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Thread: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

  1. #61
    Member John Peel is My Co-pilot's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear St. Patrick

    Thank you for giving those of us who aren't alcoholics or students an excuse to start drinking at 9am.
    A teenage dream, so hard to beat...

  2. #62
    Coachella Junkie Alchemy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Newton,

    Three laws of motion is too much for me to care to know. Next time, be more efficient and get it all down in one law.

    Energized,
    Tim
    Quote Originally Posted by canexplain View Post
    I try to be politically pc more than most here: As a dude, anyone who could put a shark up a gals pc body, is pretty creepy, different and interesting. Just saying big time ..... cr****

  3. #63
    foof roberto73's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear cats,

    Please stop waking me up at 4:00 A.M. There's food in your bowl. Either you practice self-reliance, or tonight I break out the spray bottle.

    Sleepily yours,
    Rob

    ------------------------------------

    Dear end of quarter papers,

    I don't want to grade you. It's nothing personal, but there are definitely things I'd rather be doing with my time. Would you mind grading yourselves? Thanks.

    Procrastinatingly yours,
    Rob

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Dear Chuck Woolery,

    Everyone loves Bob Barker, but for my money you're the greatest game show host ever. "Lingo" allows me to put off grading my papers. I appreciate it.

    I wrote this in two minutes and two seconds,
    Rob

  4. #64
    LOLocaust Survivor Hannahrain's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Roommate,

    I'm sorry for all the hate. I don't really HATE you, but you're an easy target, and the hate has to go somewhere.

    And also, why does our apartment smell like pickles? Before you got here it smelled nice. Then you came in, and now it smells like brine. What the crap is that about?

    Tolerant but annoyed,

    Hannah

  5. #65
    Coachella Junkie bballarl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear 15-20 page paper on the Korean War,

    I need to start you, but I can't. I just can't do it. I just don't care. Whatev.

    Your non-author,

    Andrew

  6. #66
    old school bleep's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear credit cards,
    Fuck you and your APRs. I'm sick of transferring balances. I don't care about accumulating points for junk I'll never claim. Don't call me during dinner about fraud protection services. I know "Bob" on the other line is really Kumar from India. Stop messing with my credit score. Can u forget my balances for once?
    Your "reluctant but needy" customer,
    bleep

  7. #67
    LOLocaust Survivor Hannahrain's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Johnny Cash,

    I know this is asking a lot, but would you mind trying to be a little less dead? It would really make my day.

    Love, Hannah

    PS-Maybe if you're making the trip back anyway, you could bring Buddy Holly with you. And punk. And latin.

  8. #68
    Member La Ferrassie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Phoenix Suns,

    Thank you for such a great game last night. I accually feel that you might have a chance to get to the finals this year. The Mavs are a good team and even though you lost to them 2/3 meetings this year, in a seven game series you have a chance.

    Faithful,
    Patrick

  9. #69
    LOLocaust Survivor Hannahrain's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Alchemy,

    According to the index, it is your birthday. Happy birthday!

    Love, Hannah

  10. #70
    Member blakely's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Sudden Onslaught of Dizziness,
    Where did you come from? How long will you be here? Was it you that brought headache and nausea over this morning? Are you a symptom of the flu or simply a byproduct of last nights drinking? Ive had hangovers before, but nothing like you, Ill give you that. I feel like ive been on the fucking Tea Cups all god damn day. If you do not vacate my head by 5:00 PM (PST) I will be forced to take more drastic action on your ass. And by that i mean, leaving work sick to go home and torture you with episodes of Boy Meets World Ive TiVo'd.

    Reeling,
    Blake
    the lurker shows his member to the kids at the old school.

  11. #71
    old school thefunkylama's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Pencil,

    Draw better.

    The piano's drunk, too,
    Alma


  12. #72
    LOLocaust Survivor Hannahrain's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Alma,

    Please forward that last one to my pencil.

    Tom Waits would be proud,
    Hannah

  13. #73

    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear PBR,

    You are a cruel mistress.

    -cody.
    Quote Originally Posted by york707 View Post
    I can't tell a british accent from a gay accent.

  14. #74
    old school thefunkylama's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear everyone who uses the abbreviation "PBR,"

    Unless you're talking about Professional Bull Riding, stop it. You're confusing me.

    My mom roots for the bulls,
    Alma

    ------------------------------------
    Dear Cody II,

    Your avatar and mine look as though they should be in the same yard. Either the llama is watching your child with puppy with disdain, or ignoring them with disdain. Either way, my llama does not approve.

    I still love puppies,
    Alma


  15. #75
    Member CuervoPH's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Groundhog,

    Before you had to go attempt to be a weather prognosticator, we were having a rather mild winter. Since you saw your fucking shadow and proudly exclaimed (in groundhogese) "Spring is coming early", however, we have had a major ice storm, a snowstorm, and we have another snowstorm on the way. I know this will not stop you from trying to predict weather in the future, but I would like to remind you how easy it is to prepare groundhog stew.

    Sincerely,
    Me

  16. #76
    Member semisonic's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Our Clothes Dryer:

    Thanks for putting those huge blue splotches on my two brand-new shirts and our towels. Ever since we got you, we have faithfully cleaned your lint screen, properly sorted our clothes by color and used the correct termperature settings. This is the thanks we get? For an appliance, you have it pretty damned easy, you know. A few times a week we ask that you tumble our clothes around and blow hot air on them. How difficult can that be? I hope you really enjoyed your little prank, because by this time next week you're going to be sitting at a recycling yard waiting to be crushed and melted down to make toasters or cheese shredders or whatever. Meanwhile, a young, full-featured and reliable replacement will have taken your place and we will have forgotten you ever existed.

    Sincerely,

    Your splotch-shirted soon-to-be-ex-owner.

  17. #77
    Member atom heart's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Quote Originally Posted by Hannahrain View Post
    And latin.
    that reminds me.

    Dear Radiohead and Ceasar's Palace, Las Vegas,

    SUB EST PLI NOVA SUPRENI and GIFTUS CARDUS are just two examples of truly appalling nonLatin, and I would greatly appreciate if you two distinguished entities would desist in spreading such pretentious nonsense around. If you want to use a dead language, please don't assume that no one will know what it actually is and so create this absurd gibberish. It's insulting.

    I want the five minutes of my life it took for me to figure out that pli is French, not Latin.

    Disgusted,
    Atom

  18. #78
    Beef Supreme Mr.Nipples's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    looking to purchase:big brother skateboarding magazine back issues. travis bean tb1000s electric guitars.

  19. #79
    zeezus amyzzz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Quote Originally Posted by semisonic View Post
    Dear Our Clothes Dryer:

    Thanks for putting those huge blue splotches on my two brand-new shirts and our towels. Ever since we got you, we have faithfully cleaned your lint screen, properly sorted our clothes by color and used the correct termperature settings. This is the thanks we get? For an appliance, you have it pretty damned easy, you know. A few times a week we ask that you tumble our clothes around and blow hot air on them. How difficult can that be? I hope you really enjoyed your little prank, because by this time next week you're going to be sitting at a recycling yard waiting to be crushed and melted down to make toasters or cheese shredders or whatever. Meanwhile, a young, full-featured and reliable replacement will have taken your place and we will have forgotten you ever existed.

    Sincerely,

    Your splotch-shirted soon-to-be-ex-owner.
    You sure you didn't leave a pen in your pocket?
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    Because fucking millenials that's what

  20. #80
    old school caco0283's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Blonde Bimbo I work with,

    You are getting fired at the end of this movie and I'm not. That's what you get for not knowing how to make a movie with your mind and heart instead of what lies in between your thighs

    xoxoxox
    cacolious
    Quote Originally Posted by Hannahrain View Post
    Your lady's also in for drugs, right? Corinna's guy is in for murder and mine's in for a spree of home invasions. I think you're probably good.


    Quote Originally Posted by Drinkey McDrinkerstein View Post
    I'm pretty sure Ronnie painted that on her, with his dick.

  21. #81
    old school mob roulette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Quote Originally Posted by caco0283 View Post
    Dear Blonde Bimbo I work with,

    You are getting fired at the end of this movie and I'm not. That's what you get for not knowing how to make a movie with your mind and heart instead of what lies in between your thighs

    xoxoxox
    cacolious
    best. post. ever.

  22. #82
    Coachella Junkie Alchemy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Hannah,

    This is my thank you letter for that wonderful letter I recieved from you on my birthday.

    Appreciative,
    Tim (Alchemy)
    Quote Originally Posted by canexplain View Post
    I try to be politically pc more than most here: As a dude, anyone who could put a shark up a gals pc body, is pretty creepy, different and interesting. Just saying big time ..... cr****

  23. #83
    Member La Ferrassie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Bill Gates,

    Can you stop nickle and dimeing me. Every time I buy one of your products I have to buy another 100 dollars worth of crap to make it work. For my X Box 360 I bought a $50.00 remote and a $60.00 game. I already paid $400 for the system. Then when I bought my Zune you make me pay $15 dollars a month for unlimited downloads when I can go to Yahoo music and pay half that, plus the Zune dosen't work with Last.fm. I'm the idiot for buying your products. I knew Apple was cooler.

    What Gives,
    Patrick

  24. #84

    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Llamas,

    Please. Everyone knows you are the poor man's Alpacas. Quit kidding yourselves.

    Cody
    Quote Originally Posted by york707 View Post
    I can't tell a british accent from a gay accent.

  25. #85
    Member
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear thread,

    You're quite a funny one, don't change.

    Happily,
    Sheri.

    - - - - - - - - -

    Dear Troma,

    Why do you come to England and show the preview of Poultrygeist the same time I will be dancing away at Coachella.
    I have been waiting far too long for this, why can't you be in America when I am ?

    Tromatized forever,
    Sheri.
    ...and all these wonderful things will add up to some powerful experience that 10 years from now you’ll say, “Wow, we LIVED!"

  26. #86
    Beef Supreme Mr.Nipples's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    ahh a fellow troma fan...
    looking to purchase:big brother skateboarding magazine back issues. travis bean tb1000s electric guitars.

  27. #87
    Coachella Junkie fatbastard's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear overgrown pinkie townail.
    Thank you for snagging against my work socks every morning. I apprecaite the reminder that you need to be trimmed. As you are aware, I prefer to soak in the tub with you for at least 30 minutes so that your nice and soft before being trimmed. I am not neglecting you. I have received the same requests for attention from your other counterparts over the last couple of weeks. Work has been busy. I sometines sense that you feel that I am procrastinating by spending an abundent amount of time on the message board. I can assure you that this is not the case. I am trying to avoid stress and the message board works as an outlet to relax. You don't want to become brittle and unhealthy as a result of me having bad nerves do you? Again, I appreciate the reminder. I intend on trimming all of you next weekend. Class will be over and I will be getting a haircut on Saturday. This will be a perfect opportunity for all of us to soak in the tub and spend time with one another while reading the paper. I look forward to our time together.

    Love always,
    Fat Bastard
    Whiskey Sour

    2 oz blended whiskey
    Juice of 1/2 lemon
    1/2 tsp powdered sugar
    1 cherry
    1/2 slice lemon

    Shake blended whiskey, juice of lemon, and powdered sugar with ice and strain into a whiskey sour glass. Decorate with the half-slice of lemon, top with the cherry, and serve.

  28. #88
    Member keriann's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear tourists who swarm the train I take to work,

    At first I thought I could handle you. I thought that you would amuse me and that I could laugh to myself at your stupid coffee cups and stupid maps and stupid vacation-wear that includes "San Francisco, California" t-shits. Instead, you are making me want to take my own life. I know you're having a nice little vacation, but get the fuck out of my way, I'm trying to get to work on time.

    Searching for a transportation alternative,
    Keriann

  29. #89
    Member John Peel is My Co-pilot's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Sanjeet

    Stop pretending to be "Bob", or "Michael" or, heaven help me, "Donald". I know you are not calling from the Verizon store in the Mall, but are, in fact, in New Delhi, being paid the equivalent of a Snickers bar a day to get me to try and switch cellphone networks.

    And if you see that fucker with the Dish Network, tell him that calling me with recorded messages is rude and will possibly result in his office being involved in a firebombing one day.

    I'm just sayin'...
    A teenage dream, so hard to beat...

  30. #90
    Member atom heart's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Keriann

    I'm sorry, but the BART is so much fun.
    I only went on a metro train once, and the street car operators are badass. Really badass.

    Atom

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