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Thread: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

  1. #2641
    Member yeahfontaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear students,

    I've been working 70 hours a week for 7 years so that you that all of you can get better at reading, writing, speaking and thinking.

    I want my life back. I may seem like a shitty teacher from now on and it may take you months to get back an essay. But I still love you.

    -Your exhausted and way-the-fuck-underpaid teacher

  2. #2642
    Chest Rockwell Gribbz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Beirut,

    Quit fucking around and schedule something west of Texas.

    - Gribbz
    Quote Originally Posted by nathanfairchild View Post
    Has Pitchfork revealed it's top 200 covers by Arcade Fire yet?

    DJ Shadow/Cut Chemist - 9/18 - Moody Theater
    Tycho - 9/20 - Emo's
    Bonobo (DJ set) - 10/10 - The Mohawk
    Screaming Females - 10/23 - Red 7
    Caribou & Jessy Lanza - 11/23 - The Mohawk

  3. #2643
    Banned marooko's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear you,

    Why is it so difficult for you to listen?

    Me

  4. #2644
    Coachella Junkie weeklymix's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Republicans and Conservatives who refuse to call themselves Republicans choosing to go public over the current Libya debacle:

    Stop. The American public has not completely forgotten the war in Iraq. If Ron Paul and David Gergen want to say things like "[we] can't go around being the 'World Police'," they should know it makes them look unbelievably hypocritical, even for the way you folks are generally perceived by my generation. The group I primarily associate with has been targeted for years as being Communists and free-loving hippies yet you as Hawks have the unbelievable audacity to cry "warmonger" due to a willingness to send aid to countries that absolutely need it more than Iraq? Listen, Afghanistan may seem like a mess to you now but had the president from your party stayed there instead of playing shoot-'em-up in Iraq we would have been a few years ahead of the mess he left us with now. This "feminine," "overtly liberal" president of ours pressed the button to fire extremely precise missiles and the blood on his hands in this endeavor outweighs the blood on your own for the past decade? Some of you have even bothered to say the country can't afford it. You mean after your party OK'd trillions to be spent on wars that have yet to be won? But it was okay then because the economy was good then, right? Because your buddy had that weapons manufacturing business that his dad bought him, right? It certainly wasn't doomed to collapse and definitely not built on fairy tales. Look, when Gaddafi's body is hanging from a branch the Americans won't be there anymore. This administration has made it clear that they're doing nothing more than helping, rather starting anything. You see that's the difference. The Americans from this administration's stance are okay with coming in to help at this point with an unruly dictator that didn't fall as easily as his surrounding allies. We didn't help in Tunisia, we didn't help in Egypt, we won't go near Yemen. The point is we're helping to tear down a key piece of this wave that apparently was vital to the Middle East's livelihood. The fact any of you schmucks would challenge the constitutionality of any of these moves without hesitation is utter garbage. You can't call our president a pussy one week and a warmonger the next without people realizing you stand for dick.

    Most real conservatives are independents now thanks to you guys. The "fundamental" change you thought this country needed will be vetoed next year. It's no wonder you guys still haven't stopped Newt Gingrich from running: you are officially the Hypocrisy Party.

    Signed,
    Me.

  5. #2645

    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    dear coworker that sits one cubicle over: your wedding was in october, you can stop talking about it now. kthxbai
    Quote Originally Posted by elChurro View Post
    Perry lives beneath the polo grounds. A ritual must be performed for his awakening but only after a band/dj/performance art cancellation.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mammoth85 View Post
    Perhaps an appropriate conversation starter would have been: "pardon me sir, would you mind taking your finger out of your girlfriends asshole? We're trying to enjoy LCD Soundsystem."

  6. #2646
    Happy Feet Coachella Bound's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Sean Penn,

    please give Scar Jo back

    thnx, CB
    Coachella 07 (the introduction), 08 (the bands), 09 (the documentary), 10 (the people i came with), 11 (the relationship test... we passed), 12 (whatever the weather, Dirty Epic forever), 13 (the year of the troll)

    - PEARL JAM WHY YOU HATE COACHELLA? -

  7. #2647

    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    If Edith Wharton was not already dead I would send her a strongly worded letter about picking and choosing her battles.
    LOL! <33
    Quote Originally Posted by Zafocaine View Post
    Great advertising strategy for her vagina though! As if having a vagina weren't all a vagina needed. Now introducing the Lustful Scorned Lover scent, by RSW.

  8. #2648
    Coachella Junkie
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals


  9. #2649
    Banned marooko's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    To a large percentage of you,

    Damn you for making something already difficult, much more difficult to deal with.

    Mario

  10. #2650
    Coachella Junkie locachica73's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Coachella Attendees:

    Your minute by minute check ins from Coachella are hurting my heart, put the phone down and enjoy the show. AND STOP TORTURING MEEEEEE!!!

    Sincerely,
    Bitter
    Quote Originally Posted by SlowMotionApocalypse View Post
    I have snuck in weapons before
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    A butt plug is not a weapon.

  11. #2651
    Coachella Junkie fatbastard's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Stupid Mother Fucker Driving the Black Accord In Front of Me on the 5 Freeway between 3:30PM and 3:45PM today.

    I had just finished changing over 3 lanes to avoid the dead stop due to the root beer colored Honda Accord that was on fire. You were in front of me as we began to pass the burning car. I could see that over half the car, from the engine to the rear doors, was in flames. I could smell melted plastic, even though my window was rolled up. You decided to stop and stare at the fire, not even thinking that it could easily have blown up at any moment. There you were staring, like a dumb, stupid, cunty, retarded, mother fucker.

    I promise to get on my knees tonight and pray for you to die; to die from an explosion with metal piecing your head and chest. I want your skin to be sprayed with the very gasoline from than root beer colored Honda Accord! I want to hear you scream!! Burn in hell you mother fucker!!!

    Love Always.
    FB.
    Whiskey Sour

    2 oz blended whiskey
    Juice of 1/2 lemon
    1/2 tsp powdered sugar
    1 cherry
    1/2 slice lemon

    Shake blended whiskey, juice of lemon, and powdered sugar with ice and strain into a whiskey sour glass. Decorate with the half-slice of lemon, top with the cherry, and serve.

  12. #2652

    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Khaki Pants with Black Dress Shoes,

    Would you please stop coming into the bathroom to let loose your explosive diarrhea when I am using the bathroom. I'd like to have just a couple minutes to crap in peace and play games on my phone before going back to my mundane job. At the very least, get a colonoscopy or change your diet or something. You should not be having diarrhea on a regular basis.

    Thanks

  13. #2653
    Coachella Junkie
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    dear Young Jeezy:

    Thank you for actually being on time this past Friday and only performing about 50 minutes, thus making my subjection of your performance quick and relatively painless.

    Your National/NorVa staff member,

    Matt

  14. #2654
    Coachella Junkie locachica73's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Facebook Friends:

    Thanks for letting me know what happened on all the shows I watch before I got to watch them. I will now have to block you as well. Damn you and your east coast television watching!

    Sincerely,
    Later Timezone
    Quote Originally Posted by SlowMotionApocalypse View Post
    I have snuck in weapons before
    Quote Originally Posted by TomAz View Post
    A butt plug is not a weapon.

  15. #2655
    Coachella Junkie shakermaker113's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    dear people with shitty cameras,

    please do not try to shoot concert footage, no matter how drunk you are or how good you think it looks on that little 3 inch screen.

    and if you get carried away, for fuck's sake don't upload it to youtube. you are polluting the internet.

    just wait until apple takes away your freedom of speech. that'll show you.

    (E)

  16. #2656
    Coachella Junkie fatbastard's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Birds.

    All the splashing from the water filled cat food dish tells me that you're having a hell of an afternoon.

    FB
    Whiskey Sour

    2 oz blended whiskey
    Juice of 1/2 lemon
    1/2 tsp powdered sugar
    1 cherry
    1/2 slice lemon

    Shake blended whiskey, juice of lemon, and powdered sugar with ice and strain into a whiskey sour glass. Decorate with the half-slice of lemon, top with the cherry, and serve.

  17. #2657
    ankle biter guedita's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Quote Originally Posted by shakermaker113 View Post
    dear people with shitty cameras,

    please do not try to shoot concert footage, no matter how drunk you are or how good you think it looks on that little 3 inch screen.

    and if you get carried away, for fuck's sake don't upload it to youtube. you are polluting the internet.

    just wait until apple takes away your freedom of speech. that'll show you.

    (E)
    Support.

    9/12: Shifted @ Mercer
    9/24 - 28: Decibel Festival
    10/3-5: Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival
    10/4: Ought @ BoH
    10/5: The War on Drugs, Cass McCombs @ The Fillmore
    10/18-19: Treasure Island Music Festival

  18. #2658
    old school Somewhat Damaged's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    So Jennifer's daughter came into our room at 4:30 on Friday morning saying that her chest & stomach hurt and that she needed to go to the hospital. We took her, and while I was in the waiting room, I called my manager to let her know I wouldn't be able to make it into the office. I had a 1st payroll input with a client that was bringing over 4 companies from our biggest competitor. I had already spoken to the woman at considerable length twice in the week, including getting her logged into the accounts so she could familiarize herself with the system and verify the information I had keyed in. I also corresponded with her via e-mail on Thursday, so basically all the legwork had been done, hours/tips just needed to be entered and the payroll to then be submitted. Something really anybody in my department could walk her through. I asked my manager to have one of my coworkers give the client a call and apparently my coworker didn't get in touch with her at 10:30 (our scheduled appointment time) or 10:51. When I got on my computer this morning, I found close to 20 e-mails in my inbox from the clusterfuck that occurred afterward, including this particular gem from the sales rep:

    From: Aimee
    Sent: Friday, December 02, 2011 11:33 AM
    To: Deborah; Wendy; Felicia; Rick; Jackie
    Cc: Josh; Javier
    Subject: RE: Luciles URGENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I understand he had an emergency since this is not like him. But we have a big problem. She called into my major’s counterpart and complained that this is not what she was promised. If he had an emergency he could have sent her an email to let her know, which she obviously didn’t know or she wouldn’t be this upset. It’s not everyday that we pick up 16k on the spot so this is a big deal for SBS. Her pay date is Monday so now I am worried that she freaked out and is going to process and stay with Paychex. She wanted the free w2’s and we will miss that promo if we do not catch this payroll.

    I am booked solid the rest of today, so can someone please keep calling her until they get a hold of her. This is not her fault it is our fault for missing the appointment when payroll has a check date of Monday. She has 4 controls with over 100 employees, that is scary not knowing if 100 people are going to get paid on time.

    Aimee

    This is what my response to her was after reading that bullshit:

    From: Rick
    Sent: Sunday, December 04, 2011 9:48 AM
    To: Aimee; Deborah; Wendy; Felicia; Jackie
    Cc: Josh; Javier
    Subject: RE: Luciles URGENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Aimee,

    I’m so sorry about this. The next time my stepdaughter comes into our room at 4:30 in the morning sobbing about chest pains, and I have an appointment with one of your clients, I’ll be more conscientious about getting on my laptop to compose an e-mail to your client before taking her to the hospital.

    Rick, CPP
    Quote Originally Posted by stinkbutt View Post
    It's like finding out an old high school buddy is on meth, and you're not sure if any of the rumors of him giving handies behind Burger King are true but they very likely could be.

  19. #2659
    old school JebusLives's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear facebook friends,

    Thank each and every one of you for letting me know that the weather is shitty. I'm under house arrest, replaced all my windows with beach imagery, and smashed the thermostat in frustration earlier this week. Also, facebook is the only webpage I have access to. Your public service won't go unnoticed.
    Quote Originally Posted by juloxx View Post
    Your stupid

  20. #2660
    ankle biter guedita's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Quote Originally Posted by Somewhat Damaged View Post
    Subject: RE: Luciles URGENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Aimee,

    Iím so sorry about this. The next time my stepdaughter comes into our room at 4:30 in the morning sobbing about chest pains, and I have an appointment with one of your clients, Iíll be more conscientious about getting on my laptop to compose an e-mail to your client before taking her to the hospital.

    Rick, CPP
    So good. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

    9/12: Shifted @ Mercer
    9/24 - 28: Decibel Festival
    10/3-5: Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival
    10/4: Ought @ BoH
    10/5: The War on Drugs, Cass McCombs @ The Fillmore
    10/18-19: Treasure Island Music Festival

  21. #2661
    old school Suffacated's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    And Jen's daughter?
    I hope she's doing OK.

  22. #2662
    old school Somewhat Damaged's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Quote Originally Posted by Suffacated View Post
    And Jen's daughter?
    I hope she's doing OK.
    She's fine now, thanks for the concern.
    Quote Originally Posted by stinkbutt View Post
    It's like finding out an old high school buddy is on meth, and you're not sure if any of the rumors of him giving handies behind Burger King are true but they very likely could be.

  23. #2663
    Daft Punky Junkie BROKENDOLL's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear A.A.R.P.
    For almost 3 years now you've been sending me invitations to become a member and take advantage of the discounts A.A.R.P. provides for seniors. I laughed at first because I was under the impression that a person had to be 55 in order to be an accepted member, so I simply tossed them in the trash. Obviously you didn't get any hint because what started out as a paper application then became an actual pretend A.A.R.P. membership card made of some indestructible substance that can't be ripped in half before tossing. The fact that you've gone through the trouble of personalizing them with my name has made me hang on to them for fear of risking the theft of my identity. On the plus side of this grievance, as long as you don't mind receiving them back in another 4 years coated with drug residue, I won't mind the personalized paraphernalia until I'm actually qualified for the rest of your stupid offers.

    Sincerely,
    Bdoll
    P.S. Since it's my birthday, whether I'm age qualified or not, can I still get the trunk organizer you offered me if I apply by 12/05/2011?
    Its like the Infinite Monkey Theorem, if you put X amount of monkeys in a room with a typewriter and ask them to give you Shakespeare 99% of them will fling their shit at you while the other 1% will masturbate in the corner.

  24. #2664
    old school Goatchella's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Lol. Residuals
    You wanna fook on me?!

  25. #2665
    Coachella Junkie fatbastard's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Myrna from my 8th grade class.

    It’s been a long time, but wanted to finally get this off my chest. Though I was there for you when everyone started making fun of you for giving a classmate a blowjob, there was a part of me that was secretly hoping to receive one as well. Not to state the obvious, but you had perfect lips for it.

    I hope you can forgive me.

    FB.
    Whiskey Sour

    2 oz blended whiskey
    Juice of 1/2 lemon
    1/2 tsp powdered sugar
    1 cherry
    1/2 slice lemon

    Shake blended whiskey, juice of lemon, and powdered sugar with ice and strain into a whiskey sour glass. Decorate with the half-slice of lemon, top with the cherry, and serve.

  26. #2666
    Member DANCE MAGIC's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear company that is interviewing me via Skype next week,

    Please give this job. I love your games and I fucking want to live in Paris.

    Love,

    Scott
    Quote Originally Posted by weeklymix View Post
    you shut your whorish mouth when talking about the sea king.

  27. #2667
    ankle biter guedita's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear girls who prank called me to tell me that you found my cat in Minnesota,

    Good prank call. You girls really seem to get comedy.

    -Cara

    9/12: Shifted @ Mercer
    9/24 - 28: Decibel Festival
    10/3-5: Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival
    10/4: Ought @ BoH
    10/5: The War on Drugs, Cass McCombs @ The Fillmore
    10/18-19: Treasure Island Music Festival

  28. #2668
    Coachella Junkie fatbastard's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear elderly Chinese woman in the product section of the market,

    I was behind you, just as you had loaded a couple of pieces of daikon into a plastic bag. You loaded them in your cart, and then began to push your cart away. A solo daikon from the pile you just pulled from fell from the stack and broke in half on the ground. You slowly turned around, noticed what happened, then bent down to pick up both pieces. You placed both pieces back on the stack as best you could then drove your cart away.

    I just wanted to say that was quite classy and respectable of you. Compared to the other mongrels around us who were reaching over our shoulders left and right with their apologies in broken Engrish, your respect for the produce reminded me that there are still good people out there.

    Gung hay fat choy.

    FB
    Whiskey Sour

    2 oz blended whiskey
    Juice of 1/2 lemon
    1/2 tsp powdered sugar
    1 cherry
    1/2 slice lemon

    Shake blended whiskey, juice of lemon, and powdered sugar with ice and strain into a whiskey sour glass. Decorate with the half-slice of lemon, top with the cherry, and serve.

  29. #2669
    Daft Punky Junkie BROKENDOLL's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Dear girls who prank called me to tell me that you found my cat in Minnesota,

    Good prank call. You girls really seem to get comedy.

    -Cara
    Dear Cara,
    While I'm well aware of the fact that you ended our friendship on facebook and instead chose to use me as your example of the less educated on this message board, I couldn't help but notice on a mutual friend's facebook page that your cat had run away from home. It tugged at my heartstrings and provoked sympathy pains because I too, am a cat owner, and I know all too well, the feeling of loss and worry that comes from having a missing pet. (It's somewhat similar to being un-friended on a social network.) In any case, upon seeing this post of yours directed at a couple of twats and their shitty attempt at humor, I felt compelled to try and correspond with you here, to let you know of my deep concern for the health and welfare of your furry feline family member. I can only hope by now, that you are curled up on the couch with kitty by your side, and that those inconsiderate cuntbags are sitting in Minnesota freezing their asses off with nothing by their sides to keep them cozy and warm.

    Sincerely,
    Bdoll
    Its like the Infinite Monkey Theorem, if you put X amount of monkeys in a room with a typewriter and ask them to give you Shakespeare 99% of them will fling their shit at you while the other 1% will masturbate in the corner.

  30. #2670
    The Bionic Listener Theijuiel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Netflix,

    How dare you show that a series has subtitles when only the first episode actually has the subtitles. Fuck you for misleading me.

    Tyle
    "Give me women, wine and snuff
    Until I cry out 'hold, enough!"
    John Keats

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