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Thread: The Sex thread

  1. #1261
    Banned thelastgreatman's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Look, if you really want to stack the deck in your favor, pick up a bottle of this: http://www.amazon.com/PJUR-Original-...&keywords=pjur

    You can find it at some sex shops, usually the higher-end ones 'cause it's expensive. Slap some of it on your dick and a handful up her slit--especially up at the top where the clit is nestled in--and you'd have to be a serious fuckup to not impress her.
    Quote Originally Posted by schoolofruckus View Post
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  2. #1262
    zeezus amyzzz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Why is that so special?
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Because fucking millenials that's what

  3. #1263
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    If this bitch is young, you're not going to need lube. Randy is getting old and not pulling in pussy under 40 (sorry, Gunz)
    Quote Originally Posted by theklein25 View Post
    When Foster the People played Pumped Up Kicks I freaked the fuck out because I thought that song was long gone

  4. #1264
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    No other lubricant comes close. Make sure you get the Original formula, silicone based. None of the weird special formulas they've made and ESPECIALLY not water-based.

    It's special because you've never felt anything so soft and slippery and perfect in your entire life. I can't tell you how many women tried to say, "I DON'T NEED ANY FUCKING LUBE, I'M NOT OLD" or whatever, and then I put a little smear across my fingertips and cupped their sex and their fucking eyes bugged out.

    It never dries out, which is a big problem with lube. You can take one handful and have crazy meth sex for an hour straight relentlessly before you have to reapply. It feels like liquid powder. It's really hard to explain but when you try it, you'll understand.
    Quote Originally Posted by schoolofruckus View Post
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  5. #1265
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Neighborhood Creep View Post
    If this bitch is young, you're not going to need lube. Randy is getting old and not pulling in pussy under 40 (sorry, Gunz)
    Uneducated peanut gallery bullshit. Young, old, doesn't matter what--it makes any sex with anyone in any way 5 times better.
    Quote Originally Posted by schoolofruckus View Post
    Look, your parenting is yours and Randy's business alone.
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  6. #1266
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    The problem I have with lube is I feel like the puss loses the tightness. Sure, I love to slip around but I also want a little vaginal friction. #whitepeopleproblems
    Quote Originally Posted by theklein25 View Post
    When Foster the People played Pumped Up Kicks I freaked the fuck out because I thought that song was long gone

  7. #1267
    Member footixy's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Not according to this Ferrera person

    I'll take Randy's board review


    too greasy for us
    By I. J. Ferrera - January 16, 2013
    Amazon Verified Purchase
    It's okay if you like to change the sheets and anything you have touched while using this project. We do not recommend it hightly...that's for sure.

  8. #1268
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Well yeah, I mean it's something you use while naked and not on a nice couch. I speak from personal experience because I couldn't figure out for the life of me why I kept getting these weird discolorations on my shirts for years that couldn't wash out until my gay buddy explained that if you get it on a light-colored shirt it will never wash out.

    Throw down a sheet that you don't use that much, pour some in each others' hands, and just start touching. You'll understand.
    Quote Originally Posted by schoolofruckus View Post
    Look, your parenting is yours and Randy's business alone.
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  9. #1269
    zeezus amyzzz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Dude, silicone-based lubricant is not good for the vagina, health-wise. Asshole.
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Because fucking millenials that's what

  10. #1270
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Quote Originally Posted by thelastgreatman View Post
    Well yeah, I mean it's something you use while naked and not on a nice couch. I speak from personal experience because I couldn't figure out for the life of me why I kept getting these weird discolorations on my shirts for years that couldn't wash out until my gay buddy explained that if you get it on a light-colored shirt it will never wash out.

    Throw down a sheet that you don't use that much, pour some in each others' hands, and just start touching. You'll understand.
    Is it a tingling gel?
    Quote Originally Posted by theklein25 View Post
    When Foster the People played Pumped Up Kicks I freaked the fuck out because I thought that song was long gone

  11. #1271
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Quote Originally Posted by amyzzz View Post
    Dude, silicone-based lubricant is not good for the vagina, health-wise. Asshole.
    Not true. It's fine. Don't know where you're getting your info from, but I have never, ever heard a complaint. I think you're just speculating.
    Quote Originally Posted by schoolofruckus View Post
    Look, your parenting is yours and Randy's business alone.
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  12. #1272

    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Quote Originally Posted by footixy View Post
    Not according to this Ferrera person

    I'll take Randy's board review


    too greasy for us
    By I. J. Ferrera - January 16, 2013
    Amazon Verified Purchase
    It's okay if you like to change the sheets and anything you have touched while using this project. We do not recommend it hightly...that's for sure.
    Isn't it basic hygiene to wash your sheets after fucking someone on them, anyway?

  13. #1273
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    And here are the many reasons why silicone lubes are safe and actually better, in most cases, than water-based lubes:
    1. the three types of silicone used in lubes, Dimethicone, Dimethiconol, and Cyclomethicone, are completely inert. That means that they will not bind to anything, including bacteria or fungus. Therefore they do not promote bacterial growth. Some of the additives in water-based lubes, and some of the oils in oil-based lubes can promote bacterial growth.

    2. silicone lubricants are much less likely to drastically change the PH level of the vaginal enviroment - other types of lubes can do this which can potentially lead to infections and can interfere with conception

    3. although silicone lube does not wash off with water, there is no causes for concern with that inside the body because while it remains in the body, it is inert, not causes irritation or infection, and then is naturally flushed from the vagina as are other foreign substances

    4. women experience all kinds of microscopic damage and trauma to vaginal tissues during sex. Those small tears and irritations can create openings for viruses that live in the bloodstream, such as HIV. A personal lubricant helps to reduce the friction and therefore the amount of damage. Silicone lubricants are even more smooth and slippery than other lubes and are thus even better at this.

    5. Because silicone lubricants do not wash off in water, they are perfect for play in the shower or other wet environments.

    6. Silicone lubricants are not thick and sticky and so they don't leave that awful gunky I-must-shower-right-now feeling after sex.

    7. silicone stays on the surface of the skin for a long time which makes it the perfect handjob lube - ever so much better than the Jergens which has to be constantly reapplied, truly ruining the mood!

    8. silicone lubes are super-slippery so, as Cory Silverberg write on about.com, "If you live in an area where there is snow in the winter, silicone based lube is great for putting on the bottom of a sled or toboggan and going down hills!" They are also great on a slip-and-slide.

    Silicone lubricants are used by many manufacturers of lubricated condoms, so the claim that they are not condom-safe makes no sense at all. Really, the only danger you're likely to face from a silicone lube is slipping in it and cracking your head open on your bathroom counter.
    http://talksensewithbrenda.blogspot....588c20e7134a84
    Quote Originally Posted by schoolofruckus View Post
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  14. #1274
    VigoTheCarpathian
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  15. #1275
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Quote Originally Posted by IceyHotshot View Post
    Isn't it basic hygiene to wash your sheets after fucking someone on them, anyway?
    If they're a squirter/gusher or if they're on the rag, yeah. Otherwise I don't really care. I just wash my bedding once a week anyways
    Quote Originally Posted by theklein25 View Post
    When Foster the People played Pumped Up Kicks I freaked the fuck out because I thought that song was long gone

  16. #1276
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Neighborhood Creep View Post
    If they're a squirter/gusher or if they're on the rag, yeah. Otherwise I don't really care. I just wash my bedding once a week anyways
    But isn't it more fun if you take a new girl home and she sees blood on the sheets?

  17. #1277
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Neighborhood Creep View Post
    Is it a tingling gel?
    No, that's some novelty crap. It's just straight up the absolute best substance ever to make rubbing things together feel awesome. Doesn't matter what it is. You could put some on your fingers and sit there just rubbing your fingertips together for hours marveling at the feeling.
    Quote Originally Posted by schoolofruckus View Post
    Look, your parenting is yours and Randy's business alone.
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  18. #1278
    VigoTheCarpathian
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Icey, before I take a short break from the board, I'll just say this: For your first time, it might be a good idea if she rides on top. And after that it's all in the hips. Like the motion in the ocean round and round play off her hip movements. Not like in the porno movies where the big black dude is slamming the little Asian girl. I think you follow.

  19. #1279

    Default Re: The Sex thread

    My suggestion Ivey is to eat pussy like a bulldog would eat a shepherds pie.
    Certain songs they get so scratched into our souls

  20. #1280
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    All the pussy eating advice in this thread is terrible. Didn't I provide a step-by-step a while back? Flawless instructions.
    Quote Originally Posted by schoolofruckus View Post
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  21. #1281
    Member footixy's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Quote Originally Posted by thelastgreatman View Post
    You could put some on your fingers and sit there just rubbing your fingertips together for hours marveling at the feeling.
    Like Collagen!

  22. #1282
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Collagen is sticky, so no, not at all like that.
    Quote Originally Posted by bmack86 View Post
    Has anyone gone on a date with a sandwich recently? What base did you get to? Ham?

  23. #1283
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Jordanp View Post
    My suggestion Ivey is to eat pussy like a bulldog would eat a shepherds pie.
    And I think this just made vaginas the world over close up shop.
    Quote Originally Posted by bmack86 View Post
    Has anyone gone on a date with a sandwich recently? What base did you get to? Ham?

  24. #1284
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    HAHAHA, okay I found the posts where I gave a lecture on eating pussy. I'd forgotten about the MSPaints.

    Quote Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang View Post
    Here is a picture that demonstrates why a lot of you will never eat pussy worth a damn:



    You need to hook your arms underneath her thighs, use your shoulders to brace her legs apart down by where her thigh meets her hip, and then bring your hands around top and use your fingertips to pull the flesh just above and to the sides of her clit both up and apart. It takes a little bit of practice to manage to keep her held in that position because chicks buck with their hips like a bunch of jerkoffs, so don't be afraid to get a grip good enough that she can't really break free of it. She'll appreciate it, she just can't control her own pelvis if you're doing a good job. It's nigh-impossible to really get proper action on her clit though unless you use this pulling technique to move some of the excess mound flesh out of the way.
    Quote Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang View Post
    Huh? You don't pull that much flesh aside. Well, I mean, the fatter the girl is the more there is to move but also the less chance there is of it being physically possible to easily do so. But you don't want your finger placement to be like right next to the lips themselves. You just position them strategically above and to the left/right of the clitoral mound about two inches away and pull at the skin so that it pulls the flesh over the clitoral mound by extension. Here is a closeup of where your fingers should go, clitoris marked with a purple dot.

    Quote Originally Posted by schoolofruckus View Post
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  25. #1285
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Silicone lubes are no good with condoms though, right?
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Thanks for giving us the opportunity to not give a fuck again.

  26. #1286
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Not all silicone lubes are certified for latex condom use but with most it's not a problem. The biggest problem is with (some) silicone sex toys, since the lube can wear off the surface and create porous bacterial breeding grounds - but if a toy isn't compatible, it will generally say so on the packaging.
    Quote Originally Posted by bmack86 View Post
    Has anyone gone on a date with a sandwich recently? What base did you get to? Ham?

  27. #1287
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Quote Originally Posted by thelastgreatman View Post
    All the pussy eating advice in this thread is terrible. Didn't I provide a step-by-step a while back? Flawless instructions.
    Jerry gave george step by step instructions but george wrote them on his arm.

    in the middle of disrobing george gets sweaty and the instructions become difficult to read.

    it feels like i'm being poked by aliens
    Quote Originally Posted by canexplain View Post
    If moles had subways, molestation wouldn't be one of the creepiest words there is ....
    Quote Originally Posted by canexplain View Post
    Eat don't chat ...When I figure out what windlowless is, I'll respond .
    i hear voices in my head and they keep caaaaallin' me

  28. #1288
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Also, those drawings are fucking frightening.
    Quote Originally Posted by canexplain View Post
    If moles had subways, molestation wouldn't be one of the creepiest words there is ....
    Quote Originally Posted by canexplain View Post
    Eat don't chat ...When I figure out what windlowless is, I'll respond .
    i hear voices in my head and they keep caaaaallin' me

  29. #1289
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Good fucking god, your sig. I can't even process . . . .
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Thanks for giving us the opportunity to not give a fuck again.

  30. #1290

    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Awesome drawings, I remember those. I also remember that Seinfeld episode. Several people have compared me to George Costanza.

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