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Thread: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

  1. #1
    No Clownery full on idle's Avatar
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    Default Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Negative edition because I feel like shit:


    Dear #5 Fulton,

    I really thought we had a thing going. You're downhill and cross a shorter distance in the morning. I'd often get to even sit DOWN within you on the am ride. Suddenly, you're all full of humanity, multiple forms of you pass me by filled to the gills causing me to be late for work. What happened? You're acting like a slut of a bus.

    Regards,
    foi
    __________________________________


    Dear convenience store by my work,

    You have to be fucking kidding me. Three dollars and fifty cents for an Odwalla? That's double what I pay at the bodega. Besides, how come when I only had $3 was that suddenly an acceptable price? I should have pretended to only have 2.

    Knowledge growing,
    foi

    ___________________________________

    Dear my lungs,

    Not now. God damn you. It's nice out. You're not getting any more cigarettes. STATED.

    Wheezily,
    foi

    ______________________________________

    Dear Washington Mutual Bank,

    Suck a dick. Holding my checks for seven days will result in a bad financial relationship.

    Livid,
    foi

    _______________________________________

    Dear RFIs, BCRs, Submittals, Transmittals, Proposals, PDFs, Logs, Files and giant printers:

    I'd like to take this opportunity to tell you that you collectively ruined my day.

    Cheers,
    foi

  2. #2
    Cobra psychic friend's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear foi,

    I'm very happy you brought this thread over here. It's long overdue. Sorry about the #5 situation.

    xxoo
    PF
    .................................................. ..............
    She added the phrase "meany head" to my profile.
    I hardly think I'm an attention whore.
    I train birds of prey and am I licensed falconer

  3. #3
    Coachella Junkie jackstraw94086's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear #5,
    Don't pay attention to that cranky FOI beyotch. She takes you for granted. Just let her go and consort with a real nasty bitche like the #22. Only then will she start to appreciate you. Hell, I've been consorting with the N and J for a couple years and I sometimes have to let 3-4 of them pass me by before they even give me one square foot to squeeze on before getting jammed up in the subway.

    She needs you more than you need her. Don't forget that.

    Much Commuterly love,
    Jack.
    Last edited by jackstraw94086; 03-13-2007 at 07:51 PM.

  4. #4
    Member blakely's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Overweight Arrogant Business Traveler:
    I have news for you. The puppysupply.com company, you so proudly work and travel for, will be going under in the next 6-9 months. By then your egotism and unearned sense of entitlement and privilege will do you nothing but disservice. So return the economy car youve rented, get yourself on the cheapest flight you can find, try not to harass or ridicule the flight attendants on the way, enter your tract home and wedge yourself into your throne of lethargy..... AND STAY FUCKING THERE!

    Thank You,
    Management
    the lurker shows his member to the kids at the old school.

  5. #5
    Member La Ferrassie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Fuse,

    You have really been pissing me off lately by playing crappy videos. I understand that My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, and Mims videos are in high demand, but I think you could play one decent music video once in a while. I think in your allotted time for music videos you could play one Radiohead, Sonic Youth, or Arcade Fire video instead of Fat Joe, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, or Panic! At The Disco, every other video. I am also unhappy with the fact that you have been playing movies on your MUSIC station that have nothing to do with music. I don't think that Texas Chainsaw Massacre or The Poltergeist III have anything to do with music. How about you play movies like This Is Spinal Tap, School Of Rock, or Detroit Rock City that have something to do with music. Fuse is one of the only music video channels and I'm have a deep hatred for your programming.

    Thank You,
    Patrick

  6. #6
    Cobra psychic friend's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Patrick,

    Welcome to when mtv went down hill, 20 + years ago.

    sympathetically,
    pf
    .................................................. ..............
    She added the phrase "meany head" to my profile.
    I hardly think I'm an attention whore.
    I train birds of prey and am I licensed falconer

  7. #7
    Dark Lord mountmccabe's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Subterranean,

    Ahh, I often forget about the fact that you actually play good videos. Coachella artist/alumni videos by bands like Peter Bjorn & John, Bright Eyes, Modest Mouse, the Fratellis and Klaxons. You're interesting.

    I mean, it's not you, it's me.

    I like you.

    But I am not in like with you.

    You don't draw me to my lovely orange couch which is finally back in the game. You don't make me excited for whenever it is you air with a new episode.

    So you linger on the DVR until such time as I am bored enough to watch videos.

    See, I never got into that shit. I could never just sit and watch music videos. If there was a 24/7 music video channel like you... then maybe I could get drawn in. But right now there's no rut, there's no history.

    So, yeah. I'm just going to be around for the occasional fling and I hope you don't hold that against me.

    Yeah, whenever,
    John

    -------------------

    Dear I Spy,

    You were pretty terrible. If I wasn't so bored last night. And so unwilling to read or just go to sleep. Man.

    Let's not meet again,
    John

    -------------------

    Dear Creative mp3 Player,

    Never let me consider going on a trip without you. I mean, I know I took you and came close to pulling off your protective coverings right there on the plane but I know you know that bringing you was a last minute decision. I apologize for this and will never be so rude; I don't care if it's a 20 minute flight.

    You complete me,
    John
    Quote Originally Posted by SoulDischarge View Post
    See how wrong you are, Tommy? Randy is agreeing with you.

  8. #8
    No Clownery full on idle's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear John,

    Come visit me and watch battlestar gallactica with me. Shit's off the chain.

    with humble shout outs to yablo,
    foi

  9. #9
    Member La Ferrassie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear John,

    I think that once you get more mature the entertainment value in music videos are gone. I can't go a day with out watching videos. Subterranean is my go to on the DVR every 20 minutes when I am bored.

    Sincerely,
    Patrick

  10. #10
    Beef Supreme Mr.Nipples's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Church of Scientology,

    GET THE FUCK OUT OF CALIFORNIA ASSHOLES!!!!!

    I cant respect you,
    David
    looking to purchase:big brother skateboarding magazine back issues. travis bean tb1000s electric guitars.

  11. #11
    Member La Ferrassie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear VH1 Classic,

    Since I'm caught up on music television at the moment, I would like to say thank you for me wasting my entire afternoon on a metal documentry. Four hours of worthless crap about Led Zeppelin to bad hair metal. It's my fault though because I had the remote in my lap the whole time. So really its just me being a dumb ass.

    Whatever,
    Patrick

  12. #12
    Dick Nicewonger kreutz2112's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Toilet,

    Please stop running. It is annoying when I have to turn you on and off after I use you. I cant sleep with you on.

    Pissed,
    Adam

    ______________________

    Dear Grant Writing Professor,

    I havent picked a topic yet and its 11:56 pm. I will be ill-prepared for your questions tomorrow.

    Thanks,
    Adam

    __________________________________

    Dear FOX News,

    Please change your headline "Libby found not guilty of one charge" to "Libby found guilty of three charges."

    Shameless,
    Adam
    RAPE STOVE

    white power?!

  13. #13
    Member blakely's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Tom Selleck,

    i miss you.....

    mustacheless,
    blake
    the lurker shows his member to the kids at the old school.

  14. #14
    No Clownery full on idle's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Toilet
    Pissed,
    that's some good clever!

  15. #15
    Dick Nicewonger kreutz2112's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    blakely, i was going to write a letter using your misspelled word (reguard). Now since you edited it I will not...

    Dear Edit Function,

    Thank you for allowing stupid people (myself included) to fix their mistakes.

    Eternally Grateful,
    Adam
    RAPE STOVE

    white power?!

  16. #16
    Dick Nicewonger kreutz2112's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Quote Originally Posted by full on idle View Post
    that's some good clever!
    tis, thank you.
    RAPE STOVE

    white power?!

  17. #17
    Beef Supreme Mr.Nipples's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear PETA,

    Thats pigs blood.

    Sincerly,
    David Smith
    looking to purchase:big brother skateboarding magazine back issues. travis bean tb1000s electric guitars.

  18. #18
    Member blakely's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Quote Originally Posted by kreutz2112 View Post
    blakely, i was going to write a letter using your misspelled word (reguard). Now since you edited it I will not...

    Dear Edit Function,

    Thank you for allowing stupid people (myself included) to fix their mistakes.

    Eternally Grateful,
    Adam

    to bad you didnt.... i can see it now...

    Dear Blakely,
    You misspelled regard.

    my deepest reguards,
    adam
    the lurker shows his member to the kids at the old school.

  19. #19
    Dark Lord mountmccabe's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Valarie,

    I am very glad you like the BSG. It is a wonderful show of joy.

    So say we all,
    John

    PS - Thank you for bringing this thread back. It appears as is there were folks waiting for it.

    PPS - Thank you for moving closer. Still a hard row to hoe but we'll see how it works. It would be awesome to see where you live and what it's like to go see a show at the Independant or somesuch.

    -------------------

    Dear John,

    I needs to sleeps now. I know you don't feel tired but you know I'll be done shortly after climbing into bed.

    You have stuff to do and such,
    Me

    -------------------

    Dear Cats,

    You're crazy.

    Yo yo,
    John

    -------------------

    Dear Leslie,

    I know you said you weren't going to the Coachella this year but I just gotta say this thread made me think of your carbon copy bit and that was like the greatest thing and I was laughing heartily.

    Thanks again,
    John
    Quote Originally Posted by SoulDischarge View Post
    See how wrong you are, Tommy? Randy is agreeing with you.

  20. #20
    No Clownery full on idle's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Lely,

    I miss you too.

    hugs,
    foi

  21. #21
    Banned
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Coachella Community,

    Delta is back.

    Love,

    E

  22. #22
    Beef Supreme Mr.Nipples's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Delta,

    fuck you...

    fuck you,
    David

    ps...fuck you
    looking to purchase:big brother skateboarding magazine back issues. travis bean tb1000s electric guitars.

  23. #23
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Querido Senor Nipples -

    Mamate una verga, mamon.

    Sinceramente,

    E

  24. #24
    Member R3d Snapper's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear ipod,

    What the fuck is with that awful grinding noise you make, I drop you once and you have a hissy fit?! Give me a fucking break, suck it up pussy.

    love,
    Daniel

  25. #25
    old school invisiblerobots's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Quote Originally Posted by blakely View Post
    to bad you didnt.... i can see it now...

    Dear Blakely,
    You misspelled regard.

    my deepest reguards,
    adam
    Dear Blakely,
    You misspelled too.

    Sincerely,
    i.r.

  26. #26
    Member keriann's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    dear foi,

    recreation of this thread = yesssssss.

    <3,
    keriann

  27. #27
    Member La Ferrassie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear Air,

    Thank you for the song "Once Upon A Time". It's good sleepy time music.

    Thanks,
    Patrick

  28. #28
    minorse wrangler ewiggy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    dear my friend,

    my stomach hurts from laughing at the story of you waking up with a giant spider in your mouth. you said you woke up startled because there was a spider in your mouth - this you realized immediately - however, you panicked in your half-awake state and chewed it up a lil' before spitting it out.. and that is hilarious. next time, don't ask questions and just spit. i'm sorry you're traumatized.

    still laughing,
    kristen

    --

    dear john,

    you're really not holding up your end of the bargin in this phone-calls-from-shows game. get on it, son!

    waiting by the phone,
    kristen

    --

    dear guy who was standing next to me with the tiny screaming asian girl who ruined the audio to my videos of band of horses,

    you kept calling your date "crazy" and it didn't sound like a compliment. please muzzle her and/or break up with her. she didn't even know the words. you seem nice. it was funny when she asked mid-song for you to get her some water and you just said "no" and went back to being into the music.

    xoxo,
    kristen

    --

    dear job, house that isn't selling, massive pile of debt and crazy homeless guy that called me a 'stupid cow' after i politely waited for him to cross the street in front of me before pulling out into traffic,

    you seriously make me want to kill myself. except for you, homeless guy - you just make me want to kill you.

    ugh,
    blah
    Last edited by ewiggy; 03-14-2007 at 12:36 AM.

  29. #29
    Beef Supreme Mr.Nipples's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Quote Originally Posted by DeltaSigChi4 View Post
    Querido Senor Nipples -

    Mamate una verga, mamon.

    Sinceramente,

    E
    i dont speak spanish, nor do i understand it. i do understand english, thus adress whatever you said here which was obviously directed towards me, in english...you fucking pussy.
    looking to purchase:big brother skateboarding magazine back issues. travis bean tb1000s electric guitars.

  30. #30
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    Default Re: Open Letters to Specific Organizations and/or Individuals

    Dear shamu,

    Mmmmmmm, I see you chompin away at that torta. ohhhhh yummy! Yeah thats totally awesome of you to buy 3 burritos and 2 tortas. I see you are a growing middle aged man who needs his nourishment at 10:00 in the morning. Oh Oh, don't for get to lick the foil, you disgusting man beast. Am I grumpy? no its cool....I just want to push back out to sea. Its also fun to listen to you snore while you are just sitting there. Dear god man you are awake and snoring!


    PS sorry Im a dick but my low blood sugar and my morning torta go hand in hand, and thusly you have toyed with my emotions.

    eat me,
    J~$$$

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