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Thread: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

  1. #91
    Member Encaitare's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Incompetent Patrons Who Are Not Familiar With Theatre Etiquette,

    I know that most of you have probably never been to a theatre before, and that you're only here because your son/daughter/neice/nephew/brother/sister/bf/gf/classmate/school requirement/fuckbuddy is in the Community College Dance Departement, which we are considerate enough to let use our beautiful venue for their annual Dance Spectrum. This is why we're making it really easy for you by having numerous flyers up with ticket info and performance times, as well as extended business hours. And despite our meager salary, we are trained Customer Service Reps, and we know how to do our job, so when you buy your $12 ticket, we repeat the performance date, time, and restrictions not once, not twice, but three times for you, just so you don't get confused. Even when you're rude and say you've heard it all before, because we know you'll forget that there is NO late seating, that it IS a final sale, and there are NO children under the age of 5 admitted. And YES, that means no infants either. So when you show up at 8:07 with your two preschoolers and your tickets for the show that was yesterday, and demand to get into tonight's sold out show that has already started, guess what? FUCK OFF. YOU, ma'am, are in the wrong. I know that it's hard to swallow, and you can yell and pound the bullet proof window and demand to speak to the manager, (like she is going to be here after 5pm on a weekend anyways), but maybe had you listened to us when we sold you the tickets, LOOKED at the tickets in your hand that had the day and time clearly printed on them, (surprise! not today's date!) maybe you wouldn't be in this dilema. And then there is always the possibility that had you simply been a little bit less of a fire breathing biotch about it all, we would have been a litte more accepting to your situation. Don't tell me to fix my mistake and to do it quickly, when it is you that is clearly in the wrong, and I am already doing overtime by even listening to you waste air.

    Sincerely,
    Your Friendly Customer Service Representative

    __________________________________________________ _______________

    Salude Olive Garden -

    Let me preface this by saying that you are not, in fact, a real italian resturant. Nor are you the fancy resturant that you lead us on to be, despite the fact that you are the must go to for every Jr. High and High School prom or winter formal dinner, wedding rehersal, or anniversary date. Just because we are a town of migrant field workers and white trash, do not mock us, we know better.

    But really now, how do you get off by charging $3.50 for a side of marinara sauce??!? Especially when all I am ordering is the lunch special of unlimited salad and bread sticks for $5.99, and a glass of water? It wasn't even enough marinara to finish off one basket of bread sticks with. A "slight charge" does not = $3.50!! Must you rape me for every penny I am worth? The sauce isn't even that special, it tastes just like Prego to me, which I could buy an entire fucking jar of for less than 2 bucks at Food 4 Less, which is open 24 hours, (unlike you, Olive Garden).

    I'm over you, I won't be used. I'm better than that.
    Truly Yours,
    Jamie

  2. #92
    Member La Ferrassie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Jack White,

    I like your style. Guitar and fashion. You are cool. I hate how people say that your guitar playing is sloppy. That's what is good about your guitar solos. And You are in two of the coolest bands. You are just awsome.

    Your Fan,
    Patrick
    Last edited by La Ferrassie; 03-18-2007 at 08:42 AM.

  3. #93
    minorse wrangler ewiggy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear la ferraisse,

    I can't tell if your complete and utter disregard to correct grammar is some strange attempt at being ironic, or if you are really so ignorant as to use "Your" incorrectly 3 times in one post that is only 7 sentences long, including the fragments. You did use it correctly 4 times, but that's only a 57% success rate, so you still fail.

    Try again,
    ewiggy

  4. #94
    No Clownery full on idle's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Ewiggy,

    From your mouth to god's ears.

    In agreeance,
    foi

    _____________________________________

    Dear Jamie,

    Those were two excellent letters. A fine contribution.

    Keep the dream alive,
    foi

    _____________________________________

    Dear board member that left the sadistic taunt as a text message on my phone last night (and you know who you are),

    It wasn't funny. They stole my bus pass. You won't be laughing at my misfortune once I can summon wolves.

    We won darts,
    foi

  5. #95
    Member La Ferrassie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear ewiggy,

    I'm sorry I suck a grammar. I'll do better next time.

    I'm stupid,
    Patrick

  6. #96
    old school caco0283's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    dear UF baskerball team,

    you better win in an hour or else i will have to run wear a dress next time i go to brus room.

    xoxoxoxo,
    cacolicious
    Quote Originally Posted by Hannahrain View Post
    Your lady's also in for drugs, right? Corinna's guy is in for murder and mine's in for a spree of home invasions. I think you're probably good.


    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    I'm pretty sure Ronnie painted that on her, with his dick.

  7. #97
    old school
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear burrito joint from last night,
    It was awesome meeting you last night. I know burritos aren't the most Irish way of ending of St. Patty's but it was worth it. I will however protest at charging $7 for half of a chimichanga. That is a bit excessive. Sure you have fresh ingredients and they cost a bit more. Sure you pay a decent amount of rent as you are situated just off of Union Square, but its still only half of a fried burrito covered in stuff. I won't dispute that it was delicious. I'm just asking for you to really think about how much you are really worth. That's all.
    Look deep inside your delicious fried burrito heart. You know what's up.

    Looking forward to eating you again,
    nando

    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    Dear Kristen,
    That pitbull is adorable. Can you FedEx it to me?
    Just wondering,
    nando

    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    Dear guy with stickers of shamrocks on your face,

    You aren't all that funny. You looked like a bedazzled penis.
    Stop trying so hard.

    More irish than you,
    nando
    I am going to get so blown to Cypress Hill while they play.

  8. #98
    foof roberto73's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Guinness,

    I really missed you. We should meet up more than once a year in March. Thanks for tasting so good last night.

    Erin go bragh,
    Rob

  9. #99
    Member atom heart's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear AT&T Yahoo Highspeed Internet,

    My "highspeed" is not as fast as my previous service, which did not have such a title, and did NOT cut out randomly, leaving the various WiFi enabled laptops in this residence high and dry, and for which we are paying more to recieve. None of this would have happened if your previous box had not died suddenly just out of warranty. I smell conspiracy.

    Frustrated,
    Atom

  10. #100

    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    dear hungry,

    uuuuuugghhhhhh....

    -cody
    Quote Originally Posted by york707 View Post
    I can't tell a british accent from a gay accent.

  11. #101
    minorse wrangler ewiggy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    dear nando,

    couple holes in a big ol' box and i'm sure we could work it out. that dog looks like it should belong to you.

    ships out today,
    kristen

  12. #102
    LOLocaust Survivor Hannahrain's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Hannah,

    It is really time you cleaned your apartment. Seriously. You aren't the only one who lives here, you know.

    Nagging,
    Your Conscience
    ----------------------------
    Dear Conscience,

    Go to hell. You're a dumb bitch.

    Disgruntled,
    Hannah
    -----------------------------
    Dear Mess,

    Clean yourself the fuck up. Don't make me tell you again.

    Domineering,
    Hannah
    -----------------------------
    Dear Sandwich,

    You would be much better if you had tomatoes. Just sayin.

    Work on that.

    I'll probably eat you anyway,
    Hannah
    -----------------------------
    Dear Maintenance Man,

    I know you have to cover this whole building. But thus far, I've been very unimpressed. It took you 4 tries to even show up to fix the closet. I don't even want to know HOW long it's going to take to get the window fixed. Do try to hurry it up, please. It's fucking COLD in here.

    Shivering,
    Hannah

  13. #103
    Member CuervoPH's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Texas and Memphis,

    I need both of you to win for me to keep pace with Caco. However, don't do it for me. Do it for your fans. In the rounds I've picked you to lose, then you can do it for me.

    Thanks,
    Sir Bracketology

  14. #104
    old school Tylerdurden31's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Roommate,

    Sure it's awesome that you got a brand new 42" inch plasma and it's great that you got a new entertainment center for it. But seriously...when you move all my shit without asking and not even putting it somewhere useful...that's fucked up. Don't leave my tivo ON TOP of my record player. At least have the courtesy to put the record player on top of the speaker like we talked about. Thanks for making my tivo practically useless and you better fucking help me move my tv from the living room to my bedroom you fucker.

    Thanks for nothing,
    Mike

  15. #105
    LOLocaust Survivor Hannahrain's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Stagefright,

    FUCK OFF.

    Traumatized,
    Hannah

  16. #106

    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Boston Red Sox,
    Will you try to stay healthy and not blow it again. You guys have the 3rd highest payroll in the MLB. Please, with sugar on top, WIN THE FUCKING WORLD SERIES!!!!!! With Much Admiration, Matt
    Last edited by I'm Rosetta Stoned; 03-18-2007 at 07:25 PM.
    Ive got the demons in me, Ive got to brush them all away.......

  17. #107
    Member dedzilla's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Sunshine,

    I greatly enjoyed your brief appearance this evening, but where were you earlier today? Seriously, wtf. I shall make note of your tardiness and place this in your permanent record. Please try to show up on time tomorrow morning. I appreciate your cooperation in advance.

    Best Regards,

    Chelle

  18. #108

    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Mars Volta,
    Thank you for making an amazing record. I wish I knew what the fuck you were singing about Cedric, maybe I dont do enough drugs...... -Matt
    Last edited by I'm Rosetta Stoned; 03-18-2007 at 07:21 PM.
    Ive got the demons in me, Ive got to brush them all away.......

  19. #109

    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Mars Volta,

    Don't believe them. You suck. Trust me. You really suck.

    Cody
    Quote Originally Posted by york707 View Post
    I can't tell a british accent from a gay accent.

  20. #110
    zeezus amyzzz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear work,
    I don't wanna go back. Oh well.

    Amy
    Quote Originally Posted by chairmenmeow47 View Post
    i fucking hate women with their lives together who try and help other people. where are the needy bitches at?!

  21. #111
    LOLocaust Survivor Hannahrain's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear I'm Rosetta Stoned,

    Please sign your letters, unless they are secret admirer notes or anonymous threats. Unsigned letters are creepy.

    Signed,
    Hannah

  22. #112

    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Hannah,
    There you go. Thank you for the suggestion Respectfully, Matt
    Ive got the demons in me, Ive got to brush them all away.......

  23. #113
    LOLocaust Survivor Hannahrain's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear La Ferrasie,

    suck a grammar
    I think this has potential to become a standard insult. Make it happen.

    Love always,
    Hannah

  24. #114
    Member
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Coachella Board,
    Are you aware that it is 5.00am and I have to be up in two hours ?
    I'd appreciate it if you could fiddle with these timezones a little, if it is not too much trouble. I know I am not asking too much of you but, for whatever reason, should you find the above difficult, I'll just take a cup of strong coffee please. Black, one sugar.

    Also.. I'm a little short right now since your beloved festival is bleeding me dry, could you lend me a tenner?

    Your best friend,
    Sheri.
    ...and all these wonderful things will add up to some powerful experience that 10 years from now you’ll say, “Wow, we LIVED!"

  25. #115
    Member
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear America,
    You should turn nocturnal.

    Just a thought..
    Sheri.
    ...and all these wonderful things will add up to some powerful experience that 10 years from now you’ll say, “Wow, we LIVED!"

  26. #116

    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Chat Room,

    You don't work for me. What gives?

    Cody
    Quote Originally Posted by york707 View Post
    I can't tell a british accent from a gay accent.

  27. #117
    Member TheWatcher's Avatar
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    Angry Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Security Guard at the Wiltern:

    Thank you for letting the males and females into separate lines. As the fanbase at the concert was 90% female/10% male, and there were people waiting since the day before in close to freezing temperatures, we especially appreciated being forced to wait, while the males that showed up at the last minute got into the pit area.

    Insulting the females, mentioning "tampons", and saying "stop thrusting" when people were trying to move forward in line was an especially personal touch!

    Telling people to move backwards into a single file line, when there were people 5 deep all the way around the block who did not get the news was just brilliant!

    Oh, and a special thanks for spending all your time searching for cameras instead of helping small girls out of the pit. They got to "fend for themselves". And, searching my wallet(!?>&) for a camera was priceless.

    I'll tell ALL my friends about your venue!

    -Unhappy Camper
    ************************************************** ******

    Dear DMV,

    Thank you for giving me the practice at holding my temper when trying to make an appointment at your website. Although I have not been able to get through to you by phone for over 10 years, I keep hoping that you will someday get your act together! See, I am practicing optimism!

    -Back seat driver

  28. #118

    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Peter Debnam and Morris Iemma

    Neither of you fucks are getting my vote on Saturday.
    I'm giving a Donkey vote! Not that I particularly care either way,
    but I'm sick of seeing these bloody slur campaign ads four times
    every ten minutes while my wife watches the Biggest Loser.

  29. #119

    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Guinness,

    No, you ARE a Beer milkshake! Unless you're on Red Dwarf then that's not cool.

  30. #120
    old school Stefinitely Maybe's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Moscow,

    Why are you making it so impossible for me to book a damn hotel room? No I do not want to spend £200 a night. Just a room with a bed and access to running water is fine with me. But every time I phone, nobody answers, or - if they do - they don't speak English, and they hang up on me. And all the places that AREN'T £200 a night seem to be booked up, or do not respond to my emails.

    It is stressing me out. Please sort it out.

    Also, warm up a bit, would you?

    Thanks,

    Stef
    "The first time I heard the new single off the Bravery album, I actually cried, and I do not even remember the name of that damn song. It reminded me of this girl I am in love with." - kroqken

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