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  1. #1
    No Clownery full on idle's Avatar
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    Default Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Negative edition because I feel like shit:


    Dear #5 Fulton,

    I really thought we had a thing going. You're downhill and cross a shorter distance in the morning. I'd often get to even sit DOWN within you on the am ride. Suddenly, you're all full of humanity, multiple forms of you pass me by filled to the gills causing me to be late for work. What happened? You're acting like a slut of a bus.

    Regards,
    foi
    __________________________________


    Dear convenience store by my work,

    You have to be fucking kidding me. Three dollars and fifty cents for an Odwalla? That's double what I pay at the bodega. Besides, how come when I only had $3 was that suddenly an acceptable price? I should have pretended to only have 2.

    Knowledge growing,
    foi

    ___________________________________

    Dear my lungs,

    Not now. God damn you. It's nice out. You're not getting any more cigarettes. STATED.

    Wheezily,
    foi

    ______________________________________

    Dear Washington Mutual Bank,

    Suck a dick. Holding my checks for seven days will result in a bad financial relationship.

    Livid,
    foi

    _______________________________________

    Dear RFIs, BCRs, Submittals, Transmittals, Proposals, PDFs, Logs, Files and giant printers:

    I'd like to take this opportunity to tell you that you collectively ruined my day.

    Cheers,
    foi

  2. #2
    Cobra psychic friend's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear foi,

    I'm very happy you brought this thread over here. It's long overdue. Sorry about the #5 situation.

    xxoo
    PF
    .................................................. ..............
    She added the phrase "meany head" to my profile.
    I hardly think I'm an attention whore.
    I train birds of prey and am I licensed falconer

  3. #3
    Coachella Junkie jackstraw94086's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear #5,
    Don't pay attention to that cranky FOI beyotch. She takes you for granted. Just let her go and consort with a real nasty bitche like the #22. Only then will she start to appreciate you. Hell, I've been consorting with the N and J for a couple years and I sometimes have to let 3-4 of them pass me by before they even give me one square foot to squeeze on before getting jammed up in the subway.

    She needs you more than you need her. Don't forget that.

    Much Commuterly love,
    Jack.
    Last edited by jackstraw94086; 03-13-2007 at 07:51 PM.

  4. #4
    Member blakely's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Overweight Arrogant Business Traveler:
    I have news for you. The puppysupply.com company, you so proudly work and travel for, will be going under in the next 6-9 months. By then your egotism and unearned sense of entitlement and privilege will do you nothing but disservice. So return the economy car youve rented, get yourself on the cheapest flight you can find, try not to harass or ridicule the flight attendants on the way, enter your tract home and wedge yourself into your throne of lethargy..... AND STAY FUCKING THERE!

    Thank You,
    Management
    the lurker shows his member to the kids at the old school.

  5. #5
    Member La Ferrassie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Fuse,

    You have really been pissing me off lately by playing crappy videos. I understand that My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, and Mims videos are in high demand, but I think you could play one decent music video once in a while. I think in your allotted time for music videos you could play one Radiohead, Sonic Youth, or Arcade Fire video instead of Fat Joe, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, or Panic! At The Disco, every other video. I am also unhappy with the fact that you have been playing movies on your MUSIC station that have nothing to do with music. I don't think that Texas Chainsaw Massacre or The Poltergeist III have anything to do with music. How about you play movies like This Is Spinal Tap, School Of Rock, or Detroit Rock City that have something to do with music. Fuse is one of the only music video channels and I'm have a deep hatred for your programming.

    Thank You,
    Patrick

  6. #6
    Cobra psychic friend's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Patrick,

    Welcome to when mtv went down hill, 20 + years ago.

    sympathetically,
    pf
    .................................................. ..............
    She added the phrase "meany head" to my profile.
    I hardly think I'm an attention whore.
    I train birds of prey and am I licensed falconer

  7. #7
    Dark Lord mountmccabe's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Subterranean,

    Ahh, I often forget about the fact that you actually play good videos. Coachella artist/alumni videos by bands like Peter Bjorn & John, Bright Eyes, Modest Mouse, the Fratellis and Klaxons. You're interesting.

    I mean, it's not you, it's me.

    I like you.

    But I am not in like with you.

    You don't draw me to my lovely orange couch which is finally back in the game. You don't make me excited for whenever it is you air with a new episode.

    So you linger on the DVR until such time as I am bored enough to watch videos.

    See, I never got into that shit. I could never just sit and watch music videos. If there was a 24/7 music video channel like you... then maybe I could get drawn in. But right now there's no rut, there's no history.

    So, yeah. I'm just going to be around for the occasional fling and I hope you don't hold that against me.

    Yeah, whenever,
    John

    -------------------

    Dear I Spy,

    You were pretty terrible. If I wasn't so bored last night. And so unwilling to read or just go to sleep. Man.

    Let's not meet again,
    John

    -------------------

    Dear Creative mp3 Player,

    Never let me consider going on a trip without you. I mean, I know I took you and came close to pulling off your protective coverings right there on the plane but I know you know that bringing you was a last minute decision. I apologize for this and will never be so rude; I don't care if it's a 20 minute flight.

    You complete me,
    John
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    I feel like dad-rock wouldn't get so bad of a rep if we called it pop-rock

  8. #8
    Member La Ferrassie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear John,

    I think that once you get more mature the entertainment value in music videos are gone. I can't go a day with out watching videos. Subterranean is my go to on the DVR every 20 minutes when I am bored.

    Sincerely,
    Patrick

  9. #9
    No Clownery full on idle's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear John,

    Come visit me and watch battlestar gallactica with me. Shit's off the chain.

    with humble shout outs to yablo,
    foi

  10. #10
    Beef Supreme Mr.Nipples's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Church of Scientology,

    GET THE FUCK OUT OF CALIFORNIA ASSHOLES!!!!!

    I cant respect you,
    David
    looking to purchase:big brother skateboarding magazine back issues. travis bean tb1000s electric guitars.

  11. #11

    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr.Nipples View Post
    Dear Church of Scientology,

    GET THE FUCK OUT OF CALIFORNIA ASSHOLES!!!!!

    I cant respect you,
    David
    Your name is not David, enjoy your "Richard."

  12. #12
    Member carokube's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Food,

    We've been together for a very long time. That is what makes this so hard. But there's someone else... his name is Coachella. And if I want to see him, and seduce him with revealing clothing, we are going to have to end this affair once and for all. We've had our ups and our downs... I know I have shunned you many times before and always come back, but this time is going to be different. I've made up my mind. I admit I will miss you terribly, but it's not like we'll never see each other. You know, breakfast, lunch, dinner... let's just keep it healthy, OK? No Snickers from the vending machine... no more french fries. We can't be friends like that anymore.

    Oh, and if I happen to have a fling with an elliptical machine, I promise it's just a rebound thing, OK?

    Goodbye forever (or at least April 20th),
    Caro
    i can go with the flow.

  13. #13
    Member zajaa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Quote Originally Posted by carokube View Post
    Dear Food,

    We've been together for a very long time. That is what makes this so hard. But there's someone else... his name is Coachella. And if I want to see him, and seduce him with revealing clothing, we are going to have to end this affair once and for all. We've had our ups and our downs... I know I have shunned you many times before and always come back, but this time is going to be different. I've made up my mind. I admit I will miss you terribly, but it's not like we'll never see each other. You know, breakfast, lunch, dinner... let's just keep it healthy, OK? No Snickers from the vending machine... no more french fries. We can't be friends like that anymore.

    Oh, and if I happen to have a fling with an elliptical machine, I promise it's just a rebound thing, OK?

    Goodbye forever (or at least April 20th),
    Caro
    yep
    january-april of each year for me is coachella fitness crackdown

  14. #14
    Coachella Junkie fatbastard's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Quote Originally Posted by carokube View Post
    Dear Food,

    We've been together for a very long time. That is what makes this so hard. But there's someone else... his name is Coachella. And if I want to see him, and seduce him with revealing clothing, we are going to have to end this affair once and for all. We've had our ups and our downs... I know I have shunned you many times before and always come back, but this time is going to be different. I've made up my mind. I admit I will miss you terribly, but it's not like we'll never see each other. You know, breakfast, lunch, dinner... let's just keep it healthy, OK? No Snickers from the vending machine... no more french fries. We can't be friends like that anymore.

    Oh, and if I happen to have a fling with an elliptical machine, I promise it's just a rebound thing, OK?

    Goodbye forever (or at least April 20th),
    Caro
    My loving Caro.

    It's difficult to hear your need for the taste of something else. Don't you miss caressing me so delicately with your fingers and taking me into your mouth? I live every day for those few precious moments. Let me say this now because you know it's true, Coachella will have its way with you and leave you hungry for me! I'll be waiting patiently for you my sweet.

    Love,
    Food
    Whiskey Sour

    2 oz blended whiskey
    Juice of 1/2 lemon
    1/2 tsp powdered sugar
    1 cherry
    1/2 slice lemon

    Shake blended whiskey, juice of lemon, and powdered sugar with ice and strain into a whiskey sour glass. Decorate with the half-slice of lemon, top with the cherry, and serve.

  15. #15
    Banned marooko's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Quote Originally Posted by carokube View Post
    Dear Food,

    We've been together for a very long time. That is what makes this so hard. But there's someone else... his name is Coachella. And if I want to see him, and seduce him with revealing clothing, we are going to have to end this affair once and for all. We've had our ups and our downs... I know I have shunned you many times before and always come back, but this time is going to be different. I've made up my mind. I admit I will miss you terribly, but it's not like we'll never see each other. You know, breakfast, lunch, dinner... let's just keep it healthy, OK? No Snickers from the vending machine... no more french fries. We can't be friends like that anymore.

    Oh, and if I happen to have a fling with an elliptical machine, I promise it's just a rebound thing, OK?

    Goodbye forever (or at least April 20th),
    Caro
    Quote Originally Posted by fatbastard View Post
    My loving Caro.

    It's difficult to hear your need for the taste of something else. Don't you miss caressing me so delicately with your fingers and taking me into your mouth? I live every day for those few precious moments. Let me say this now because you know it's true, Coachella will have its way with you and leave you hungry for me! I'll be waiting patiently for you my sweet.

    Love,
    Food
    these were two great reads.

    Quote Originally Posted by fatbastard View Post
    Omar.

    Thank you so much for bringing my laptop back this morning. It was entertaining to watch you show me pics from your cell phone as to what work you did. It also showed your goodwill by bringing back all of the old parts and explaining why they had to be replaced.

    I respect the fact that you did not want money for the job. You only asked that I buy you lunch. You may not realize this but you could not have asked a better person for that deal.

    Update. I was typing this post right now and you just came back from a day in the field to check on me one more time to make sure everything was OK.

    Thanks again.

    FB
    everything was ok? whats wrong? is that in reference to the laptop?

  16. #16
    Dick Nicewonger kreutz2112's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Toilet,

    Please stop running. It is annoying when I have to turn you on and off after I use you. I cant sleep with you on.

    Pissed,
    Adam

    ______________________

    Dear Grant Writing Professor,

    I havent picked a topic yet and its 11:56 pm. I will be ill-prepared for your questions tomorrow.

    Thanks,
    Adam

    __________________________________

    Dear FOX News,

    Please change your headline "Libby found not guilty of one charge" to "Libby found guilty of three charges."

    Shameless,
    Adam
    RAPE STOVE

    white power?!

  17. #17
    Member blakely's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Tom Selleck,

    i miss you.....

    mustacheless,
    blake
    the lurker shows his member to the kids at the old school.

  18. #18
    No Clownery full on idle's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Toilet
    Pissed,
    that's some good clever!

  19. #19
    Dick Nicewonger kreutz2112's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Quote Originally Posted by full on idle View Post
    that's some good clever!
    tis, thank you.
    RAPE STOVE

    white power?!

  20. #20
    Dick Nicewonger kreutz2112's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    blakely, i was going to write a letter using your misspelled word (reguard). Now since you edited it I will not...

    Dear Edit Function,

    Thank you for allowing stupid people (myself included) to fix their mistakes.

    Eternally Grateful,
    Adam
    RAPE STOVE

    white power?!

  21. #21
    Member blakely's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Quote Originally Posted by kreutz2112 View Post
    blakely, i was going to write a letter using your misspelled word (reguard). Now since you edited it I will not...

    Dear Edit Function,

    Thank you for allowing stupid people (myself included) to fix their mistakes.

    Eternally Grateful,
    Adam

    to bad you didnt.... i can see it now...

    Dear Blakely,
    You misspelled regard.

    my deepest reguards,
    adam
    the lurker shows his member to the kids at the old school.

  22. #22
    old school invisiblerobots's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Quote Originally Posted by blakely View Post
    to bad you didnt.... i can see it now...

    Dear Blakely,
    You misspelled regard.

    my deepest reguards,
    adam
    Dear Blakely,
    You misspelled too.

    Sincerely,
    i.r.

  23. #23
    Beef Supreme Mr.Nipples's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear PETA,

    Thats pigs blood.

    Sincerly,
    David Smith
    looking to purchase:big brother skateboarding magazine back issues. travis bean tb1000s electric guitars.

  24. #24
    Dark Lord mountmccabe's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Valarie,

    I am very glad you like the BSG. It is a wonderful show of joy.

    So say we all,
    John

    PS - Thank you for bringing this thread back. It appears as is there were folks waiting for it.

    PPS - Thank you for moving closer. Still a hard row to hoe but we'll see how it works. It would be awesome to see where you live and what it's like to go see a show at the Independant or somesuch.

    -------------------

    Dear John,

    I needs to sleeps now. I know you don't feel tired but you know I'll be done shortly after climbing into bed.

    You have stuff to do and such,
    Me

    -------------------

    Dear Cats,

    You're crazy.

    Yo yo,
    John

    -------------------

    Dear Leslie,

    I know you said you weren't going to the Coachella this year but I just gotta say this thread made me think of your carbon copy bit and that was like the greatest thing and I was laughing heartily.

    Thanks again,
    John
    Quote Originally Posted by guedita View Post
    I feel like dad-rock wouldn't get so bad of a rep if we called it pop-rock

  25. #25
    No Clownery full on idle's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Lely,

    I miss you too.

    hugs,
    foi

  26. #26
    Banned
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Coachella Community,

    Delta is back.

    Love,

    E

  27. #27
    Beef Supreme Mr.Nipples's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Delta,

    fuck you...

    fuck you,
    David

    ps...fuck you
    looking to purchase:big brother skateboarding magazine back issues. travis bean tb1000s electric guitars.

  28. #28
    Banned
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Querido Senor Nipples -

    Mamate una verga, mamon.

    Sinceramente,

    E

  29. #29
    Beef Supreme Mr.Nipples's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Quote Originally Posted by DeltaSigChi4 View Post
    Querido Senor Nipples -

    Mamate una verga, mamon.

    Sinceramente,

    E
    i dont speak spanish, nor do i understand it. i do understand english, thus adress whatever you said here which was obviously directed towards me, in english...you fucking pussy.
    looking to purchase:big brother skateboarding magazine back issues. travis bean tb1000s electric guitars.

  30. #30
    Banned
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear shamu,

    Mmmmmmm, I see you chompin away at that torta. ohhhhh yummy! Yeah thats totally awesome of you to buy 3 burritos and 2 tortas. I see you are a growing middle aged man who needs his nourishment at 10:00 in the morning. Oh Oh, don't for get to lick the foil, you disgusting man beast. Am I grumpy? no its cool....I just want to push back out to sea. Its also fun to listen to you snore while you are just sitting there. Dear god man you are awake and snoring!


    PS sorry Im a dick but my low blood sugar and my morning torta go hand in hand, and thusly you have toyed with my emotions.

    eat me,
    J~$$$

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