCat View Post
    If he goes, the GF will be upset. If he does not go both he and the other girl would be upset. Lesser of two evils is to go out with the other girl and only upset 1 person. Protip: Say you are not going , change other girls name in your phone to "Paul". Then go out drinking with "Paul" one night. WIN_WIN_WIN situation.

    Half kidding of course.
    lol I dont need tips on how to break hearts. Im very very good at that, to the point that it became too easy and now I get my kicks being a good person. I havent cheated on my girl in four years man...and she isnt some dime piece or the perfect woman by most standards. It is totally worth it to me to have honesty and trust.

    My girl would get along with this girl and the only thing that makes me think it is more than just hanging out is the fact that she sent me some pretty secksie pics right before me and my girl got together...like this chick woulda been my next fwb, but I got with my chick instead. I dont wanna cheat. Im all about me. Women dont really impact my life cause I do what I want. I am just tripping on my girl telling me its cool to chill with this other girl.
    You wanna fook on me?!

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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by jackstraw94086 View Post
    You better hope he doesn't actually light that fuse.
    If she were the type that felt the need chaperone a casual hang out then life is going to be hard with her from here on out. However, she may have other qualities that make this workable.

    The gf has called him out for wanting to date her. The worst thing he can do is go on a date with her, as innocent as he may think he's being.
    At least one person is guaranteed to be upset about it.

    If he doesn't hang out with the other girl, she might be a little disappointed, but probably less so than the gf, who's happiness should matter more anyway.

    Of course, if he really wants to hang out with this girl at the risk of upsetting his gf, and the other girls persistent enough to keep at him, then something's wrong with the gf situation from the start.
    Heh.

    I don't think that it's necessarily true that the girlfriend still has a problem with him hanging out with this old friend, even if she once did have an issue with it. Things change -- who knows how she feels about it now.

    I think there is a fundamental problem with a romantic relationship that necessitates limiting your interactions with friends. That's a huge red flag right there.

    But I also agree that if the boyfriend's priority is hanging out with his friends over making his girlfriend happy, that's also a problem.

    I wouldn't want to be in either situation.

  19. #19
    old school NachoCat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Define: "hangout"

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    Coachella Junkie stinkbutt's Avatar
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    Tell that donkey to get used to it. You're your own man living by your own rules and she's gonna have to live with it or without you. Then take them both to the titty bar
    Quote Originally Posted by roboto View Post
    And stinkbutt leaving a motorhead set when you know he's dying just to talk shit ? Your a shitty person as well .please let mja give you an anal love disease .

  21. #21
    old school Goatchella's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    i can do whatever i want...but Im pretty sure this chick wants some. I miss her and I wanna kick it but I will for sure end up doing the wrong thing.

    all I needed was that question I guess....define hanging out.
    Im pretty straight forward so Ill prob end up telling her I dont want to fuck things up. We werent best friends or anything.
    You wanna fook on me?!

  22. #22
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    However, I just read the follow up post:

    Quote Originally Posted by Goatchella View Post
    i can do whatever i want...but Im pretty sure this chick wants some. I miss her and I wanna kick it but I will for sure end up doing the wrong thing.

    all I needed was that question I guess....define hanging out.
    Im pretty straight forward so Ill prob end up telling her I dont want to fuck things up. We werent best friends or anything.
    It sounds like you already know the right thing to do: decline the invitation from the chick. However, there is no need to go into the details of your relationship with your girlfriend. A polite "no thank you" is more than enough.

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    Coachella Junkie PlayaDelWes's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    All the etiquette advice that starts with "Don't _______" or "People who _______" kinda sounds like this other thread
    Quote Originally Posted by dj12inches View Post
    What makes me qualified? I've watched EVERY fucking episode of American Idol, and every single episode of The Voice...Forget that I won departmental music awards when I was in the 8th grade choir.

  24. #24
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by PlayaDelWes View Post
    All the etiquette advice that starts with "Don't _______" or "People who _______" kinda sounds like this other thread
    SHUT UP
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    Coachella Junkie PlayaDelWes's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    SHUT UP
    Mannerisms to be carefully avoided by all..
    Whispering or pointing in company.
    Omitting to pay proper attention to company when entering or exiting a room.
    Giving attention to only one person when more are present.
    Contradicting parents, friends or strangers.
    Laughing loudly.
    Making noise with hands or feet.
    Swinging arms or making awkward gestures in company or in the street.
    Actions that have the most remote tendency to indelicacy.
    Leaning on the shoulder, or chair of another person.
    Throwing things rather than handing them.
    Crowding or bumping elbows.
    Contempt in looks, words or actions.
    Lolling on a chair.
    Looking earnestly in the face without any apparent cause.
    Surliness of any kind (distortion of countenance, and mimicry
    Ridicule of every kind.
    A constant smile or settled frown.
    Lending a borrowed book.
    Dressing in a bright and loud manner that attracts attention.
    Reading when there is company.
    Reading when others are talking.
    Reading aloud without being asked.
    Laughing at the mistakes of others.
    Speaking or acting in anger.
    To neglect little things if they can affect the comfort of others.
    Quote Originally Posted by dj12inches View Post
    What makes me qualified? I've watched EVERY fucking episode of American Idol, and every single episode of The Voice...Forget that I won departmental music awards when I was in the 8th grade choir.

  26. #26
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by PlayaDelWes View Post
    Lolling on a chair.
    the list is so old that it has ironically become up to date.

  27. #27

    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    SHUT UP
    Quote Originally Posted by bug on your lip View Post
    you ever get this uneasy feeling that everyone of us on this board is actually in Hell?

  28. #28
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    thanks Courtney
    You wanna fook on me?!

  29. #29

    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    Cellphone Etiquette - nobody haz it.

  30. #30
    Coachella Junkie Drinkey McDrinkerstein's Avatar
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    Default Re: Courtney's Guide to Etiquette

    What is the best way to deal with a no reason boner when you're at Thanksgiving dinner?
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