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Thread: The Sex thread

  1. #1201
    Daft Punky Junkie BROKENDOLL's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Quote Originally Posted by footixy View Post
    Why don't girls come with manuals nowadays...

    At least a courtesy "welcome to my vagina" email would do
    Girls quit coming with manuals when they realized that all that stimulation was smearing the print off the pages...What good is a manual if you can't learn anything past page 3?
    Its like the Infinite Monkey Theorem, if you put X amount of monkeys in a room with a typewriter and ask them to give you Shakespeare 99% of them will fling their shit at you while the other 1% will masturbate in the corner.

  2. #1202
    Coachella Junkie stinkbutt's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    lick her butthole too Icey
    Quote Originally Posted by roboto View Post
    And stinkbutt leaving a motorhead set when you know he's dying just to talk shit ? Your a shitty person as well .please let mja give you an anal love disease .

  3. #1203
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    thus spake stinkbutt.
    Quote Originally Posted by efrain44 View Post
    Anyone know who the guy in the Cardinals jersey is? I've seen him in pictures on the board and I thought I saw him this year.

  4. #1204
    Daft Punky Junkie BROKENDOLL's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    thus spake stinkbutt.
    Tom, is your sex life as archaic as your introduction for Captain Flatulence?
    Its like the Infinite Monkey Theorem, if you put X amount of monkeys in a room with a typewriter and ask them to give you Shakespeare 99% of them will fling their shit at you while the other 1% will masturbate in the corner.

  5. #1205
    zeezus amyzzz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Learn how to use your fingers too, Icey.
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Because fucking millenials that's what

  6. #1206
    Pedley Rocks JustSteve's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Quote Originally Posted by HotHamWater View Post
    Icey, going forward, learn how to eat pussy and learn how to do it enthusiastically. Much of it is just reading body language, really. Shouldn't be too difficult. The ladies will appreciate it, though.
    And don't take your cues from porn on how to do it. Don't act like you've been deprived of food for days and all of a sudden a nice sandwich is handed to you to go to town on.

  7. #1207
    Coachella Junkie locachica73's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Quote Originally Posted by JustSteve View Post
    And don't take your cues from porn on how to do it. Don't act like you've been deprived of food for days and all of a sudden a nice sandwich is handed to you to go to town on.
    I was trying to come up with a way to say something like this, but everything I came up with was creating disturbing images.
    Quote Originally Posted by SlowMotionApocalypse View Post
    I have snuck in weapons before
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    A butt plug is not a weapon.

  8. #1208
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Quote Originally Posted by BROKENDOLL View Post
    Tom, is your sex life as archaic as your introduction for Captain Flatulence?
    Me grab woman hair drag to cave. Me take woman. Unga bunga.
    Quote Originally Posted by efrain44 View Post
    Anyone know who the guy in the Cardinals jersey is? I've seen him in pictures on the board and I thought I saw him this year.

  9. #1209
    Member footixy's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Frat bro style

  10. #1210
    Member LiquidL's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Quote Originally Posted by algunz View Post
    I can't do the math. How many years?
    That's lame. Why don't you stand up for yourself for a change?
    2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012: II, 2013: I, 2014: I

  11. #1211
    Member LiquidL's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Quote Originally Posted by stinkbutt View Post
    lick her butthole too Icey
    Good advice. Also cream inside her.
    2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012: II, 2013: I, 2014: I

  12. #1212

    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Cologne on your junk: good or bad idea?
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    Hey here's an idea. You know those people who are desperately poor, down on their luck, uneducated, abused, and generally ill-equipped for life? Let's make fun of them.

  13. #1213
    Endearingly Dislikable RotationSlimWang's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Quote Originally Posted by xuclarockerx View Post
    Cologne on your junk: good or bad idea?
    ... Are you fucking serious?

    First, stop wearing Cologne period. Deodorant and that's it. Secondly, spray Cologne on your arm and then lick that spot. Now tell me the answer to your question.

  14. #1214
    old school xanman86's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    (Relevant part happens about a minute in)


    Facebook // Twitter // Blog // Tumblr // Instagram
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  15. #1215
    Coachella Junkie algunz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Quote Originally Posted by xuclarockerx View Post
    Cologne on your junk: good or bad idea?
    Bad idea. If smell is a concern, take a shower!

  16. #1216
    Daft Punky Junkie BROKENDOLL's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    Me grab woman hair drag to cave. Me take woman. Unga bunga.
    Way to get my arrector pili muscles all aroused and then ruining the moment by suggesting unga bunga, Tom.


    Quote Originally Posted by xuclarockerx View Post
    Cologne on your junk: good or bad idea?
    Cologne tastes like shit. Try mouthwash instead.
    Its like the Infinite Monkey Theorem, if you put X amount of monkeys in a room with a typewriter and ask them to give you Shakespeare 99% of them will fling their shit at you while the other 1% will masturbate in the corner.

  17. #1217
    old school HotHamWater's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Quote Originally Posted by JustSteve View Post
    And don't take your cues from porn on how to do it. Don't act like you've been deprived of food for days and all of a sudden a nice sandwich is handed to you to go to town on.
    Right.

    And when I said "enthusiastically," I meant that they should be aware that you really like doing it.

  18. #1218
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Quote Originally Posted by RotationSlimWang View Post
    First, stop wearing Cologne period. Deodorant and that's it.
    Surprising wisdom from a jersey boy.
    Quote Originally Posted by efrain44 View Post
    Anyone know who the guy in the Cardinals jersey is? I've seen him in pictures on the board and I thought I saw him this year.

  19. #1219

    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Thanks for all the helpful replies!
    Arcade Fire - Sir Richard Bishop, Bill Orcutt - Spoon - Paul McCartney - Steve Gunn - Beserktown Fest - Slint - Sleep - Swans - Owen Pallett - Neutral Milk Hotel - Chris Thile & Edgar Meyer - Bobby Bradford Quartet - Matana Roberts - Wadada Leo Smith, Anthony Braxton - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - Songs for Unseen Warhol Films - Ben Frost, Tim Hecker, Pete Swanson - Ryoji Ikeda - Slowdive - A Winged Victory for the Sullen - John Zorn Marathon

  20. #1220
    Gummi bear sultan miscorrections's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    In general: keep expectations low, and don't treat it like some extremely emotionally charged life-changing event. It's just sex, and it probably won't be very good.
    Quote Originally Posted by bmack86 View Post
    Has anyone gone on a date with a sandwich recently? What base did you get to? Ham?

  21. #1221
    Coachella Junkie locachica73's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    It will get better though, MUCH BETTER.
    Quote Originally Posted by SlowMotionApocalypse View Post
    I have snuck in weapons before
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    A butt plug is not a weapon.

  22. #1222
    Peaceful Oasis TomAz's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Icey, these women are incorrect. Your first time, it probably won't be very good for her. But it's going to be fucking amazing for you. trust me on this.
    Quote Originally Posted by efrain44 View Post
    Anyone know who the guy in the Cardinals jersey is? I've seen him in pictures on the board and I thought I saw him this year.

  23. #1223
    Coachella Junkie locachica73's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    OK, Tom probably makes a good point, again.
    Quote Originally Posted by SlowMotionApocalypse View Post
    I have snuck in weapons before
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    A butt plug is not a weapon.

  24. #1224
    Gummi bear sultan miscorrections's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Yeah, you'll blow your wad and she'll stifle a sigh.
    Quote Originally Posted by bmack86 View Post
    Has anyone gone on a date with a sandwich recently? What base did you get to? Ham?

  25. #1225
    Gummi bear sultan miscorrections's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Or not, if she doesn't like you.
    Quote Originally Posted by bmack86 View Post
    Has anyone gone on a date with a sandwich recently? What base did you get to? Ham?

  26. #1226
    Coachella Junkie heart cooks brain's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Quote Originally Posted by miscorrections View Post
    Yeah, you'll blow your wad and she'll stifle a sigh.
    sounds like time for round 2.

    alternately, a few shots of vodka will help you out in this department.
    Quote Originally Posted by canexplain View Post
    If moles had subways, molestation wouldn't be one of the creepiest words there is ....
    Quote Originally Posted by canexplain View Post
    Eat don't chat ...When I figure out what windlowless is, I'll respond .
    i hear voices in my head and they keep caaaaallin' me

  27. #1227
    Coachella Junkie Neighborhood Creep's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Any way you can do this on http://tinychat.com/coachella
    Quote Originally Posted by theklein25 View Post
    When Foster the People played Pumped Up Kicks I freaked the fuck out because I thought that song was long gone

  28. #1228
    old school ods..'s Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    american pie style

  29. #1229
    Daft Punky Junkie BROKENDOLL's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    Icey, these women are incorrect. Your first time, it probably won't be very good for her. But it's going to be fucking amazing for you. trust me on this.
    I'm thinking that Icey's probably got a shit ton of amazing that he's been hoarding all these years... Maybe take afew minutes before the big event to release some of that amazing on his own in order to avoid...

    Quote Originally Posted by miscorrections View Post
    Yeah, you'll blow your wad and she'll stifle a sigh.
    Well... THIS...... It happens. Probably more so than any of these guys will admit to around here. And, considering the frustration that all those little sperm have pent up while waiting for IceMan to give it up, I wouldn't be surprised if they were already lined up at the exit ready to bail... Think of it as crowd control.
    Its like the Infinite Monkey Theorem, if you put X amount of monkeys in a room with a typewriter and ask them to give you Shakespeare 99% of them will fling their shit at you while the other 1% will masturbate in the corner.

  30. #1230

    Default Re: The Sex thread

    Oh, don't worry, she has already laughed at me.
    Arcade Fire - Sir Richard Bishop, Bill Orcutt - Spoon - Paul McCartney - Steve Gunn - Beserktown Fest - Slint - Sleep - Swans - Owen Pallett - Neutral Milk Hotel - Chris Thile & Edgar Meyer - Bobby Bradford Quartet - Matana Roberts - Wadada Leo Smith, Anthony Braxton - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - Songs for Unseen Warhol Films - Ben Frost, Tim Hecker, Pete Swanson - Ryoji Ikeda - Slowdive - A Winged Victory for the Sullen - John Zorn Marathon

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