Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

[locachica73]

Dear Engineer:

If you dirty the community dishes please wash them when you are done. I know I do everything else here but washing your dishes is not on my list of things to do... That is why it has sat in the sink since Thursday, stop walking past it pretending not to notice.

Sincerely,
Not your mother.

[TomAz]

Dear Not your mother,

Put a sign up reminding people it's their responsibility to clean up after themselves. Choose words that carefully reveal your disdain for their ill-bred manners.

Sincerely,

Common Sense.

[locachica73]

Dear Common Sense:

We both know I lack that at times, but there is such a sign, he chooses to ignore that as well. I am not entirely certain all of his screws are tightened correctly. He has also been given the job of being my phone/mail backup while my coworker is on vacation and instead of piling everything in piles and bringing me everything at once he has chosen to bring each item in seperately. If I see him again in the next 10 minutes I might lose it. Sure glad I know he makes twice as much money as I do.

Sincerely,
CRAZY LADY

[TomAz]

Dear Crazy Lady,

Remind me why you are still working in that shithole?

Sincerely,
Common Sense

[locachica73]

haha

Dear Common Sense:

Because I am too fucking nice and couldn't quit prior to my coworker taking her long planned 2.5 week vacation. Being nice is a bitch! But I am looking so if you know anyone who needs some office help, hook a girl up!

Sincerely,
Nice girls finish last

[TomAz]

Dear NGFL,

I could use somebody to make coffee and clean up the break room after lunch. Interested?

Sincerely,

...

[Tikiman]

Dear Concert and Festival Attendees,
Shut the fuck up. No, seriously, shut the fuck up. Along with Coachella, I've gone to 5 other concerts this year and I swear to god, I could hardly hear the performers because all everyone does at shows nowadays is fucking socialize. Why the fuck do you spend all that money to see a concert then do nothing but talk all the way through it? I mean isn't that why people go to bars before and after shows; to get all that shit done so you can enjoy the performance? Don't blame the bands, most of them are busting their asses on stage trying to get your attention, but no, you have to gossip or whatever through the whole fucking show. And, oh yeah while I'm at it, SHUT THE FUCKING PHONE OFF and quit calling every fucking person you know to let them know how special you must be to be calling them from a concert then follow it up after the show by telling everyone how great it was when the fact is YOU WEREN'T EVEN LISTENING!! (which should be evident since you were on the phone the whole fucking time)

Oh yeah, and while I'm on the topic of assholes. Stop woohooing during the slow parts of a song goddammit. It seems whenever a performer goes into a quiet interlude in their song someone's got to go woohoo! WTF! Do it when they are done performing the song, not during you selfish self-absorbed asshole, it wrecks the song for the rest of us!!

Sincerely,
Mr. Cranky

[locachica73]

[JustSteve]

Dear Mr. Cranky,

Why don't you grow some balls and tell them to shut the fuck up or go outside?

Signed,

The S....oh wait, my phone's ringing.

[Tikiman]

First, I feel why should I leave, I'm there to hear the music not them, and secondly I think you can predict what would happen if I told them to shut the fuck up and it ain't "hey buddy, we apologize for disturbing your enjoyment of this spectacular musical event".

[OnlyNonStranger]

I remember my first concert.

[JustSteve]

First, I feel why should I leave, I'm there to hear the music not them, and secondly I think you can predict what would happen if I told them to shut the fuck up and it ain't "hey buddy, we apologize for disturbing your enjoyment of this spectacular musical event".

I never said you should leave. And what would happen? You think you are the only one annoyed by it? It only takes one brave soul to say it and everyone else will be on your side if the ass tries to start something.

[Mugwog]

To Baja Fresh:

Although I appreciate the new garlic lime shrimp tacos, I wish you wouldn't stuff so much cabbage in the tacos, it goes beyond filler. Also, please distribute the avocado in a taco combo proportionately.

[locachica73]

Dear Asshole, Thanks for taking my personal bottle of creamer I bought for coffee. I wouldn't have minded so much if you used some, but to take the entire bottle, what the fuck, are you drinking it straight? Now what am I suppose to put in my coffee, fucker?

Sincerely,
Doesn't like black coffee

[Suffacated]

Dear Mom..
It's been 13 months and two days since we last talked and as you can see,
I'm fucking blowing it.
A little help would be nice as I have no clue as to how I'm going to get myself up out of this shithole of a nightmare that's become my life.
Sorry if I let you down.......but then again, what else is new?

With all of my love...
Pete.

[fatbastard]

That was fast.

[fatbastard]

Dear young guy and girl in front of me at CVS around 5:35AM last Friday.

Last week was very much the same as now; which was too much food and drink, and my stomach needed some assistance. We were the only ones in the store, except for the Pepsi guy making a delivery and the manager, who was doing something in the office. You were intertwined with one another and giving each other soft passionate kisses which one could only conclude as an evening of young love and passion. I heard you “young guy” ask your partner at what time one could go about buying beer. Something was said by her. You both giggled something and then went back to making out. The Indian manager with the Caribbean accent walked up to the register and took your order for a pack of American spirits. I paid for my bottle of Tums, walked to my car, and put it into reverse to head towards the freeway for one more ordinary day of work. Turning onto Fillmore, I could hear the train coming and see both of you running past the gate, hand in hand, towards the platform. I smiled and memories filled my head. Thank you for that moment together and of reminding me of my non ordinary past.

[Mugwog]

Fuckin voyeur.

[lehorne]

the best is when they know you are looking at them, but don't make eye contact because they also want it to keep going.

Happened this summer while staying in Beirut at my friend's apartment complex two floors down. From the outside balcony you could directly see about fifteen feet away this girl's bedroom whom was getting ready, in what seemed like forever being incredibly thorough with preparation, for a date. Red g-string, perky exposed b-cups, brown skinned fit lebanese twenty year old girl. Tried not to stare much, but after I realized she didn't mind, I treated her like a television. She got picked up by a man in a Mercedes as we were leaving in our car for dinner and it was the only time we made eye contact.

[fatbastard]

Fuckin voyeur.

Chance meeting that helped recall a similar experience in one’s life, not voyeuristic.

Jacking off and watching one’s drunken mother in the back of the family station wagon being penetrated by various baseball teammates after a winning a game, voyeuristic.

PS. Tell your mom that her cunt smelled like carpet cleaner.

[fatbastard]

Dear turkey meatballs in the fridge.

It was 11 days ago that the wife made you for dinner. I was initially a fan. A few of you inside a hot crunchy roll with some melted cheese was a satisfying and “healthy “meal, at least according the wife. It wasn’t long that I started putting 2 and 2 together and realized that you are no healthier than a burrito.

Straight out, you have overstayed your welcome. I know the wife keeps you in the fridge as a trophy that she does, on occasion, cook dinner. Be prepared to exchange farewells in the next 20 minutes, because your time has come to depart from our fridge.

Happy travels.

FB.

[shakermaker113]

dear internet vendors,

I am less likely to purchase from you if you make me sign up for an account first. it is to your advantage to make it as easy as possible for me to complete my order.

sincerely,

(e)

[SepaGroove]

^^ Agreed!

[JustSteve]

Def. love when there is a "checkout as guest" option.

[shakermaker113]

the right way to do it is for guests to enter their information and optionally enter a password in case they want an account.

[fatbastard]

Dear Charles Osgood,

It’s a pleasure to spend each Sunday morning with you.

You continuously speak in a most entertaining manner, while I rudely surf the internet and/or read the paper. We occasionally look at one another at the beginning of each story. The best part of the show for me is the last 45 seconds (which used to be 60 seconds), where you play the sounds of nature from remote areas of the world.

Have a great day.
FB

[xuclarockerx]

I love how the regulars are ganging up on the new guy above for the concerts post, when that's a common complaint on these boards after Chella.

[guedita]

Dear Prospective Student,

Much like last week, and the week before, and the week before, and the week before, your application is still being reviewed. I wasn't lying when I told you it can take up to 6 weeks for your transcripts to be reviewed and the decision to be made, nor was I lying when I told you that I will email you when your acceptance package is ready to be shipped.

To recap once more: your application is still being processed. It can take up to 6 weeks to process your application. I will email you as soon as the decision has been made.

Please feel free to email me if you have any more questions. Especially if you want to check in on the status of your application!

[bmack86]

Dear Guedita,

Just let me in and I'll stop calling and emailing all the time. Ball is in your court.

Anxiously,

Prospective Student.

[fatbastard]

Dear Gentleman who’s ATM card rejected for a cup of coffee at Starbucks yesterday morning.

The staff was making my cup of coffee when ordering you placed an order. Not sure what initially happened, but there was a crowd behind you, and you kept asking what was wrong. You honestly seemed confused.

The barista mentioned not to worry but you kept persisting as they began to make your order. It wasn’t until he had to say “your card was declined sir” that you got all embarrassed and said you would be back with the money. He told you it was not a big issue and that he was going to make the coffee for you anyways. First off, who balances their finances so tight that an amount of coffee is in question? Two, why did you run out when they mentioned that would then still make the cup of coffee for you?

It was a free cup of coffee. You couldn’t afford it anyways. Why not follow through with it till the end?

Love always.

FB