Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

[locachica73]

Dear Big Girls,

Being a big girl I think it is my place to tell you all this... One size fits all is not really accurate. If you have rolls spilling over or under then you should rethink your costume.

Sincerely,
Big Girl Trying To Help

[MissingPerson]

Dear Dan Boeckner,



for Christ's sake,

Regards,
Huguenot

[weeklymix]

Back off my routine breakfast, Gemma.

[boarderwoozel3]

Dear likely film student walking into campus wearing all black, a trench coat type thing, black ski mask, and carrying a bulky soft briefcase with some sort of large metal scope or lens coming out of the top,

Notice all the the 'oh shit' double takes passers-by were giving you? Yeah. That's really bad way to make friends.

Concerned,
Your peers

[BROKENDOLL]

Dear likely film student walking into campus wearing all black, a trench coat type thing, black ski mask, and carrying a bulky soft briefcase with some sort of large metal scope or lens coming out of the top,

Notice all the the 'oh shit' double takes passers-by were giving you? Yeah. That's really bad way to make friends.

Concerned,
Your peers

Dear Seattle,
Tune in to your local news broadcast tonight at 5pm for the latest update on a possible sniper attack at the local college university. Details are still unclear, but the suspect may have ties to the Gothic community or the Drama Department at the school. Detectives are still undecided as to whether or not this man is dangerous, or, if he's just roaming around practicing his lines in the script.

The suspect may, or may not be armed with actual artillery, and doesn't appear to be very friendly, so proceed with caution.

[NachoCat]

Dear pregnant ladies,

Im tired of all the "awards" you get for getting knocked up. Months off work, Prime parking spots... wtf "parking for mothers to be" at work... F that. How about I get a some time off by not having a child and saving my company thousands of dollars in lost work time and insurance costs. I am never going to miss a day of work because my kid needs to get picked up from school. Where is my fucking reward?

- thanks for nothing

Scott

[amyzzz]

Fuck you.

[NachoCat]

stfu amy

[amyzzz]

weak sauce

[BROKENDOLL]

Dear pregnant ladies,

Im tired of all the "awards" you get for getting knocked up. Months off work, Prime parking spots... wtf "parking for mothers to be" at work... F that. How about I get a some time off by not having a child and saving my company thousands of dollars in lost work time and insurance costs. I am never going to miss a day of work because my kid needs to get picked up from school. Where is my fucking reward?

- thanks for nothing

Scott

You know that dried up crusty stuff in the palm of your hand? Congrats!

[BROKENDOLL]

weak sauce

Yeah, that stuff. Amyzzz knows what's up...

[amyzzz]

BD,
We're fucking up the format.
zzz

[BROKENDOLL]

BD,
We're fucking up the format.
zzz

Dear Fellow Format Fuckerupper,
No worries, I'm a pro at this shit, remember? I don't get ignored for nothing, you know! If you'd like, I can get us team uniforms and we could really throw them off... - How about it?
Until the next thread,
XO Brokendoll XO

[HowToDisappear]

Dear Wachovia Customer Service Rep,

Sorry that I probably made you wish you'd never been born, first thing in the morning and all. But you better know your shit before you start calling me out and telling me I'm wrong, while I'm sitting here looking at the terms and conditions posted right here on your website that you never expect anyone to read. What's that you say - that's not what's in your manual? Well, you better get online and show me where there is publicly accessible info that agrees with your 'manual', 'cause I'm not seeing it. Hmmmm... well... after putting me on hold for 15 minutes, it appears that I'm right, and you're wrong? Imagine that! Now GET THE ISSUE RESOLVED 'cause I'm tired of dealing with you fuckwads over what should only be a minor transaction.

Vehemently yours,
Pissed Off in San Diego

[humanoid]

Dear women that I date,

Could you please make me aware ahead of time that you eventually plan on making your alcoholism/repressed daddy issues/etc. apparent through a dramatic, immature and pathetic display? It would save us both a lot of time and headache if you didn't try so hard to give off the impression of being at least a reasonably well-adjusted adult, only to prove that you are anything but.

Thank you,
Me

[shakermaker113]

dear grateful, generous customer,

I could have done a better job. I don't deserve your thanks. I'm sorry.

sincerely,

(e)

[BROKENDOLL]

Dear women that I date,

Could you please make me aware ahead of time that you eventually plan on making your alcoholism/repressed daddy issues/etc. apparent through a dramatic, immature and pathetic display? It would save us both a lot of time and headache if you didn't try so hard to give off the impression of being at least a reasonably well-adjusted adult, only to prove that you are anything but.

Thank you,
Me

Dearest Me,
Have we dated before?
XO B.D. XO

[greghead]

Dear Sven Pipien,

Thank you for the $200 tip Sunday night, you are a very kind and generous person. I look forward to crossing paths again.


Cheers,
Greg

[Gribbz]

Dear California,

It's just rain. You're going to be alright.

[Mr. Dylanja]

I'm prayin' for rain, I'm prayin' for tidal waves

[yeahfontaine]

Dear California,

It's just rain. You're going to be alright.

That's a bit insensitive, don't you think? Have you watched the news or seen videos of this shit? I agree that Californians overreact when it comes to rain (I grew up there and recall that if even a drop or two started to fall when we were at recess, they'd blow a whistle and we'd all run inside and play board games--weird) but this isn't just a light shower. People are being evacuated, all their shit is underwater, etc. Just sayin'.

[Gribbz]

That's a bit insensitive, don't you think? Have you watched the news or seen videos of this shit? I agree that Californians overreact when it comes to rain (I grew up there and recall that if even a drop or two started to fall when we were at recess, they'd blow a whistle and we'd all run inside and play board games--weird) but this isn't just a light shower. People are being evacuated, all their shit is underwater, etc. Just sayin'.

Haha, really? My bad. My newsfeed on facebook has just been flooded(no pun intended) with complaints about the rain. Nothing about evacs. I haven't heard much from media outlets either.

[GeezrRckr]

ATT U-Verse - please take note that your customer service is the fucking worst in the world. Yes, the entire world.

[TheScenestar]

That's a bit insensitive, don't you think? Have you watched the news or seen videos of this shit? I agree that Californians overreact when it comes to rain (I grew up there and recall that if even a drop or two started to fall when we were at recess, they'd blow a whistle and we'd all run inside and play board games--weird) but this isn't just a light shower. People are being evacuated, all their shit is underwater, etc. Just sayin'.

I loved rainy days in elementary school besides the board games.

Yes, LOTS of accidents and evacuations. This isn't the light rain for one day kind of storm that we get a lot of flack for from other states. We'll get those soon so you can mock us then.

Oh yeah, everyone's all about the Double Rainbow that just broke out in L.A. on Twitter and Facebook.

[psychic friend]

I loved rainy day games at school. heads up 7-up anyone?

[skyismad]

I loved rainy day games at school. heads up 7-up anyone?

The game would inevitably end in an exchange of words after someone called out another player for peeking. Damn the peekers..

[amyzzz]

hahaha heads up 7-up YES!

[TheScenestar]

I loved rainy day games at school. heads up 7-up anyone?

OMG, I haven't played that in AGES! Why aren't hipsters ironically playing in teams of Heads Up 7-Up on the Eastside? FAIL

PS

Dear L.A. Double Rainbow,

Keep it up. You're freaking out our city in a good way. We are united as one without the Lakers doing it for us and without cars being flipped (Accidents caused by the wet roads and staring at the rainbows don't count). Thank you and come again REAL soon.

Love,

Oscar Scenestar

[koryp]

Dear Republic of California,

It's really hard to give you any sympathy right now. It's really just a little bad weather. Duck, Duck, Goose is a fun game.

Sincerely,
New Orleans

[SoulDischarge]

I loved rainy day games at school. heads up 7-up anyone?

This game is fucking terrible. It just leads to endless amounts of time inhaling whatever they cleaned the desks with. Which actually explains a lot about our culture.